by H A Dawson
Stretching always used to be considered vital before a workout, but some people believed that it could be dangerous and cause injury. The reason behind their thinking was that it loosened tendons and muscles making them less supportive of joints. Whilst I understood the theory, stretching prior to a workout was something I had carried for my entire life, and I didn’t want to stop.
My routine didn’t last long and soon the blood was flowing to the relevant areas. Ready to leave, I checked my door key was on a chain around my neck and vacated my flat. Concentrating on maintaining a rhythm, I progressed along the streets, following a circuitous route through a housing estate. It was a cleansing process, clearing my mind and freeing my lungs of a build up of what felt like noxious substances. Running along pavements, I breathed in and out, in and out.
The sounding of my phone startled me, it stopped my stride breaking my natural breathing rhythm. I hated being disturbed whilst running and wished I had switched it off. It wasn’t too late, but I knew if I extracted it from my pocket, I would be tempted to answer the call. So, I carried on running, doing my utmost to ignore the persistent musical ring tone that kept tormenting my ears.
It was more than I could bear. Stopping beside a bus shelter, I pulled it free of my pocket, determined not answer. However, when I noticed it was Alice, my pulse quickened and my willpower faltered. Even though we hadn’t spoken since our bitter disagreement, I answered the call in as cheery voice as possible. Our troubles were as much my fault as hers, and if I was going to carry on my plan as intended, I needed our relationship to be on friendly terms.
‘How could you call them?’ she yelled. ‘I trusted you. If you had a problem with me, you should have spoken to me. I thought we were friends! Do you realise what you’ve done. I could go to jail for this, and I haven’t even done anything wrong!’
‘Alice, slow down,’ I said. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Don’t lie to me! You called the charity! I’m being investigated … today … in a couple of hours. How could you! I’m going to lose everything!’
I stared at the pavement. Someone may have alerted the charity, but it wasn’t me. However, considering the circumstances, I could understand why she thought I was responsible, and doing my best to stay calm, told her of my innocence.
I doubt she heard me, since she didn’t respond appropriately and continued to yell down the phone. Eventually, after I had received a monumental earbashing, I managed to silence her, and told her I was on my way around to her house. She sounded appreciative. I hoped that by the time I arrived, she would have calmed down sufficiently to listen to me.
Running to her house, I tried to formulate a plan in my head, but without knowing the form the investigation would take, I couldn’t come up with a solution. Only if she admitted to taking the money would we be able to find a possible escape, yet from what I could decipher from her rant, I wasn’t certain that was the case. It could be a difficult couple of hours, and vowed, as I approached her house, that I would do whatever I had to do to keep her from legal proceedings. She had a son to consider. I didn’t want to see them parted.
I rapped on the door.
Immediately, Alice opened it up, stressed and with a puffed red face, appearing uncertain of how to react. When I reiterated that I hadn’t made the call, she seemed to relax, and guided me inside and into the kitchen.
On the table was a book containing her fundraising efforts, and alongside a pile of official forms. They contained details of her events, including the money raised, and at the bottom were two spots for a signature, one of which was blank.
‘I was certain it was you,’ she said.
‘I wouldn’t betray you. It’s …’ I paused, worrying about what I had just said, and fearing she would think I was having a dig at her involvement in the drugs incident. But she didn’t react. ‘It’s not my style.’
‘I thought it was because of what I told Lesley about the drugs. I was convinced it was payback.’ She slumped on a chair at the table. ‘I didn’t mean to say anything. I’m such a bitch.’
My pulse quickened, my dread tightening my chest. ‘What did you say?’
‘Just that you’d taken something years ago. I knew I shouldn’t have done it. It slipped out. Glenn and Ricky overheard me too. I …’ Pausing, she glanced at me, looking worried. ‘I think one of them set you up.’
‘Glenn or Ricky?’ I was astounded. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I feel terrible about it. I shouldn’t have told them what I knew. Aside from it not even being a big deal, since you’d only done it a couple of times, you’d told me in confidence. I broke your trust.’
It was wonderful learning the truth that she wasn’t responsible, I gripped her hand and smiled warmly, overwhelmed with love. I should never have jumped to erroneous conclusions. Alice wouldn’t have done anything deliberately. Whatever happened on that day had been a mistake, and there should be no long-term effects. The truth would come out eventually.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ I said. ‘It should be over soon enough. The last time I spoke to Lesley, she sounded more positive about my situation and reinstatement.’
‘But you’ve been suspended. When I heard …’ she averted her gaze. ‘I feel terrible.’
‘Honestly, it is okay. I’m just glad to hear it was all a mistake.’
Alice’s eyes settled upon mine. ‘So you didn’t call the charity in response.’
I chuckled. ‘No I didn’t. I promise! How could I when I learned the reason behind what you were doing?’
She tilted her head, seemingly curious as to the nature of my comment.
‘Why didn’t you tell me you had a son? Lesley told me about him. I hope you don’t mind.’
‘No. Talking about him hurts too much. I don’t think anyone can appreciate how embarrassing it is to hear I can’t provide him with a healthy home. When I moved in here last year there was damp everywhere. I had to get it fixed, otherwise I’d not see him again.’ Her eyes met with mine. ‘I love him so much Jessica. I’d do anything to see him again … anything.’
‘I’d be the same. But there must have been other ways. Taking from the charity funds is wrong, no matter what the circumstances.’
‘I didn’t take it, I borrowed it! And I swear, I will pay back every penny. I’m getting a loan and doing it immediately. In fact, I already have a form from the bank.’ She hurried across the room, opened a drawer, and presented the partially-filled document.
I smiled. It seemed as though she didn’t need persuading to do the right thing; she already had it covered.
‘I just need to get them off my back. I can’t go to jail Jessica. I’d never see him again if I did that. Michael wouldn’t let me.’
‘It won’t come to that, I promise.’
‘I know I made a mistake, and I know I am a terrible person. It’s never right to steal, let alone from those in desperate need. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t forgive me.’
‘I do forgive you.’ I hesitated, studying her pained face. ‘I can’t condone what you’ve done, but if you promise me you’ll pay it back, I will do whatever it takes to help you.’
‘Really?’
My nod was cautious. Was I right involving myself in this? Wasn’t I making myself an accessory to her crime? She must have noticed my hesitation, because before I had a chance to respond, she had hurried across the room and pulled an album containing photos of her young son. Her love for him was obvious, and tears filled her eyes. I couldn’t see them parted, and reiterating my pledge to help, asked what was required.
Looking ashamed, she presented me with a pile of forms resting on the table and told me I had to add my details and signature to each one.
I studied the first document. ‘Do these figures include the money you’ve taken?’ I asked.
She shook her head and hid her face. ‘I will return it. Once the loan comes through, I’ll make a one off payment to the charity as an anonymous dono
r.’
Aware of her pain and embarrassment, I didn’t bother to question her further, and did as instructed and confirmed her payments to the charity. I did not think about my actions; if I had, I was sure to back out. Instead, I looked to the photographs of her with her son and imagined their relationship. I could not allow a young boy to be parted from his mother and told myself I was doing the right thing.
Shortly after I completed the forms, a woman from the charity arrived and questioned the fundraising events. I hated lying, but since my signature was on all of the forms, I was committed to the task, and did the best job I was able to convince her everything was legal and as it should be. Consequently, it progressed without a hitch and she left over an hour later.
I breathed a silent sigh of relief, and not feeling able to spend a moment longer in Alice’s company, I announced my departure. I wasn’t angry with her; I was disappointed with myself, for the person I had become. I hoped it would pass.
As I reached to the door handle, ready to depart, she told me she would apply for the loan by the end of the day. Even though her tone seemed genuine, I could not respond and shot her a pained glance. She may be correcting her error, but right at that moment, it did not seem enough.
Inside, I felt sick to the stomach. I may have my friend back, but at what cost? Were my actions something I would forever regret?
‘I won’t forget this,’ she said. ‘If there’s anything I can do …’
‘You could get me my job back,’ I replied somewhat flippantly.
‘I’ll see what I can do.’
Having looked at her with confusion, I walked away.
Chapter 6
I spent the weekend with family, keeping both my suspension from work and my involvement with Alice’s charity from the conversation. Forgetting about it for the entire weekend was just what I needed, and for the duration, I was relaxed and happier than I had been since the onset. However, the instant I arrived back home in my flat, a weight formed in my stomach. My suspension was the least of my concerns; my involvement in Alice’s activities was knotting up my insides.
I sank onto the sofa and stared vacantly into space, mulling over the incident with a growing dread. Could I be certain that the woman investigating the fundraising activities had concluded everything was above board? What if she had found evidence that the money Alice had raised was greater than what she had proffered? We would both be charged with fraud. I may not have benefited from the money, but I was still culpable. It was a terrifying thought.
Pacing the room, and with flashing images of a courtroom and a prison cell controlling my mind I sought a solution; yet other than admitting to the meningitis charity of our crime, there was nothing I could do. My actions were something that would stay with me forever. I would never be able to forget what I had done and had to learn to live with my guilt.
My face creased and a squeal of desperation escaped my lips. I wondered how Alice was coping, and glanced in the direction of my phone wondering whether or not to call her. Yet, my drive was lacking. As well as being afraid she wouldn’t share in my guilt, I was terrified she hadn’t arranged for the loan. I wouldn’t be able to bully her into doing it; if she didn’t want to go through with our agreement, it was out of my control.
What had I done? It was never okay to steal money from a charity, yet I had condoned it. Could I trust her to do what was right? I had doubted her as a person of integrity, but that was before I knew the facts and the situation with her son. That must be my focus … for my own sanity. She had taken the money for a reason; in fact, if her word was to be believed, she had borrowed the money. It may not be accounted for in her paperwork, but the charity would be given what was rightfully their’s. She was a person of honour.
However, despite doing my utmost to reassure and calm myself, I felt no better than moments earlier. My gut was churning, I felt sick. Unable to contain myself for a moment longer, I reached to the phone and dialled Alice’s number.
There was no reply.
My distress elevated, my pulse quickened, I panicked. I tried again, hoping for some strange reason that I had dialled the wrong number, but she still didn’t answer. I told myself that she was busy. People refused to answer their calls for all sorts of reasons; it was not necessarily a reason to panic. She could be in the bath; she could be deep in conversation with someone; she could be out at the cinema or enjoying a meal.
Unconvinced by my excuses, my stomach stirred. I was afraid her silence was something more sinister, and raised my fist to my cheek trying to determine the true nature of her refusal to make contact. But nothing would spring to mind and calm me sufficiently. Instead, I pondered on our relationship, focusing on what I knew, I had regain my sanity.
Alice and I had shared many good times together, too many to count. I loved being in her presence; I loved her vibrancy, her laughter, and her desire to help others. I loved the fact she gave so much of her spare time to raising funds for a charity. I loved her selfless attitude. She was a wonderful person, and would do me no wrong, not deliberately.
The proof lay with the drugs incident. She had admitted to making an honest mistake and had regretted it intensely, tearfully so. If she hadn’t cared about me, she wouldn’t have been filled with such a deep and obvious remorse. I knew what I had seen.
Breathing a little more calmly, I grabbed the remote control, leaned back into the sofa, and switched on the television. I needed to remove Alice from my mind, and willing myself into doing something, selected a film and proceeded to watch it. I hadn’t been settled for long when my phone rang, causing me to jolt.
Believing it to be Alice, my joy increased. However, it did not last. Lesley was the person who had made contact and she wanted to meet. She said she would call to see me within half and hour, and spoke in a calm and even tone with a hint of cheer. Believing I would be hearing positive news relating to my work situation, my readied myself in a happy mood.
As I waited, I redialled Alice’s number. She still did not answer, but unlike before, I did not wind myself in knots fearing her negative reasoning. Instead, I decided she was otherwise engaged, positively so, and placed my phone upon a unit and wandered into the kitchen to prepare drinks. Moments later, Lesley arrived. After sharing pleasantries, I guided her into the living room and brought though the coffees and snacks.
I was expecting her to be the bearer of good news and was surprised to notice distress had crept upon her face. It caused a quickening of my pulse, and believing I was going to be dismissed from my job, my knees weakened and my throat dried. I perched on the edge of the armchair, folded my arms, and passed her a shrouded glance. Something was definitely troubling her; from the slight movements in her face, she appeared to be preparing a difficult speech.
Unable to contain my silence a moment longer, I broke the silence, and asked if there was news about my work status.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘It’s all good. I’d like you to start back tomorrow if you can. Glenn has admitted to setting you up, but only after Alice came forward and told me she sensed her comment about your past drug taking had been overheard. It would have been difficult to prove otherwise. He’d done a good job of stitching you up.’
‘So it was him! Alice told me the same. In fact she told me the other day she’d do what she could to help me get my job back.’ I gulped and lowered my head, fearing I had said too much. I didn’t want to get into a conversation about our meeting a few days earlier, nor did I want Lesley to question why Alice was out to do me a favour. Lesley may not link the two, but to me the connection to me, leading to my guilt, was all too obvious.
She broke my pondering. ‘It would have been easier for everyone if she’d spoken to me about it at the start. I’m sorry Jessica. I didn’t think anyone else was around. The centre was closed and-’
‘It’s fine. Forget it. I’m just glad to be back at work.’ I was also glad that Alice had been true to her word, and that she had done what she could to help me out. I
t may only have been a small thing, but it provided me with the little bit of proof I needed to assure me she would do right by the meningitis charity.
Fleetingly, a new doubt emerged. I wondered why Alice had kept Glenn from her conversation with Lesley, but I quickly dismissed it. She wasn’t to know the information would prove valuable, nor would she believe she had done wrong by holding it back. All that mattered was that I had my job back and that our friendship had survived a difficult couple of weeks. Everything else could be dealt with together.
I swallowed a lump in my throat.
At least I hoped it could.
‘I’m afraid there’s more,’ Lesley said, drawing my attention.
I caught her gaze. She looked anxious. My first thought was that there were problems with my contract, but I couldn’t determine in what sense, and voiced my concerns, telling her I thought I was in the clear.
‘You are. It’s not related to your job …’ she paused, studying my face. ‘… or you.’
‘Then what?’
‘When did you last see Alice?’
‘A few days ago. Thursday.’ My pulse quickened, my dread spreading from my gut. ‘Why?’
‘She’s resigned with immediate effect.’
I was stunned, and stared, my mouth agape, and tried to come up wth a plausible reason as to why she would do such a thing. But I could reach no conclusion. She hadn’t been involved in the drugs incident at the centre, so it couldn’t be that. But what else was there? I dreaded to think.
‘I take it from your expression you didn’t know.’
‘No I didn’t. Has she given a reason?’
‘No, but I have my suspicions.’ She placed her coffee mug onto a table mat, then with a nervous glance raised her head. ‘What I’m going to say is going to be hard on you. Alice had her own agenda … motives we weren’t aware of.’
My voice dried and my body quaked. I had a strong incline she was going to tell me something related to the charity, something I didn’t want to hear. But I couldn’t do a damned thing about it. Feeling vulnerable, and preparing myself for the worst, I reached for a cushion and pressed it tight against my abdomen.
