Savage SEAL’s Virgin: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  “I’m sure that’s not the case,” my father said as I headed out of the room.

  I didn’t bother talking to him about it. He had no idea about her. He had no idea how her mind worked. I did. I knew it all too well.

  When I got to my room, I laid on the bed, taking her pillow. I breathed in what reminded me of her. “Blyss, damn you. You’re taking my fucking heart with you. You don’t even realize that, do you?”

  My cell rang and I hurried to answer it, not looking to see who it was. “I’m looking for Troy Masterson. Have I found him?”

  “Yes, and this is?”

  “My name is Juan Sandoval. I’m Maria Sandoval’s father. Do you remember my daughter’s name?”

  I’d messed around with her a few years back. She was in the Navy too, and we had been in the same place at the same time for about a week. That’s about all I could recall about her. I figured something might have happened to her if her father was calling me. “Yes, sir. I remember your daughter.”

  “Well, that’s good to hear. You see, she was killed in action last year. She left a daughter. Tatum turned five last month. She only wanted one thing for her birthday, Mr. Masterson.”

  “I’m so sorry to hear about Maria.” I closed my eyes as I recalled her long, dark hair and chocolate eyes. She was a real beauty. “And what was it her daughter wanted?”

  “First, I’d like to ask you this.”

  “Yes, sir. Anything.”

  “Did you love my daughter?”

  I had no idea why he’d ask me such a personal thing. She and I had messed around, but no words of love had ever been exchanged. “How much did she tell you about me, if I may ask?”

  “She told us a lot about you. She told us that you were a nice man. She told us you were an honorable man.”

  I felt like he was leaving out something. “She was a wonderful woman, an excellent soldier, and I was proud to call her a friend, sir. She will be missed. But I have a feeling you’re leaving something out.”

  “Oh, did I not mention that she also told us that you are Tatum’s father? And the only thing your daughter wanted for her fifth birthday was to meet her father.”

  What the fuck!

  Blyss

  Tears filled my eyes the entire way to town. The cabbie was nice enough not to ask me any questions and that was appreciated. I had no idea why I’d left Troy’s home. I just had to leave. I’d found myself alone long enough to pack up my things and call a cab. But halfway down the drive, I’d wanted to get out and go back. Only I hadn’t allowed myself to do that.

  Troy had called me from every number he could, but I’d sent them all to voicemail and erased all his messages without listening to them. I thought a nice, clean break would be the easiest way to go. But as I sat in a hotel room in Napa Valley, trying to decide how I wanted to get down to Stanford, I couldn’t figure out exactly why I’d left. Troy wasn’t mean to me, he didn’t cheat or lie, and I loved him. So why did I leave him?

  I decided to call the therapist I’d seen once since I’d gone home with Troy. She told me she’d come right over to talk to me. Even as I waited for her to arrive, I battled myself about that. Maybe I just wouldn’t let her in when she got here. Maybe I’d leave so she couldn’t find me. All I could think about was being alone and how that felt normal to me. Nothing I’d been doing felt normal, except loving Troy. That felt completely natural. But even that took time to feel that way.

  A knock at the hotel room door had me questioning whether to answer it or not. But my body wasn’t letting my head rule it. I got up without thinking and answered the door. “Hi, Sharon. Thanks for coming.” I stepped back and let her in.

  She surprised me after I closed the door. I was suddenly wrapped in her arms as we swayed back and forth. “Blyss, you poor girl.” She let me go, then took my hand, pulling me over to the sofa. “I expected to see you at least once more this last week. Our initial session wasn’t deep enough to do you any good work. And now you’ve left Troy. Did he do something to you that you felt compelled to do this?”

  “He, um, well, he kind of did do something. I don’t know that it warranted leaving, but I just had this flight response.” I laid back on the sofa and tried to relax, so I could get as much out as I possibly could. I had decisions to make and I felt like I had little time to make them.

  “Okay, tell me what he did.” She sat in the chair across from me and crossed her legs, taking a pen and pad of paper out of her bag.

  “I want to get a place in Stanford and go to school on campus. He wants me to take online classes and stay at his parents’ place.”

  “Did you ask him to come with you to Stanford.” She posed a good question.

  I had to ponder it. Had I ever asked him to come with me?

  “No.”

  “Do you not want him to be with you?”

  “I do want him with me. I think.”

  “You think? Well, that’s interesting. Don’t you think so?”

  “I love Troy. I’ve never loved anyone in my entire life. But I’m out of my element. I just want to get back to how life was. This was a little vacation for me. The plan to take on a role for a few months, then I’d get back to my normal life. Alone.”

  “Alone? Hmm.” I looked over and saw her writing things, then she looked at me. “Being alone in this world isn’t only bad for your psyche, but it’s dangerous too. We’re not solitary beings. We’re meant to live in packs, just like cavemen did at the beginning of time. Our minds and bodies are hardwired for making our own little packs or families.”

  “But being alone is …” I searched for the word to use to explain how it made me feel when I was alone. “Safe. It’s safe. I can blend in and become nearly invisible. When I’m with Troy, I stand out. He demands attention wherever he goes. He’s just that kind of man.”

  “And you don’t like attention?” She sat there with her pen poised as she waited for my answer.

  “I have never liked it. And once I had it, it got my ass beaten. So, no, I don’t like attention.”

  “That was an unfortunate thing that happened to you, Blyss. But it was a thing that could’ve been avoided. You took risks.”

  “I agree. Life with Troy is a risk too. I don’t want to be hurt anymore.” I turned to lie on my side and drew my knees up, wrapping my arms around them.

  Sharon looked me dead in the eyes. “How do you think Troy will hurt you?”

  Words spilled from my mouth without giving my brain time to think. “He could stop loving me. That would hurt more than anything I’ve ever gone through.”

  “Love can be scary, even to individuals who’ve experienced it before with their parents. And you haven’t had that type of love, either. But you know what they say about facing what scares you, right?” she said with care and concern.

  I nodded. She was right. I knew I was running from fear, and that’s never a good thing. But I was far from ready to make any real commitments to Troy. But I didn’t want to leave him.

  “I should give him a call. I should tell him that I want to go to school on campus. I get more out of it that way. But I should give him the choice to come with me or not. I didn’t mean to hurt him, and I know I have.” I looked at my therapist with tears in my eyes. “What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if he thinks I’m too messed up?”

  “He’s well aware of what all you’ve been through and he loves you, despite it all. I think you can trust in the love he has for you and it being long-lasting, Blyss. But even if something happens and that love is lost, it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. People go on after a love they thought would last forever ends. It happens. People get over it. But it leaves you with the experience, and that’s a good thing. It makes us more well-rounded.”

  She was making sense. “You’re right. So, I should give him a call, tell him what I really want to do, and see if he wants to come with me, right?”

  “I don’t know why you’re asking me that question. Aren’t you an adult
?” She smiled and winked at me as she got up. “I’m going to leave you with that thought. If you do go to Stanford, give me a call. I can refer you to a colleague of mine who practices there. That way I can share what you and I have worked on, helping you to get past that initial consultation stage.”

  I hopped up and walked her to the door. She surprised me with another hug, and I hugged her back. “Thank you, Sharon. You’re pretty great. I hope I can be as helpful as you are one day.”

  “You’ll be a fine psychologist, Blyss. It’s always good to seek help when you need it, even if you have tons of education about such things. When looking at others, it’s much easier to pinpoint their needs. It’s harder to do that for ourselves.”

  “I can see that. I’ll be in touch.”

  Closing the door behind her, I leaned back on it. Did I really want to go to college on campus, or was that just a way to escape back into solitude?

  There were decisions to make. So many of them. And I was trying to rush things. I needed to take a step back and evaluate everything. I needed to take my time and calm the hell down. I had just been through a very traumatic event, after all. Now was not the time to make big decisions. Troy was right about that. He was trying to protect me and help me get better, both physically and mentally. And for his help and concern, I ran off.

  What a bitch move!

  Taking my cell out of my pocket, I made the call to him. I had to fix my mess, and I prayed Troy was still willing to help a fool like me.

  Troy

  “What do you mean, I’m some girl’s father and she wants to see me? I can’t be her father. Maria and I messed around.” I stopped myself as I thought about the fact that this was her father I was talking to. “We dated for only a week. How could I be her kid’s father?”

  Mr. Sandoval’s tone was stern, “I shouldn’t have to explain the facts of life to you. You should be well aware of how things work in that department.”

  “I know how that all works. I just don’t know why she wouldn’t have told me about being pregnant. Do you know why she would keep the kid a secret, sir?”

  “She didn’t want to burden you, is what she told us. Her mother and I have taken care of Tatum this last year, after her mother’s death. She’s always lived with us. This little girl is more than just special to us, Mr. Masterson. She is all we have left of our daughter. I don’t want to give her up. I won’t give her up. But she wants to know you, her father, and I don’t want to deny her that.”

  “Sir, with all due respect, isn’t she better off not knowing me? If you want to keep her, won’t that interfere with her and I making any kind of a real bond? And where is it that you live anyway?”

  “Santa Ana is where we live. And I’ve thought the very same things you have. We’ve talked to her a lot about how she’d have to go for a night or two because of the distance. We know you reside at the base in San Diego. Maria has kept tabs on you. Your family owns a winery in Napa Valley too. With Maria’s death, we’ve lost track of you, have there been any major changes in your life since then?”

  “Such as?” I felt he was getting at something. The man spoke on the evasive side, it seemed.

  “Maria told us that you were a man who dated many women. In my culture, we call that a mujeriego—a womanizer. And that’s not the kind of man I want in Tatum’s life. I’d rather tell her that her father was also killed in action if that’s the case. So, is that the case, Mr. Masterson?”

  Was I still that kind of man? I knew I had been, right up until I fell for Blyss. But if Blyss was truly gone, would I go back to that lifestyle?

  Weighing my true feelings, I knew I was committed to Blyss. I had tons of hope she’d come back soon. I knew she’d miss me. “No, I’m no longer that man, sir.”

  “That’s good to hear. I have one more thing I’d like to know. You see, if you are a single man, I see no reason to bring this little girl into that kind of life. I want her to have a couple she can come to know as her family too. If you’re an unmarried man, I won’t take this any further.”

  “Unmarried?” I asked as I shook my head. Who did this guy think he was? “Look, Mr. Sandoval, if this kid is mine, you damn well better know that I could take her if I wanted to, no matter what the circumstances are. I have more money than most to get the best lawyers. Maria never gave me the slightest clue that I had a kid. That’s got to be illegal.”

  “We’ll leave the country with her, and you’ll never find us. I have connections that could help us do just that. We’re aware of your great wealth, Mr. Masterson. We’ve always been prepared to hide her if that became necessary. Like I said before, we love her, and we’ll do anything for her. That includes giving her the father she’s asking for, but only if you are a man I feel can love her the way only a father can. If you haven’t even gotten married yet, and you’re already in your thirties, then I know you aren’t the right kind of man to be in her life. Don’t think you can push me around. You cannot!”

  The wheels in my head were turning. I had a daughter!

  Did I want one? Was I ready to be there for a child? Did I have a choice?

  If the kid was mine, I owed it to her to give her the life she could have as my child. How could I deny my own blood what was truly hers? How could I live with myself, knowing there was a little girl who wanted her daddy and that’s all she asked for on her birthday, no less, but I had refused her?

  The answer was plain and simple. I couldn’t. “I’m married, Mr. Sandoval. My wife and I have been together for less than a year. We live in Napa Valley now, at my family home. I’d love nothing more than for you and your wife to bring Tatum here. But first, I want a DNA test done to be sure. I see no reason for me or this child to begin a relationship until it’s certain that I am her father.”

  “That’s already been done. Maria took a sample of your …how do I say this tactfully? Hell, I’m just going to say it …semen. She got some of it from a condom she had a friend of hers use when she was with you when Tatum was two. I’m sure you were never told about that little incident.”

  “Damn!” I was shocked at the measures Maria had taken—everything but telling me I might be the father of her kid. “You know, she could’ve told me, right? I would’ve done the right thing.”

  “We were all afraid of how that would turn out. You had a bad reputation. None of us wanted you to play daddy only when you wanted to. Maria didn’t want to have to ask you about every little thing she did with her daughter, something she’d need to do if you were aware of the child.”

  “So, just to avoid me, she went to extreme measures to make sure I was the father, then still left me out of her life? Not cool!”

  “You would never understand. I don’t expect you to. Tatum was all we cared about. We did what was best for her, not you. I have the documentation that proves she is your daughter. You can take it to your lawyers if you so desire. That’s up to you. Now, would you like to set up a date for our arrival? How long will we be staying?”

  “I’ll talk to my family about that and be back in touch with you.” A second call came in and I saw it was Blyss. My heart dropped a beat. I was so relieved. “I’ll save your number and call you soon, Mr. Sandoval. Goodbye.” I ended the call without him saying another word. “Blyss! Thank God you called, baby. Where are you?”

  “I’m just in town at a hotel. I jumped the gun. Fear had me running. I called Sharon, and she came to talk to me. Things just need to slow down. Everything feels rushed. I need time.”

  Time was suddenly a thing I didn’t have. “Are you saying you want time apart?”

  “No, I just need time to think about things. Make good decisions. I’m not sure if I want to go to Stanford for the classes or to get back to my old life. I don’t want to make the wrong decision.”

  “The fact you don’t want time apart is music to my ears, baby. I’ll come get you. Where are you?”

  “In a hotel. You understand about me needing time, right?”

  “Sure, I do.�
� But I needed something from her.

  Would she give me what I needed—a wife?

  Blyss

  As I waited for Troy to come get me, I thought about my life and how empty it had been. Then I’d found Troy and it had felt different. Love was a little on the heavy side. It grounded me, it seemed. There wasn’t just me to think about any longer. Troy had to be put into things too. I had to consider what he needed and wanted out of a relationship too. It wasn’t all about me. He’d left the marriage thing off the table since I’d been in the hospital. I was thankful for that. Living together was one thing. A legal marriage was a whole new ballgame.

  A knock came to the door, and when I opened it, Troy scooped me up and took me straight to the bed. “Baby, you scared the shit out of me!”

  He laid down with me, kissing me with a hard kiss that spoke to me more than anything else he could say. He had been afraid, and I hated that I had made him feel that way. I wrapped my arms around him, kissing him back, hoping he could feel the love I had for him. We rolled around the bed, only allowing our mouths to part when an item of clothing had to be pulled off.

  By the time I ended up on my back, we were naked and gazing into each other’s eyes. I pushed his thick, dark hair back. “I love you, Troy. I’m sorry.”

  The pad of his thumb ran over my lower lip. “I forgave you before you even called me. I love you, Blyss. Don’t ever run off again. We can talk through anything. You’ll see.”

  With a sigh, he kissed me again, then moved his body between my legs, spreading me open for him. We groaned delightfully as he entered me. I raked my nails across his back as electricity moved through me. “Troy, my God, what you do to me.”

  “What you do to me, Blyss, is beyond imagination.” He made a long stroke up, then went in deep.

  Our bodies never could deny the chemistry we shared. The way I felt when he had me in his arms should’ve been enough for me to believe our love was true. Every time we made love, I wondered why I ever worried about him loving me forever. It was obvious he loved me very much. And I knew I loved him. I just needed some time for it all to settle into my mind that our love could last.