If Lexi is the one for me, she’ll see me on the other side, or in another life sometime. I can’t hold on any longer. No planes or helicopters have come to look for me. This is the most alone I’ve ever been, and I’ve been alone a lot in my life.
I have to wonder, why me? What did I do so wrong? Why did this have to happen to me?
Oh, yeah my good buddy, Jack, that’s why.
What a mother fucker that damn guy is!
In the next life he’s out, definitely out. But Lexi can be there if she wants. Not my mother. Oh, that was horrible, never her again. Maybe where ever Lexi is right now she’s thinking of me.
That would be nice if she was thinking about me when I move on out of this world. She’s probably somewhere doing something silly like cleaning cat boxes for a living, or catfish noodling. If I had the strength I’d laugh, but that’s all gone now.
Think of me, Lexi. Please never forget me. I loved you more than you will ever know.Alexis
The lights are all off, only a candle makes a dim glow across the room from us. Logan climbs up my body like a jaguar. His eyes are intense and his muscles bulge as he grabs my neck and pulls my mouth to his. His kiss is hard and insistent. My mouth opens, inviting him in, and he moves in with such force that I find it captivating. Not electric, but not as dull as before.
Am I really going to do this?
Gently he touches my breast and the difference between the hard kiss and gentle touch is captivating. A push of his knee makes my legs part and his very hard male member is knocking at my woman parts, wanting in. I arch slightly and he moves into me and for some dag nabbed reason, Max’s name just ran through my head.
No! I’m not going to let that stop me!
My hands fly up to tangle in Logan’s hair, but it’s too short, so I do this smoothing motion and it just doesn’t do it for me. Logan moves in and out in smooth strides, than stops and goes really fast, knocking the air from my lungs for a moment.
This all started out really exciting, and it’s taken a derailment somewhere along the way. I guess I’ll get used to the way that he does this and will come to find it exciting. It’s not bad or anything, there’s just no fire. After a few more thrusts, his body hardens and I feel warmth fill me, then he collapses on me.
It’s over. I may get pregnant from this one encounter and it was so forgettable that I just might cry.
Why do I have to be so afraid of loving Max?
Logan rolls off me and lies on his back. “That was great, baby.”
I roll away from him and wipe the tear that’s gotten away. “Yeah, sure was.”
He takes the remote and turns on the television. I haven’t watched T.V. in a week. The news is on and I close my eyes because I hate to watch the news. It’s mostly about bad stuff and I hate hearing about it. “I’m going to sleep. Good night, Logan.”
“Nite, Alex, I love you.”
I blink a few times then decide to add, “I love you, too.”
I kinda love him. It’s not a complete lie.
He is a great guy. You can’t discount how good he is to me. So there’s no spark, so what?
The sound of the anchorman’s deep voice is soothing me to sleep. “In other news tonight, the search for billionaire, Max Lane, has ended. Three days ago his helicopter crashed in the Gulf of Mexico.”
I sit up and stare at the television. The anchorman continues, “Search efforts have been called off and Max Lane is presumed dead.”
I turn to Logan. “Did I hear that right?”
His eyes are huge and he nods. I turn back to the television to see a picture if my gorgeous Max as the anchorman says, “He was just thirty years old, unmarried and left behind no children.”
Tossing the blanket off me I run to the bathroom where I promptly throw my guts up. Then the sobs hit me and rack my body. Logan has picked me up and carried me to the bed. He holds me on his lap and rocks me back and forth as I cry hysterically. “I loved him, Logan.”
“I know you did, sweetie,” he says as he runs his hand over my head. “He loved you too.”
“I’ll never see him again. He’s gone forever and I hate myself.”
“Shh,” he says as he hugs me tight to him. “Don’t do that now. I’m sure he’d hate it if you got down on yourself.”
I wrap my arms around Logan’s neck and bury my face in his chest as I cry and see Max’s beautiful face in my mind, that’s the only place I’ll ever see him again is in my memories.
The crying eases up and I find myself so lucky to have a man as sensitive as Logan is. “Thank you for understanding, Logan. You’re a good man.”
A tissue he pulls from a box on the nightstand and pats my cheeks with it. “Believe me, it fills me with jealousy to see how much that man affects you. You love him though and I can’t help feeling empathy for you. I’m sorry this happened, Alex. It’s not fair.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s not. I hope he’s in a better place, and finally really happy, like he was on the days we were together. We could have had so many more of those days if I hadn’t been so stupid. I know this much, I’ll never do that to you. I won’t run away from you because I’m too afraid to love you.”
Finally, we lay down and I rest my head on Logan’s chest. His heart beats fill my ear, and it makes me realize Max’s heart no longer beats, air no longer flows from his lungs and he can no longer think of me.
I will miss him forever.
Part 4 Secrets of Love
Max
The sun’s light shimmers on the water’s surface. Somehow I made it through another night in the water. My little broken knee board has proved to be a miraculous floatation device. Though I have no hope of making it out of this alive, it’s keeping me from going as quickly as I thought I would.
As I lie my head on the knee board and let my body dangle I know it must be getting near my time to go because I hear a humming sound.
Perhaps it’s angels coming to take me.
My eyes still closed as I have no energy to open them, I think I hear voices. The water stirs near me and something bumps into me as people shout in some language I don’t understand.
I’m being pulled from the water, still my eyelids won’t open. Some man says something in what sounds like it might be French, but I don’t know what he says. A towel is wrapped around me and I’m laid on a hard surface as the boat speeds through the water and the people all talk excitedly. I assume it’s about me and my present condition.
The sweetest voice comes close to my ear and says with a thick French accent, “My name is Kate and I will make sure you are taken care of.” A hand runs softly over my cheek which is badly sunburned. “You will be alright, my prince.”
Her voice is like that of an angel and I fight to open my eyes. Though blurry I can see a halo of red, with a pale face in the middle seems to be looking at me. “Hi,” I croak.
“Mama,” the angel says. “Water quickly, he’s awake.”
The angel looks back at me and I can focus a little better. “Kate?” I ask.
“No, no, my prince,” she says. “You must rest, no talking for now.” Someone hands her a bottle of water and she pours some on a white cloth and puts it to my mouth. I suck it greedily from the cloth and she pulls it back. “No, not so fast, you will get sick. Easy with it.”
The cool water she pours more of on the cloth and gently touches it to my face. It feels so damn good, I close my eyes again.
I’m not sure if I’m being rescued and will live, or if this is my ride to Heaven.
Alexis
Heat hits me like a brick wall as I walk back into my old apartment in Houston. I’ve run again, this time from Logan. He should be home any minute and he’ll find I’m gone. I’ve not bought myself another cell phone so he can’t call me and try to talk me into going back. My only fear is I might be pregnant, but if that occurs I’ll deal with that.
The knowledge that Max is dead is messing my head up more than I ever imagined it could be messed
up. I can’t eat or sleep or think. I really screwed up and wonder if his death had anything to do with me.
The obvious thing to do is go and see Hilda and see if she knew what was going on with him, but I can’t face the mansion again without him in it. I’ll just have to never know, never understand why this happened. Whether it was over me or not, Max is gone and I’ll never see him again. The thought of that has me going insane. To never lay my eyes on his beautiful face again is way too much for me to bear.
I flip on the air conditioner and curl up in a ball on my bed. Though unable to sleep, I’m also unable to sit up and the ride here was unbearable. I passed the park where I ran into Max the last time and cried all the rest of the way home.
I never imagined I had so many tears in me. Maybe in a few days I’ll be able to get up and maybe I’ll go back to dog walking. Maybe I’ll just lie here until I feel better, though I can’t imagine that is ever going to happen.Max
My angel has gotten into the ambulance with me and directs them on how to handle me. “Gently, please. He’s been through so much,” she says.
If I had the energy to smile I would. She’s so sweet and has talked to me in her little, sweet voice the whole way to the shore. A woman who I guess is her mother says something to her in French and she answers, “Ya, Mama, I am going to ride with him to the hospital. Come there as soon as you can.”
She’s coming with me? She doesn’t even know me and I must look horrible and this sweet girl is coming with me?
The paramedics place me on something hard and her small hand holds mine until they put me in the back of the ambulance. The absence of her touch makes me sad, but then I hear her voice again. “I am here, my prince. You stay with me, please.”
She is here and I can’t help thinking everything is going to be alright.
I get hooked up to some things and I feel a pinch on the top of one of my hands. Warmth spreads through me and amazingly I am feeling much better. Someone leans in close to me and asks, “Can you tell me your name, sir?”
It takes every ounce of what little strength I have to say, “Max Lane.”
“Max Lane? The Max Lane?” he asks.
I manage a nod and the man says, “Call it in, we found him.”
They have been looking. I thought no one cared. I thought no one was looking for me.
A wet cloth touches my face and the paramedic says, “We have to get you looking a little more presentable, Mr. Lane. There is sure to be media at the hospital. We’ve all been looking for you for days. Is there anyone special you’d like us to inform of your recovery before it goes public?”
I shake my head weakly and find I can easily open my eyes and finally I see the face of the angel I’ve been hearing. She’s gorgeous. Long, red hair hangs around a porcelain face with huge green eyes and pink lips. My eyes roam down to as far as they can while strapped to this thing, and there they are, long legs.
Yes!
I hope she’s not taken. I smile a little at her and wonder what she thinks of me. She looks at me and smiles back. “You will be better soon, my prince.”
Her prince, how sweet. I had a princess once, and she ran from me. Maybe this one won’t. “Kate, right?” I ask.
She nods and winks at me. “And you are Max. It’s nice to meet you.”
Yeah, my name sounds good coming off her lips. “You’ll stay with me, right, Kate?”
“I will,” she says. “Until you tell me to go. I will watch over you until you are cared for properly.”
“That’s nice of you,” I say.
“I was sent to you, Max.” Her eyes go a little glassy. “This morning I awoke with an urgent need to go for a ride on our yacht. Daddy did not want to go, but I insisted. So you see I was sent to find you, and I will stay with you until you no longer wish me to.”
“You’re my angel,” I say and close my eyes, because the knowledge she is watching over me leaves me relieved and I can finally rest peacefully.
The ambulance pulls to a stop, and the paramedic says, “There are already a lot of reporters here, Mr. Lane. Don’t attempt to speak or they’ll never quit asking you questions and we need to get you into the emergency room. Okay?”
I nod and they move me out. My angel stays with me, walking close by my head. She leans in close and says, “Do not be afraid, Max. I will be by your side the whole time.”
I gaze at her in awe until a flash from a camera blinds me momentarily. There are reporters everywhere and the paramedics push through them as they shout questions at me. I don’t answer any like I was instructed to and my angel keeps her eyes locked on mine until we get inside. “You are doing well, Max,” she says.
It occurs to me this whole thing may have been a blessing in disguise. Lexi doesn’t want me, so why care anymore. Maybe this is my real soulmate, stranger things have been known to happen.
Alexis
My eyes open, I must’ve fallen asleep. The room is pitch black and I grab the television remote off the night stand and turn the television on for some light. I blink and grab my glasses off the table as well. Putting them on I see the news is on and take the remote to change the channel.
“News broke earlier this evening on the rescue of Max Lane,” the anchorman says and I sit up not believing what I’m hearing. A picture of Max gazing at some red headed woman fills the screen. “Max Lane has been found alive and is in an undisclosed hospital in Florida. Doctors have issued a statement telling us he’s in stable condition and no permanent damage was done. He should be home by next week, Houston.”
The anchorwoman next to him says, “I wonder who the mystery beauty is he’s looking at so lovingly?”
“So do I,” I mumble to myself.
My body feels numb with a weird emotional whiplash. Max is alive! I move like lightning to find my computer and try to find out what hospital he’s in. Then it occurs to me that Hilda may be a better source than that. He had to have informed her.
I grab my keys and head out to the mansion. My heart is beating like a drum in my chest and I find I’m giddy.
Max is alive!
Who was that woman? I can’t help thinking about how he was looking at her. But after days in the ocean, he had to be happy to see anyone. Right?
Before I know it I’ve made it to the gate and I push the button. Hilda answers, “Hello?”
“Hilda, it’s me, Lexi, can I come talk to you?”
The gates open and I drive in. I park and rush to the door, where she’s already waiting. “He’s alive!” I shout.
She holds her arms out to me and we hug and cry. “He is!” she says. “Miho is alive!”
She takes my hand and pulls me inside. “He’ll be home in a few days, he told me earlier.”
I follow her into the kitchen where she sits me on a barstool. She pours us both a glass of Champagne and we clank our long stemmed glasses. “To Max’s speedy recovery,” I say.
We each take a drink and then I see a frown on her face. “I should tell you something.”
“What?” I ask as I place my glass on the bar.
“Max is bringing a woman home with him,” she says and my world falls apart again.
I sit in stunned silence. He’s alive, but he’s already found another woman. “Do you know who she is?”
Hilda takes another drink. “She is the one who recused him. Her family is from France and she made them take the yacht out this morning. She felt compelled to go out and when they found Max she saw it as her duty to stay with him and make sure he’s taken care of.”
“But he’s bringing her back here?” I pick up my glass and chug it.
Hilda refills it as she says, “He calls her his angel and I dare say I heard love in his voice, dear.”
“Who wouldn’t immediately fall in love with a beautiful woman who saved their lives, right?” She shrugs and I take another drink then say, “The important thing is that he’s alive and will be well soon.” I look at her. “Right? That’s the most important thing?”
“So he was drunk?” I ask.
“Yes, very drunk. He took off before I could reach him. I called his cell phone to try to get him to come back, but he never answered it. Then he never came home, and I called the police.”
“My leaving had everything to do with that then,” I say as I gaze at the bubbles in my drink. “I was right.”
“Don’t blame yourself, sweetheart,” Hilda says as she pats my back. “He didn’t have to take it so damn hard.”
“But he did.” I look at her. “Did he date at all after I left?” Her head shakes and my heart breaks into a thousand pieces as I realize he didn’t go right out and find himself another woman to play with in his bed like I thought he would.
“I am sorry you ran from him. He’s a good man, Lexi. This woman who saved him, he may be bringing her home, but if you showed up, I bet he would fall right back in love with you.”
“I almost killed him, Hilda. I don’t think I’m good for him,” I say as it hits me that I am not the right one for him.
He has the ability to tear me in half with one photo and I have the ability to kill him, our relationship is not a healthy one. I smile at Hilda and get up. She looks at me with a sad expression. “You will come see him when he gets home, won’t you?” she asks.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” I walk away and turn back. “I do want you to let him know I cared enough to come here and if it wouldn’t hurt us both so much I would come visit him.”
Savage SEAL’s Virgin: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel Page 79
