Trust Again_Dawn and Spencer's Story

by Mona Kasten

I’ll take you any way you let me have you.

  She was probably right.

  “You were in a relationship for so long that you don’t even know what the possibilities are, Dawn,” Sawyer said with a grin. “Casual affairs can do you a lot of good. For example…”

  Then she told me in great detail what she’d been up to the night before. It seemed she’d broken her vow of celibacy and was out hunting again.

  Later that evening I dug Watson out of his bag. When life got complicated, writing down my thoughts usually helped me sort things out.

  After yesterday’s bad review, I avoided looking at the forums online. Instead, I opened a new document—a fresh, clean page—and typed out anything that came to mind: all those tangled thoughts and feelings. I kept on going, with music playing in my headphones, and let everything out. Several thousand words later, I stopped.

  A new story had been born.

  Chapter 21

  Nolan twisted his hair into a knot and fastened it with two pens that he borrowed from Blake’s pencil case.

  “Much better,” he said as he took some printouts from his briefcase. “Now, I read your assignments. While many of you would like to work for publishers or other companies, I know some of you dream of being able to live off your writing,” he began, sauntering toward our table circle.

  Yes, table circle. Today he’d asked us to sit cross-legged on the tables.

  “If that’s what you really want, then you have to learn how to deal with criticism. Today”—he handed Blake his assignment—“I’ve torn you guys to shreds.” He handed the next sheet to Paige.

  Her blue eyes widened and swam with tears when she saw the sea of red ink scrawled in the margins.

  “For much of your career, you’ll have to respond to unfair criticism.” He handed Everly her paper.

  The second she looked at the page, her smile disappeared.

  As for me, I’d enjoyed the assignment. In general, I really liked the fact that Nolan pushed us to take on topics that meant something to us, and I’d really put a lot of myself into this assignment. So I, too, was shocked by the red slashes and comments on the paper he returned to me. It felt uncomfortably similar to reading that harsh review of my latest book.

  Still, I began to pore over every single comment. Here, my descriptions were too vague; there, my dialogue was not believable; and overall, my metaphors were poorly constructed. I swallowed. This was hard to take. And not particularly helpful, in my opinion. All of Nolan’s comments seemed a matter of personal taste.

  Frowning, I read on until I reached his final remark:

  Next time, I’d like to see fewer complicated sentences. Otherwise: well done. Keep it up!

  He’d pulled one over on us. I raised an eyebrow and looked his way.

  “Ready?” Nolan asked us, with a clap.

  A murmur of approval came from our small group.

  “How did you feel about my comments?”

  Nolan slid off his desk and walked over to our circle. He sat down on Everly’s table.

  “You can see on my face how I felt,” Everly said, avoiding Nolan’s eyes.

  He patted her briefly on the shoulder, in a gesture of support.

  “And you, Dawn?” he asked, turning slightly to look at me.

  My mouth suddenly felt dry, as all eyes turned my way. I swallowed nervously. “Most of the comments were kind of confusing to me. Usually I have no trouble with your feedback and always try to incorporate your suggestions.”

  Nolan pointed at me. “Dawn understands the point. I deliberately didn’t write any constructive criticism in the margins. You won’t be able to convince every reader. Some people might even hate your work, no matter how much effort you put into it. I want you to learn how to differentiate between helpful criticism and personal taste. It’s not easy to take criticism. Especially when you’re really invested in your work. The most important thing for you to do is filter out the noise, the harsh words, and to not take the rest of it too personally. Have a look at the reviews of some of your favorite books and you’ll see what I mean.”

  “I’ve actually done that,” Jamie said. “Complete nonsense. The reviewer hated everything I liked about the book.”

  “So what do we learn from this?” Nolan asked.

  “I don’t know, man. That even our favorite authors sometimes get bad reviews and you can’t make everyone happy?” Blake looked at Nolan quizzically.

  “Exactly.”

  Thoughts of last week’s review hit me again. But suddenly I saw it with different eyes.

  “Thanks, Nolan,” I said abruptly.

  He grabbed my hand and lifted it high. “By George, I think she’s got it! Three cheers for Dawn and for the fact that she called me by my name!”

  My classmates grinned.

  This class. It was fantastic.

  Chapter 22

  The vacation home was a two-story wooden structure with large, picture windows looking out over the cliffs that dropped down to the ocean. The upper story had a long balcony along one side. Downstairs there was a spacious deck with a large table and some chairs, a bench, and a settee.

  On the trip to Coos Bay, my mouth was hanging open the whole time. The day was gorgeous; the sun was reflecting off the Pacific Ocean. Woodshill might be nice, with its lake and valley, but the coast was something else. Huge, foamy waves broke against the steep slopes of the nearby cliffs. A fresh wind whipped at our faces and with every breath I felt more free and relaxed. And we’d only been here for 15 minutes.

  Kaden had taken Allie and me in his Jeep. Spencer had given a lift to Ethan and Monica in his hatchback, and Scott was coming on his own with Micah. When we arrived, Monica was already upstairs in the master bedroom, waving at us through the window with one hand and shading her eyes from the sun with the other.

  When we got out of the Jeep, Allie seemed dumbstruck.

  “It’s so beautiful here!”

  “Breathtaking,” I agreed. We stood together, mesmerized by the view of the ocean.

  “Okay already, come in so we can divide up the rooms!” Monica called down from the balcony, her multicolored hair flying around her face.

  I grinned, and got my suitcase from the trunk of Kaden’s Jeep.

  We walked across the lawn to the front door, which Monica threw open exuberantly.

  “Welcome to Allie’s birthday house!” She extended her arms.

  Ethan stepped up behind her. “Hey, guys.”

  “We have good and bad news,” Monica continued as we made our way into the wide hallway.

  “First the bad,” Allie said, with a frown.

  “Scott and Micah can’t come. Micah’s come down with something and is laid up with a fever. Scott won’t leave him there alone.” Monica draped her arms over Allie’s and my shoulders. “But the good news is, we have an extra room!”

  “Where’s Spence?” Kaden asked from behind us.

  “He’s out shopping so we won’t starve to death. Come on in, I want to know which room Allie’s choosing so we can finally put our things away.”

  Monica gently pushed Allie and me toward the stairway.

  “There’s a room on the ground floor that doesn’t have the best view since the window isn’t facing the water. Spence already claimed that one,” Monica told us as we climbed the stairs. “Since Micah and Scott aren’t coming, we thought that Spence and Dawn could take single rooms so… well, you know. You and Kaden should get the romantic room.”

  Allie looked at me for approval.

  “Fine by me,” I said, smiling.

  Monica showed us the first room. “This one and the next one share the balcony. They’re pretty similar, except that in the other room there are two single beds that would have to be shoved together.”

  “It’s so pretty,” Allie murmured.

  �
��You want this room?” Monica asked, hooking arms with her.

  “If you’re okay with it, yes.” Going over to the window, she looked out to the balcony. “Wow. I’m never going to get enough of this view.”

  “Then I’ll tell Ethan, so he can bring our stuff to the other room. Only if it’s okay with you, Dawn, to take the room at the end of the hall?” Monica looked at me questioningly, and I waved her on.

  “Of course. Get your stuff—I’ll take the remaining room.”

  She clapped with delight and danced toward the stairs. I heard her go down and call Ethan.

  “So, you’re all set; I’m going to inspect my kingdom now,” I told Allie. “Let’s meet downstairs in a few.”

  She nodded, smiling. Then she threw herself backward onto the huge bed and moved her arms as if making a snow angel. I laughed and walked out just in time to run into Kaden in the hallway.

  “Thanks for letting me sleep with her in a room,” he said.

  “You owe me one,” I responded.

  “Deal.”

  “Then we can listen to Justin Bieber on the way back.”

  “Over my dead body.” With these words he entered his room and shut the door before I could argue.

  Grinning, I pulled my suitcase along the hall to the last room. Opening the door slowly, I looked inside and froze.

  Unbelievable!

  A double bed was pushed into a small niche in the wall. The room might be smaller than the other two, and had no balcony, but it made no difference at all. Going over to the bed, I set down my suitcase. From the bed there was a wonderful view of the ocean. It was exactly as I’d pictured it: the perfect place to do some writing, and luckily I’d brought Watson along.

  I unpacked a bit and freshened up. Then, putting on a sweatshirt, I headed downstairs to the open living room, which was flooded with natural light. Antique furniture filled the space. The fabulous view more than made up for the creaky wooden floors and slightly musty odor.

  Moving on, I opened the door to the kitchen.

  “Oh.”

  Spencer had returned from shopping and was just filling the fridge with food. Hearing me, he turned and gave me a crooked grin.

  “Hey,” he said, shoving his sweatshirt sleeves up.

  “Hi,” I replied, surprised by the slight hitch in his voice.

  It was just Spencer, I told myself. Nothing had changed. Everything was normal between us.

  Normal. As if that had ever really described our relationship.

  “Hungry? I bought chocolate. And apples. And other stuff on Monica’s list that has to be prepared,” he said so quickly that he sounded just as breathless as I felt.

  “I never say no to chocolate.” I peered into the shopping bag that he was busy emptying. Pretty close to the top was a huge pack of Reese’s. “Oh, you hit the jackpot! You’re the best.”

  I grabbed the bag and tore it open, fished out a peanut butter cup and unwrapped it. Biting off a piece, I sighed. Reese’s were definitely a divine invention. I was about to look gratefully at Spencer, but his expression was quizzical, as if I had something stuck on my face.

  “Did you get a good room?” he asked hoarsely, as he continued unpacking the bag.

  “The one at the end of the hall. Totally cool, with the bed alcove,” I said.

  “I kind of thought you’d like that.” He took the tomatoes that I held out to him.

  “Didn’t you want one of the upstairs rooms?” I asked.

  Spencer shrugged and shoved the vegetables into a drawer at the bottom of the fridge. “Nah.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s Allie’s birthday, Monica fell in love with the first room, and you’ve never been to the coast before, so I thought I’d let you guys go first.” He said it dismissively, as if it were nothing special. But it was just the opposite. Looking serious, he placed a head of the lettuce in with the other veggies.

  “Please don’t look at me that way,” he murmured, without looking up from his task.

  “What way?”

  He lifted his gaze and looked first at my lips, then my eyes. “As if I were some kind of saint. I’m not,” he said with a frown.

  “You brought me chocolate, you made sure I’d get a nice room. Sounds pretty saintly to me,” I replied, hoisting myself onto the woodblock counter and letting my legs dangle down.

  Spencer put the last things in the fridge and then closed the door a little too hard. I winced and looked at him wide-eyed. He leaned back against the door and closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths.

  “Spence? Are you okay?”

  He rubbed his forehead with both hands.

  “Yeah, everything’s fine. I just haven’t gotten enough sleep.”

  There was an undertone in his voice that caught my attention. “Did you go back home again?”

  He looked at me silently for a few seconds. And then he nodded slowly.

  I slipped off the counter and went to him, reaching for his arm and gently stroking my thumb over his wrist. “Is everything really fine?” I whispered.

  He shook his head. And his eyes grew darker and more somber than I’d ever seen them.

  Without a second thought, I wrapped my arms around him. Forget my questions or curiosity. I just wanted to banish that sad expression from his eyes. It took a moment before Spencer returned the hug. His arms circled me tightly and he buried his face in my shoulder. He was trying to breathe deeply but his chest was trembling. Shuddering, he gripped my waist even tighter.

  “Thanks,” he murmured into my neck, his words lightly tickling me. My hands moved along his back, in calming, even motions.

  “I wish I could do more to help.”

  “This is already more than I deserve.”

  Before I could ask what that meant, he let go of me and stood up straight. Footsteps were approaching, and Spencer put on his happy face.

  Kaden appeared in the kitchen doorway. “Feel like going to the State Park?”

  Walking through the botanical garden of Shore Acres State Park was like being in a jungle of flowers. A pleasant, heavy perfume hung in the air, tickling my nose. Wherever you looked, colors shimmered brightly.

  We’d been wandering through the park for an hour. Allie was turning the map over and around, while Kaden and Spencer dismissed her efforts with a chuckle and walked on ahead. Monica was enjoying taking photos of everything while Ethan held her purse. As for me, I went around touching almost every plant in the park, to convince myself that they were real—they were that gorgeous.

  “Dawn, smile,” Monica called out.

  I turned and smiled for the camera. A few clicks later, Monica ran ahead and tried to get Kaden and Spence to pose for a photo in front of a fountain.

  “Dawn, get next to Allie,” she cried.

  “Put that thing away and enjoy the scenery, Monica.” Kaden made a face and crossed his arms behind his head.

  “If you’d smile for the camera, I might.”

  I snuggled between Allie and Spencer and grinned at Monica’s efforts to get Kaden to pose for the camera. It was a pointless undertaking. No one had ever succeeded at it, not even Allie. Instead, he flipped her off.

  “Charming, Kaden,” I grumbled.

  Spencer threw an arm over my shoulder and I looked up at him. He smiled broadly. No one would have known that just a few hours ago he was standing in the kitchen looking as if he’d just had the worst night of his life.

  Noticing my glance, he leaned down to whisper in my ear: “You really shouldn’t look at me so intently, Sweetie. Otherwise, Monica’s gonna be preserving the image of the bulge in my jeans for posterity.”

  “I might want a copy of that.”

  His grin widened and a pleasant warmth spread in me. At least I could make him laugh.

  Monica fumbled with her tripod and
then waved Ethan over to us. She set the self-timer and I put on my best smile.

  “Kaden, come on, put your finger down.”

  “Nope.”

  “Kaden!”

  “What are you going to do, rip off my hand—” He was cut off as Allie turned and slapped Kaden’s chest with both hands. He staggered back, clutching at Allie’s jacket, and both of them fell, landing in the fountain. Water shot up all around us, and I shrieked.

  “You guys are out of your minds!” Monica shouted. “Ethan, don’t you dare…”

  “Sorry, Baby.” Then he grabbed her around the waist and tossed her into the water with Allie and Kaden.

  She came up coughing and spluttering. “I’m gonna kill you, Ethan.”

  It wasn’t long before her boyfriend joined them. I couldn’t stop laughing, but Monica looked like she was about to explode, her face was that red. I was about to turn to grab the camera when Spencer grabbed my elbow.

  “We don’t want to be spoilsports, do we?”

  “Don’t even think about it, Spence,” I said, trying to wrench my arm away.

  But Spencer pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me, lifting me up in the air.

  “Put me down! I’m going to kill you, I’ll bite and scratch…”

  “Your threats are kind of a turn on, Dawn,” he said, undeterred. And carried me right into the fountain with our friends.

  Immediately I wrapped my legs around his hips and clung to his shoulders, to avoid touching the water.

  “Put me down!”

  “I would but you’re choking me,” croaked Spencer. I loosened my grip a bit.

  “Don’t be that way,” Allie chimed in.

  Of all people, Allie! Traitor.

  “I only have one pair of shoes with me, you idiots!”

  It was out of the question to let go of Spencer. He was my life preserver in a sea of fools.

  “You know you wouldn’t change us,” he said. And let himself fall backward.

  I wasn’t prepared for that. As if in slow motion, we landed in the brackish water. From the hips down I was completely submerged. Spencer popped his head up seconds later and shook his dripping hair out of his face.