No Place Like Home - Love in Seattle

by Christina Butrum

  Handing Janelle a mixed cappuccino and hot chocolate, Kelsie pointed in Colin’s direction. “If you can take this to him, I can get the rest of the crowd taken care of.”

  Taking the hint to get lost, but not completely unaware of what Kelsie actually wanted her to do, Janelle took the cup and headed to Colin’s table. Instead of handing him his cup and walking away, she held it out and asked, “Mind if I sit down?”

  Her actions were ahead of her brain. Knowing well enough that she might regret this later, there was also a chance she wouldn’t. Talking to Colin Davis had been on her list of things to never do—until now. She would be lying if she said she had not enjoyed their conversation the other day.

  “No, go right ahead and have a seat,” he said, shoving his things aside in one quick motion.

  Sitting down across from him, she kept her focus on the table in an attempt to avoid his eyes. Her grandfather had always told her that eyes are the window to a person’s soul. He had told her that a person can tell exactly what another is thinking or feeling, just by looking in their eyes. Knowing it worked both ways, she kept her eyes affixed on anything but Colin.

  He opened his mouth, about to strike up a conversation she imagined would revolve around their earlier conversation. She interrupted him before he had a chance to say one word. “I’m not interested in talking about Seattle or a bakery or anything, honestly.”

  With a puzzled expression, he folded his arms in front of him and leaned back in his chair. The smirk on his face should’ve warned her of the sarcastic remark he was about to make. “Then why’d you sit down across from me?”

  His question was fair enough. It didn’t make a bit of sense why she sat down across from him if she didn’t want to talk about anything—other than the fact that she did and she didn’t want him to know that—whatever sense that made... she was unsure.

  Leaning forward in her chair, she rested her elbows on the table. This time, she held her attention on his face when she said, “Let me ask you something.”

  Unfolding his arms, he leaned forward, clasping his hands on the table in front of them. “Ask me anything.”

  Whether he knew what she wanted to talk about or not, didn’t make any difference to her. She needed to find out his reasons, and what his intentions had been when he had disturbed her privacy while looking through her notes. Clearing her throat in an attempt to take the edge off and calm her nerves, she said, “I want to know why you did what you did.”

  Taking a minute to process what she wanted from him, she could see the gears turning as he thought of an answer to temporarily satisfy her. After a long minute of silence, he asked, “Do you want me to answer this in reference to college or...”

  She hadn’t even thought he would take her question in reference with what had happened in college. She hadn’t thought he would even acknowledge it. She only wanted to know about the notebook, and why he had felt so inclined to breach her privacy; regardless of whatever he felt had been good intentions.

  “The notebook,” she said. Not that it mattered to him, her privacy was something she had taken for granted. Before he could respond, she asked, “I want to know why you felt it was necessary to involve yourself.”

  If she had brought her phone to the table with her, she would’ve taken a picture to capture the day she made Colin Davis speechless. Granted, it would be the only time, but it still counted for something, right?

  “Janelle,” he said, pulling his chair closer to the table as he leaned in. “I didn’t want to...”

  In reaction to her raised eyebrow, he stopped talking, held up his hands and said, “Let me start over.”

  Only after she motioned for him to continue, he said, “The day Kelsie told me what you and she had talked about, I felt the need to do something, anything, to help you.”

  “What made you think I needed your help, or anyone’s for that matter?”

  “Look, I’ll just admit that I messed up,” he said, shoving papers into his folder. “I should’ve been nicer to you in college. I should never have been a jackass to you.”

  She couldn’t agree more with his choice of words. Had he known all along that he had been treating her horribly? When did he realize that he had been a jackass? The day he first saw that she had returned to Seattle at Harper’s Café, or had it been sooner?

  “I realize now I should’ve been helping you instead of making things more difficult,” he said, his eyes sincere with his words. “I regret making a struggle of yours more challenging.”

  Shocked beyond words, she sat still in her chair, her eyes locked on his. Had he really just admitted he shouldn’t have made it so difficult? Colin Davis had just said the words she had thought would never come out of his mouth.

  “I should’ve been in your corner, like your grandmother was,” he said, keeping his eyes locked on hers. She wanted to look away as the tears stung, but she couldn’t. “I should’ve encouraged you to open a bakery, like your grandmother wanted you to. I should’ve stood up for you against your mother and offered my opinion of how great you’d be if the opportunity had arrived.”

  The fact that he had not told her this until now, left her speechless and in shock. Had she known this all along, she never would have carried as much hatred for him as she had. It had taken her several months to allow herself to move forward and forget about his ruthlessness. And the simple fact that she had not even wanted to be in college for journalism, let alone compete against him, made it almost impossible for her to bear the idea that he had never wanted to cause her such undue stress.

  “Wait,” she said, holding up a hand, not only to stop him from saying another word, but in an attempt to collect her thoughts. “You’re telling me that you never wanted to compete against me?”

  “Pretty much,” he answered, looking down at the cup in his hand.

  “Then, why did you?”

  Shrugging, he answered, “I guess a part of me couldn’t help it. I knew you were great at everything you did.”

  “So, you made my college days a living hell just because I was good at something?” She could feel the anger as it struggled to be unleashed inside. Refusing to allow herself to get too upset, she said, “And what had you so sure that I was good at everything?”

  A smile tugged at his lips and his eyes glued on hers. “Janelle, there isn’t one damned thing that you haven’t been successful at.”

  Feeling a sense of security in his words, she leaned in, resting her arms on the table in front of her. “What if I told you I hadn’t been so great?”

  “Your work says otherwise,” he said matter-of-fact.

  “You can’t use my articles in the Enquirer as proof to your assumptions,” she said, quite proud of her choice of words. For once, her words had not failed her when it came to discussion. The irony of a journalist unable to find the right words to say was unjustifiable.

  “I’m not talking about your career now,” he said, taking a drink of what she could assume to be a cold mix of once-hot chocolate and cappuccino. “I’m referring to your hard work and dedication in school.”

  Nearly choking back the laughter as it tried to escape, she leaned forward and said, “You think that was hard work and dedication?”

  Shrugging, he said, “That’s what it appeared to be.”

  “You have no idea,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her. “It was hell getting through every day. Between you and my mother, I was walking a fine line of psychosis just to get through college and plan a future far away from here.”

  On that note, she stood, pushed her chair in and walked away. She could feel his eyes on her back as she walked to the counter. She hadn’t wanted the conversation to be over, but she needed a breather before she said too much that she’d possibly regret later.

  Standing behind the counter, out of view of Colin, she mumbled under her breath as she mixed a concoction of caramel macchiato and coffee into cappuccino. Counting to ten was overrated in the adult life. It was more ef
ficient to count to a hundred.

  “What are you mumbling about back here?” Kelsie asked, stepping toward Janelle.

  “Nothing,” Janelle whispered loudly.

  “It doesn’t sound like nothing,” Kelsie said. Pointing in Colin’s direction, she asked, “How’s the conversation going?”

  “It’s not.”

  Kelsie tapped the watch on her wrist and said, “You two have been talking for a while now. That’s something more than nothing.”

  Rolling her eyes, she shooed Kelsie away as she pushed a lid on her cup. She had allowed herself to calm down just enough to go back to Colin’s table in hopes that he still wanted to talk to her.

  Lifting his eyes from his computer, he watched her pull the chair out and sit down. “Decided to come back?”

  His sense of witty banter was an equal amount of wit and charm. She smiled behind her cup as she held it to her mouth. “Maybe.”

  His smile distracted her from her own thoughts of how upset she had been. “Well, I’m glad you decided to come back.”

  “How’d you know about what my grandmother had wished for me?”

  “Your grandmother was a favorite to everyone around here,” he said, his smile never faded. “She had everyone in Seattle believing that you were going to open a bakery and be the best around.”

  The memory of her grandmother proved to be painful, but at the same time, she found solace in the memory of how much her grandmother had believed in her. If her grandmother had been alive the day she had graduated from college and decided to move to Cincinnati, she would’ve died that day from a conniption fit.

  Grabbing his cup, he excused himself for a minute while he asked Kelsie for a fresh refill. Janelle kept her eyes on him as he made his way to and from the counter. There was something about him that had her attention—causing her to catch her breath and her heart to skip a steady beat or two.

  Sitting back down, he smiled as he closed his laptop and slid it into its case. “I have to say, it was a bit disheartening to the community and those who loved you and your grandmother when you decided to move to Cincinnati.”

  She had not realized how many people had been rooting for her to own a bakery. Had she known, she might have decided to stay in Seattle or possibly move back...

  “That’s why I say you were good at everything you did,” he said, taking a gulp of his drink before setting his cup back down on the table. “Out of all the time you spent worrying about being good enough, you never realized how great you actually were.”

  She hung onto his words like they were made of gold. Had he been pulling her leg, she would have known, but at that moment, she knew he was speaking the truth. She had been easily branded a worrier because that’s what she had always been. Worry never settled for less than what she had to offer. She worried all of the time about everything—including things that didn’t matter—for instance, the Colin Davis she had known in college.

  “To be honest, I wasn’t all I proved to be,” she said, hesitating before saying, “I failed miserably at finding the right words. I wasn’t much for writing, or even talking, when I first started college.”

  When she noticed that his attention was completely in tune with every word she said, she continued, “My mother meant well; wanting me to go through journalism. She wanted me to land a successful career that would be stable, and carry me throughout life.”

  “But what she didn’t notice,” he said, tapping a thumb against his lid as he held onto his cup. “Is that she pushed you away from here.”

  Shocked by the words he said, she sat in awe as she mulled over what she heard. His observation had been spot on, as he hit the nail on the head. She really did believe her mother had meant well—meaning for her to go to college for journalism and land a successful career—but her mother had also pushed her too far away from her own dreams. She couldn’t say that she despised her mother for this, but she did hate the fact that she never stood up for herself or chased after the dreams worth chasing.

  “You’re right,” she said, nodding in agreement with every word he had just said. “She made it almost impossible for me to do anything for myself.”

  Startled by a warm touch, she looked down and realized he had placed his hand on top of hers. Her stomach flip-flopped as her eyes focused on his. Telling herself not to be overthinking this, she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. He was only being nice. This didn’t mean anything more than a friendly offer of support.

  “Janelle,” he said, his eyes dark blue as they focused on her. “I want to help make your dreams come true.”

  ***

  She would’ve had a heart attack if it hadn’t been for Kelsie following her as she sprinted into the office. She had given him ample warning that she needed to take a minute to regain composure, right before she left him sitting alone at their table.

  “What in the heck is going on?” Kelsie asked, glaring at Janelle with her arms crossed in front of her, as she leaned against the closed office door. “What’s this all about?”

  Bending at the waist in an effort to take control of her breathing—a failed attempt to catch her breath. She had not been prepared to have him touch her. The strange rush of feelings that overwhelmed her had caught her off guard as much as his hand on hers had. There was no simple explanation for how she felt right now. Colin Davis had been her enemy—nothing but an arrogant asshole all through college. And now, he was something completely different and she had no way of comprehending this situation.

  “What happened?” Kelsie asked, pleading for Janelle to say something.

  “He... he...” She was trying hard to get the words out, between dramatic attempts to catch her breath. Had she known she’d have an anxiety attack, she never would’ve allowed that conversation to happen.

  Kelsie’s stance at the door, along with her expression of impatience, warned Janelle to tell her what had happened to cause this overly exaggerated reaction.

  “We were just talking and he...” Janelle began, but hesitated before she explained anything else. “He put his hand on top of mine.”

  Kelsie lost it in laughter. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

  Janelle straightened herself and leaned against the desk. Her overreacting to his touch was one thing, but Kelsie’s reaction was another.

  “You’re freaking out like some school girl because he held your hand?!” Kelsie whispered. “You’re twenty-eight years old, and you’re acting like a teenager, for the love of God!”

  “Shh, not so loud!” Janelle said, holding a finger to her lips, as she peeked through the crack in the door to make sure he hadn’t heard the commotion coming from the office. He had gone back to typing on his laptop like nothing had happened. Janelle turned the knob and gently shut the door without making a sound. She turned to Kelsie and said, “Do you know what this means?”

  Kelsie nodded her head and smirked. “I have an idea.”

  “I can no longer hate him. I can no longer dream of his untimely death, or wish that he’d vanish from the face of this earth.”

  Kelsie’s eyes widened in shock at the words that had come from Janelle’s mouth. “That’s kind of harsh, don’t ya think?”

  Pushing away from the desk, Janelle stood with her arms folded in front of her.

  “You really wished that stuff on him?” Kelsie asked, with disbelief across her face.

  Janelle shrugged. “Maybe.”

  “One day you’re going to wish you hadn’t wished that on him,” Kelsie said, giving Janelle a stern look. “And one day, you’ll be telling me I was right about him.”

  “We’ll see,” Janelle called out over her shoulder, as she opened the door and made her way back to Colin’s table.

  “I didn’t mean to give you a panic attack, Janelle,” he said, when she sat down across from him.

  Sheepishly trying to avoid embarrassment, Janelle shrugged it off. “Anyways...”

  Closing his laptop and tucking it securely into the case
, Colin mimicked, “Anyways...”

  She could feel the heat as it crept its way into her cheeks. She tried to hide her face by leaning forward with her face resting in her hands.

  Clearing his throat and smiling, Colin kept his gaze on her as he zipped his case. “My offer still stands,” he said, standing up before he shoved his folder and notes into a side pocket of his laptop case.

  Still unsure of how, exactly, he was planning to help her, she kept silent as he stood by the table waiting for her to say something.

  Clasping his hands before grabbing his case, he said, “Well, I suppose I’d better get going.”

  “Okay,” she said—all she could manage to say as her thoughts raced.

  “Okay,” he said with a smile. He turned to leave, but hesitated, before turning back toward her and said, “I know how much you want to have your own bakery. Maybe tomorrow we can discuss how to make that happen?”

  Without much else to say, she returned his smile and said, “Okay.”

  Chapter Nine

  No sooner than she stepped foot into the house, than her mother had her phone ringing. Janelle pulled it from her pocket and answered, “Hello.”

  “Janelle, how’d today go?”

  The thought of Colin and the conversation they had crossed her mind before she said, “Today was a good day.”

  “That’s good to hear,” her mother said, a bit too chipper. “Say, were you able to talk to Kelsie about what we had talked about?”

  As much as she dreaded telling her mother the truth, she had to be honest, no matter how upset her mother would get. “No, I haven’t.”

  At the sound of her mother’s loud, overly exaggerated sigh, Janelle said, “We were extremely busy today.”

  “Well, that’s good,” her mother said, sounding annoyed with Janelle. “Did you have a chance to replace the vase you broke?”