by Deb Kastner
As if on cue, the baby made an enormous pterodactyl scream from the playpen, startling Nate and setting his hair on end. He dashed to the playpen and scooped Gracie into his arms.
Gracie was hot to the touch. He didn’t need the thermometer to tell she was burning up with fever. Panic immediately coursed through him, stinging his limbs like an explosion of white-hot nails in an IED.
Snatching the thermometer from the tabletop, Nate rushed to the rocker and took a seat. He attempted to mimic what Jess had done, placing the tip of the thermometer under the baby’s arm, but it was a lot more difficult than it looked, even if Gracie wasn’t fighting him the way she had with Jess. She wasn’t fighting him, but was staring up at him with her big brown eyes as if pleading with him to make her all better.
He didn’t know how.
She was frighteningly lethargic.
He checked the thermometer, and another surge of panic coursed through him.
Gracie was running a fever of one hundred and four degrees.
The sound of her cell phone ringing startled Jessica from her sleep. She groaned loudly. She’d nodded off in her easy chair and now her shoulders were stiff and she had a kink in her neck.
Stretching her head from side to side to work loose her muscles, she reached for her purse, which she’d haphazardly tossed on the coffee table earlier. Groggily she dug for the still-pealing phone.
“Hello?” she said, her voice still a little slurred as she wiped the sleep from her eyes with the palms of her hands.
It wasn’t surprising that she’d fallen into a deep, dreamless slumber—ever since she was a child, sleep had been her defense mechanism against stress. Her mind and body simply shut down, giving her the rest needed to face her trials afresh.
“Jess?” The one word was laced with so much fear and alarm that Jessica was instantly alert.
“Nate? What’s wrong?”
“It’s Gracie.” Nate’s anxious, labored breathing set Jessica right on edge, and she gripped the phone more tightly within her grasp. “She spiked a high fever. I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh, no!” Jessica inhaled sharply, her whole heart and soul immediately appealing to the Heavenly Father to protect the sweet little baby girl. She tried to quell the rising alarm in her head with little success. “How high?”
“One hundred and four degrees. Jess, what should I do?”
“I’m on my way over,” she asserted, trying to keep her voice calm and reassuring despite the way her heart was pounding in her head. Adrenaline coursed sharply through her veins, making her tingly and light-headed.
Whatever promises she had made herself earlier about not seeing Nate or the baby again flew right out the window as if they had never been.
They needed her now.
There was no question that she would be there for them, at whatever cost to her own heart.
She was already reaching for her coat and sliding her feet into her old hiking boots. Her thumb was poised over the phone’s exit button when Nate spoke again, his voice rushed.
“I…I phoned you because…because I didn’t know who else to call,” he stammered.
It occurred to Jessica that the obvious choice would be Vince, who was family. Wouldn’t that have made the most sense? Why hadn’t Nate called him?
But now was not the time for such questions. She rapidly ticked down the list of vital issues, forcing her mind to concentrate on priority.
“Does she have any other symptoms? A sneeze? A cough?”
“She’s pulling on her ear and crying,” Nate choked out. “Does that mean anything?”
“Okay, listen, Nate,” Jessica said, an instinctive sense of God’s strength and peace enveloping her as she took control of the situation. “You need to get her temperature down.”
“How do I do that?” he asked, his voice tight. “I just gave her some more medicine, but it will take some time to see any effect. What else can I do?”
Jessica heard Gracie pealing in distress, and her heart turned over.
“Hush, baby girl,” Nate crooned. “Uncle Nate’s trying to help you, honey. Jess?” he queried uncertainly. “What do I do?”
“Fill the sink with lukewarm water. You need to give her a sponge bath,” Jessica directed. “That’s going to be the fastest and most effective way to bring down her temperature.”
“She’s so tiny.” Nate’s taut voice cracked with emotion.
“And she’s not going to be happy about that bath. It’s hard to be a parent at times like this.”
Jessica realized Nate had referred to himself as Gracie’s godfather, but they both knew he was acting in a much greater capacity. “You have to do what is best for Gracie even if it appears to be hurting her.”
“I’ll do what I have to do,” he vowed solemnly, “as long as she gets better.”
“She will.”
Gracie howled again, her little voice hoarse from screaming.
“I have to go,” Nate said.
“Of course. Gracie needs your full attention, which you can’t give her while you’re still speaking on the phone with me.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “But, Jess?”
“Yes?”
“Hurry.”
His one word sent a shiver down her spine. “I’m heading out the door right now.
“And, Nate?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m praying for you guys.”
She heard the hesitation, and the way Nate quietly cleared his throat. She was on the verge of apologizing when he broke into her thoughts.
“I…” Once again he hesitated. “Well, anyway, thank you. For Gracie, I mean.”
“Don’t give it another thought,” she assured him. “Just get her bathed.”
“I’m already on it,” he promised.
And she was already out the door.
During the whole ten minutes it took her to rush to Nate’s cabin, Jessica petitioned God for Gracie’s health and safety. She more than most knew the singular pain of losing an infant. She would never wish that kind of agony on anyone, most especially the kind of man who would put his own life on hold in order to care for a baby who was not his own flesh and blood.
Jessica prayed for Nate as well, that God would give him comfort and peace. Based on what she knew of Nate, she suspected he was not a Christian.
But hadn’t God reached Jessica through just such a tragedy? She prayed it would not take that kind of pain and anguish for Nate to find God.
She briefly considered phoning Vince to let him know what was happening with baby Gracie, but she hesitated, and with good reason. Nate had made a pretty clear statement when he’d called Jessica and not Vince; and from their earlier conversations, it was clear to Jessica that there were definite issues between the two brothers.
Yet tension or no tension, Vince was Nate’s brother, his family, and Jessica thought he ought to know what was happening with Gracie. She had been acquainted with Vince a good deal longer than Nate, and she had no doubt that Vince would want to be updated.
But in the end, she decided against calling Vince and simply focused on getting to Nate’s cabin as quickly as possible. Whatever the situation was between Nate and his brother, she had to respect his wishes, even if they’d never been spoken aloud.
Even though it was a downhill hike, it felt like forever before she reached Nate’s cabin. Several times she thought she should have driven, but she’d been certain she could arrive at the cabin just as quickly on foot. Walking, she could hike straight there. The road was winding and out of the way.
Finally, she broke through the tree line and spied the cabin in front of her. The front door was open, so she let herself in, not wanting to disturb Gracie on the off chance she was sleeping.
She blinked rapidly as her vision slowly adjusted to the darkness of the cabin after having been out in the bright sunshine. Simultaneously, she took in a number of things.
Gracie was sound asleep in her playpen, her chubby legs curle
d under her. Her arm was wrapped around an enormous, well-worn stuffed orange-and-white-striped fish and her little thumb was tucked in her mouth. Jessica noted with thankfulness that the baby appeared to be resting peacefully, her tiny chest rising and falling in a deep, reassuring rhythm.
Nate was slumped in a wooden chair he’d pulled close to the playpen, his back to the door and his head buried in his hands. Jessica approached him quietly, not wanting to disturb Gracie’s slumber.
He jumped, startled, when Jessica laid her hand on his shoulder. She could feel the tension he was carrying in the knotted muscles of his back.
“Hi,” Jessica whispered. “I got here as quick as I could. How is she?”
“Jess,” Nate groaned as he stood and turned toward her. “Thank you for coming.”
A moment later, he swept her into a hug that knocked the wind from her lungs. He clasped her tightly for a few moments. She felt him shudder deeply a moment before he let her go. Concern, compassion and tenderness flooded through her for this man who’d given up so much to take on the care of baby Gracie.
“It’s going to be okay,” she reassured him when he released her. “She’s going to be okay. It looks like she is sleeping soundly now, and we can take comfort that God is watching over her.”
Jessica wished her words carried more impact, but internally she knew that just because God was in control and, as Jessica had said, was watching over little Gracie, that didn’t necessarily mean everything would be all right—at least from her incomplete, staring-into-the-mirror-darkly, human perspective.
God’s ways, Jessica had painfully learned, were not always man’s ways.
But it didn’t hurt to pray.
Nate’s face crumpled into dozens of harsh lines, but his gold-flecked eyes held hope. Jessica could see how desperately he wanted to believe her words. His short brown hair was tousled and sticking up every which direction, making him look incongruously and heart-wrenchingly vulnerable next to the muscular strength of the sturdy marine.
“In Isaiah there is a beautiful description of Jesus as the Shepherd over His little lambs,” she continued, wanting desperately to comfort Nate. “It goes like this. ‘He shall gather the lambs in His arms and carry them in His bosom,’” she quoted softly.
Nate squeezed his eyes shut and Jessica thought the rough-edged marine might be fighting tears.
“I hope so,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion. “I really hope so.”
Jessica took his hand and led him back to his chair, pushing him gently into his seat before pulling another chair up next to him and seating herself. She reached her arm over the side of the playpen and brushed the backs of her fingers against Gracie’s cheek. The baby’s skin still felt warm, but not alarmingly so. Jessica was almost certain Gracie’s fever was falling.
She sighed in relief. “I think her temperature has gone down some.”
Nate swallowed hard and nodded. A muscle twitched in the corner of his strong jaw. “The poor little thing screamed so hard when I gave her a sponge bath that she wore herself completely out. She fell asleep right afterward. I don’t mind telling you, she had me scared there for a while.”
Jessica struggled for a moment with her own memories, with the sudden way her own baby had been taken from her. Elizabeth had been healthy and happy when Jessica had put her to bed. The next morning she wasn’t breathing.
Just like that.
Jessica struggled to contain her emotions, to pull the painful memories back behind the iron wall of her will so Nate would not be able to see what she was feeling on her face.
This was a different situation. It wasn’t Elizabeth all over again. Babies got fevers. That was just how it was. And it wasn’t necessarily life-threatening. There was no reason for her to panic.
Nate and Gracie needed her strength and support right now, she reminded herself sharply. Breathing deeply, she clenched her hands together and fought for all she was worth.
Nate’s groan interrupted her turmoil thoughts, jarring her back to the present.
“I feel so helpless.” Elbows on his knees, Nate clasped his hands together and leaned his scruffy chin on them. “I just wish there was more I could do,” he admitted roughly.
“There is,” Jessica whispered, reaching for Nate’s hand. When he glanced up at her, a question in his eyes, she smiled softly. “We can pray.”
Nate stared at her for a moment, and then nodded, his jaw tight.
Jessica bowed her head and closed her eyes. “Heavenly Father, we are thankful that Gracie is in Your tender care. Watch over her and keep her safe. Lord, we ask that You restore Gracie to health and give her little body strength to work through this fever.
“And be with Nate, Lord. Give him wisdom and peace. Amen.”
Jessica looked up and caught Nate staring at her, wide-eyed. She wondered if he had prayed along with her, or merely watched her as she prayed. She felt a little self-conscious for a moment, then brushed it off.
What mattered was that she had prayed. And God was good. She prayed once again, silently, this time, that Nate would be able to see the grace of God.
Chapter Five
Instead of the peace for which Jess had petitioned, Nate was filled with an inexplicable sense of unease. Still seated in a hard-backed kitchen chair placed next to the playpen, his muscles clenched and ached.
Stifling a groan, he lifted his arms over his head and stretched from side to side, working the knots and kinks out of his shoulders. He wasn’t the kind of man to just sit around and wait, and every fiber of his being was itching to move.
He’d been sitting still far too long, watching the even rise and fall of baby Gracie’s breath as she slept. She hadn’t budged in a couple of hours. Nate didn’t know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, but he took encouragement from the fact that Jess no longer hovered over the baby.
In fact, to his surprise, Gracie wasn’t the only one sleeping.
Nate’s gaze drifted to the sofa—a two-person love seat, really, as that was all that would fit in the confines of the small cabin—where Jess had curled up and nodded off. Her face had softened during sleep, her arm curled around her neck and a lock of her wavy blond hair lightly brushing her cheek.
His brow furrowed when he noticed her lips turning down, as if she were having a bad dream. In the short time Nate had known her, Jess was nearly always smiling. Her radiant grin was the first thing he’d noticed about her, and it bothered him that somehow she’d lost her peace during sleep.
His fingers tingled with the unfathomable urge to brush that lock of hair off her cheek and smooth the frown from her lips.
Nate had told her it was fine for her to leave, now that the crisis with Gracie appeared to have passed, but Jess wouldn’t hear of it. Her chin, which gave the point to her heart-shaped face, had jutted out stubbornly at the mere suggestion.
She was the sweetest, kindest woman he’d ever had the pleasure to know; yet it occurred to him that he might like her to have his back in a fight. Her strength of character, which Nate thought made her faith so vibrant, was remarkable.
And, at the moment, much appreciated.
Secretly, Nate had been glad of her stubborn insistence that she stay, though he’d never admit it out loud. Gracie might be out of immediate danger, but her temperature had spiked very quickly before. He didn’t want to go through that kind of a scare again.
Ever.
Not alone, at least. With Jess here, circumstances didn’t feel quite so black.
He knew he should be taking the lead from Jess and rest while the baby was sleeping, but try as he might, he couldn’t shut off his brain. Usually he exercised his way to exhaustion, but that was impossible given the circumstances.
What he wouldn’t give for a nice, long, head-clearing run. It sure would beat sitting here over-thinking everything.
But he wasn’t about to leave Gracie’s side, not for the hour or more it would take him to get in a good workout. All the same, he foun
d he could no longer sit quietly with his thoughts. Maybe a breath of the fresh, cold mountain air would calm his heart, if not clear his head.
He stood quietly, smiled down at Gracie for a moment, and then tossed a blanket over Jess’s shoulders. He let himself out the front door, careful not to let the screen door slam on his way out.
With a sigh, he jammed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and took a cleansing breath of the crisp air. He stepped into the darkness, away from the soft stream of light streaming from the front window of his cabin. The gravel crunched under the soles of his sneakers.
Why was he so uneasy? For sure, part of it was Gracie’s illness, but that wasn’t all of what was making his gut clench.
“I love that baby girl,” he said aloud, his breath frosting in the air. “I’d do anything for her.”
Nate scrubbed his fingers into the short ends of his hair as he stopped under the shadow of a pine and looked up at the stars. He’d forgotten how full the night sky appeared here at the lodge.
Whom, he wondered, did he think he was addressing with his rambling thoughts?
God?
That smacked of hypocrisy. He’d never been a praying man.
Not until today, anyway.
Not until Jess had taken his hand and spoken to God so simply and expectantly on his and Gracie’s behalf. She had voiced petitions Nate couldn’t have even begun to put into words.
But he’d been thinking about it, hadn’t he?
Or maybe more accurately, he’d been feeling it. He might not ever have considered praying aloud, but that hadn’t stopped him from hoping there was a God watching down on Gracie in His mercy.
And God had answered. Hadn’t He?
In Nate’s initial rush of panic over Gracie’s high fever, God had sent Jess. Or rather, she’d come when Nate had called her, but from where he was standing, that was the same thing. And now it appeared Gracie was going to be fine.
Maybe she had never been in any real danger, he supposed. Be that as it may—her fever was down, and she looked to be over the worst of it. Thank God.
