by Deb Kastner
Would he ever take a clue from Jess and learn to control himself?
“Sorry,” he apologized hastily. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
Vince’s scowl darkened even further. “I know exactly what you meant. Don’t try to sidestep the issue and take it back now.”
“Look, I said I was sorry,” Nate said again, holding his hands out in a conciliatory manner. “What can I do to make it up to you?”
“Ha!” Vince snorted. “What do you think? You’re about ten years too late asking that question, little brother.”
What, Nate wondered, was that statement supposed to mean?
Ten years ago, Vince hadn’t wanted anything to do with him. He was nothing more than a roadblock to Vince’s ambitions. Because Nate had left, and with his father’s subsequent stroke, Vince got everything he wanted—total control of the lodge.
So what was his problem? If that was, in fact, what he had really wanted.
Nate took a long look at his brother—really looked at him—for the first time since he’d returned home. Though he was only thirty years old, his face was weathered and stress lines were already forming. A lock of hair that fell down over his forehead from underneath the baseball cap was a premature silver.
Was this what Vince wanted? Or had all this been thrust on him because Nate had left?
For the first time, he saw his actions through his brother’s point of view, and he couldn’t help but wonder just how much of Vince’s stress and worry he had caused when he’d run off to join the military.
“I wasn’t thinking of anyone but myself,” he said aloud.
Vince quickly masked his surprise, but not before Nate had glimpsed it.
“I apologize, bro. I never realized until this moment how I completely left you in the lurch when I enlisted,” Nate continued, suddenly yearning to put all his cards on the table. “Because of me, you’ve had the burden of running the lodge single-handedly. Maybe that’s how you wanted it. Maybe not. But I sure shouldn’t have left without telling you I was going.”
There was a tense moment while Vince stared at him, slowly ingesting what he’d just said. The mountain, usually rife with sound—the wind rustling through the trees, the river in the distance rushing over jagged rocks, the birds and wildlife—was suddenly painfully silent.
Nate held his breath and waited.
Finally, Vince shrugged.
“What’s done is done,” he said, sounding lofty and philosophical in his tone. “There’s no sense talking about it.”
Nate swallowed hard, wondering if this might be Vince’s awkward way of showing forgiveness, if it might be the first step in reconciliation between them.
Nate didn’t know, but he could hope. The tension didn’t leave his shoulders as he held out his hand to shake Vince’s.
“I’m glad to be back home,” he said huskily. To his own surprise, he realized he meant it.
Vince eyed Nate’s extended hand for a moment, then raised one eyebrow and spun away, snapping his tape measure against a beam of wood and concentrating on his project as if he and Nate had never spoken at all.
As if Nate wasn’t still standing there, waiting for…something.
Nate dropped his arm, experiencing a wave of defeat that nearly overwhelmed him. His father’s happy reception had given him a false sense of hope. He should have known Vince wouldn’t back down so easily.
If there was a way to get back into Vince’s good graces, Nate didn’t know what it was.
Back in Vince’s good graces?
Ha! Who was he trying to kid?
He’d never been on Vince’s good side, and at the rate he was going now, he never would be.
Maybe it was time to buck up and face the truth. He wasn’t wanted here. Like he’d said to his father, coming home had done more harm than good.
But, knowing Jess was here at Morningway Lodge, a place that represented all that was bad about Nate’s life, could he still consider leaving?
He snorted aloud shook his head.
Not a chance.
His feelings for Jess were simply too strong to ignore, and his brother was just going to have to learn to deal with it, or simply ignore him the way he had done when they were kids.
Because he wasn’t leaving.
Jessica hadn’t bothered fussing with a big dinner for herself. Instead, she’d put a can of tomato soup on the stove and grilled a cheese sandwich, washing it down with a tall glass of milk. Usually she enjoyed cooking, even if it was just for herself, but tonight her heart hadn’t been in it.
Knowing she was going to be an emotional basket case if she held it all in, she allowed herself the luxury of grieving for the past. There were times, she knew, when the best way around an obstacle was through it, and this had been one of those nights.
She’d taken out her baby album and spent the evening with the paradoxically joyful and heartbreaking memories of her daughter, Elizabeth.
No matter what, she promised herself she would not dwell on the events of the past afternoon; but try as she might, Jason’s confused words echoed over and over again in her consciousness.
Such a lovely little family.
She wondered what Nate would have said about his father’s observation if Vince hadn’t shown up when he did, and then decided it didn’t matter.
Okay, so maybe it did matter, but she wasn’t going to think about it.
When she finally drifted off to sleep late in the evening, it wasn’t into her usual stress-induced black void. Rather, her dreams were filled with a handsome marine and his baby girl.
When Jessica awoke the next morning, it was with a joyful heart and a thankful spirit. It was Sunday, and as was her usual habit, she would go to church and worship God, laying all of her burdens down at His feet.
As she suspected, the worship service was just what she’d needed. She returned home with her heart much lighter and her soul refreshed, scrubbed clean and ready for a new week, her focus on God.
Her mind was still humming a praise song as she approached her cabin and exited her SUV, so she did not, at first, notice the note taped to her front door.
When she did, she reached for the ragged piece of paper and tore it off in surprise.
Her name was written in a big, bold script on the back side of an old gas receipt.
Jess—
Gracie and I stopped by your cabin, but you weren’t home. Guessing you’re at church. Anyway, call me or come by when you have a chance.
—Nate
Jessica crumpled the note in her fist and held it close to her heart, trying to steady the sudden upswing in her breathing pattern. There was simply no denying the way her pulse leaped at the knowledge that Nate wanted to see her, nor the way her gut tightened painfully in response.
It was an oddly pleasant form of torture, she mused thoughtfully; and the funny part was, she was doing this to herself.
What did Nate want?
Could it be possible that he was going to tell her he was planning to stay at the lodge? Permanently?
She smiled to herself as she remembered the utter joy and relief apparent on his face after he had reconciled with his father.
Did she dare to hope?
But the past clouded her future. In her mind, she acknowledged that having had one bad relationship with a terrible outcome didn’t necessarily doom her to an entire lifetime of bad relationships; but in her heart, not so much.
The truth was, she accepted silently, she was a total coward.
She was afraid to fall in love again. Because if she opened herself to loving, she would also open herself to losing.
Was that a risk she was willing to take?
Nate had just put Gracie down for the night when Jess knocked on his door. He grinned broadly as he let her in, especially when he saw the plate of delicious, still-warm-from-the-oven chocolate brownies she’d brought along with her.
He was so excited about sharing the new plan he’d worked up that he would ha
ve welcomed a phone call, but it was much better to see Jess’s beautiful face in person.
“I got your note,” she whispered as she entered the cabin and handed Nate the plate of brownies. “Is Gracie asleep?”
“Yes,” he answered in a low voice. “As a matter of fact, I just put her down for the night.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t make it over before she fell asleep. Is she sleeping well for you?”
Nate smiled. “All the way through the night, most nights.”
Jess returned his smile. “See? I told you it would get easier.”
Nate laughed softly. “Well, I don’t know about that, but the two of us are finally starting to get into a routine together, I think.”
Jess peered down into the playpen where Gracie was sleeping, tilting her head to one side as she hesitated, her smile faltering. “You know, I could come back tomorrow. I’d hate it if we accidentally disturbed the baby with our chatter.”
“Oh, no, you don’t,” he said hastily, shifting from one foot to the other. “You’re not getting away from me that easily.”
Her eyes widened, but he didn’t coax the smile from her he had hoped to, with his teasing words, and it made him curious.
The woman acted as if a man had never flirted with her before, and he didn’t believe that for a second. He wondered, not for the first time, how such a beautiful, kind woman had ended up holed away in a mountain retreat, all by herself. Why hadn’t some lucky man before now swept her off her feet?
Well, he thought wryly, their loss was definitely his gain.
And Gracie’s.
If ever there was a woman meant to be a mother, it was Jessica Sabin. He was more appreciative than she would ever know for all the help she’d given him over the past few weeks.
“If you don’t mind, we could go sit out on the front porch,” he suggested, smiling down at the sleeping baby. He was so excited about his new idea that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep his enthusiasm in check if they spoke indoors.
“That sounds lovely,” she answered. “It’s a really nice evening out, compared to how frosty the weather has been lately. Today it almost feels like an Indian summer night.”
Nate slipped into his bomber jacket and then held the screen door for Jess and waited until she’d seated herself on the porch step before sitting down beside her. He left the door open so he could hear if Gracie stirred, but he thought they would be able to talk without bothering the baby.
“So, what’s up?” she asked after they’d sat a moment in silence. “You’ve made some decisions?”
He nodded. “In a way, yes. I’ve been thinking a lot about my future. And Gracie’s.”
She tensed up, which looked to Nate like a shiver. She was right about the night being mild, but she’d only worn a light windbreaker for a jacket. Even in the summertime, the Rocky Mountains could get cold once the sun went down—and this was not summertime.
He put his arm around her shoulders, thinking to keep her warm, and smiled to himself when she shifted, cuddling in under his arm.
“What have you decided?” She didn’t look at him when she spoke, but rather at the shadows of the trees lengthening in the setting sun.
“Nothing permanent, yet.” He followed her gaze, for once enjoying the mountain view. Funny how his perspective changed when Jess was around.
“Oh.” She sounded a little bit taken aback, and Nate wondered why.
What was she thinking? He wished he knew, but he didn’t know how to form the question to ask her about it, so he mentally dropped the subject and continued with his previous train of thought.
“Anyway,” he continued, “I’ve been thinking about my dad.”
“I thought you might be,” she commented, and then sighed. “I’m glad that situation worked out for you as well as it did.”
“Me, too,” he agreed fervently. “I didn’t realize that was going to be such a giant step for me. You have no idea how much it meant to me to be reconciled with Pop.”
“Oh, I think I might,” she disagreed, smiling softly and shyly.
He arched one eyebrow, questioning her without speaking.
She shrugged. “I could see it on your face when you came back from talking to him.”
“That obvious, huh?”
“Oh, yes,” she said with a laugh. “At least, to me, it was. But then I’ve always had a gift for being able to discern what someone is feeling, even when they don’t say anything out loud.”
He squeezed her shoulder. “I believe that. You always seem to know what Gracie needs.”
“Babies are easy.”
“Ha!” Nate burst out with a spontaneous laugh. “Says you.”
She stared at him a moment, her lips pursed. “You’re very good with her, you know.”
“Do you think?”
“I know. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit.”
“Hmm.”
“I also know, based on the expression on your face, not to mention the note you left taped to my door, that you are dying to tell me something. So just go ahead and spit it out, already.”
“Once again, you’ve read my mind,” he teased. He couldn’t wipe the grin from his face if he tried. “I do have something I want to get your opinion on. It’s about my pop.”
Chapter Nine
“I’m always happy to offer my opinion,” Jessica answered in the same teasing tone. “So what’s going on with your father?”
“Well, when I went to visit him, I noticed that he seemed to be cold. The central heating was working just fine, but he was shivering, even though he had a wool blanket covering him. When I asked him about it, he told me he feels like he can never get warm.”
“That’s too bad. He has already suffered through so much with that stroke.”
“I know,” Nate agreed. “I can’t get him out of my mind. I want to do something to help him—to make up for the way I wounded him when I left the lodge and joined the marines.”
“You don’t have to do penance,” Jess said softly. “What’s done is done. And your father already forgave you, you know.”
“Yeah,” Nate said on an exhale. “I know. But I still want to do something for him.”
“What did you have in mind?”
“I want to build him a fireplace. You know, something easy on the eye, made out of stone, maybe, that will help him keep warm. I was thinking he could stoke it up as much as he needs to and have a lot more control over how warm he keeps the room.”
Jess bounded to her feet, spun around and took Nate’s hands in hers. “That’s a wonderful idea!” she exclaimed, obviously sharing his enthusiasm.
And his vision.
He stood and hugged her, enjoying the way his heart soared at her encouragement. He was so grateful for her support.
He thought about what it would be like to have her at his side every day for the rest of his life, and he liked the mental picture he drew. How high could he reach with her love?
“You’ll have to run your idea by Vince, you know. I don’t see how you can get around it.”
Her words popped the bubble of Nate’s daydream like a stick pin.
Telling Jess had been the easy part.
He’d already known he’d have to get Vince’s permission to proceed with his plan. Vince had the final say on every aspect of Morningway Lodge, and what Nate was proposing was a pretty major renovation.
He dropped his arms from Jess’s waist and shrugged, hoping he’d pulled off nonchalance but knowing Jess saw right through his bravado.
“Do you think he’ll go for it?”
To his relief, Jess nodded. “I think he may surprise you.”
Nate snorted. “Highly unlikely. But as you said, I have to speak to him first.”
“What are you going to do with Gracie while you work on the project?”
He chuckled and flashed her a goofy grin. “That’s where you come in, honey.”
She laughed in delight. “I’ll admit I was hoping you
’d say that.”
“I was thinking I’d drop Gracie by the day care on weekdays while I work.”
“We’d be happy to have her,” she said, her tone suddenly businesslike and efficient.
“There’s still an opening, then?”
Jess looked away from him, then chuckled. “For Gracie, I’d make an opening. But in answer to your question, yes, we have an opening available.”
She had a strange look on her face when she spoke, and she still wasn’t looking him in the eye. Nate knew she wasn’t telling the whole story.
“What?” he queried playfully. “What are you not telling me?”
Jess glanced away for a moment, her face reddening under his scrutiny.
“I saved it for you,” she mumbled under her breath, shrugging as if what she said didn’t matter.
“You what?” Nate asked, though he was fairly certain he’d heard her correctly the first time. Still, he wanted to hear her say it again.
“Oh, all right. I’ll ’fess up. You know how I feel about—” she paused as if searching for words, and if it were possible, her face flushed with even more color “—about Gracie.”
Nate cocked an eyebrow, feeling certain that wasn’t what she’d been about to say. She had mentally amended her statement from…?
A slow grin spread over Nate’s face as he inwardly answered his own question. “Go on.”
“I wasn’t sure what your plans were, so I saved Gracie a spot at the day care, just in case.”
His smile widened.
“So sue me, already,” she snapped, looking increasingly flustered.
Sue her? He wanted to kiss her.
With effort, he restrained himself. He didn’t want to scare the lady off, after all. As much as he recognized the strength of his own heart and wanted to propel their relationship into fast-forward, he coaxed himself to stay in check until he knew for certain she returned his feelings.
How he would know that, he hadn’t a clue. He didn’t have much experience in reading women’s emotions; he gave himself a mental tug backward.
