[Paper Stars 01.0] Nora & Kettle

by Lauren Nicolle Taylor

  Other tired faces, tired bodies, take up positions on rocks and boxes around the gate to wait. Sadness fills my heart at the fact that we’re all sort of hoping for something bad to happen to someone else, someone who’s in the same situation as us. But I feel like I need to be in there. I feel like something’s wrong with Kin.

  I’m melting into the box I’m perched on, sinking in like furniture polish. The sun is high over the docks, blaring down on us with full force. It’s almost as if it’s vibrating, making a nasty noise like a wrong organ chord. The wind coming off the land is pushing any cool breeze further away. I mop at the sweat on my face with my sleeve, the smell of bird crap, baked seaweed and dead fish is making me want to leave.

  I think about going back to the beach when the fence rattles and the same guard that offered me gum parts the gate by a few fingers and shakes a bottle of water at us. I jump up, a little younger and sprightlier than some of the others.

  “Thanks, mister,” I say with a genuine smile. He grumbles something unintelligible that may have been, More work moving dead bodies at the end of the day.

  I offer the bottle around. We share the water, germs and all. A drip on the tongue seems to evaporate before it can do anything useful.

  The horn blasts within, marking lunch, and I stroke my throat, jealous of the food they’re eating right now and the sweet, warmish soda they’re drinking. My head hangs between my legs and I wonder if it’s safe to sleep here with five other men watching me and more specifically, the bag I have slung across my shoulders. I close my eyes but stay alert.

  A few minutes later, the fence rattles again and Kin’s voice hits my ears. “Oi! Kettle. Wake up!” I look up to see him waving half a sandwich in the air. “Nice. I’m working my ass off and you’re taking a nap,” he teases. Maybe whatever I thought was wrong was nothing after all.

  I walk up to the fence and he folds the sandwich over, pushing it through the gap into my hand. “Thanks.”

  He shrugs and arches an eyebrow. “You waiting for someone to get thrown out, huh?”

  I don’t admit I’m mostly here because I’m worried about him. “Yeah, well, we need the money.”

  He sinks down to the ground and sits cross-legged, his back perfectly straight as he leans against the fence with one shoulder and looks out toward the sea. “That’s very true,” he says, wiping crumbs from his lips.

  “Hey nip!” a man yells as he walks slowly between two containers, holding something up in his hands. Kin’s back becomes impossibly rigid, and he turns very slowly.

  I whisper his name. I don’t shout out. There’s no point.

  Everything comes together like wooden beads clicking to the end of a thread. One, two, three. The man approaches, and Kin still hasn’t turned all the way around. I don’t want him to, because in the man’s big, hairy hand is a limp mass of tabby cat fur. Tiger Lily swings lifelessly from the man’s clutches, and I can’t help but cover my mouth in shock. Kin’s eyes rise to mine and I shake my head slightly, my eyes stinging. I say without saying it. Don’t turn around. Don’t turn around. What’s coming is only hurt and pain, but there’s nothing I can do to stop this. Or him.

  He finally swings around, stands slowly, hardly making any noise except for a sharp push of air through his nostrils. I stand too, my fingers curling around the wire and gripping it tightly. “Kin, don’t!” I urge, but he’s lost to his anger and grief now.

  It’s so strange to be looking in on this from the outside. As I rattle the fence and yell again for Kin to stop, to think, memories of guarded boundaries twirled with barbed wire swim over my head like a school of fish. The water from their scaled bodies turns to drips of blood falling to the desert floor, rolling together and becoming coated in ochre dust. I shake my head. The here and now wins my attention as I watch Kin storm toward the man.

  I don’t know why it matters, but I want to know why. What happened between them that led to this picture I see, where men spit on the ground and glare at each other with eyes of knives? What led to the murder of an innocent creature? A bait that Kin was always going to take. But I’m not going to get any answers. I can only watch the violence grow like an atomic bomb cloud.

  Kin’s shadow lengthens and his body shrinks as he moves further away. The man stands still, Tiger Lily in one hand, held high over his head, waiting for Kin to come to him. Other men flank him on either side. The idea of a fair fight blows away like dust and leaves.

  I rattle the fence again, this time without words. He’s going to throw everything away. My eyes dart to the guard, hoping he can intervene, but he puts his hands up like he’s surrendering to this group. I do see his fingers wrapping around the gun handle in its holster. I’m hoping he’ll only let it go so far.

  It’s then that I hear a tiny, “meow.”

  Kin freezes in his tracks. She’s still alive. Kin approaches the man more slowly now, his hands outstretched.

  The man shakes Tiger Lily hard, her legs flopping uselessly from side to side. “You want her? Come get her,” he sneers, cruelty shining in his eyes. The hatred is burning so high it’s singeing the clouds.

  Kin’s voice is calm, falsely serene when he says, “Just put her down. She’s done nothing to you, Ernie. Your problem is with me. With my… kind.” The words spin deceptively on his tongue. “The cat’s got nothing to do with it.”

  I cringe just like he does when he says “kind”.

  Ernie smiles, shrugs, and lets his arms fall to his sides, Tiger Lily’s hide still clutched in his brutish fingers. “You’re right; she ain’t got nuthin’ to do with this,” he says as he hurls the poor creature against the steel container behind him. She makes a horrible sound, it’s quick, and then she is nothing more than bones and fur.

  “No!” Kin shouts desperately. His hands outspread but empty for something to catch. For one tiny second, he’s unsure of whether to run to her crumpled body or to Ernie. My prayers go unanswered as he tips his head down and charges at Ernie, who’s braced, ready for the impact.

  Men shout and thump their fists on their knees, whooping and laughing as Kin hits Ernie with his shoulder and sends him flying backward into the container. The sound ripples out across the water.

  The group moves forward, their toes in the ring. They’re ready to step in for their mate as soon as things get dicey. I’m the only one who would help Kin, and I’m stranded on the other side of the fence.

  Ernie is winded for a moment and Kin turns his back to him, checking on Tiger Lily’s motionless form, her limbs stretched as if she were napping in the sunlight. Ernie scrambles up and lumbers toward Kin. I scream, “Turn around!” and then I start to climb.

  Rusted barbed wire, crusted with salt, hovers over my head forebodingly. I look up only once, wanting to keep my eyes on the fight below. Kin hears me and turns just as Ernie, who’s much shorter than Kin but very muscular and barrel-like, punches him in the side. Kin’s body lurches up, curving around that punch like a ‘C’ makes a horrible ‘ugh’ sound like his organs are being shuffled around inside him.

  I climb faster.

  The men close in, chanting Ernie’s name. I hear fleshy thumps and breath being knocked from lungs, but I can no longer see what’s happening. They’ve closed ranks around the pair, and dust and dirt flies up from within the circle as feet scud across the baked asphalt.

  I’m about halfway up when I hear the guard shout out, “That’s enough, boys. Back to work.” He claps his hands once. Some turn around, but most of them continue pumping their arms and shouting obscene things at the scrabbling pair. The guard unclips his pistol and aims it at the sky, firing once. The shouting suddenly stops, and the men turn to the guard. “Do you want to get kicked out or do you want your paycheck at the end of the day? Your choice,” he remarks grimly, the gun still poised near his chin.

  The circle widens. My eyes squint to see Kin, my feet pushed into the small holes of the fence losing their grip. I stretch my neck and look between the gaps in the bodies. I’m w
orried Kin really hurt Ernie. The last thing we need is to be labeled troublemakers and not be allowed back in. The men disperse slowly, and it takes me some time to find him. He’s lying on his arm, knees to his chest, blood covering his mouth and nose. He rolls over to his stomach and stays there, his face kind of pressed into the ground, just like Tiger Lily.

  Ernie walks casually between the containers, shrugging his shoulders as he talks to one of the other workers, who slaps him on the back and congratulates him on winning.

  I shake the fence and scream, “Kin! Get up!”

  He doesn’t move.

  I skid down the wire and go to the gate. The guard comes up to me, eyes indifferent. “Looks like a spot just opened up. You want in?” he asks, his eyes going to the other men, who have suddenly got more life in them and are hopping toward me like vultures.

  I nod vigorously. “Will you let me check on my friend?” I ask.

  The guard sighs. “You’ll do better than that. You need to carry him out of here. One for one.”

  He unlocks the padlock and lets me inside. I squeeze through the tiny gap and sprint toward Kin, whose chest is rising and falling to my relief.

  When I pull up to his knocked-around body, I’m surprised how angry I am with him. My foot is fighting against the urge to kick him in the ribs.

  I kneel down and roll him over so I can see his face. “What the hell, Kin? What’s wrong with you? Why would you do that?” I say angrily.

  He squints up at me, blood covering one eye. “She’s dead… isn’t she?” he asks with hope in his voice.

  “She’s gone,” I answer, my eyes briefly moving over the animal that’s lying against the red container.

  He pulls himself up with effort, grimacing when he has to bend his back to get to sitting. “Stupid cat,” he says. If he’s crying, I wouldn’t be able to tell, his whole face is plastered with blood and dirt. I help him to his feet. He only glances Tiger Lily’s way once, but I can tell it’s painful for him. He shudders as we walk-stumble toward the gate.

  Kin’s weight is difficult to carry on my own, and he’s hardly helping me. One leg seems to be dragging woodenly behind him. “Are you all right?” I whisper into his ear, talking through my teeth.

  “Fine,” he huffs. “Just sore. Shouldn’t have let him win.”

  I roll my eyes.

  The guard gives us a sympathetic look when we reach him. “Look, boys, I’m sorry that happened but you know, with the way you look, particularly, this one,” he points at Kin, “well, you can understand why they’d want to punch you.”

  Kin’s chin juts out as he says, “I’m a Nisei. I was born here. My parents were born here. I’m an American citizen. Same as you.”

  The guard turns to me like Kin didn’t even speak or maybe he’s expecting a similar declaration from me. He won’t get one. I’m not a Nisei. I don’t know what I am. I suspect I am nothing.

  The guard’s brown eyes are wide, his dark skin is not from too much time in the sun, but he is different to us. “You staying on, kid? I’ll see you get a full day’s pay. You can collect your friend’s wages for the work he did this morning.” This is the guard’s concession. He’s giving us more than most.

  I grip the gate with one hand, trying to support Kin’s leaning weight. “Err, I dunno,” I say, looking to Kin for answers.

  “Go,” Kin says. “We need the money.”

  “You sure?” I ask, very unsure myself.

  Kin straightens poorly. “I’ll be fine. Just put me on that rock over there and I’ll wait for you. It’s only a few more hours.”

  The need for money presses down, and I let Kin assure me. I force myself to believe him. “Okay.” I nod.

  I drag him to a rock and lean him against it and the guard lets me back into the yard, despite the other men elbowing me out of the way. “Don’t go anywhere,” I warn through the fence.

  Kin laughs, holding his hands up. “Where am I going to go?”

  I leave him, leaning against a sand-colored, sharp-angled rock. He gives me a twisted smile through bruised lips.

  He’ll be fine, I tell myself.

  26

  Men

  KETTLE

  It’s difficult, but I manage to avoid the men when I return to the workstation. I keep my head down and do what is asked of me. They knock shoulders at the table, ticking their boxes and accepting their next tasks. If they brag, I close my ears to it. Nothing can be gained by starting another fight. I’m not proud like Kin. I’ve learned through the bars of a cot to the bars of a prison that pride gets you killed.

  I swing down from my next container and land steadily on my feet. The five-minute break bell rings and cigarette smoke instantly blooms from the open shed where everyone tends to gather. I make sure no one’s watching and sneak back to the front of the yard.

  In the shadow of a red container, Tiger Lily lies flat and bony. Her eyes are closed at least. I let out a deep sigh, glancing over to where Kin sits with his arms folded, chin on chest. He doesn’t look up when I quickly creep up to her, scoop the feathery body up, and slink through the shadows to the skeleton of the warship that never got built.

  The water laps at sludgy gray sand as I tiptoe across the ribs of a rotted jetty with Tiger Lily hanging limp from one hand. I try not to be disgusted by her body. She still feels warm but is most definitely dead. There is no beat inside her chest. I jump from the jetty onto the small beach and lay her down beside me, digging a shallow grave with my hands. I know it’ll get washed away, but it’s the best I can do.

  I don’t know what to say so I don’t say anything. Placing her gently in the hole, I cover her with lumps of wet sand until she’s hidden. I don’t cry. I don’t really do that anymore. I don’t have the attachment Kin had to her. In all honesty, I found her to be an annoying inconvenience and thought Kin wasted his food on her. But I am sorry this happened. I shake my head as I stand, the water smoothing over her grave like it was never there. No one or thing deserves to die like that. The kind of cruelty Ernie showed today scares me, reminds me and warns me not to forget what men are capable of. And not even bad men. Just ordinary men.

  The bell sounds again and I run back to the dock to finish my shift.

  I wipe the sweat from my brow with the last clean thing I own, a small, square handkerchief. Looking down at the grease-smudged rag, I ache for a clean one. I need to go home. The men around me are similarly sledgehammered, dragging their feet over the hot asphalt, wheezing and coughing.

  I pat the cash in my pocket. It was worth it to finish out the day. Shoulder to shoulder, we all drag our sorry bodies to the entrance, the dark clouds overhead keeping the heat in like a plastic bag has been shoved over the city, but it also promises a summer storm. Looking up at the blackened buildings, I think the whole damn city could use a rinse.

  The gate opens, and we pour through. Most men continue up the road to the subway. I hold my breath as Ernie and his friends walk through. He sniffs and rubs his nose as he passes Kin but doesn’t try anything. When everyone’s cleared out, I crouch down to my sleeping friend and nudge him awake. He doesn’t react and I shake his arm, his head bobbing around stiffly. He snorts and suddenly, his eyes open. “Shit! You scared me,” he shouts, hands going to his face.

  I let out my anxiousness with a weird laugh. “Geez. You scared me too.” I offer my shoulder and help him to stand. He grips into my skin quite strongly and heaves himself up, leaning into me with almost all his weight. I grunt with exertion.

  “Sorry man, my leg’s gone to sleep or something.” He jerks the offending leg around, jiggling it to wake it up. After a few stretches, he places his weight on both feet and manages to stand. We walk toward the station slowly, dark clouds pulling together over our heads.

  By the time we get to the subway stairs, fat blobs of rain have started to plop on the sidewalk. Kin leans against the handrail for a moment, letting the rain cool and cleanse his red face.

  “Pool’s lucky manhole,” he says in
a confused tone.

  I freeze next to him. “What?” My hand curls around the handrail and squeezes until my knuckles turn yellow.

  He shakes his head slowly, and his eyes roll around lazily. “Pool’s… I mean… rain’s, rain’s refreshing.” He smiles unconvincingly and then frowns.

  I pat his back. “Are you okay? That was pretty weird, Kin.” My voice is shaky, and I’m not doing a very good job of hiding my fear.

  His eyes clear, and he grins. “I think I’m just tired, Kettle. Stop worrying.” But there’s something in his expression that tells me he’s worried too. “Let’s just get home.”

  I offer him my shoulder again but he waves me off, determined to prove he’s fine as he limps down the stairs. He grunts and groans at every step until he gets down to the platform. Thankfully, a train pulls up straight away and we’re able to walk right on.

  Kin finds a seat and collapses into it, sighing loudly. I sit next him, clasp my hands together, and fumble with my fingers nervously. The air is humid, electric, like it knows something’s up.

  It’s past seven by the time we pull up to our stop. Kin snores next to me. The only other person in the car has moved further and further away from us as Kin’s behavior became weirder. He has shouted out, “fishing pole,” “razor,” and “cheese doodles,” so far.

  I rattle him when the car stops. He wakes drowsily, glances at me, and wobbles in his seat. “C’mon Kin, we have to get up or we’ll miss our stop.”

  He pushes himself out of his seat, lurches toward the door, and nearly falls onto the platform. I catch his arm, and we both stumble out the doors as they try to close on us.

  I drag him from the platform, each step heavier as we rise up and then back down toward our tunnel. People stare. He shouts, “Cave, land ho!” really loudly. The stares change to morbid fascination, and people part like the holy sea as we struggle down the last incline. It proves to be too difficult. I can’t support him any longer as he has become heavier and heavier in my arms. We skid and tumble down. Kin’s motion forces us both to one side of the tunnel where he juts his arms out, touches the stones, and then drags down to the floor. I crash down with him, quickly pulling myself up to kneeling. Kin curls into a ball on his side. He looks up at me and says, “I’m coming to dinner in five minutes.” And then his eyes roll back, his face goes slack, and he’s unconscious.