When the Music Ends (The Winter Rose Chronicles)

by Simone Beaudelaire

  Sean looked down at his beloved. Her beauty was so arousing. But there was something wrong. She should be getting rounder. She was almost ten weeks pregnant after all, but instead she looked thinner than ever. Each rib was visible, even in the darkness of the room, and her hip bones stood out in sharp relief. The strain of her own problems and his family’s must be too much for her to bear. He would have to help her get back into balance. It wasn’t good for her or the baby to be so malnourished. But there was nothing to be done about it tonight, and the desire was volcanic between them.

  He quickly shucked his shorts and knelt between her thighs, leaning over her to caress and fondle her nipples. Her breath caught. They were very sensitive, and responded eagerly to his gentle touches. He leaned down to kiss and suckle first one straining peak and then the other before kissing his way down her belly, down, lower and lower until his mouth was on her intimate flesh. He parted those lips with his tongue and began to tease her clitoris with it.

  Erin had to concentrate very hard on her breathing, keeping it silent as Sean went down on her. It was one of the most intense sensations she had ever experienced, and it just kept building higher, especially when he slid two fingers inside her. A soft sound escaped, and she brought her hand to her mouth, biting her knuckle in an attempt not to scream as she neared orgasm. One more firm lick sent her over the edge. She panted but didn’t wail as pleasure rocked her. Before the spasms had died away, Sean’s fingers withdrew and were quickly replaced with his sex. She was drenched and ready for him, her body relaxed as her orgasm faded, and he plunged deep, fast, sealing his mouth over hers to prevent her making a sound.

  Even though they had made love so often over the last couple of months, Sean was still a little too big for Erin, and normally entered her very slowly, but tonight there was no time. He needed her, and he took what he needed, hard and fast, driving recklessly into her.

  If it hadn’t been for his mouth on hers, Erin would have awakened the whole house. Sean’s powerful thrusting had hurt a little at first, but now that she was open, it was amazing. She had never felt so full before, not just in her body, which was stretched to its limit, but in her heart as well. She had never been well loved until Sean, and her adoration of this man was limitless. She had no doubt that despite his talk of marriage, their relationship would end someday. She simply wasn’t interesting enough to keep him forever, but she would have him now, tonight, and in the future she would have this child, this little piece of him that was hers forever, and it was enough.

  The flames of Erin’s desire increased, burning her up, bringing her to another hard wild climax that bowed her body. Her back arched, pressing Sean even deeper inside her and he growled softly against her lips as he let go, let his own pleasure reach its peak.

  It took many minutes for them to calm down from loving so intense. Finally the pounding of their hearts quieted, and their breathing returned to normal.

  "Did I hurt you?" Sean whispered in Erin’s ear.

  "No. It was amazing. Do you have to leave right away?"

  "I would love to hold you all night, but that really isn’t the way I want to tell them about us."

  "I know."

  "I’ll stay until you’re sleeping, okay, baby?"

  "That would be great."

  They cuddled together. At last Erin was able to relax enough to let sleep claim her.

  ******

  On the far side of the wall, Sheridan was also awake. She had heard every soft sound and knew exactly what it meant. Despite her own convictions, she didn’t begrudge her brother and best friend their pleasure. It sounded…interesting, wild and sweet, and very comforting. She didn’t know if she would ever heal enough to want to sleep with a man, but Sean and Erin gave her hope that someday that might change.

  ***Chapter 10***

  Erin woke late the next morning, and was a little bemused to discover that she was nude under the covers. Both she and Sean were a little forgetful in their passion. She quickly pulled her pajamas back on and headed to the bathroom. She was a little uncomfortable this morning, and there was a twinge in her belly. That had been some really wild loving the previous night. She grinned. It wasn’t bad having sex so powerful you could still feel it the next day.

  She really needed to pee though, which was normal these days, but something felt kind of strange. She was wet. Of course, it was not surprising. There was no reason to waste time with condoms since she was already pregnant. It must just be Sean’s semen running down her thigh. She lowered her pants and glanced down. A red streak was already halfway to her knee.

  She sat down quickly on the toilet, not wanting to get blood on the floor.

  "Sean!" she called, not knowing if he was nearby.

  There was a knock on the door.

  "Erin, are you all right?" It was Sheridan.

  "Get Sean, please, Danny."

  "Okay."

  A moment later Sean was outside the door.

  "Erin, what’s going on?"

  "I’m bleeding."

  He entered the room, dismayed at the blood she had already passed into the toilet.

  "What’s happening?"

  "I don’t know. I need to call the clinic emergency line. Please get me my purse and the cordless phone."

  He was back in a moment and Erin quickly fished out a business card and dialed the call center. She explained her situation and was transferred to the labor and delivery desk at the hospital.

  "Hello? What can I do for you?"

  "I’m about ten weeks pregnant. This morning, I started bleeding."

  "How bad is it?"

  "Like a heavy period."

  "Do you have cramping too?"

  "Yes. It hurts pretty badly."

  "Okay, it sounds like you’re having a miscarriage."

  "Oh God. What do I do?"

  "There’s nothing to do really. Just wait it out. It shouldn’t take long. I know it’s scary, but this isn’t an emergency. There’s no reason for you to come to the hospital for it. Are you alone?"

  "No. My boyfriend is here, and a friend also."

  "That’s good. Okay, basically, just go with it unless you start bleeding really heavily, like more than one maxi pad’s worth every half hour, or if you feel faint. Then have someone drive you over here quick, but that probably won’t happen."

  "Did I cause this? We had sex last night."

  "No you didn’t. Sex during pregnancy is safe. This was going to happen anyway."

  "Are you sure?"

  "Yes. Listen, once it’s over, you need to bring in…whatever you deliver to the hospital delivery room. We need to examine it and make sure nothing was left behind because that can cause infection. And you’ll need to have a couple of blood tests to be sure your hormones return to normal."

  "Okay." Erin hung up.

  Sean was still there, looking worried.

  "What is it, baby?"

  Erin sniffled. "I’m miscarrying. There’s nothing they can do. They said just to wait it out here."

  "Really?"

  "Yeah. I can’t believe it."

  Sean took Erin’s hand and held it. Sheridan stood nearby trying to support her friend with her presence. It really didn’t take that long. About an hour later, there was a popping sensation and a gush of fluid, and she began to feel a strong pressure. Erin pushed a little and delivered into her hands a mass of bloody tissue. She looked at it for a moment before turning it over. She gave a sharp cry of disbelief as the movement revealed a tiny, mostly formed human, about the size of Sean’s thumb. It had a head and body, eyes, and arms and legs with hands and feet. The fingers and toes were already recognizable. It was very still.

  Erin bit her lip at the sight of her baby. It was so perfect. Why did it have to be dead? A tear slid down her cheek.

  "Is that what I have inside me too?" Sheridan breathed, "Okay, I know what I have to do now."

  She fled to her room and shut the door.

  Sean had been silent. She looked at h
im. He was very upset.

  "Did I do this? I was so rough with you last night."

  "No Sean, you didn’t. I asked, and the nurse said it was going to happen anyway. Us having sex right before was a coincidence. We need to take…this to the hospital to be sure it’s intact, okay?"

  "How? You’re still bleeding."

  "I know. Can you please get me some clothes?"

  He did, and she reluctantly handed him the baby, with its unpleasant mass of placenta, so she could dress quickly. Thankfully there was a good supply of maxi pads under the sink. Sean stared at his dead child as Erin pulled on her jeans and sweater. It was really hard to take in. They had both made peace with this pregnancy and what it meant, and now it was over. There would be no baby for them, not now, and while that would make the rest of the year easier, it was still a terrible loss, and they grieved it.

  At the hospital, a very kind nurse looked Erin over. Her bleeding was already slowing. The miscarriage was complete, with no tissue left behind. Erin would have to have two blood tests, about a week apart, but there was no reason to suspect that there would be any problems.

  "You know," the nurse told the young couple gently, "this is probably for the best, especially for you Erin. You’re too young to deal with this. Please be more careful in the future. You’re not ready to be a parent."

  "Can I get on the pill?" she asked the nurse.

  "You can’t yet. If everything is fine after your second blood test in two weeks, then you can. I don’t suppose I have to tell you not to have sex again before the bleeding stops?"

  "Of course not." Sean told her, "I wouldn’t even ask it of her."

  He drove her home in silence. As they climbed up the stairs, Sheridan peeked her head out of her room, and then quickly withdrew it, shutting the door again. Erin was still hurting pretty badly and wanted to lie down, so Sean tucked her into his bed and lay down beside her, holding her. It didn’t take long for her to break down and she cried quietly for a very long time.

  Finally the tears passed. Erin sniffled a little. "My God, this must be the worst senior year in the history of high school."

  "I know. The nurse was right though. This really is for the best. You can go to college where you want now."

  "I don’t care about that. I want my baby back."

  "Later, when you’re finished with your degree, Erin. If you still want a baby then, I promise to give you one, okay?"

  She didn’t answer. That was a long time from now.

  By midafternoon, Erin decided to stop feeling sorry for herself. There was still a lot going on, and she needed to act normal. Besides, the Murphys would probably be home soon and she really didn’t want them to find her in bed with Sean. They had been through enough. She dreaded their return because it meant he wouldn’t be able to hold her, and that thought brought fresh tears to her eyes.

  She showered and then made a quick sandwich out of the leftover turkey and ate it, which made her feel a little better.

  Roger and Ellen returned to the house about an hour after that, quickly carrying bags into their bedroom to hide them. At that point Sheridan emerged. Her eyes were red, but her face was composed. She asked everyone to join her in the family room.

  "I know what I need to do," she announced, "and I hope to have everyone’s support. I’m going to have this baby, but I’m not going to keep it. This is no situation for a child to grow up in. I’m going to find a family to adopt my baby. It’s the right thing to do."

  "Are you sure that’s what you want, Danny?" Erin asked.

  Sheridan gave her a long speaking look. She fell silent.

  "Of course, dear. I agree that’s probably best," Ellen said, "and we do support you."

  Roger nodded.

  ***Chapter 11***

  Sheridan, being the serious and studious girl that she was, immediately applied herself to finding an adoptive family for her baby. She put as much effort into that as she did her studies.

  She kind of isolated herself for a while, which was actually a relief for Erin as she healed from her miscarriage. The all-state audition was very soon, and she needed to practice. The Murphys were incredibly patient with the sounds of oboe music coming from the upstairs bedroom by the hour. Her own parents would have been howling by now.

  Then one Saturday, about three weeks later, she got up early and drove to the high school to catch a bus for her final attempt to make the all state band. The audition music was hard and very vigorous, but she had it mastered, and was as confident as could be expected under the circumstances. She was also much better, physically. Her bleeding had stopped finally, and the second blood test showed her hormone levels back to normal. The community health clinic had issued her a prescription for birth control pills as well, and she had informed her hosts that she had a date after the audition and wouldn’t be home until curfew. She had also received some very interesting mail in the last week, and wanted to share it with Sean. Even if she blew the audition, this still had the makings of a very good night.

  ******

  That afternoon, Sean was tidying up his apartment while he waited for Erin. She was supposed to arrive soon, and it wouldn’t do to look like too much of a slob for her. As he tossed empty beer cans from the sturdy, serviceable coffee table into the trash, added an empty pizza box, and swept the chilly white tile floor, he wondered how she was healing. There was a soft sound as Erin’s key turned in the lock of his apartment door, and she was there, her lovely face glowing. She looked happier than he had seen her since homecoming night, when they were in bed together.

  He gathered her into his arms.

  "Hey beautiful baby," he said, pressing a soft kiss on her upturned mouth, "how did the audition go?"

  "It went fine." Her tone was cool, neutral, and he wondered what that meant.

  "Did you get in?"

  She lingered a moment, savoring the anticipation. "Yes. I made first chair!"

  She had explained to him before about chairs in musical groups. The lower the number, the better. His precious Erin had just been voted the best high school oboe player in the entire state. It was a tremendous honor.

  "Congratulations, Erin. You deserve it."

  She was smiling hugely. "There’s more, too. Can we sit down for a minute?"

  "Sure." They walked to the sofa hand in hand and sat. Erin leaned on Sean’s chest and he cuddled her close.

  "So what’s up?"

  "I got some interesting mail yesterday. First, I got a letter from that school in Texas. I was accepted! It’s a really big deal, you know."

  "So you’re going then?" That thought was like a knife in his gut.

  "Hold on, I’m not finished. I did a little research and found out something I hadn’t realized. That conservatory is crazy expensive. They offered me a scholarship, but a pretty small one. Everyone there is that good. To attend would cost me thirty thousand dollars…a year. I could buy a small house for the cost of that four years of tuition. Sean, there’s no way I want to go into that kind of debt. Classical musicians don’t get paid that well. I would be making payments until I die. I’m honored to be accepted, but I’m not going to Texas. That’s where the other letter I got comes in. I was accepted to state months ago. But they just informed me that they’re giving me a free ride. Think about it, Sean. College I don’t have to pay a cent for. They’re covering tuition, housing, even books, just so long as I pursue a double reed performance major there and keep my grades up. There’s no way I can turn that down. I’m going to state."

  He relaxed, relieved she would be staying close. "That’s great, baby. I’m glad your answer was so clear. I wanted you to go to Texas, because it would be good for you, but I’m not sorry you’ll be nearby." Conflicting thoughts crowded his mind and one burst out before he had time to reflect on it. "Erin, do you still want us to…stay together while you’re in college?"

  Her mouth dropped open at the unexpected question. "Yes, don’t you?"

  "Of course."

  "Wh
y are you asking this?" There was a hint of desperation in her voice. "I thought we were forever."

  "That was my intention, my desire."

  "Was?" He could see she didn’t like the sound of that at all.

  "Is, Erin. Calm down. It is my intention. I just had to be sure you still…wanted this, now that there isn’t going to be a baby, and you’re going away to school, and all."

  "Sean, I love you. I plan to spend as much time with you as possible, even though I won’t be living here anymore. Once I finish that degree, I’m coming right back here to you, if you’ll still have me."

  "What will you do here?"

  "Play in the symphony and teach oboe and maybe bassoon lessons."

  "What about your career?"

  "That is my career. That’s what I want."

  "I pictured you in some high powered program, maybe in New York or L.A., traveling, making recordings, all that stuff."

  "No, I never needed to be famous. I just want to play my instrument. And be with you, of course. That sounds like a perfect life to me."

  Sean didn’t argue with her that such small dreams were a waste of her considerable talent. After the miscarriage, he had done some serious thinking. His father had told him not to let her give up her life for romance, and these achievements only confirmed it. She was the best, a truly high caliber musician. He loved Erin too much to hold her back forever. She needed to live her dreams in a big way, and he would not stand in the way of that. She didn’t realize she needed it yet, but would discover that later, when her accomplishments started piling up. And when that time came, he would try very hard to let her go graciously. It was what she needed to do, and he loved her too much to keep her in this small town with so few opportunities. He had been blessed to have known Erin, loved and held her, for this short time, and he would make the most of every moment. But eventually she would leave, and he would not try to make her stay.