Casting Down Imaginations

by LaShanda Michelle

  I felt bad. He was probably more familiar with girls like Christy from the gym giving him whatever it was that he wanted. Here I was, teasing him by letting him take me out on dates, knowing fully well that when it came down to it I wasn’t going to do anything sexual. Not because I didn’t want to, because I did. I really did. But I couldn’t expect Terrance to be like me just because I changed.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologized.

  He stood to his feet and took a deep breath. “No need for you to apologize. If that’s how you feel, then that’s how you feel. It’s that God thing, right?”

  I nodded.

  “That’s cool. I mean, you gotta do what you gotta do, right?”

  I watched him as he went into the kitchen and got a glass from the cabinet.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “Getting a glass of water. I gotta… cool off.”

  I watched him as he poured the glass and then drank the water slowly. He was fine. Too fine.

  “I think it may be better for you to go back to your room,” I told him. “Downtown.”

  He looked at me as if I were crazy. “What? We can’t have sex so I gotta leave?”

  I nodded.

  “What? You think I might do something to you? Come on now, girl. You ought to know me better than that. I ain’t gon’ take nothin’ from you.”

  I decided to be perfectly honest with him.

  “I’m asking you to leave before I do something that I might regret in the morning.”

  His right eyebrow went up. He understood that everything he was feeling toward me, I was feeling toward him also.

  “I think you better go,” I said.

  He made sure he had his keys, then blew me a kiss and left the room.

  I sprawled out across the couch, relieved that I was able to maintain my celibacy for one more day.

  seventeen

  Anaya

  “Come on baby, please answer the phone,” I begged under my breath as I listened for Reese to answer. It’d been two weeks since we had sex and I still hadn’t talked to him. I was starting to worry. Why wasn’t he returning any of my phone calls? Was he okay?

  “Pick up,” I whispered. “Please pick up.”

  “Hello?” a female voice answered.

  What the hell?

  “Who is this?” I demanded, wanting to know what slut had the nerve to answer my man’s phone.

  “Who is this?” she answered back, obviously just as offended as I was. I didn’t care. I was ready for her to say something smart. It’d been a while since I beat a chick down, and I was already ready to fight.

  “Don’t be asking me who I am. Who the hell are you, and where is Reese?”

  “No,” she corrected me. “You don’t ask me who I am. I ask the questions. Now who the hell are you?”

  “Look, skank! I don’t have time to play with you. Where is Reese?”

  She hung up.

  I was so angry that my chest got tight. Who was this psycho chick and why was she answering my man’s phone?!!

  I redialed his number and she picked up on the first ring.

  “Put my man on the phone!”

  She chuckled. “No, no, Boo Boo, you have it twisted. Reese is my man.”

  “Who is this?”

  “This is Lexi.”

  I laughed. “Lexi? That tired ho from the concert? Please, Reese ain’t with you, honey. He has come back home.”

  She smacked her lips. “Back home? I know this ain’t Anaya. He dropped you as soon as I came in the picture. I thought that night in Dallas would have shown you that. How dense can you be?”

  “Dense? Let me tell you something about dense. Reese was only with you while I was gone. As soon as I came back, he forgot all about you.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Well, if that’s the case then why is he with me right now?”

  “Whatever. You probably just stole his phone.”

  “Wanna bet?”

  Her tone made me second guess myself. Maybe he really was with her.

  “Look, put him on the phone.”

  “Or what? What you gon’ do? You gon’ fight or something?”

  Those were the only words I needed to hear. “Give me the time and place,” I said smoothly.

  “Come to your man’s house,” she said, and hung up the phone again.

  It was on now. It was time to fight.

  **********

  Lexi’s car was the first thing I saw when I pulled up to Reese’s apartment complex. I recognized it from the concert a few weeks ago. The night that she thought she stole my man.

  Ready to cause major drama, I jumped out of my car and marched up to his apartment and pounded on the door.

  “Come out!” I yelled. “Come out! I got something waiting on you out here!”

  As soon as the door opened I had my fists up, ready to make contact with her face. I stopped when I saw it wasn’t her.

  “Where is Reese?” I asked the strange guy who emerged from behind the door.

  “What the hell are you yelling for?” he asked angrily.

  I was so mad that I couldn’t keep still. It was all I could do not to run past him and dare the chicken to stop hiding.

  “Where is Lexi?” I asked. “She here? Tell her to come outside. I got something for her.”

  “Don’t be bringing all that noise over here,” he said, irritated. “She ain’t here.”

  I peeked inside the living room. Reese and Lexi were nowhere to be seen.

  “Who are you?” I asked him, wanting to know what he was doing there all alone. Reese didn’t trust anyone that much to leave them alone with any of his belongings. What was this guy up to?

  “I’m his cousin,” he said. “You Anaya?”

  I nodded, happy that he was familiar with me. That meant that Reese must have been talking about me.

  “You’ve heard of me?” I asked, smiling.

  “Yeah, Lexi was talking about you before they left.”

  That was not the answer that I wanted to hear. “They?”

  “Yeah. Her and Reese went to go grab some tacos.”

  “What did she say about me?” I wanted to know.

  He laughed, his southern accent coming across thick. “She said she was gon’ cut you the next time she see you. Something about you calling Reese phone and wantin’ ‘ta clown. I don’t know.”

  I nodded. “Lil’ girls always talk big game over the phone. Let’s see what she does face to face. When they gon’ be back?”

  “They should be back in a few minutes,” he told me. “But on the real though, if I was you I wouldn’t be here when they get back unless you got a gun or somethin’. She got a switchblade, and I know she know how to use it. That girl crazy.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked him.

  He nodded. “Yeah, man. I know that girl from ‘round the way. Her and her cousins be doing some crazy stuff, man.”

  I told Reese’s cousin to tell my boyfriend to call me when he got back and then returned to my car. I wanted to wait on her just to see if she really was all that Reese’s cousin said she was, but I valued my kidneys too much to gamble with them. Her car was cute, I guess, for a chicken like Lexi anyway. But it was nowhere near as cute as my Eclipse. She already thought she had my man. I couldn’t let her think she could compete with me on the car level, too. Oh no. It needed something.

  I walked over to her car and dug the tip of my biggest key into the paint, leaving a deep groove. It felt great. I did it again and again, each mark sending adrenaline though me. It was almost like getting high, but better. Weed never made me feel this good.

  I finally stopped after I decorated all of the doors and the trunk of the car, as well as the hood. That should teach her not to act up with me.

  I walked to my car feeling cocky and confident. She might be crazy, but if pushed, I could be just as crazy. There was nothing that any female could do to me that I could
n’t do back.

  Once inside my car, I pulled out my phone and dialed Reese’s number. No answer. Pissed, I threw the phone in the passenger seat and drove away. She was obviously with him. Maybe keying her car wasn’t going to be enough to bring him back to me after all.

  eighteen

  Karen

  “Hello?” I answered the phone.

  “What you doing, baby?” Terrance asked.

  “Studying.”

  My answer was dry for a reason. I hadn’t seen or heard from him since the night I refused to have sex with him. He hadn’t even made the time to say goodbye to me before he left to go back home. The least he could have done was called. He was lucky I even answered the phone.

  “How did you do on your finals?” he asked.

  I rolled my eyes. I wanted to stay mad at him, but I couldn’t. Just when I thought I was getting a grip on my strength again, here he came, throwing me off track.

  “I’m good so far,” I told him. “I have two more to take, and then I’ll be done for the semester. Finally.”

  “Cool, cool,” he said. “Well look, I ain’t gon’ keep you long on the phone. I know you gotta study. I just wanted to know if you had a way back home for the holidays.”

  I decided to be inquisitive. “Why?”

  “Cause, mama. I’m gon’ come pick you up. That is, if you ain’t already got a ride or nothin’.”

  I weighed my options. I could take a six hour bus ride on a hot and stinky bus filled with potentially dangerous strangers, or I could ride with Terrance in a cool, air conditioned truck. The latter sounded so much more appealing.

  “Let me think about it, Terrance,” I told him. I had to play it cool.

  “Alright, have it your way,” he told me. “But let me know. Don’t wait until the day of because I might already have plans.”

  “I’ll call you as soon as I decide,” I said. “Now I have to get back to studying, okay?”

  “Alright. Love you.”

  The “L” word was loose with him. He’d said it over and over again when he was here. But as soon as I denied him, both he and the “L” word were nowhere to be found.

  “Love you, too,” I said.

  I hung up the phone, feeling guilty. I’d only said it out of obligation. Maybe that made me no better than him.

  nineteen

  Anaya

  “So, Ms. Patterson, how do you like the place?” Mr. Pier, my soon-to-be landlord, asked me.

  I was supposed to be in class taking an exam, but instead I was getting the grand tour of my new apartment. At this point I could have cared less about school. College wasn’t my future, so it didn’t make any sense to invest any more time in it. My present and my future were wrapped in finally being independent. I already had a car, so the next thing I had to have was my own place, away from those funky dorms. Mr. Pier had already shown me the gym and pool, and now I was checking out my spacious closets, washer and dryer, fireplace, and patio deck. What was there not to like about the place?

  “I think I like it a lot,” I told him.

  He smiled. “Great. When can you move in?”

  “How about today?”

  “Whoa,” he hesitated. “How about we get you to sign the lease first and make your security deposit.”

  I was in a rush. “How long do I have to wait?”

  “Well, as soon as your check clears we can get you a pair of keys. How does that sound?”

  I was relieved. “Great.”

  Concern came over his face. “You look a little young, Anaya. I don’t get very many college students as young as you moving into this place, at least not without a roommate. Are you sure you can afford it?”

  I thought about the seven hundred dollars that I’d owe him every month. It’d be tight, but I could do it. All of the utility bills were included in the rent, including cable, so at least I’d have something to watch on TV until I got some furniture. It would be great. Besides, no one could put a price on freedom.

  “I’m sure,” I said.

  He nodded. “Alright. If you’re sure. Let’s go to my office and get started on the paperwork.”

  I followed Mr. Pier outside across the parking lot to his office. Once inside, he went over the lease with me, and I gave him the security deposit and first month’s rent. It hurt to spend a thousand dollars in less than five minutes, but I knew I would get over it soon. I was finally on my own and I still had plenty of money left over. Tomorrow I would be moving into my very first apartment!

  “Do you have any more questions?” Mr. Pier asked once we finished everything.

  I stood to my feet. “No, sir. Everything looks great to me, thank you.”

  He nodded. “Okay, Miss Patterson. I’ll be going by the bank first thing in the morning to deposit these payments. You can come by around noon to pick up your keys and move in.”

  I kept my composure in front of my new landlord and remained as calm as I could. Once I left his office and was out of his eyesight, I danced all the way to my car. Besides having sex with Reese, this was the best day of my life…

  Uh oh…

  I placed my hand over my stomach in reaction to its sudden churning. My eyes started to water. I was nauseated.

  I tried hard to swallow as saliva filled my mouth. I began to gag. Before I knew it I was running over to a bush and hurling my guts out behind it.

  Confused with dizziness, I walked to the car and sat inside. I sat still for a few minutes and attempted to collect myself. It had been awhile since I’d thrown up like that, and I didn’t know what caused it.

  I made a mental list of everything that I had eaten in the past twenty-four hours. The only thing that could have made me sick was the fish that I had at the cafeteria last night, but it should have made me sick last night instead of almost a whole day later. My body must have just taken a while to reject it.

  Maybe…

  Yeah, that’s probably all it was. Nothing else to it.

  twenty

  Karen

  I laughed when I saw Kevin running out of the house. Terrance and I had barely gotten in the driveway, and he was already running towards us.

  “Stop the truck,” I instructed Terrance, fearful that in Kevin’s hurry Terrance may not have seen him.

  As soon as we were still I jumped out and ran to meet my brother. We met in the middle of the driveway in a big hug. He was at least an inch taller than he was when I last saw him.

  “Look at you!” I said, excited. “You’re so big!”

  “I’m handsome,” he corrected me.

  I kissed him on the cheek. “Yes, you are. Did you miss me?”

  He nodded and we hugged again. Forgetting all about Terrance, I wrapped my baby brother in my arms and walked up the driveway to the front porch where Mama and Daddy were waiting for me.

  “Hey, Karen,” Daddy said as he reached out and hugged me.

  “Hi, Daddy,” I said, and hugged him back. It was so good to be home.

  “Hello, Karen,” Mama said.

  No one said anything. It had been a while since we shared words, and everyone knew why. Not forgetting that she was still my mother, as mean as she was, I walked over to her and gave her a partial hug.

  “Hello, Terrance,” Mama greeted as he approached us carrying my luggage.

  “Hello, Mrs. Stephens. How do you do?”

  “I’m fine. Thank you for asking.”

  Daddy walked down the porch steps and approached Terrance.

  “Thank you for picking Karen up,” he said. “I know it was a long drive, and you didn’t have to.”

  “For your daughter, sir, it was nothing at all.”

  Mama smiled when she heard that, but I wasn’t so easily swayed. It was going to take more that a slick tongue to get back in good with me.

  “I have to be going, Karen,” Terrance said, handing my luggage to me. “I have some errands to run, and I’m sure that your family is dying to spend time with you. Call me when you get settled, okay?”
>
  “Okay,” I nodded.

  He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, sending Mama into delightful squeals. I didn’t like it. What was up with the perfect gentleman game he was playing? He was laying it on thick.

  “Are you still coming over for Christmas dinner?” Mama asked.

  He turned to her. “Yes, ma’am. I wouldn’t miss it for nothing in this world.”

  What? Christmas dinner?!!

  I eyed Mama suspiciously. She had something up her sleeve.

  “See you later, Karen,” Terrance said, and left.

  “That sure was nice of him to drive so far to pick you up,” Mama said, leading us all back in the house. She and Daddy were grinning from ear to ear.

  “It’s no big deal,” I said to them. “I could have just as easily taken the bus.”

  “Awh, but you didn’t,” Daddy said. They were still grinning.

  “I could have.”

  Still smiling. They thought I was in love.

  “Stop it!” I demanded.

  “Oh, she’s embarrassed,” he cooed.

  “Karen, there’s nothing wrong with having a boyfriend,” Mama informed me.

  “He’s not my boyfriend!”

  “Whatever,” she sang, completely ignoring me while she went into the kitchen.

  I got the feeling it was going to be this way for my entire stay.

  I leaned over and gave Kevin another hug. “You’ll listen to me, won’t you?”

  He nodded.

  “That’s why I love you, lil’ bro.”

  twenty one

  Anaya

  I turned my speakers down, remembering loud music was one of Deacon Patterson’s pet peeves. I could see him standing in the window, waving hysterically as I put the car in park. I smiled. He probably had been standing there waiting on his baby girl for the past thirty minutes. Before I could even get out of the car he was rushing out of the house.

  “Baby Girl!” he beamed once he reached me. “It’s so good to see you!”

  He helped me out of the car and gave me the biggest bear hug that I had ever received. Seeing the smile on his face made me realize that I had been missing him.