The Fellowship

by K. Darblyne

  They left the confines of the small room. The slow procession traveled down the hall into the Neuro-ICU without a single word spoken. The anguish on each of their faces was the only lament to the task they were about to do. As they passed the nurses’ station, Alex left the formation to review the arrangements for the destination of Bradley Morgan’s remains.

  The surgeon, now taking the lead, walked with purposeful strides through the unit to the cubicle where the young boy’s body was being maintained. She stood observing the array of mechanical support systems and sighed. ‘This is all that modern medicine can do. We can duplicate and maintain the bodily functions but we can’t give him back his soul,’ she mused. ‘I didn’t want this to ever happen to anyone else.’

  She was presented with the boy’s chart. Taking it, she flipped it open reading the latest entry in the nurses’ charting area. ‘No new observations of any physical activity on the part of the patient noted.’ That one sentence said it all along with the results of the battery of tests she had received earlier. She handed the chart to the petite nurse, allowing her eyes to view that all-encompassing declaration, announcing the futility of any further hope for Bradley’s survival.

  The surgeon closed her eyes in an effort to calm the anger that was building within her. Her mind was in a quandary as she remembered what her goal had been when she decided to become a doctor. The suffering was soon to be over for Brad, but in her mind she had been able to do nothing for his sister, Diana. It was happening again and she had no control over it this time either.

  Her mind was forced back to her present physical surroundings, as she felt a warm touch upon her back, the heat of which seemed to bring comfort to her. She looked down at Danni trying to hide all of the emotions that were raging inside of her head. "Would you like to give it one last try?"

  The green eyes twinkled with the thought. Hesitantly she nodded saying; "I’d like that. Thank you." The nurse went to the boy’s bedside talking to him in the same gentle manner as when he had first arrived in the trauma room. She placed his hand into hers and delicately stroked the back of it. Squeezing his hand with hers she watched for any signs of response. Looking over her shoulder at Garrett she shook her head, a disappointed look crossing her face.

  She laid his hand back down and once again stared at his angelic face. She brushed back a straying lock of hair on his forehead, as she leaned in to place a light kiss on his cheek before coming back to stand with her friend.

  Garrett looked around the unit and motioned for the nurse to close the drapery, shutting the cubicle off from view. It was time to let the young boy’s body take its leave without the stares of any visitors or other patients to distract from his final moments in human form. The surgeon swallowed hard, trying to settle her nervous stomach. Walking over to the ventilator, she reached out and pressed the toggle switch to the off position. She pressed her eyelids together and inhaled deeply, trying to keep the scene of a distant time from reappearing in her mind. Exhaling, she opened her eyes and watched the electronic devices showing the deterioration of the human body lying before her.

  The patient’s nurse stood off to the side recording the time and vital signs prior to the termination of mechanical support as Danni braced herself for the events to come. It was always sad to watch the passing of a life before your very eyes, but Danni was no stranger to death, it went with the job of being a trauma nurse. The sadness today seemed to come from her friend and the demons that she was wrestling with. Something in this woman’s past had really affected her. Wishing that she would be able to help ease the surgeon’s mind, she resigned herself to the fact that she could do no more than just be here for her. With that thought in mind, she watched the tall woman for any clue of how she might help her deal with that pain.

  It was a few moments now since the rhythmic sound of the respirator filled the room. The steady rise and fall of the boy’s chest had ceased and his form remained motionless. The constant beeping of the heart monitor was beginning to slow; the electronic tracing on the screen became wider and more irregular in its pattern. The reading of the recycling blood pressure monitor revealed a steady drop in his pressure.

  The minutes ticked by. Garrett was transfixed on the devices watching the progressive widening complexes of the heartbeat. Long drawn out pauses of inactivity with only a single pattern was now showing across the screen, the single beep randomly breaking the silence of the room. Her eyes took on a new intensity as a rapid flurry of patterned activity shot across the screen, the beeping coming one right after the other, almost without pause. The jagged, erratic tracing soon ceased, followed by the telltale warning sound of the flat line tracing that floated across the monitor. They all stood just watching for another moment or two. Assured that it was over, Dr. Trivoli blinked as she glanced over to the large clock on the wall opposite her. In a monotone voice she uttered, "Time of death, 1310." She cleared her throat and looked at the two nurses. "Thank you for you help," she said in a voice only slightly louder than a whisper, and left the room.

  "Is she okay?" The nurse moved toward the bed to begin removing the connections of the machines to the lifeless body.

  Danni had to think about that herself. "I hope so," she uttered under her breath.

  *******************

  The rest of the day was spent in solitude as Garrett opted to drive out to the countryside. She needed time to think and did so, as she walked through the leaves that graced the woodland floor. Her mind kept conjuring up familiar faces from her past. Each one coming to haunt her in their own way. With dusk approaching, she drew her walk to a close and began the long drive back home. ‘Time to go home,’ she mused. ‘Even my thoughts are haunting me. Home,’ she laughed, ‘I’ll never have a place that feels like home, or anyone that feels like family ever again.’ The words bit into her, tearing at her soul. The image of the petite blonde came to her mind. This image was different from the rest that had visited her today. It did not haunt her, but instead brought with it a feeling of warmth and compassion. A feeling that made her yearn for the sights and smells that reminded her of the nurse. No one had ever stood out in her mind like that, not even her…. She paused at the thought. Her face took on a surprised look as her brow raised at the concept.

  Continued

  Chapter 10

  Staring out into the early morning sky, the young woman sat motionless enjoying the crisp October air. She watched the hues of the sky turn to shades of red as the first hints of a new day dawned. Her mind wandered through a list of nursery rhymes and other assorted phrases that one kept from their childhood, looking for the reference of a red sky at morning. She thought for a few moments, then the fleeting phrases came to her mind. ‘Red sky in the morning shepherds take warning. Red sky at night shepherds’ delight.’ Chuckling to herself she thought aloud. "I wonder if there is any truth to that?"

  "Any truth to what, Danni?" The motherly charge nurse was standing a few feet away from her, clutching at her lab jacket to keep the crisp air from invading the warmth of her clothing.

  "Oh…Hi Mom! I didn’t realize you were standing there." Her voice was whimsical as she continued. "You know, about the red sky in the morning."

  "Sailors take warning," Karen chimed in. "That one you mean?"

  "Sailors?" The blonde shook her head. "I thought it was shepherds," she wrinkled her nose.

  "Shepherds, sailors does it really make a difference? They are both waiting for the storm that’s starting to brew around them." Mom chuckled, "I guess it was what time period that you grew up in."

  "Yeah, I guess so." She gazed out at the deepening hue of the sky, mesmerized by the changing patterns in the morning light. "Do you really think that they take warning?"

  "I think there has to be some truth to it, otherwise why would it be passed down from one generation to the next?" Karen walked over to the bench that Danni was setting on. "Mind if I sit down?" She pointed to the other half of the bench.

  "No, go right ahead."r />
  The two women sat watching the ever-changing sky turn from night into dawn, each lost in they’re own thoughts. Mom looked intently at the petite nurse; her mood was very introspective. Karen had noticed a change in the vivacious woman. She seemed to keep a little more to herself these last few weeks. She wondered if there was something troubling her. Pondering the thought, she made her decision to act. "Danni, is there anything that you want to talk about? I’ve noticed that you have been in the doldrums lately."

  The young woman sighed, leaning forward she worked her hands under her thighs, locking her elbows. She looked down to the ground in front of her and then back to the concerned friend beside her. "I wish there was," she whispered, "then I could do something to help."

  Karen was puzzled. "I’m not following you."

  "I’m worried about Garrett, Mom. There is something going on and it’s tormenting her. I just don’t know what it is or how to help her."

  The charge nurse let the mother instinct in her take over. "You live with her, I’m sure that you would notice before any of us would. Has she given you any clue as to what it might be? Maybe she is just worried about her work or where she will be next year," she offered.

  Danni looked at her, "I don’t think it’s her work, Mom. She’s one of the best Trauma Fellows that I’ve seen." The nurse became a little sullen at her next thought. "She could go anywhere she wants next year. A hospital would be crazy not to want someone like her on their staff."

  Picking up a note of regret at the possible loss of a friend, Karen tried to change the subject. "What makes you think that something is tormenting her?"

  Shrugging her shoulders, she looked back out to the sky’s first light. "I’ve noticed that she hasn’t been sleeping. Last weekend we were both off together. I could hear her mumbling and tossing and turning in her bed," she said showing signs of embarrassment. "It sounds like the same nightmare every time, all weekend long. I almost went and knocked on her bedroom door Sunday night to see if she was all right."

  "Have you offered to talk about it?" She held up her hand in a halting motion, "forget that I asked that." Karen smiled, she knew that would be the first thing the young woman would do. She thought about how Danni always looked after her friends; always more concerned about their welfare than her own. ‘Just like the parable of the shepherd and his flock,’ she mused. Karen started to giggle as she thought about that. ‘What a match…the shepherd and the sailor.’

  "She says that nothing is wrong. At least that’s what she said when I asked her over breakfast on Sunday morning. I tried to bring it up in the conversation but she just kept changing the subject." Pressing her lips tightly together and inhaling deeply she shook her head. "Mom, she’s been like this since that night she covered call for Rene, when his kids were born."

  Karen placed her hand on Danni’s back, letting it move in a soothing circling motion. "Sometimes you have to let people work out their own problems first. All you can do is let her know that you are there for her, and wait." She paused to think about the talented surgeon. "She’s an intelligent woman, she’ll talk when she’s ready." Danni turned her head to look at Karen, her mouth opening to speak. "Shhh!" She whispered stopping the young woman. "Just be ready to listen when she is ready to talk."

  Nodding, Danni wiped at the single tear that had escaped her eye, thinking about her beleaguered roommate.

  Mom rubbed her arms feigning a shiver, "It’s too cold for me out here, I’m going in. Why don’t you take a minute to pull yourself together before you come back inside?"

  Danni nodded, "Thanks, Mom."

  The charge nurse got up and moved towards the door. Opening it, she turned and looked at the solitary figure. She thought about the question concerning the truth to the red sky in the morning and considered her two-pseudo daughters. "I hope this time, both the shepherd and the sailor will heed the warning," she muttered to herself as she went inside.

  Sitting there in the cool air, the nurse looked up into the heavens and realized that she was just a speck in the workings of the universe. Sighing, she closed her eyes and offered a prayer for strength and the wisdom to be able to help her friend when the time came.

  *****************

  Sleep had not come easily to her this night. Her dreams filled with nightmarish visions of what she had hoped would be her forgotten past. She cursed her memory, begging for a night of amnesic bliss. Forcing her eyelids open, she searched the blackness of the room for the neon numbers of the digital clock on the nightstand. It read 0437. She snorted in disbelief, "Well, that’s a half an hour more than I had at 0400." She reached over and turned off the alarm before it went off at her usual wake up time: 0445. "No sense in trying to go back to sleep," she mumbled.

  Throwing off her covers, she let her long legs slide over the edge of the bed. Pulling her torso up to a sitting position, she stared blurry-eyed into the darkness of the room, trying to get her thoughts organized for the day ahead. She shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind but it didn’t seem to help. She sat there motionless and for the first time since she moved in, she noticed how quiet the house was without the small blonde in the next room. It had felt so comfortable the past weekend with both of them home at the same time. The dead quiet was almost unnerving to her now, making her feel even more alone. ‘What I wouldn’t give to hear Danni stirring out in the kitchen right now.’ Sighing, she planted her feet on the floor, pushing herself up off of the bed and began to make her way to the bathroom down the hall.

  Shivering, she felt her body reacting to the cooler temperature of the house, the goose bumps on her flesh reminding her of a plucked chicken. She smirked and thought about how much like a chicken she really was. She had always met any problem head-on, but this was something else. Problems, she could deal with, but the actions of the past jumping back into her life were more than she could contend with. Her mind drifted back to the past weekend. She had hoped for a relaxing one but those damn nightmares would not let up. She was going to have to do something about them, they evidently were not just keeping her from sleep, but Danni also. Garrett thought about the small blonde and how delicately she had tried to open the pathway for discussion about what was troubling the surgeon. ‘I can’t believe her, always worrying about everyone else.’ She remembered the concerned look on the face of the nurse as she sat across from her. ‘You’d think she would have more regard about her life than mine. I just don’t understand her.’ Garrett had remained the same toward Danni, stoic as ever. She didn’t need to pass her nightmares on to anyone. They were hers alone. "Alone," she mumbled under her breath. "It all stems back to the same thing." The surgeon could see no sense in burdening someone else with her demons. What good would that do anyway, except to allow them to haunt more than just her. ‘No, I did the right thing by evading her questions. She doesn’t need to know any of this.’ She tried to chase the image of the blonde imp out of her mind and get on with her morning ritual, but it kept fading into view like it never wanted to let her go. "I definitely need more sleep," as she stumbled into the bathroom doorway.

  Squinting to shield her eyes, she flicked on the bathroom light. Slowly her eyes adjusted to the coruscating light bouncing off of the white walls and fixtures. Looking into the mirror she could not believe it was her image; her dark hair stood out from her head in a wild sleep-deprived manner, dark circles around her eyes. ‘Jeez, I’ve got to get some sleep tonight,’ she

  thought. "Shit!" She hung her head with a sigh of disappointment, realizing that she was on-call for the next 24 hours. "I guess a little make-up might help me to look a little less zombie-like." She winced at the thought. She seldom wore make-up and was thankful for the good looks to pull it off.

  She stepped into the shower and turned it on, hoping that the cold water would wake her body up and stimulate her mind. Realizing that she was hoping for the impossible, she pushed herself to complete her morning ritual.

  Stopping in the middle of applying the finishing touc
hes to her make-up, she looked into the mirror and cringed. "Why am I doing this?" It was as though the mirror had a life of its own. Suddenly she saw her own reflection talking back to her. ‘Because you look like a crazed lunatic without it. What do you think your patients would say if they saw you looking like that? Hmmm.’ The eyebrow of the image slowly raised in speculation, daring her to answer. She wrinkled her nose, sticking her tongue out at the mirror. "All right!" She continued the finishing touches mumbling, "but I don’t have to like it." Now she was really worried, the hallucination of her talking to herself only proved how much she desperately needed sleep. She looked in the mirror, appraising her efforts. Not too bad, if she had to admit it, at least she resembled a human being. "Satisfied?" She challenged her image to answer. She waited for a moment, then turned, shutting off the light and left to begin her day.

  She paused at the door, taking stock of the possessions that filled her arms. Her mind was in such a disorganized quandary that she knew she would have to make a determined effort with any task she did. She ran down the list of items necessary to sustain her for the next 24 to 36 hours, checking to make sure that they were packed. "Daily planner, toiletries, change of clothes, money, car keys, house key, pager, I.D. badge. Check!" She sighed, "Now, all I have to do is to get through the next day without any trouble." She crossed her fingers, figuring that it couldn’t hurt, and made a silent wish. She then left the house and made her way to the Chevy Blazer parked at the curb. Loading her necessities into the open tailgate, she marveled at the gorgeous red hues of the morning sky. ‘Just my luck, looks like there is a storm brewing on the horizon. It figures.’ "So much for a good day." With that thought in mind, she climbed into the driver’s seat and set her course for the inner city trauma center.