Into the Blue (A Wild Aces Romance)

by Chanel Cleeton

  “You okay?” I whispered.

  “Yeah, I am. I feel a little bit better.”

  Sometimes a little bit was the best you could hope for.

  Dani stood at the front, flanked by Jordan and Easy. There was family here, everywhere you looked. Maybe these people weren’t bound by blood, but they were bound by a powerful kind of sacrifice.

  Dani tilted her head up and said something to Easy, and I watched as his lips curved, a breathtaking smile transforming his face.

  Eric stiffened beside me.

  “Do you think they’ll be okay?” I murmured.

  “I don’t know. He’s not getting over her and I don’t think Dani will ever see him as anything other than a friend.”

  Poor Easy. I knew better than anyone how much it hurt to love someone you couldn’t have, who didn’t love you back, and I couldn’t imagine how tough it must be with the added guilt of her being his friend’s widow and the fact that Easy had been there when he died.

  I thought of Rachel and the way they’d seemed to hit it off in Columbia and I wondered if anyone really stood a chance with him, if he would call her like she’d hoped, or if he was so hooked by Dani that there wasn’t room for anyone else in his life. I’d been there, so on the one hand, I got it; on the other hand, it was a lonely way to live.

  When it grew too cold to stand outside anymore and the lanterns had drifted off so far that they were just dim lights in the sky, we walked back into the living room, talking over pumpkin pie and coffee. Eventually the group dwindled down to just me and Eric, Dani, Jordan, and Easy.

  “So when do you head back?” Jordan asked between bites of pie.

  “Sunday.”

  We had big plans to spend the rest of my visit holed up in Eric’s bed.

  “Are you planning on coming out again?”

  I grinned at Eric. “Yeah, I am.”

  Dani smiled. “We should definitely hang out.”

  “I would like that. A lot.”

  Easy looked up from his coffee. “How long will you be in town for?” he asked Dani, his voice casual . . . way too casual.

  “I’m not sure. I need to get the house ready to put on the market. I’ll probably stay here until it sells and then figure something out.”

  “Have you thought about where you want to go yet?” Jordan asked.

  Easy’s gaze darted between the two of them.

  Dani shook her head. “Not really. I thought I’d go home to Georgia, but after spending several months there . . .” She gave a little laugh. “I love my family, but I think living in the same town—maybe in the same state—is a little too close. After moving every few years and having distance between us, it’s an adjustment to imagine staying put in one place.”

  Jordan nodded. “I know what you mean. I always thought being away from my family would be the hardest part of all of this, but you do start to get used to it after a while.”

  “How much longer do you have in Oklahoma?” I asked Easy.

  “I’m in the same VML as Eric. I have a little over a year left.” He shrugged. “I’m staying in. I pin on major next month and I figure with nine years until retirement, it makes the most sense to just keep going.”

  “Yeah, Noah’s the same way,” Jordan answered. “You can’t beat the benefits.”

  Eric didn’t say anything and I felt a pang of guilt at how easily Dani and Jordan seemed to have accepted the military lifestyle. I wished it could have come more naturally for me, that I wasn’t standing between him and his career. What if he couldn’t get a spot in the Guard or reserves? What then? I couldn’t forget the way he’d spoken about getting out completely, and deep down I knew he wouldn’t be happy in the private sector. I just wasn’t sure I’d be happy moving all the time and giving up my career.

  Eric shifted me on his lap, wrapping his arms more tightly around me, and I said another prayer that we could find a way to make this work.

  THOR

  We drove back from Jordan and Burn’s house, the radio playing Christmas music. Becca had a firm rule that Christmas didn’t officially kick off until Thanksgiving ended, and I was surprised she was willing to push it this close, but it gave me an idea.

  “I want to spend Christmas with you. In South Carolina. Is that okay with you? Are you cool with me coming out?”

  The squadron was deploying in May, and Loco had already decided that we wouldn’t fly for the week of Christmas so everyone would have a chance to take leave and see their families. The ops tempo had been high lately, and he had a good pulse on the squadron so he’d realized everyone was dragging a little bit.

  The leave I’d taken to go to South Carolina had helped. I hadn’t realized how tired I’d been until I’d finally taken a break, and now that I was back in the cockpit, my mind felt clear. I didn’t think I’d ever completely forget what had happened with Joker, but now it was a low-level hum in the back of my mind when I flew rather than this overwhelming noise that blocked out all else. And I was surprised by how much it helped to talk to someone who had worked with other guys who suffered from PTSD. It wasn’t an overnight fix, but I was getting back to where I needed to be.

  “I would love it if you spent Christmas in South Carolina with me,” Becca answered. “Or I could come out here if it’s too difficult for you to get away. I know you’ve taken a lot of leave lately. I’m flexible.”

  “Even with the amount of leave I took to come home, I still have like thirty days left. Opportunities to take vacations have been few and far between these past few years, so trust me, it’s fine. I’d like to spend it in Bradbury.”

  She smiled. “Then we will.”

  We drove in silence for a few minutes, and then she spoke.

  “You know, after listening to everyone talk tonight, I was thinking that maybe I could give this whole active duty military thing a shot. I mean, Dani and Jordan don’t seem to think it’s so bad. Maybe I wouldn’t, either, once I was in it. I could—”

  “Don’t even think about it.”

  “What?”

  Even when we were younger, I’d struggled with the idea of her giving up her career for mine. I’d always felt guilty about it, like I was taking her away from something she was passionate about. I didn’t want her to settle.

  “I like Dani and Jordan a lot, but I’m not dating Dani or Jordan. They’re happy with the choice they made, but deep down you know it wouldn’t be the same with you. I love who you are and I don’t want you to be someone you’re not. Yeah, they’ve both adjusted to military life. It’s been harder for Jordan; Dani genuinely loved the lifestyle. But you’re not either one of them, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to change your dreams.

  “I don’t think you would be happy if we were moving all the time, if you couldn’t work, if your life was transient. And that’s okay. You’ve always said you wanted to give our kids the kind of stability we didn’t have. You wouldn’t find that in active duty, not the way you want. You shouldn’t feel guilty for that or apologize for it, either. You shouldn’t feel a need to change who you are. I’ve never wanted that.

  “I love that you’re on your own path and it’s okay if your path isn’t the same as mine. We just have to figure out a way to make them go side by side.” I made a face. “Which sounds really fucking corny.”

  She laughed, her voice thick. “I get your point.”

  “We got this. You just have to have a little faith.”

  TWENTY-NINE

  THOR

  I flew into Columbia three days ahead of Christmas. Officially, Becca thought I arrived on the twenty-third. Unofficially I had some work to do, a few meetings, and a question burning a hole in my pocket.

  Last time when my flight had landed in Columbia, I’d felt like I was running from something—from all the baggage I’d carried with me for way too long. Now I felt like I was coming home.<
br />
  I grabbed my luggage from the belt, picked up my rental car, and then I was on the road, driving to McEntire, home of the 169th Fighter Wing, the South Carolina Air National Guard, and a squadron of F-16s that hopefully needed an experienced instructor pilot recovering from a bout of PTSD and looking for a fresh start.

  I hadn’t told Becca yet, but I’d received my assignment last week—Spangdahlem in Germany. It wasn’t a bad assignment—in fact a lot of guys would have given their left nut for it—but Becca wouldn’t be able to practice law there, and that had been the deciding factor for me. I’d turned in my paperwork stating my intention to separate from the Air Force. I had a few feelers out with Guard and Reserve bases around the country, but this was the one I wanted.

  We could live in Bradbury and I could easily commute in to work every day. The more I thought about it, the more I loved the idea of raising our kids in the town where we’d grown up, of them getting a chance to know my grandmother, of being there for her as she grew older. Becca would get to keep her job—I had no doubt she’d be solicitor one day—and Becca would love being close to Lizzie.

  I just had to nail this interview.

  Easy had made a few calls for me; he’d managed to get me in to meet with the squadron commander even though the squadron was winding down for the holidays. They had mentioned that there might be an opening for an experienced major type, and considering I’d just pinned on rank, I had high hopes for this one.

  It was part one in my two-part plan to give Becca a Christmas that made up for the ten others I’d missed.

  * * *

  I walked out of the 157th Fighter Squadron, also known as the Swamp Foxes, also known as my future squadron, feeling the same adrenaline high I did every single time I got out of the jet.

  I’d nailed the interview. Fucking nailed it.

  And I owed Easy.

  It turned out he knew the commander a lot better than he’d let on, and by the time I walked into the squadron commander’s office, he’d already heard an overly inflated account of my skills from Easy.

  From there we’d settled into a rapport that had surprised me, as I realized the Guard really was a different beast from active duty. It was clear they still had a high-ops tempo, but it was way more laid back than what I was used to at Bryer, and for the first time in my Air Force career, I felt like I was getting back to my roots and my love of flying rather than a desire to play politics.

  I’d explained my intent to extend a few months past my commitment date to see the Wild Aces through their deployment, and as soon as I was back from Afghanistan, I’d transition out of active duty and become a full-time member of the South Carolina Guard.

  I celebrated with a drink at the O-Club with the pilots I’d be flying with next year and then I left and texted Becca, fumbling the message twice, nerves jinxing my fingers, before I got it right and hit “Send.”

  I’d thought about asking her to meet me at Cranberry Lake, but it felt like we needed a fresh start, and I wanted to do things differently this time. Wanted to do everything differently. We were both who we’d been before and something new, something that felt stronger, more resilient, something that would withstand whatever came our way.

  I was all in. I just hoped she was, too.

  Time for step two.

  BECCA

  I was sitting at home when my phone pinged with the text from Eric. At first I was convinced I’d read it wrong, that there was some mistake.

  I’m at turnoff for the Eggers farm. Can you meet me in an hour?

  The last time I’d talked to Eric, he’d told me that he was flying into Columbia tomorrow. I was off the rest of the week and had planned on driving over to pick him up in the morning.

  Except now he was here. In Bradbury.

  Why the Eggers farm?

  Trust me.

  I shook my head, a smile playing at my lips. This was definitely a new side of Eric; mysterious and romantic hadn’t exactly been his modus operandi before.

  I’ll be there.

  I dressed quickly, taking the time to fix my fading makeup, running my fingers through my hair, channeling the tousled look. It was a thirty-minute drive to the Eggers farm on the outskirts of town, so if I left now, I’d be good.

  I wanted to call Eric, just to hear his voice, but somehow that felt like cheating, like I’d be ruining the surprise, so I refrained. I listened to Christmas music as I drove, each mile that went by filling me with more and more excitement.

  We’d agreed to hold off on celebrating the holidays until we were together, so tomorrow we were putting up a Christmas tree and I’d even gotten him to agree to bake cookies with me. We’d spent enough holidays together that we had our little traditions—ones we were reinstating this year—watching Christmas Vacation, his favorite, and It’s a Wonderful Life, my favorite. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this excited for the holiday.

  I drove to the turnoff for the Eggers farm, pulling off the road when I saw Eric standing next to his rental car.

  He wore a pair of dark jeans and a navy blue sweater, and the rest was a blur as I launched myself into his arms.

  We kissed for minutes and then I pulled back, my arms wrapped around his neck.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t getting in until tomorrow.”

  He grinned, his breath puffy in the cold.

  “I wanted to surprise you.”

  “Mission accomplished.” My gaze darted around our surroundings. “So why are we here, though?”

  He grinned. “You’ll have to wait and see.” He pulled out a blindfold.

  “Umm . . .” I made a face. “It’s great to see you and all, but I’m thinking it might be a little cold for kinky sex games in the grass. Rain check? When it’s not practically snowing?”

  He laughed. “This surprise doesn’t involve you getting naked. Promise.”

  “So what’s up with the blindfold?”

  He cocked his head to the side, a smile playing at his lips, but didn’t answer me.

  “Fine. I’ll put it on.” I groaned. “This surprise better be amazing, though.”

  His smile deepened. “It is. At least, I hope you’ll think it is.”

  He slipped the blindfold over my eyes, his hands lifting my hair out of the way. I felt his lips glide over mine in a kiss that was soft and sweet as he reached down and took my hand.

  “I’m going to lead you where you need to go, okay? Just be careful. I promise I won’t let you fall.”

  It was pitch dark, I was getting cold, and the whole thing reeked of some sort of bizarre sex game, but I went with it. Because I trusted him.

  He led me to what I figured out was his rental car, and then I was sliding into the passenger seat with his help, asking questions the whole time until he burst out laughing.

  “I forgot how much you need to be in control.”

  “Yes. Yes, I do.”

  “I promise. Just a few minutes longer.”

  I heard the sound of the car engine starting and then we were moving, heading to some unknown destination and my Christmas surprise. I honestly had no clue what it would be, but based on his excitement, I figured it was something big.

  He held my hand while we drove, his thumb caressing my skin. Finally, I felt the car come to a stop, listening to the sounds of him turning off the engine and walking around the side to get me. He unhooked my belt, helping me out of the car until I was back outside, standing in the cold.

  He guided me over what felt like gravel on the ground and then we stopped and he came to stand behind me, his body brushing against me, his arm wrapped around my waist.

  “Ready?”

  I nodded, anticipation filling me as his fingers grazed my cheek, and then he lifted the blindfold off my eyes—

  I took a deep breath, steadying myself when the vie
w staggered me.

  We stood in front of a house. A huge white house decked out in Christmas lights and wreaths. I knew this house.

  Oh my God.

  “It’s my house.”

  I mean, it wasn’t my house. Not anymore. But it had been my home. My parents’ land had bordered the Eggers farm. It was why I’d always loved going there, loved the happy memories it evoked.

  Eric’s lips curved into a smile that made my breath hitch.

  “What? What are we doing here?”

  “I put an offer on it today. You know my grandmother—she heard through the grapevine that the owners were thinking of selling and told me. I called them before they’d even had a chance to put it on the market and they accepted my offer a few hours ago. The house is ours if you want it.”

  Oh my God.

  “What?”

  My legs felt like rubber, my mind racing as I struggled to understand the words coming out of his mouth, as suddenly he offered me everything I’d always wanted.

  “I want to live here with you. You always said this was your dream. Always talked about raising kids here.” He gestured to the huge tree where I’d once carved my initials. “I thought I could hang a swing from that branch and the kids could play there. I could take them fishing in the pond out back.”

  I was still somewhere back at him putting an offer on the house. These images of children, of a future together, seemed too good to be true.

  “What? How? How did you do this?”

  “I got the Guard job. I’ll finish out my active duty commitment plus the two months we talked about to help out with the Wild Aces’ deployment to Afghanistan. Then I’m out. I figured I could commute to McEntire easily from here. And this way you can keep your job.

  “We’ll be close to my grandmother as she gets older. And you were right, Bradbury is a great place to raise kids. And the times I do have to deploy, you guys will have a built-in support system in addition to the squadron if you need it.”