No Geek Rapture for Me_I'm Old School

by Jonelle Renald

  Getting up had set her head spinning, so once outside, she quickly sank down onto the ledge, leaning back against the side of the mountain. She could see by the moonlight and the light from the campfire shining out of the mouth of the cave that the ledge she was on was about twenty-five feet wide and fifteen feet deep. As long as she was feeling this unsteady, she was not getting anywhere near the edge. Closing her eyes tight, she took a deep breath and held it, trying to clear the brain fog away from her thinking. In that silence, she heard water dripping and trickling nearby. Just what she needed — she was so thirsty! She moved cautiously to her right, using her hands to feel the surface of the mountain, searching for the water. She found it, a small stream of water trickling down the face of the rocks. Cupping her hands under the dripping spring water, she took a little drink, then caught more, continuing for a long time until she wasn’t thirsty any longer. Then she washed her face and rinsed off the wounds on her arms, the gash on her neck, and the blisters on her feet. The knot on her forehead was still very tender and bruised, as were her wrists, ankles, and neck.

  In addition to satisfying her physical needs, the water plus the cold of the night air combined to begin clearing her mind. Still not entirely sure she could remember all the details of her situation now, she at least knew who she was, where she was, how she had been kidnapped. She began to remember how she had ended up on this ledge outside the cave on the side of a mountain, and even remembered bits and pieces of freaking out, in particular the part where she had broken Chase’s nose. She was more than a little surprised that she was still alive after doing that.

  Her only unanswered wish was to have enough water to rinse the stench of the chemical milk bath out of the body suit she was wearing. The smell was a constant reminder of what had happened, and once again she was reminded that she was still wearing the black body suit because she hadn’t listened to Enoch, hadn’t done what he told her to do.

  No, she’d ignored the words of the man who had rescued her from the hell in that tank. She had done something else instead — she had done what she wanted to do. And look how good that choice had turned out to be! Her decision hadn’t gotten her anything but captured, falling right back into the hands of the evil monsters who would never care anything about what she wanted. Frack! What an idiot she was.

  Immediate needs met, Mia rested her back against the side of the mountain again, and looked up at the stars. And gasped. She had forgotten there were so many! This wasn’t the same sky she had seen while growing up in Blair, Nebraska twenty-five miles north of Omaha. Even in small town Barrow Heights, the constant light of modern life obscured this view of the immensity of the universe. Here in the darkness of the desert away from all light pollution, the dark sky was extravagantly littered with stars. Far off suns of different sizes and colors, all twinkling and giving off an energy like music or a communication of joy. She was overwhelmed by the beauty of it. How could she have ever take such a sight for granted? How had it been acceptable to dim and mostly extinguish the view of all this glory? Why hadn’t people protested when the spectacle of constellations, galaxies, the Milky Way had been washed out by too many nighttime lights? This sky was awash with points of light that had been created by God, a cosmos filled with immense nuclear furnaces that over billions of years had functioned as they were directed (each and every second of every minute of every day) by the King of the Universe, manufacturing the ashes of star dust that her body was made of. All that industry and yet so beautiful. Looking up at this sky, she could see that God had created every point of light in the sky, named each one, gave each one its own location to shine in, lined out a specific orbital path for it to follow. Individual attention everywhere, and not a clockwork system left untended to function on its own.

  Individual attention to stars, and to people as well. Sounded like special care, love even. She’d always taken for granted the statement, “God is love.” But after her time working at iCon, she now recognized that the highest and most privileged showing care and consideration for the lowliest wasn’t the normal situation where power and authority were concerned. She wondered, “So why doesn’t God lord it over everyone?” Day in and day out, during her time in the HQ, Mia had seen how corporate hierarchy operated. No sign that any of the executives up on the sixth floor provided individual care or had kind intentions toward the cogs in their wheels. Quite the contrary. Layoffs of hundreds made for no reason other than meeting bonus targets for a dozen executives, employees with over twenty years experience let go to save on insurance costs (just when it would be nearly impossible for them to find other similar employment with another company), competitors (or colleges) pushed out of business to facilitate hidden agendas. All done without mercy, without regard to consequences, without even a second thought for the people impacted. No giving up a single privilege, not even a close-in parking spot (zero cost to provide) or convenient access to that parking to benefit the worker bees at the bottom. The message from the hierarchy was always, relentlessly, “I’ve got more power than you do, and that makes me better than you are. And I don’t share.”

  Yet the story Jesus’ life painted of God was very different, the polar opposite in fact. To help the people at the bottom, he became one of the people at the bottom. His life on earth was God doing cubicle time at iCon— putting in unpaid overtime, walking through the lobby door (the closest exit was forbidden), putting up with manipulation and bad treatment from CEOs, executives, and unpleasant, bullying coworkers. And Jesus’ acceptance of a no-privilege life wasn’t a short-term stunt for a week while starring in a reality TV show. For years the Son of God did hard time, giving up every advantage that went with being in charge of the universe.

  And then on the cross, he endured all the pain and suffering of coming face to face with the living death of sins done throughout all times (past, present, and future), taking up the burden of crimes committed, mind-destroying rage, soul-wrenching obsessions and compulsions, greed, heart-twisting regrets, in addition to all the guilt and penalty of breaking God’s law. Taking all evils onto himself in order to do away with them all. And extending beyond the occasions itself because eternal and unchanging, Jesus’ contact with the death-in-life scarring of mind and heart caused by evil would be as every bit as enduring as the scarring to his hands, feet, and side. The unseen effects of wrestling with Sin and Death would never lessen for him as it would for an injured human subject to time. He would never gain relief from the pain of bearing sin as the hours passing by create distance, wouldn’t forget as time proceeds like it would be for an ordinary human being. There could never be a sleep that knitted up the raveled sleeve of care for Jesus who was eternal. But that was the fate he chose when he accepted the cup. Knowing what he would bear for all time beyond time, he still said, “I’ll do it.” Mia thought, “Jesus. Super — more than — natural. So strange.” Maybe saying “God is love” was more complicated than she’d assumed. Maybe she was taking it all for granted. It was strange to think about, difficult to comprehend.

  Which all made it impossible to face Jesus. Mia sincerely wished there was some way for her to make up for the horrible thing that she had done, but she knew she couldn’t make amends, couldn’t even begin to fix it. She sighed. If only she could make the evil she had done go away, undo it somehow, then she wouldn’t have to hide from God. Then he might actually help her and not leave her unguided, having to make decisions where the choices and alternatives were impossible to choose between. But history couldn’t be undone. She was sure Jesus was beyond disappointed in her. How could he shepherd a sheep who had done — the enduring evil that she had done? She shook her head. She knew the answer. He couldn’t. And so she was stuck in a situation where it was best to avoid God as much as possible.

  For years when thoughts of God came up, she would avoid them by focusing instead on the terrible, mean Christians who had pushed her out of their church. She would pray on occasion, like when she saw th
e statue of the shepherd who saved the little lamb from all danger, but mostly she kept it pretty impersonal, never asking for too much for herself. Because not asking was better than being turned away.

  But now something changed. At this moment, sitting under the stars which sang joyfully together, Jesus was asking her if she would share a mountainside ledge with him. Which should probably sound great, but it was an uncomfortable thought for her. She scoffed and thought, “What with my new experience with gargoyles, beasts, and devils, maybe I should invite Jesus to be here with me.” But she didn’t. She couldn’t. And then immediately wished she had, because she didn’t want to say no either. She couldn’t be open about — things. Which is what having Jesus here would mean. He would look into the heart of everything, and Mia just couldn’t do that. “It’s too late.” She sighed, “Why can’t I ever make the right decision?” She shook her head to get these negative thoughts out of her mind. She said out loud, “No changing history after the fact.”

  She looked up at the night sky again. The moon would be moving behind the mountain range soon, and there was a suggestion of a hint of returning light in the east. She stood up and walked over to the edge. So far, being back on Earth hadn’t helped her at all. No escape, no rescue. But even so, maybe there was something she could do to flee these monsters. What if she would spring headfirst off the ledge? It wouldn’t be suicide, it would be an act of desperation. She didn’t want to die, it would simply be a way to end this current nightmare. There was no rescue coming for her, no possibility that she could get away. She was going to be a prisoner from now on. There was no way she could continue to resist her captors. Isolated as she was, they could force her to do whatever they wanted, no matter what they wanted. Even if she was back on Earth, they were in complete control — a situation where resistance truly was futile. It sickened her to think that Chase and Cezary might put her back into that tank with the chemical milk bath and keep her in there until they were able to upload her mind by forcing her permission.

  No matter what it took, she didn’t want them to succeed in their plans. She wouldn’t give in to them, even if it called for drastic measures and ultimate sacrifices. By jumping off the ledge, by shutting her brain down permanently, she could frustrate their schemes. It was the same thing women did in Victorian era stories when faced with that “fate worse than death.” It’s what people did to escape burning alive in building fires.

  But standing on the edge looking a hundred feet down, she felt a “No. Don’t!” in her spirit. It was like there was an invisible hand on her chest stopping her from taking that step over the edge. This option was not a choice she was permitted to make. And at the same time, she felt a tiny breath of air, like a tiny breeze had given her a kiss on a small spot in the center of her forehead.

  Finally! A clear direction on what to do. She took a step back from the edge.

  “Well, God, if my only course of action is forbidden to me, I’ll need you to save me. Because I can’t get away from these monsters. I can’t save myself. If you ever intend to be on my side and help me, this would be the perfect time.”

  She waited for a reply to her request. An inner certainty that she had been heard utterly convinced her, and she wouldn’t have been surprised if at that very moment, a troop of good angel soldiers flew down from Heaven do to battle with the evil monsters inside the cave, and whisked her away. But the silence of the moment continued on and on, uninterrupted. And then in the sky above her, she saw the flash of the Kuan Ina Makkatu portal opening up in the sky. Something wicked this way comes!

  26 | Drop

  So this is how God answered her prayer for help? The feeling of peace that had comforted her a moment earlier drained completely away. Another group of gargoyles dropping out of the gateway and heading her way didn’t seem like much of a rescue! She took another look down over the edge of the ledge to see if escape looked more feasible in the dim light of pre-dawn. However, if she attempted to climb down now, she would be climbing into the arms of the next group of arrivals. She looked up, but didn’t have much time for planning an escape route before her attention was drawn back below. Something large was crashing through the bushes and trees lower down on the mountainside, followed by the sound of a loud bleat abruptly cut short. It was too dark to see what actually was happening below, but maybe a mountain lion had been successful hunting for its breakfast.

  The crashing and snapping branches started up again, and seemed to be headed straight her way. She became even more anxious. What was it that was coming toward her? Would it do any good to pray for God’s help again? Or would that cause an entire demon army to appear? “Oh, God! Help me!” is what escaped out of her mouth while she was debating whether to risk praying or not.

  While she looked intently down the mountain, trying to discern what was moving up the trail in the darkness, off to the left, something huge had jumped into the air, headed straight toward her! She had actually been looking at it for several moments before its existence had registered, her understanding several moments slower than her sight, unable to see (perceive) what was right in front of her because comprehension was too slow to keep up. Something was about to land here, on this very ledge, beside her! Quickly drawing back, she pressed her body against the side of mountain as hard as she could. A huge something landed on the ledge in front of the cave opening with a thud that sent vibrations through the rock that she could feel in her feet.

  The something was a gigantic beast (more than twice her height) that reminded Mia of the ferocious, human-hunting velociraptor dinosaurs featured in certain blockbuster movies. Standing upright, this monster was a speedy combination of bird of prey and reptile with a long tail and pointy teeth and shiny skin and claws with small wings designed for gliding. Its head was long and pointed like a raptor’s but with an elongated, domed brain case projecting above the back of its skull. Mia was shocked to recognize a resemblance to petroglyph drawings of one of the tall creatures that menaced the human stick figures. But then she stopped thinking altogether. She was too terrified. The giant raptor looked directly into her eyes, then stepped closer and bent its head down to sniff her hair. Held motionless by its gaze in spite of her terror, she couldn’t move or scream or even think anything beyond how she must appear to it, small and insignificant, and oh so easy to crush with just one foot. The firelight from inside the cave lit up its skin, a shimmering prism of changing colors, highlights glowing like bronze while a magenta tongue flicked in and out of its mouth, darting near her face as it stood over her. After an endless moment, it broke eye contact with her and stepped away to enter the cave.

  Released from the hypnotism of its gaze, her body was able to move again, and she noticed the raptor had a deer slung over its back, its neck obviously broken — and gnawed on. Unable to sit outside and not not look, she crawled to where she could see inside the cave. The gigantic velociraptor finished gnawing the head of the deer off, then threw the carcass onto the stone table in the center of the cave. The deer’s blood began gathering in the trough ringing the edge of table, the red liquid flowing out of a spout at the end of table, draining into a hollow in the rock under the table. The remaining members of the security team had morphed into their reptilian gargoyle shapes and were both slavering to get a bite of the raw meat. But they were also behaving like good pack animals and waiting quietly to be invited by the alpha before dining. Suddenly, Mia couldn’t stand to look any longer. It was entirely possible that she might end up on that stone table again, become dinner in the same way as the deer, and she had no interest in knowing how the meal would proceed.

  The dining was quieter than she had expected. Whoever this velociraptor was, he obviously had enough status or power or prowess to keep the monsters quiet. No complaining or joking or howling or kibitzing at all! She looked into the cave again. The meal hadn’t actually begun yet. The raptor was seated by the fire, its skin glowing bronze in the firelight, right
clawed foot resting on the deer’s head. The two gargoyles were pressed against the back cave wall, obviously hungry but not protesting in any visible way at the delay. Chase was standing next to the seated raptor, also changed into his beast form, head bowed. None of them dared to look the velociraptor in the eye, but averted their faces and stared at a blank spot on the floor or the cave wall. Mia was struck by a memory of what Milton had written as a monolog for Satan after he had rebelled against God — “Here we may reign secure, and my choice to reign is worth ambition though in Hell: Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heaven.” Well, the “ruling in Hell” obviously only applied to the devils at the very top, the executive level Watchers and Fallen Ones — just like at iCon. Serving a repressive hierarchy in control of everything the minions did, the guard-goyles received nothing but an everlasting sentence of fawning servitude. No reigning for the rank and file in Hell. The elite ruled, and their slaves, the gargoyles drooled. Literally.

  After several uncomfortable (and silent) moments of exerting his authority and control, the velociraptor motioned Chase to sit next to him. “I’ll hear your report now, while our guards break their fast.” And then it gestured toward the carcass of the deer on the stone table, and the gargoyles jumped up onto the stone table, pulling the carcass apart noisily.

  Mia was about to pull back from the cave entrance when she noticed that the other two were morphing back into their human forms. Which revealed that the velociraptor was really Damien Cezary himself! How unexpected! And confusing. The man who wanted to upload his consciousness to a computer was already living an eternal life as a fallen angel, a diabolically inhuman life.

  “I see you’ve received an injury during your travels today,” Cezary said.

  Gingerly touching his bruised nose, Chase coughed, then replied. “Why, yes. An injury. Yes, I have. My nose was broken earlier. In Itimah Kittsum. When we encountered the Sarrabu Guardian while trying to elude Enoch’s people. I’m sorry to report it became necessary to resist the Guardian when it had grabbed one of my guards after initially trying to take the human female away from us. You know the kind of devil that Sarrabu is. However, in spite of my best efforts, I was unable to prevent Bittner from being dragged back down into the abyss by the Guardian.”