Carpathian Vampire, When You've Never Known Love

by Lumi Laura

CHAPTER 35 Begging for It

  Alex and Jaklin walked Mikhail back home as darkness encroached. He'd stopped crying and seemed to become more aware. They encouraged him to talk. At first, he thought he was back in Moscow, but gradually began to remember Romania and Sinaia. Jaklin, he recognized right away, but it took until they almost reached the Estate before he remembered Alex.

  Alex had Mikhail's arm around her neck to support him, and it felt so unbelievable good to be with him again. She kept reaching across and touching Jaklin. She couldn't quit smiling, but the catastrophe at Shadowrise lingered in the background. Still, she was with her friends, her lovers, and Mikhail was now immortal. She'd not have to face eternity alone after all. Jaklin looked worried, and Alex wondered at her concern.

  As they approached the front of her home, Alex saw an ominous bank of clouds hanging over the mountain. Lightning lashed its flanks. A major thunderstorm was on its way. Mikhail flinched at each rumble. The inside of their home was lit up like a jack-o-lantern. A wave of cold rain swept over them. Alex banged on the door and shouted for Catherine. They heard her working the latch.

  "Who is this Catherine person," asked Jaklin, but Alex didn't answer.

  The door swung open, and Catherine grabbed Alex and hugged her. "I was so worried about you." She held her at arm's length. "You didn't get hurt, did you?" She finally let her go. "Don't leave me alone again. I've seen vampires lurking about outside, and thought Alu might have come for me." And then she laughed. "I sound so human. Afraid of the dark, again. I felt so vulnerable."

  "These are my two friends, Jaklin and Mikhail. And this is..." She indicated Catherine, "...is my... Faery Godmother."

  Jaklin wrinkled her forehead. "What?"

  "Let it go," she said. "Everything in due course."

  "What's wrong with him?" asked Catherine, looking at Mikhail. "He's not well. And covered in blood."

  "Mikhail was wounded at Shadowrise and would have died. I turned him. He became disoriented afterward."

  Catherine put her hand on his shoulder. "Then he did die. And now he's undead. He may not fully recover until he's initiated."

  Alex realized she was right. Mikhail did die. She felt a wave of guilt but brushed it away and leaned over the bassinet. She just couldn't deal with all of it. "How is my little girl?"

  "She's been whimpering," said Catherine. "I was so nervous and restless waiting for you that I gave her a sponge bath. She's amazingly healthy and as active as a six-month old."

  Alex scooped her up out of the bassinet, held her close and felt that she'd never let go of her baby again. "My little angel." Andra was nestled inside her pink blanket fast asleep. Alex hadn't had time to even get a good look at her. She had more hair than Alex initially thought, blond fluff over the back and fuzz across the top. Alex could see her pulse in her soft spot. She pulled open the baby blanket.

  "Oh! You dressed her."

  "I found the little one-piece bodysuit in the baby bed upstairs. You sure have a lot of disposable diapers."

  Alex had wondered how she'd look in that little white garment with "te iubesc" in red letters across the front. "Such tiny hands and feet." Alex felt like a woman for the first time, so motherly.

  They all gathered around the tiny infant, Mikhail crowding in to get a better look.

  Alex handed her to Jaklin. "You must hold her," she said.

  "How about me?" said Mikhail.

  "Not until you've cleaned up," said Catherine.

  Mikhail picked up Nălucă, something he would have never done before. Nălucă licked the blood soaked into his shirt.

  "A group of bounty hunters attacked Shadowrise. They shot him. He's not his normal self. Perhaps I did it wrong," said Alex. "I had no experience. I was desperate. I expected him to become violent."

  "There is no wrong way," assured Catherine. "Either he is or he isn't. Initially, they adopt the attitude they were in when turned. Perhaps it's also because you are not a normal vampire. Give him time."

  "He was in full guilt mode when Stefan shot him," said Jaklin, "and full of regret at the way he'd treated Alex before she left."

  "That'll take some time to come to terms with," said Catherine. "Go easy on him."

  Alex wanted the lights off so Andra could sleep. Jaklin relit the fireplace. Catherine stood before it warming herself. Mikhail seemed to have an aversion to light, not severe, but noteworthy. His wounds had healed but scars remained.

  "How did you come to terms with vampirism, Mikhail?" Alex asked. "You were so disillusioned when last I saw you."

  "It was the gazebo," he said. "I fixed it up a little, Missy, at least what I could. Uncovered the edges of the foundation. Found some of the stone furniture. Then I kept seeing lights flicker in it at night, but when I went to investigate, no one was there."

  "After that, I could still go inside," said Jaklin, "but Mikhail couldn't."

  "When I tried," said Mikhail, "such great fear came over me that I'd run back in the house. Then one evening, I went out to investigate a blinking light. An apparition leaving the gazebo confronted me, chastised me and said to quit trying to enter, that I was a scourge and would not be allowed inside. I realized that everything you'd told us about the gazebo was true, that a divine being had actually bitten you, and you had seen Catalin there. I'm convinced the gazebo is a portal to the Divine World."

  "He started preaching your virtues," said Jaklin. "I couldn't shut him up. But that's enough talk for now. I'm taking him upstairs for a bath and change of clothes. He must have fallen in a pile of bear dung." She took him by the arm.

  Mikhail was still carrying Nălucă and won't let go of him. Nălucă was purring loud enough to wake the neighbors.

  "Really. Who are those two?" asked Catherine. "Why would you turn him?"

  "Just friends," Alex said and paused for a second but realized that she could never hide the truth. "And lovers."

  "Oh!" Catherine blushed, then smiled. "Both... lovers?"

  "Both."

  "A ménage? Not so unusual in the vampire community."

  Alex looked away. After Father Zosimos' castigation, she felt ashamed.

  "We'll fix a room for you," Alex said. "You can stay here with us."

  "My home... This is where you all stay."

  "Live. Where we live. It's mine now, Catherine," said Alex. "Given to me by your daughter, my grandmother, before she passed away. But you are welcome here, will always be."

  Catherine looked disappointed, perhaps even sad. "My daughter. You'll have to tell me about her. I've not been allowed in Sinaia the last ninety years. Alu convinced me, and perhaps rightly so, that my presence here would be a danger to both me and my daughter. But then I heard that she'd passed away and that you, my great granddaughter, had also been turned. I cried for days about both of you. I had wanted so badly to see her before she passed away."

  "That's a long time to be in exile."

  "And it was an exile. I must say, the old place looks remarkably well kept."

  "Bunică employed a couple of servants to help after Grandfather died. I came here every summer the last few years. We worked setting it in order. She'd put off things, so we could work together. I grew fond of the place long before she left it to me. It's not been a year since she passed on."

  "How I would have loved to have been in your shoes, to have spent time with her, helping her with her home. While away, I never spent a day that I didn't wonder about her. What a tragedy for a mother not to be able to raise her own child. I'd love to meet your mother."

  Alex wondered how that'd go over. "You look so young. Hard to believe you're my great grandmother. I'm sorry I had to push you into allowing me to turn you back."

  "If you only knew how much I've wanted this. I was married for four years. When my husband died, my mother, Queen Marie, attended him on his deathbed. She had little belief in Romanian Orthodoxy, unlike me. I've always been a Christian. While a vampire, I couldn't even look at a cross. My vampire aunt tricked me into it. Bu
t she, amazingly, was turned back human, and I was left alone. I was never much for Millennium Road. But one lives the life one has, not the one they wish they had. Immortality here on Earth seemed such a burden."

  "So that answers the question. I've read your diary. I came to feel that I knew you."

  "My diary! You found it? God, I'd love to see it."

  "Who turned back your aunt? That is a rare gift."

  "Not been heard of before or sense, until you came along, that is. It was a strange creature, Alex. Perhaps a heavenly being. I've recently heard that she's returned, but had some disastrous encounter with Alu."

  "This is starting to make some sense. Was the divine being called Velinar."

  "Why, yes. I believe she was. How did you know?"

  "She was the one who turned me. She came into this world, took on mortal form and had Alu bite her, thinking she might turn him back human, but instead it made her undead."

  "That's not the full story. Is it?"

  "What do you mean."

  "She had to drink his blood also to become a vampire. It's doubtful he forced her. Something strange about that scenario."

  Alex looked up from the baby and thought about what Catherine had just said. Catalin's story of Velinar had always seemed a bit off. "She was stuck here until she drank my blood. It cured her, and now she's back in Heaven. At my expense, I might add. I have taken on her vampirism." She'd have to question Catalin about this.

  Jaklin returned with Mikhail, who now looked remarkably refreshed. He even smiled at Alex. "So... we're both now creatures of the night," he said.

  "We'll have to wait until morning to see if you can handle sunlight. Perhaps you'll be like me."

  "I can't wait for sunrise," said Catherine. "No more Shadowrise for me."

  Catherine and Jaklin were feeling cold, so they threw a log on the fire, pushed back the sofa, and all gathered around on the floor before it to discuss the situation. Alex held little Andra. She wouldn't let her out of her sight. Andra was so tiny and Alex cuddled her close and kissed her, rubbed their cheeks together. What delicious warm skin. So soft. She craved some time alone with her baby. Just an hour or two to get acquainted.

  "All this is well and good," said Jaklin. "But we have one thing that can wait no longer."

  "And what might that be?" asked Alex.

  "I'm not going to live a mortal life, grow old and die with two immortal vampires perpetually in the flower of youth." She stared daggers at Alex. "You're immortal. I want to be too."

  "No," said Alex. "You can't ask this of me, Jaklin. You're not injured. You aren't dying."

  "Ever since I learned that you are a vamp, I've wanted to be turned. Mikhail didn't. I was caught between you two, so I never asked. Now, I'm begging you."

  "With Mikhail, I got caught off guard. And my need to feed also clouded my judgment. I'm not going to make another mistake with you."

  "Wouldn't it be great though? The three of us for eternity. We've sworn to live our lives together. You can't doom me to a mortal existence. You need me. I want to fight alongside you. With this mortal body, I'll be a liability."

  Alex couldn't deny the excitement she felt thinking of Jaklin as an immortal. She looked at Mikhail, and heard Jaklin whisper "forever." She was right. The possibilities were irresistible. "But what about your job with the Bulgarian Consulate?"

  "I'll ask for the nightshift. You're not going to talk me out of this."

  "You have such a bright future."

  "Look," said Jaklin. "The entire area is now infested with feral vampires. What if one of them gets me? I'd be feral and you'd have to kill me yourself. What a future. I wouldn't even have a soul."

  "Don't talk like that. We can get you out of here. Send you back to Bulgaria."

  "Not going to happen. I'm not leaving you two."

  "I could inoculate you."

  "And why haven't you done that? You know as well as I do that you've avoided inoculation simply because you really do want to turn us."

  Alex looked away. She knew Jaklin was right. "What do you think, Catherine?" she asked. "What should I do with her?"

  "The life of a vampire is no picnic. What happens to the soul is horrible. Millennium Road is only three thousand years old, still changing and trying to find its truth and purpose. Human psychic space has been around for a couple hundred thousand years, and its connection to the Divine World, which has been around since the beginning of the Universe, is evolving too. But Millennium Road is going somewhere and a big change is about to occur. It has to do with the pentagon they are headed toward. It still hasn't come of age. Once they reach their destination they will understand what the race of vampires is all about. I have always been a Christian; therefore, as for turning Jaklin, I say no. But you are different from other vampires."

  "I can wear a cross," said Alex.

  "But you don't," countered Catherine.

  "I had mine taken from me, and I plan to get it back."

  "That may signify a huge difference in someone you turn. We know Mikhail is different, but we don't know the full extent. Sometimes things are just meant to be. This you must decide for yourselves."

  "I turned Mikhail without knowing what I was doing."

  "Initiating the transformation is simple," said Catherine. "The internal process is complex. A vampire must drink the blood of the person they are going to turn first so it can reconfigure its own blood. The human's blood only changes the vampire's for a few moments. Once the vampire's blood has undergone the transformation peculiar to that particular human, then the human can drink of the vampire, and its blood will do the trick. If they don't bite the vampire immediately, they won't turn. All traces of the person's blood are then erased as the vampire's liver and kidneys process the vampire's blood. The human must be practically empty before they ingests vampire blood."

  "Why does this conversion happen at all?" asked Jaklin. "How can vampire blood be that different?"

  "The vampire community has done a lot of research on this. The blood of a vampire isn't just for circulation, carrying oxygen and nutrients to replenish the body and disposing of waste. It supercharges the system. When a vampire drinks blood, it doesn't just enter the digestive track. Part of it is absorbed into the tissue where it forms bonds not possible in humans. It changes metabolism and allows the body to operate more efficiently. "

  "Is that the only difference?" asked Jaklin.

  "Over time, the new blood upgrades the flesh also. Vampire saliva is an aphrodisiac, and addicting. Once they have kissed a vampire, they are sexually supercharged. It's similar to alcohol but even more directed toward sexuality. Sex for a vampire has been liberated from reproduction and is much more about the caring and craving people have for each other." 

  "That explains the first night we met," said Mikhail. "It was as if you put a spell on us. Seems you have a certain responsibility."

  "I didn't know," said Alex. "I was just as entranced by you."

  "If you turn Jaklin, you simply drain her. But you must stop before she completely loses consciousness, or she might not be able to bite you. Even if you do, you can still open a vein. The blood of a vampire is absorbed through the mouth lining, awakening even the dead like a shot of adrenalin."

  "That's it?" said Alex.

  "Yes." Catherine smiled. "Except it's like the best sex you've ever had." She blushed.

  "So you've actually turned someone?" asked Alex.

  "I'm very tired and going to bed now. Talk it over amongst yourselves. When you turn someone, you should sleep with them that night and look for them on Millennium Road. A friend can easily awaken them to the vampire psychic world. They wander and become lost until they have the Millennium Dream. May be Mikhail's problem."

  "What's this... Millennium Dream?" asked Mikhail.

  "It's vampire psychic space," answered Catherine. "You dream of Millennium Road. It's analogous to the ancient mysteries. The soul is no longer a sieve with life just passing through it. It becomes clos
ed off so everything is retained and important. Instead of it being wrapped up in the trivialities of everyday life, the vampire is aware of its destiny. Life makes sense where to many it didn't before."

  "But what about Heaven?" asked Jaklin. "Does a vampire ever get to Heaven?"

  "Millennium Road is vampire Heaven. They've bridged the void between life and death. They no longer have to wait until their life here is over and then be judged to start living their true life, as do humans. The vampire is never judged, but always accepted into eternal life here on Earth. The Undead live in dual worlds of consciousness: the real world and the psychic world — the world of the soul."

  "Don't vampires have normal dreams?" asked Jaklin.

  "Yes. But most human dreams are ephemeral and come from a remote psyche. Vampires have a much closer relationship with their psychic life on Millennium Road and their dreams. After all, they're dead. Or undead."

  "What happens when the Undead die?" asked Jaklin.

  "It loses existence in the real world and has only the world of the soul left. Death is a real loss for the vampire. It loses the real part of its eternal existence but remains on Millennium Road."

  Jaklin became lost in thought.

  Catherine then went on up to bed, and with her gone, the three lovers sat looking into the fire. Alex held baby Andra close for a while, then put her in the bassinet, and returned again to stare into the coals. Jaklin was in the middle, the three holding hands.

  Jaklin shook herself out of her thoughtful trance and looked at Alex. "Mikhail's hand is cold," she said. "Make mine cold too."

  Alex sighed deeply. "Help me, Mikhail. Help me with her."

  Mikhail took Jaklin into his arms, laid her back and kissed her on the lips. Then Alex kissed her, lifted her hair off her neck and kissed her again on the throat.

  "Going to hurt a little at first," Alex said. And then she did what she'd been dying to do ever since she first met Jaklin. She bit her. The warm gush of fresh blood sent a charge of sexual desire stronger than anything she'd ever felt. Jaklin leaned into her, and Alex devoured her. It was as if she'd suck Jaklin into her own body, not just her blood, but her entire being seemed to flow into Alex, more delicious, more precious than sex had ever been. She pulled her from Mikhail, and squeezed her within her own arms.

  "Stop, Missy," said Mikhail.

  Alex pulled away and put Jaklin's mouth up against her throat, but she was lifeless. She'd quit breathing.

  Mikhail had hold of Jaklin's wrist. "You've killed her. Her heart has stopped."

  "You're right. She's unresponsive. I've gone too far." Alex then took the kitchen knife, slit the edge of her palm and squeezed her fist until a stream of fresh blood poured into Jaklin's mouth and down her tongue into her throat. Mikhail held her mouth open.

  Nothing happened.

  "She's not coming back, Mikhail. I've done it wrong," said Alex. She'd killed her sweetheart by her own lust for every drop of her blood. Alex started crying.

  Mikhail sobbed. "Quick, Missy. Do something," he said.

  Alex grabbed the knife again and made a deep cut along the side of her own throat. She pulled Jaklin's limp body to her, took her head in her own hands and shoved her open mouth down on her. Still nothing. She laid Jaklin's head back on the pillow and laid her throat down on hop of Jaklin. She felt her blood pouring into her. Still nothing.

  Then Jaklin coughed, sputtered, and like a ferocious beast her teeth sank into Alex. Her arms came alive and locked around Alex. Alex could feel the suction drawing the blood from her. Then quite suddenly, Jaklin went lifeless. She fell away.

  "What have I done?" said Alex, tears streaming down her cheeks. "She's not coming back, Mikhail."

  "Here," said Mikhail, and he took Jaklin from Alex into his own arms. He bit her, sucked a little of her blood and then put her mouth up against his throat.

  Instantly Jaklin came alive, sinking her teeth into Mikhail and sucking ferociously. Alex saw Jaklin's eyes open wide, emit a pale light that brightened and flashed so brilliant that it momentarily lit the entire room. Then quite as abruptly as she'd started drinking, she stopped, pulled away from him and looked around. Blood streamed down her chin and over her breasts. She looked at her friends with a strange frightened expression, as if she didn't recognize them. She jumped to her feet and ran, bumped into the door, fell on her back, jumped to her feet and ran into the kitchen. Alex and Mikhail went after her. She backed against the wall, screamed and showed her teeth like a wild animal.

  "Don't push her," said Alex. "Just contain her."

  "It's okay," said Mikhail. "You're with friends."

  Jaklin grabbed the large chopping knife from the wood block. She held it in front of her and moved it threateningly, as if she'd used one before in self-defense.

  "I think she'd gone feral," said Alex. "What a catastrophe."

  "Never," said Mikhail. "She'll calm. We'll just have to give her a little space until she gets her bearings."

  As suddenly as she'd jumped up from the sofa, Jaklin collapsed like a marionette. The knife fell from her hand onto the floor.

  "She died again, Mikhail."

  He bent over her and raised her head with his arm. "Her heart's beating. She's alive. Or undead, at least."

  Alex fell to her knees at Jaklin's side. She put Jaklin's mouth to her throat. Again, and again she drank. Slowly, Jaklin regained consciousness. She smacked her lips, looked up at Alex, grabbed her and kissed her, a hard ferocious kiss. She kissed Mikhail like she could eat him. She rose up, taking them both in.

  "Finally!" she said. "Eternity."