Tagged, You're It (a novelette) (Gotcha Detective Agency Mysteries)

by Jamie Lee Scott

  “Why do you think most businesses go under?” Jackie was being evasive.

  “Just tell me what the hell you were talking about before I came in.” I tried to sound perturbed, but it came out more like amused.

  “Okay, fine,” Jackie put her fork down and leaned in close. “But you didn’t hear this from me.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “Selena was telling me that since she bought the business, things have been pretty good. She’s been able to keep most of the clients the old owner had, and life was good. That is until she catered an event for Simone, and things didn’t go well.”

  “What happened after that?”

  “Simone badmouthed It’s So Good to anyone and everyone who would listen. Suddenly Selena was getting cancelations. Her customers were demanding their deposits back, and Selena had already spent the money for the preparations. She was thrilled that Charles was giving her a chance because many of the guests had used her before. This was her chance to redeem herself.”

  I was proud of Charles for not letting gossip affect his decision regarding the caterer.

  “Selena said everything was perfect tonight, then Simone saw her, and started badmouthing her again, right here at the party.”

  “So rude,” I said.

  “No kidding. When I came into the kitchen to keep an eye on the back door, Selena had her head on the table, sobbing.”

  I thought about Selena’s face when I walked in. She sure hadn’t looked like she’d been crying. I know if I’d been “sobbing,” my eyes would be red and puffy for hours. Good genes, maybe.

  “Huh, she didn’t look like she’d been crying.”

  Jackie started eating again. With her mouth full, she said, “I don’t know.” She swallowed. “We’ve been talking for a while, so she was better by the time you walked in.”

  It felt like Jackie was feeding me a load of bullshit, but there was no reason for her to, so I brushed it off.

  “I came in here for some peace and quiet for a moment, before I go back out and start eavesdropping again. This murder investigation stuff sucks. I’d hoped to never see another dead body again.” I picked a piece of turkey off Jackie’s plate.

  “I understand that.”

  “Oh my goodness, this is fantastic.” The turkey melted in my mouth and tickled my taste buds.

  “I know, right? I don’t understand how Simone would have anything to complain about.” Jackie shoved her plate at me. “Try the green bean bundles.”

  I picked up the bacon wrapped bundle and ate it in one bite. It was really too big for a single bite, but I stuffed it in and savored it, then I chased it down with a swig from my bottle.

  “I’ve got to get back to the party. Other than Selena’s story, anyone try to leave or anything?”

  “Nothing.” Jackie leaned across the table to grab for my bottle. I snatched it out of her reach.

  With my hand wrapped around the neck of my champagne bottle, I got up to leave. Jackie got up, too, and opened the refrigerator. She was going to get a bottle of her own. I smiled.

  Chapter 7

  I didn’t know what to expect when I went back to the guests, but I was surprised that everyone seemed to still be having a good time. No dead body was going to ruin their merry good time. I found this hard to believe. My stomach was flopping around inside me like a fish out of water. Was it different for me because this was my property?

  I headed back upstairs to talk to Nick, and as I walked through the party, it seemed all of the conversation turned back to talk of the murder. I just dropped my head and parted the sea of guests, heading straight for the stairs.

  At the bottom of the stairs, Anthony stood guard. He was the darker version of Charles, and just as tough. No one messed with Anthony, no matter how sweet and charming he seemed; he wasn’t pretty when he was mad.

  He put his arm up to stop me. I tried to push past, but he was obviously stronger.

  “Move,” I said.

  “No. Charles stationed me here and told me no one goes upstairs. There’s a murder investigation and Nick doesn’t need idiots trampling all over his crime scene.” Anthony stood firm.

  “If you don’t want me to kick you in the balls, you’ll move and let me pass.” I stepped back and got ready to kick.

  Anthony laughed. “You go ahead and try, chica! Let’s see who is faster on the draw.” He put his arm down.

  I made a motion like I was going to kick him, and as soon as his arms were in a protective position, I squeezed past him and up the stairs. “Gotcha! Besides, Anthony, it’s my house.”

  I casually strolled up the stairs, and I thought I heard voices again. The bathroom door was closed, and I didn’t see Nick anywhere. As much as I didn’t want to go near the door, I knocked. I thought I heard movement as I waited for him to open the door.

  “What’s up?” Nick said from behind me.

  I screamed. “Holy fuck, what are you trying to do, add to your list of corpses?”

  Nick’s laughed so hard his body shook. “Sorry, I didn’t really mean to scare you. Besides, who else is it going to be? I’m the only one up here.”

  I took a moment to recover from my shock. “For all I knew the killer got you too and was sneaking up on me.”

  “Okay Mimi, try to act like an adult. You’re smarter than that.” Nick slid against the wall and sat on the floor. “I just came back from checking all of the upstairs rooms a second time.”

  I did my best to sit next to him without splitting the seams of my dress, it wasn’t going to happen. “Did you find anything?”

  “Nothing interesting.” Nick stood and grabbed my hand. He pulled me in close and planted a perfect kiss. Then he hugged me close. I loved his touch, but something felt wrong about being so happy with a dead body in the other room.

  I pushed away from Nick’s embrace and told him the stories I’d heard downstairs. I asked him why he thought Charles would invite someone who was so disliked to his party.

  Nick rubbed the back of my hand. “He’s Charles. That’s his personality. He likes to shake things up a bit.”

  I chuckled. “That he does. I wanted to let you know what I’d found out about Simone so far. I hope it helps.” I looked in his eyes. “What are we going to do now?”

  Nick closed his eyes. Suddenly he looked very tired. “I don’t think we can continue this way.”

  My heart stopped. He didn’t want to see me anymore. I couldn’t speak, so I sat there staring at him.

  “I’m going to need to take individual statements from each of the guests, and call in the Crime Scene Unit.” He reached in his pocket for his cell phone.

  “You still have your phone?”

  Nick looked at me like I was crazy. “I’m a cop. I can’t be out of touch for some New Year’s party.”

  My eyes widened. Charles was going to flip that Nick didn’t follow his rules.

  Nick must have noticed because he said, “Charles knows.”

  Phone fiasco aside, my heart did a happy dance when I realized he wasn’t dumping me. I felt a tad narcissistic thinking this was about me. I flushed with embarrassment. Good thing the lights were low so he couldn’t see me.

  “I’m going to call the station, and then I want you to come downstairs with me. We can organize things so the statements go faster.” He stood up and helped me up.

  Nick dialed his phone, and I swear I heard another phone in the house ring. Maybe it was the music, because even Charles had turned his phone off and tossed it in the box at the beginning of the party.

  “Yeah, we have a one-eighty-seven.” Nick gave them my address. “A stabbing.”

  He listened for a few seconds. “I’ll tell you more when you get here.”

  Nick looked at the bathroom door, then at me. “Why don’t you come downstairs with me?”

  “What about the body?” I thought he’d be up there protecting the victim from further harm or from nosy guests.

  “I think she’ll be fine. Everyone is goi
ng to want to leave as soon as possible, so if we gather and line them up for statements, no one will bother to come upstairs.”

  We got to the bottom of the stairs and Anthony glared at me. “This is not over. I’ve got your number lady and I don’t just get even, I get revenge.”

  Anthony and I both laughed loud. He reached out and hugged me. “I am going to get you back,” he whispered in my ear.

  I kissed him on the cheek. “I know you will.”

  Nick broke up the hug fest. “Anthony, don’t let anyone else up here. I mean anyone.”

  I swear Anthony winked at Nick as we passed.

  We walked together to go find Charles and tell him the plan. After strolling through the party and fending off questions about what was going on, we found him in the kitchen.

  I sat at the table with Charles, Jackie, and Willis. Charles had his feet up on the table and was kicked back and relaxed. And here I thought he was worried about his party being ruined.

  “Change of plans,” Nick said. “I’ve called in the Crime Scene Unit and we are going to line everyone up outside Mimi’s office and take statements one at a time.”

  Charles put his feet down and sat up straight. “Are you sure?”

  Nick nodded. “Yes. I want you to grab the cell phones and take them into the office. After we’ve questioned the guests, I’d like them to take their coats and phones and immediately leave the premises.”

  “Don’t forget their keys.” I blurted.

  Everyone looked at me like I was nuts. What the hell?

  Jackie protested, “But what if they lie to you? How are you going to know? I mean, you have suspects and you’re just going to let them walk out?”

  “I know my job. I’m pretty good at picking out inconsistencies. If I think someone is suspicious, I’ll detain them. If I need to talk to them again in the future, I’ll have their contact information.” He started toward my office.

  I started to follow, but he stopped.

  “What? It’s my office. Don’t I get to sit in on the questioning?”

  Charles stood. “No, Mimi, I think you need to help me with the coats and phones. And we’ll need to gather everyone together, again.” The emphasis on again told me he was tired of this already.

  Nick went into my office, and I went with Charles to help maintain order.

  “I’m going to hoist you onto the buffet table, and since it’s your business, you can address everyone.” Charles ushered me to the table. “Jackie, you and Willis get the phones and coats and take them into Mimi’s office.

  Refusing Charles’ help, I hopped up onto the table, kicked my shoes off and climbed up. Before addressing everyone, I said to Charles, “I don’t know why we didn’t just do this in the first place. I want that body out of this house.”

  “That sounds quite callous to me. She was a person you know, and my friend, too. And you chastised me for saying the murder ruined the party.” Charles held my hand to balance me as I stood up straight.

  “Yes, I admit, we both are selfish little shits,” I whispered.

  Standing up on the table in my own establishment was surreal. All of the guests had gathered in the reception area and foyer, waiting for instructions.

  “First of all, I just wanted to say sorry for the inconvenience, and I’m devastated about this murder. I promise we’ll find out who did this to Simone, but first we need to get statements from everyone here.”

  The guests all looked at one another and the hush turned into a cacophony of whispers.

  Charles yelled out from his place next to the table. “Listen up, Mimi has specific instructions.” He turned to me and said, “Tell them to make three lines.”

  “Why?” Nick could only interview one person at a time.

  “Because I said so. Just do it.” Charles snapped.

  There was a deathly quiet as everyone listened to the instructions. They were tired of this party, too. Who wants to be told they can’t leave any time they want?

  I still didn’t think this was a good idea, but what else could we do? Sequestering these people was out of our jurisdiction.

  Everyone eagerly filed into neat little lines. As I got down from the table and grabbed my shoes, Charles took me by the elbow, and we walked toward my office. At the door, Charles knocked and asked, “Are you ready?”

  I smirked. Ready for what?

  The “ready for what” became shockingly apparent as Charles opened the office door.

  Chapter 8

  Charles still had me by the elbow when he opened the door, and it was a good thing he did, because I felt the blood drain from my face, and my knees buckle.

  Sitting on my desk, right in the middle as if on display, was Simone. The knife was still sticking out of her stomach, and blood soaked her dress.

  I regained control, but just barely, as Simone, along with everyone else in the house yelled, “You’ve been punked!”

  I didn’t even look at Charles as I turned and smacked him. And then I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself.

  If you’re wondering why I wasn’t pissed beyond belief, I have a little story to tell:

  The Gotcha gang and I have a favorite TV show, Saving Grace. I’m not sure if you’ve ever seen the show, but the CAPS (Crimes Against People) division liked to play elaborate ruses on each other. No one was exempt, and as the series progressed, so did the pranks.

  I’m loath to admit I loved the idea of the pranks, even suggesting it would be fun to plan some.

  This was all fine and dandy when Charles and Cortnie were playing the pranks on others, like Anthony, who thought he had a million dollar order from a major department store for his voodoo dolls; or Jackie, who had to go to great lengths to prove to her twins that they were in fact hers and not adopted.

  What they did to Nick was the worst. We got Nick’s superior officer to go in with us. Nick thought there was some black mark on his performance record in San Francisco that had been overlooked. He was being fired by the Salinas Police Department. At the same time, I was able to get in touch with his alma mater, San Jose State, and got them to tell him he’d never actually graduated college. Nick was on his way to San Jose when we finally let him in on the joke. He was not a happy man.

  When it came time for payback, it took a long time to figure out a prank that Charles would actually believe. Not to mention, everyone was afraid to play one on him, because he’s not always the best sport. But what we came up with was genius, if I do say so myself.

  Charles loves his Audi Spyder. The car is his baby, and he’d probably sell Anthony’s kidneys if the car needed something Charles couldn’t afford. So we stole the car. While was having dinner with Anthony at a posh restaurant in Carmel. The restaurant had valet service, and the car just happened to disappear, since the valet had accidentally left the keys in the car when he was called back to the restaurant for an emergency. Poor guy. Even though he was in on the joke, Charles reamed him so thoroughly that the guy felt like the car had really been stolen.

  I don’t have to go into the details for you to know Charles nearly had a coronary. I thought for sure he’d laugh and guffaw when he found out his car was fine. I should have known better; he freaked out. There was a scratch on his baby. A scratch. Charles hadn’t been speaking to me until he wanted to have the New Year’s Eve party. I should have known something was up.

  Simone jumped off the desk, pulled the fake knife from her stomach and came toward me with open arms.

  I stuck my hand out to stop her. “No way are you hugging me with that crap on your dress. And besides, I’m furious.”

  Simone threw her head back and laughed. “If you knew how much work went into this little charade, you’d be blushing. A lot of time and effort went into punking you.”

  Charles tore the shoes from my hand and wrapped his arms around me. “You know I love you, right?”

  I tried to pound his chest and get away from his embrace, but he wasn’t letting me go until I conceded. “Yes, I know you love
me. Now let me go.”

  By now the party was back in full swing. Everyone was chatting and laughing. They all came into the office and shook my hand, telling me this was the most fun they’d ever had at a New Year’s Eve party.

  I tried not to act as embarrassed as I felt, and enjoy their merriment. This party was far from over, but I was more than ready to leave. The only problem, I’d downed nearly half a bottle of champagne in the process of getting to this point. I couldn’t drive home now if I wanted.

  Simone approached me once again, and I noticed her bare feet. She, or someone else, had tied a morgue toe tag to her big toe. For the first time since seeing her alive, I really laughed, belly laughed, in fact.

  I may have been the one getting punked, and I felt like an idiot, but Simone was right; this didn’t all just come together in a few hours. Charles had put a lot of time and effort into this.

  “I hope you aren’t too mad at us,” Simone said. She looped her arm in mine. “Come on, have a seat. You must be exhausted.”

  I didn’t fight her on this. I went around to my chair on the other side of my desk. Nick sat there quietly. I think he was waiting for a reprimand. I leaned over and whispered in his ear. “You are so going to pay for this.”

  Nick grinned. “God, I hope so. Because, as far as I’m concerned, the little prank you played on me was nothing compared to this.”

  I sat on his lap. “I really want to be mad at you for playing along.”

  “Like you didn’t play along when Charles played his prank on me.” Nick wiggled his legs to get me off balance.

  “Play along? I planned it.” I stood up before he could dump me off his lap.

  He grabbed me by the hand. “We need a safe word.”

  I stopped, my eyes widened. “So sorry, BDSM isn’t my style.”

  “I mean for the pranks. A safe word, so we know what’s real and what isn’t.” Nick was serious.

  “Discombobulated,” I said.

  Nick shook his head. “No, because that describes you most days.”

  “Ha ha.” I thought for a moment. “Cupcake.”