A Family Shattered: Book Two in the Michal's Destiny Series

by Roberta Kagan

  She didn’t want to alarm Miriam with her lack of confidence, so Michal smiled and said, “Everything looks good.”

  “What are we going to do with the baby here in the camp once it’s born?” Miriam said, her face lined with fear and pain.

  “We’ll figure it all out together…” Michal touched the young girl’s cheek, and her heart ached for her own children. Where were they? Were they safe? Oh God, she whispered in her mind. Watch over my children. Dear God, please, I beg you take anything from me, even my life. But, please watch over my children. Then Michal turned back to the young girl who lay trembling on the dirty cot “Right now, all I want you to do is not worry. Can you do that for me, please?”

  Miriam nodded.

  Michal smiled. “I’ll come and check on you. But you should be going into labor very soon. If you feel any pains, have Heida or one of the others come to get me.”

  “What if it happens during the day when I am at work? What then?”

  “You try to be as inconspicuous as possible. You don’t want them to know. You must do your very best. With God’s help you will go into labor during the night.”

  That was all Michal could tell Miriam. Then she left and began to sneak back to her bunk. On her way back, Michal came just inches from being caught by a guard The blood pounded in her throat as she held her breath until the blond woman pacing the camp carrying a black club turned the opposite way. Then as quiet and graceful as a deer, Michal ran back to her own block. As she squeezed between the other women into the tiny spot where she slept, she began to weep softly. In her mind, she saw Taavi’s eyes, his strong arms, and how safe and protected he had made her feel. Taavi. If only she could reach out and touch him. She pictured Alina reading at the kitchen table, so quiet and studious. Then she thought of Gilde, laughing, singing, always singing. What a lovely voice and what a lovely child. Sweet little Gilde. Her baby, her Gilde, she would be fourteen years old now, almost a woman. Michal sighed. I wasn’t there with her when she got her first period the way I was with Alina. I hope someone, Alina or Lotti, helped her, explained things to her, she thought, then in a silent prayer she said, Dear God, please help me … please, help me to be able to deliver Miriam’s baby. Give me the knowledge as only you can. Give me the strength. Guide my hands. Help me to do the right things at the right time. And please help us to know how to hide the child once it’s born. I am lost and unsure of what to do. And, somehow please hide this poor child’s pregnancy from these terrible Nazi guards. Never in my life would I have believed that women could be so cruel, so sadistic, but they are here at Ravensbruck. How did Hitler ever find so many terrible women? God, you are the only protection that we have, the only place we can turn.

  Michal tried, but she did not sleep at all that night.

  Chapter 23

  Taavi

  After the nightclub closed, Taavi stayed in his apartment for two hours listening to every movement to be sure that there was no one left in the club. When he heard nothing but the sounds of the night, the distant hoot of an owl, the rustle of the trees in the yard, he decided that it was safe to go. Taavi opened the door. It had been a long time since he’d been a free man. His stomach was in knots as he left the apartment behind Frieda’s nightclub. And his soul was filled with both joy and fear. Taavi was so close to his home, to his family, to all he’d yearned for. But being this close, he was even more afraid of being caught and having his dreams thwarted than he was when he had no hope at all. He huddled in alleyways and moved as quietly as an invisible man through the night. It was a long walk home he took, on trembling legs, but Taavi kept going. He had to get home. Then, once he reached his destination, his heart sank. He and Michal had lived above the store he’d owned. There it was ... his carpentry shop. But his sign, the sign outside that said “Margolis Fine Furniture” was gone, and in its place was a new sign: “Kertmer Hand Made Furniture.” Taavi didn’t know anyone by the name of Kertmer. But what he did know was that somehow Lev had lost the business. He would talk to Lev in the morning. Together they would fix the problem; they’d figure something out, Taavi assured himself. At least the building was still standing. And, right now it was the middle of the night and he wanted to feel the familiar warmth of his wife’s arms, to lounge like a sleepy bear going into hibernation in the softness of the bed they shared. When he’d been arrested they’d taken everything he’d had on him, all of his jewelry, his money. They’d kept everything. He didn’t even have the key to his own home, so he knocked on the door to his house. No one answered. Taavi knocked again a little harder. Michal and the girls are asleep, he assumed. Finally the door opened just an inch. A pert young woman with her blond hair in pin curls peered out cautiously.

  “Who are you?” Taavi asked the woman. “Where is my family?”

  “What are you talking about? Are you insane? I don’t know you and it’s the middle of the night. Who are you, you must be drunk.”

  “This is my home. Where is my wife … my children?” Taavi’s voice was raised and he knew he sounded hysterical, but he couldn’t control his fear.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but if you don’t leave this minute I am going to call the police.”

  Taavi knew it would do no good to try to explain everything to this girl. She would not help him. He had to get away before he was captured and sent back to jail. He had to be careful, very careful. He turned and began to run. He was stunned with disbelief that his family was gone. What had happened during the time he was imprisoned? Where was Michal, the girls? His nerves were on edge as he slipped through the dark streets on his way to Lev’s home. Lev would have the answers. Oh God, I pray, that Lev is still there…

  When he arrived, Taavi paid no attention to the fact that it was the middle of the night. He pounded his fist on the door. He had no idea what awaited him, and the anticipation made him twitch with anxiety. He was breathing hard and he felt a tightening in his chest that began moving slowly down his left arm. After finding a new family living in his home and a new owner’s name on his business, Taavi was afraid of what unimaginable things he might find here at Lev’s house. It took several minutes that seemed like hours before the door opened slowly.

  “Taavi? Is it you? Is it really you?” Lotti looked much older than he remembered. If he calculated correctly she was only thirty, but her hair that had once been full, curly, and blond was now thin, limp, and sprinkled with a brassy yellow gray.

  “Get in here, hurry,” she said as she grabbed Taavi’s sleeve and pulled him through the door.

  She grabbed him and hugged him. Tears ran freely down her face. “Taavi, my God, Taavi....”

  “Lotti…” he said. “What’s happened here? I went to my home and my family is not living at our apartment anymore. The business has a new name? I need to talk to Lev right away, can you wake him?”

  Lotti’s hand squeezed Taavi’s shoulder. Then she took her sleeve and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Sit down, Taavi. I have a lot to tell you.”

  He studied her, but he did as she asked.

  “I don’t know where you have been or how much you know about what is happening here in Germany. But Germany is at war.”

  “I’ve been in prison. I didn’t know.”

  “Yes, the air raids go off constantly. I’m not sure what will become of any of us. Anyway, Taavi, it warms my heart to see you again. How did you get out?”

  “It’s a long story. A complicated story. But for now at least, I am free. Germany is at war? At war with who?”

  “The country went to war when Hitler, that son of a bitch, attacked France. As it turns out Germany is now at war with France, Britain, Australia, New Zealand. And since Hitler broke his treaty with Stalin, the Nazis are fighting Russia too.”

  Taavi nodded. “Is Lev in the army?”

  “No, Jews are being arrested, left and right, for no reason at all. Taavi. If you stay here in Berlin, I have no doubt that you will be arrested too.”

  “I was i
n prison already. Arrested for nothing. Has Lev been arrested? Is he in prison?”

  Lotti closed her eyes and shook her head.

  “Where is Lev?”

  “He’s gone. Gone…”

  “What do you mean gone?”

  “Well…” She took a deep breath. “Do you mind if I smoke?” she asked.

  “I never knew you smoked. No, I don’t mind, go ahead.”

  “I didn’t smoke before. I do now.” Taavi saw Lotti’s hand tremble as she lit the cigarette.

  “The Gestapo rounded up all the Jewish men and took them in a big truck. Arrested them. I tried to find out what I could, but all the police would say was that he was being detained. Weeks turned into months. Then I met a woman. She was a Gentile like me who had married a Jewish man. She introduced me to an organization of Gentile women who were openly protesting. They were trying to get their husbands released. Some of their men were released and I was so encouraged.” Tears began to flow again. “So encouraged. I thought that somehow I would be able to find a way to bring Lev back to me. I went to the police and I begged. I told them a list of the names of all of the other men. These were men that I knew they’d already released. Why not Lev? I asked. Why not? I think the police chief might have felt sorry for me. Who cares what he felt? The son of a bitch should only rot in Hell. Anyway, the officer checked through his records. Then he apologized to me and said that Lev was dead. I asked him why? Why? He said Lev caused trouble and was uncontrollable. So, they’d done what they had to do.”

  “Lev? Dead?” Taavi had seen death at the camp. He’d seen plenty of death. Why was he so surprised? “Oh God, Lotti. I am so sorry.” Lev had always been like a brother to Taavi, and the loss felt like a dull knife had been plunged into his gut.

  She nodded. “I wish I had died too. If I weren’t such a coward I would have taken my own life.”

  A few minutes passed in heavy silence. Lotti smoked. Taavi looked at the floor.

  “Michal? Where is she?” Taavi was afraid to ask. He had to know.

  “I don’t know, Taavi, all I can tell you is that Michal is gone. I don’t know what happened to her. The day after you were arrested she went to the police station to find you and never returned. After a few days, I went to the police station and asked about her. No one would give me any information.”

  Taavi’s felt the color drain from his face. He was chilled and shivering. “Michal? My Michal?” Taavi felt his chest constrict. The pain down his arm was more intense now, and he could hardly breathe.

  “Yes … I am sorry.”

  “The girls? My daughters? My children?”

  “Gilde is in England. There was an organization that was arranging for Jewish children to live with families in Britain until the war is over. It was a good opportunity for Gilde, Taavi. Alina and I wanted to do what we could to get her out of Germany. In fact, I even tried to talk the group into taking Alina too, but she was too old. Since Gilde has been gone, I’ve tried to write to her in Britain, but I get no answer. I don’t know, maybe the Nazis will not allow the letters to go through because we are at war with Britain.” Lotti took another puff from her cigarette then smashed it in the ashtray.

  “And Alina?” Taavi felt his throat constrict.

  “Alina went to stay with my brother in Munich so that she could go to the university. He had papers made for her. So she could pose as a Gentile, as his sister. But, I have been trying to contact them, and I cannot find either of them. Neither Alina nor my brother Johan. When I try to call them the number has been disconnected. All of my letters to them have been returned unopened.” Lotti shrugged. “I am sorry, Taavi. It seems we’ve both lost everything.”

  The news was so stunning that Taavi found it hard to believe. But he knew in his heart that everything that Lotti had just told him was true. He felt sick, not sure where to turn. He was the father, the man of the house, it was his responsibility to provide for his family and protect them. Taavi felt like he’d failed them, and now they were gone. Would he ever find them again? Dear God, the thought that he’d lost them all forever was weighing heavily on him. Then he looked at Lotti. She was desperate too. His heart ached for her.

  “How are you getting by?” Taavi asked. Not that he had any money or anything to give her. But he felt like he should.

  “I am lucky I suppose. I have a job working for a hotel. I earn enough to stay alive. But that is all I am doing, just staying alive, and not living. And worse than that, I am ashamed to admit that I have gone back to using my maiden name. I live as a non-Jew. The Nazis leave me alone. Oh, Taavi, forgive me for being so weak. I couldn’t fight anymore once I knew Lev was gone. There was no point and I am tired. I am alone and afraid…” She buried her face in her hands.

  “Shhh, it’s all right, Lotti. I understand. Anyone would understand. I think you did the right thing. Use your maiden name, do whatever you can to stay alive. With God’s help they will leave you alone now and your non-Jewish background will keep you safe. Trying to fight against them will get you killed.”

  “Do you think Lev would understand?”

  “Yes, Lotti, I do. He loved you. He would not want you to suffer.”

  “Thank you, Taavi,” she said. “I will carry this shame for the rest of my life. But I guess, I always thought my brother was a coward, but it turns out that he wasn’t, it was me. I am the coward.”

  “No one knows what they will do in a situation like this. There is no shame in what you have done, Lotti. Lev would have wanted this.”

  “I miss him so much. I miss Alina and the orphanage. I miss our lives before….”

  “What happened to the orphanage?”

  “It’s gone. All of the children went on the transport with Gilde to England. I am alone.”

  “They took all of the children?”

  “Yes, it was a blessing the British took all of them. They were the first transport out of Germany. There have been more since. I’ve even heard rumors of a little-known organization that has been trying to arrange a Kindertransport to America. It’s very bad here. Any child that can get out, must get out.”

  Taavi was trying to process all that he was hearing. “How can I find Michal? Where can I look? I have no idea where or how to begin to find any of my family.”

  “Do you have papers that say you are a Gentile?”

  “I don’t have any papers at all. And no money to have them made.”

  “I know, Taavi. I know. It’s very expensive to have papers drawn up. Anyone who makes illegal papers will be killed if they are caught, so they want a hefty price for the risk they are taking. And worse yet, it’s not safe for you to stay here at my house. I am being watched all the time because I was married to a Jew. If I thought you would be safe, I would hide you. But, as soon as the Jewish men were arrested, all of my neighbors turned on me. People who were once my friends, or so I thought. Especially the children in the Hitler youth. They are so convinced that what the Third Reich is doing is good for Germany that they have no loyalties to anyone or anything but Hitler. The Nazis insist that it is their duty to turn on their friends and family if they even suspect that their loved ones are hiding Jews. Would you believe that they have even trained the young children to turn on their own parents? If anyone even had the slightest suspicion that you were here, we would both be arrested or shot on the spot. It’s best for you to go. Hide in the country. Get out of the city, Taavi, or they will surely find you. Lay low. If I had the money to have papers made for you, I would do it. I don’t have the money. I am barely surviving. I keep telling myself that this war can’t last. It can’t. Once it’s over, I’ll help you find Michal and the girls. Come back here then and we’ll try together. I wish I had more to give you.”

  What could he do? He knew she was right. He had no idea what to do, so he decided that until he could come up with a plan, he would try to get out of the city.

  “Taavi.” She took both of his hands in hers and then looked into his eyes. It was as if she had
read his mind. “Taavi, stay alive. That is all you can do. If you are dead, you will never be able to help your family.”

  He nodded. “I’ll get out of Berlin tonight.”

  “Go on foot, Taavi. Don’t try to take a train, they will check you for your papers.”

  “I don’t have money for a train anyway.”

  Lotti got up and took a few reichsmarks from a glass-covered cookie jar that she kept above the stove. “Take this. It’s all I have. You’ll need it.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You must,” Lotti said, forcing the bills into his hand.

  “Now go and God be with you.”

  Chapter 24

  Braus

  Braus had expected that there would be trouble when Taavi did not show up at roll call. He knew that there was hell to pay for an escaped prisoner. This was not good for the morale of the other prisoners. It gave them hope. But as long as nobody could point a finger at Braus, all would be well. Braus had already planned for the investigation that he knew was to come, and he had devised a way to blame Taavi’s escape on another guard who he’d never liked anyway. Braus was so convincing with his accusation that the guard was transferred and demoted. Braus smiled secretly when he’d heard that his coworker had lost his rank. It all worked out well, Braus thought. He had killed two birds with a single stone. He’d rid himself of an enemy and created a secret income from the money he would receive from that Frieda bitch. Now he could finally enjoy some of the finer things in life. And who knew, maybe later he would increase the payments to keep that Jew safe. He might even demand sex from that bitch. She was old, but not bad looking. Why not?

  Braus was amazed at how easy it was to make a little extra cash on the side. He arrived at the nightclub on the first of every month to collect his payment. Frieda let him in just before sunrise, once everyone had cleared out. Then she counted out his money and handed it to him. He never had to say a word. He just put the cash in his pocket and left.