A Family Shattered: Book Two in the Michal's Destiny Series

by Roberta Kagan

  “Alina. I prefer Alina. I suppose I always will. I can’t get used to being Adelheid.”

  “Alina it is.” He smiled. “Well, I guess I should be going. It’s good to see you again.”

  “Yes. It’s very good to see you,” she said. He began walking away. Something in her gut made her panic. If he left she’d never see him again. She’d never hear that voice that sounded so much like her papa. “Ugo…” she said. He turned around. “I just wondered if you ever saw anyone else from the boat?” She felt stupid. Now that she’d called out to him, she really had nothing to say.

  “No, I don’t remember anyone else that was onboard. You and your husband were the only people I talked to,” he said. Then he must have seen something in her eyes because he cocked his head and stared at her. “Alina, is something wrong?”

  She hardly knew this man, but she wanted to tell him everything. She’d grown up believing that every woman needed a strong man to lean on. Ugo was that sort of man. And he reminded her so much of her papa that she would have liked to tell him everything. If only she could open up to him and talk about Trevor and the loss of her family and the joy it brought her to hear someone speak with her father’s Russian accent. But how could she? So, Alina just shrugged and shook her head. “No, nothing is wrong. I’m fine.” Then she couldn’t control the tears and she began to weep.

  Ugo’s coworker who stood beside the white truck called to Ugo, “Come on, let’s go. We gotta deliver another piano before dark.”

  “Wait a minute. This is an old friend of mine. I have to take a few minutes to talk to her. I’ll be right there.” He spoke to his coworker in broken English. But his English was much better than Alina’s.

  “What’s wrong? Talk to me. You can talk to me,” Ugo said to Alina in German. Her head was hung low he crouched down so their eyes were level.

  She shook her head. “I can’t….”

  “You can….”

  “Not here, not now, not like this in the middle of the street.” She took out a handkerchief and wiped her eyes and nose. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I guess I just felt so nostalgic seeing someone from the boat. It made me think of Johan.” She lied. She hadn’t been thinking of Johan at that moment. In fact, she didn’t know what she wanted from Ugo. All she knew was that she didn’t want to say goodbye.

  “I have an idea. I am taking a class in English one morning a week. It is made up mostly of Russian students. But, I think it will help you learn the language. Would you, maybe like to come to class with me?”

  She knew he was married. She had seen his beautiful wife. And for a moment, she felt a bit envious of the striking redhead. Because Trevor had made her feel overweight and matronly, she was suddenly insecure. But she didn’t want to walk away from Ugo forever. Alina thought she must be going out of her mind. What was she thinking? After all, she was married too. But she heard herself say, “Yes, I would like to come to class. I want to learn English. I need to learn English.”

  “The class is on Saturday morning. I’ll meet you right here and we can go together. Can you make it by nine o’clock?”

  Saturday morning? On the Sabbath? Why was she thinking about that now? She hadn’t celebrated Shabbat in years. So, what had brought that to mind? Even Trevor didn’t know she was a Jew. “I’ll be here,” she said, wondering if some wild and free spirit had suddenly taken possession of her.

  “Good. I’ll see you then,” Ugo said. “I’m sorry, Alina. I have to go now. I deliver pianos, mostly. But sometimes heavy furniture too.”

  Her father made furniture. The similarities between Ugo’s Russian accent, his job working with furniture, and the memories Alina held dear of her father touched her heart. Don’t start crying again, she told herself.

  “Goodbye,” she said, glad that she would see him again.

  “Goodbye for now…” he said, smiling as he turned and ran to the truck. He opened the door and hopped inside.

  God, his accent sounded like her father’s. I miss you so much, Papa. I wish you could see your grandson, Alina thought as she turned the carriage around the corner towards the home she shared with a man she could never love.

  Chapter 36

  Alina

  That Friday morning Alina met Maria in the park as they did every Friday. Both babies had fallen asleep from the rocking of their carriages as their mothers walked to their meeting place. Alina knew that Trevor wouldn’t care if she went out on Saturday morning. It seemed as if he had lost interest in her entirely. As long as Joey was quiet, she didn’t see or hear from Trevor at all. He expected the house to be clean and meals to be prepared. In fact their relationship was just as it was when she’d first arrived, only now she was bound to him by law and by promise. So, he no longer paid her any money for her services.

  “Joey is asleep?” Maria asked. Alina nodded. “Alberto is asleep too. Ahh, it’s good to have a break from the babies and just relax.”

  Alina nodded. “I have a big favor to ask you,” she said to Maria in broken English. “Tomorrow morning I am going to go to a class to learn English at nine o’clock. I was wondering if maybe you could watch Joey for me for a few hours.”

  “Of course. Can you bring him to my house?”

  “Yes, to your mother’s house where we had dinner?”

  “Yes, that’s right. We all live there together. It’s easier to afford to pay all the bills if we all live in one place and pitch in. I know. Too many people in one house with only one bathroom. But we manage.” Maria smiled.

  “Will you need my help every Saturday morning so you can go to this class?” Maria asked.

  “Yes, if you can help me?”

  “Yes, of course, I would be happy to help you.”

  Alina wished she had some money to pay Maria, but Trevor watched every penny that he gave her for food. Still, perhaps she might be able to skim a little off the top. She wouldn’t offer Maria any money until she was sure that she would be able to take a little every week from her food money.

  “I wish I could give you some money to pay for your babysitting.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I am at home with Alberto anyway. So, what’s another baby? I don’t mind at all.”

  “Ridiculous? What does that word mean?” Alina asked.

  “Silly, foolish.”

  Alina cocked her head. She didn’t really understand. “Thank you for watching Joey. It means so much to me.”

  Chapter 37

  The following morning Alina hurried to drop Joey off and then to be on time to meet Ugo. But Joey had woken up cranky and it had been difficult for her to get him ready. By the time she arrived at the corner of the street where she and Ugo had agreed to meet, she was fifteen minutes late. Alina was sure that Ugo would be gone. If he waited he would be late for class, and after all, he wasn’t even sure she was going to show up. But to her surprise there he was waiting. He had even dressed up in a dark suit and tie. When he saw her approaching him, Ugo smiled.

  Alina’s eyes locked with his and she felt her heart leap like a tiny bird was fluttering in her chest. Then she remembered he was married, and God help her, so was she.

  “You look very pretty,” Ugo said. He was so outspoken that Alina blushed. She looked away so he wouldn’t see that she was embarrassed but also flattered. Trevor hadn’t told her she was pretty since Joey was born, and it felt good to know that a man still found her attractive. “Where is the baby?”

  “Oh, I dropped Joey off at a friend’s house so I could go to the class. I couldn’t bring him with me. He’s too young and he would disturb everyone when he started crying.”

  “That was a wise decision. You’ll see, some of the students are having a very hard time with English. A crying baby would make it even harder for them.”

  She nodded. For a few silent seconds they stood there on the sidewalk looking at each other, both longing to say more, to somehow let the other know that a kind of magic was happening between them and they both felt its power.
But neither spoke.

  Finally Ugo said, “Well, come on then, we should go, we are running late.”

  They walked quickly. Ugo’s legs were long and it was hard for Alina to keep up, but every time he got too far ahead he remembered to slow down so she could catch up.

  “Sorry to walk so fast, but we have to get to class or they will lock us out. If you are late they close the doors and then they don’t like to let you in.”

  “Oh no!”

  “Don’t worry.” He smiled. “I’ve been late before and I talked them into letting me in anyway. But if we can make it on time it saves us a lot of trouble.”

  Alina nodded. She longed to ask Ugo if his wife would be in the class, because Alina wasn’t sure how she would feel if she met his wife face to face. Although she knew she had no real reason to feel anything at all about the woman. Ugo was just a friend who was going to help her learn English. That was all there should ever be between them. All right, so she couldn’t help herself, she did find him handsome, but that didn’t mean that either of them would ever let anything come of it. And besides, what would he want with a frump like her, when he had such a beautiful wife. She glanced up at him and suddenly felt bad, like she’d lost something. Trevor had won. She felt ugly and undesirable.

  However, she knew that this class would be good for her, even life-changing maybe. If she could speak better English, perhaps she could even get a job. Then with a little luck she might somehow be able to afford to leave Trevor. God help me. I wish I didn’t have these terrible feelings about getting away from Trevor, but I can’t see spending the rest of my life with him. Still I am such a coward. I am so afraid to be alone again like I was when I first got here, on my own, without the safety net of a man to fall back on, she thought as Ugo opened the door for her and they entered the classroom.

  Chapter 38

  Alina

  Every Saturday morning Alina and Ugo met and went to class together. Alina found it hard to deny that her feelings for Ugo were growing every day. Not only did he remind her of her father, but he made her feel at ease when she was with him. Ugo gave her that comfortable feeling of safety that she felt could only come from the strength of having a man to take care of her.

  And strangely enough, when she and Ugo were together, she didn’t think of his wife. He had a wonderful way of saying the right things, things that made her feel young, desirable, even pretty again. Feeling close to Ugo came easily. This was something that never happened with Trevor. Even during their early days when Trevor had been so taken with her, he’d always had a hard, cold outer shell, which kept her at a distance. She’d never quite trusted Trevor. At first, she’d attributed it to what Johan had told her about his father, but later, Trevor had proven to be as nasty as Johan had promised he would be.

  Ugo’s wife never attended the class, and he never mentioned her to Alina. And although Alina knew Ugo was already married, she sometimes wondered what it would be like to be his wife. If he were a different kind of man, he might have tried to take her to bed. Even though she tried to hide it, she thought Ugo could tell that she was terribly lonely. And out of the need to be touched and to feel loved, she might very well have slept with him. But he was always a gentleman. Ugo never acted inappropriately, never took advantage of her neediness. And the more he treated her with respect, the more impressed she was with his integrity and honor. Sometimes during class or as they walked together, she would catch a glimpse of him looking at her with a loving gaze, or she would hear a softness in his voice when he said her name, and she would feel such tenderness that it made the reality of the emptiness in her life even more painful. There were nights when she tossed and turned, unable to sleep because she felt so trapped in her loveless marriage. She was exhausted every day from trying to keep Joey out of Trevor’s way, and thought that as soon as Joey fell asleep she could pass out, but it would be just the opposite. As soon as she heard Joey’s gentle breathing, her mind began to race. Marriage was forever, wasn’t it? She had been so hard on her mother when her parents had separated. She wished now that she could talk to Michal and tell her that through living she had come to understand so many things she did not understand as a child. Had she really doomed herself to a life with this terrible man? The very idea was so painful that it made her stomach ache. Then she couldn’t help but think about Ugo. Did Ugo have any feelings at all for her, she wondered. Did he sometimes lay awake with thoughts of her running through his mind the way she thought of him? What if? She asked herself every day, What if? What if Johan had not died? What if she had not married Trevor? What if Ugo was not married to such a beautiful woman? And they were both single? Then God forgive her, she asked herself, what if I didn’t have a child? That would always be the “What if?” question that sent her back to reality. She did have a child and she loved her son. And the fact of the matter was that she was Trevor’s wife and Ugo was a married man and that was just how the cards had fallen.

  And, Alina would have remained faithful and tried her best to be a good wife to Trevor if he had only been civil to her son. It was a rainy night nearing the end of a very hot summer.

  Joey awakened from the crash of thunder in the wee hours. He cried then fell back to sleep only to awaken again in another fit of screaming the next time the thunder roared. Nothing Alina could do seemed to soothe him. He wouldn’t take her breast. She carried him in her arms as she paced the room, rocking him back and forth and singing softly, but he continued to wail. When she kissed Joey’s cheek it was warm and clammy. Oh dear God, please don’t let him be sick, she thought. Every night Alina stayed with Joey in their room with the door closed. This was usually enough to keep Trevor from hearing Joey cry. But this time Joey was screeching louder than he’d ever done before. Alina knew that the noise was bothering Trevor because she heard him walk down the stairs and go into the kitchen then return to his room and slam the door. Still the baby continued to wail. Finally Alina was so frightened that something might be wrong with Joey that she went to Trevor’s room to ask for money to call the doctor. He refused, telling her that Joey was spoiled and crying because he wanted attention. Alina had no money of her own. If she had, she would have taken Joey to the doctor right away. She even thought about asking Maria for the money, but the rain was coming down so hard in thick, heavy sheets of water that she didn’t dare try to take Joey with her to Maria’s house. All she could do was wait and see how Joey did through the night. The storms continued relentlessly throughout the following day and into the evening. But Joey did not get better, and his crying did not subside. Finally, at a little after ten the next evening he fell asleep. Alina was relieved. She kissed him gently on his forehead, which felt hot under her lips. A bolt of terror surged through Alina;her son was burning up with fever. If only she could convince Trevor to give her the money, she would have gladly gone in the rain to bring the doctor back with her. But when she asked him again, Trevor refused. She cried and begged him, but he just turned away and left her standing there with her heart pounding with fear. Please God, she prayed, please don’t let my son die. The hours passed and although she was worn out, Alina lay awake in her bed listening to Joey’s hoarse wheezing. If she knew where Ugo lived, she would go to him in the morning and ask for help. But they had always met on the street before class. She had no idea where to find him.

  Sometime during the night Joey let out a high-pitched scream that broke the silence of the house. Alina was not asleep, but the sound still startled her. She jumped to her feet in the darkness and lifted Joey in her arms. Her throat felt dry, but she began rocking him softly. He was quieted by the motion and just whimpering now. However, Joey’s screech had awakened Trevor, and he came into the room without knocking. He grabbed the baby from Alina’s arms and shook Joey hard. Joey cried even louder.

  Alina screamed. Trevor practically tossed the baby back to Alina, who caught him in her arms and pressed him to her chest. Joey’s eyes were wide and he was shrieking again. Trevor’s entire body was
shaking. I am too old for all of this, he thought. He had no patience for a child, and he realized that marrying Alina had been a mistake. Still, the way he had behaved that night frightened him. He knew he should not have done that to the baby. His hands were cold and trembling.

  “Shut him up … I can’t bear this anymore, Alina,” Trevor said, afraid that he might do something he would regret.

  Alina was unnerved and she began crying too.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt him,” Trevor said. “But you’d better find a way to keep him quiet.” Then Trevor left the room.

  At that moment Alina realized that she hated Trevor. Joey was screaming even louder. Any gratitude she’d once felt towards her husband was gone and she didn’t care. She no longer felt guilty. She was angry with him. But even more, she was scared, terrified that he might have done some irreversible damage to Joey by shaking him so hard.

  Several hours passed before Joey fell asleep again. Alina took him into her bed and slept with him besides her, cradling him in her arms as her tears wet the pillow.

  She barely slept that night. Her mind was moving like a freight train. She rehashed all the mistakes she’d made in her life. After this terrible marriage, she thought a lot about how she’d judged her mother. If only she could see Michal again and tell her that she was sorry. Alina was born during the time when her parents were separated. So, it was not until Alina was five that her parents reconciled and she came to know and love her father. Alina had been too young to remember much, but she knew that during the breakup her mother had taken a lover, Otto. She somehow remembered his name. He was a writer of children’s fables. But it wasn’t Otto that stuck in her mind; it was his sister, Bridget, who was twelve. Bridget became the older sister that Alina never had, and to this day she still remembered her. They had formed a real bond. Then Otto died and Bridget went to live with relatives somewhere far away. She couldn’t remember where. But she remembered resenting Michal for sending Bridget away. She had been so confused, not understanding much of what was happening. But then her mother reunited with her father. The details were jumbled in her mind. But she smiled when she thought of how at first she’d been afraid of her papa. He was such a big, strong man, not a slender, gentle man like Otto. And for a short while, Alina was angry at her mother for bringing this big, strange man into their lives. But slowly with his love and kindness, her papa had won her heart. He was like a giant bear with arms that could embrace and protect her. He was generous with his heart, not only to her mother, but to her. And she felt his love so deeply that as time went on, she began to feel anger at her mother for having had her affair with Otto. Then her sister, Gilde, had come along, and instead of feeling threatened by the addition of another child, Alina had adored Gilde from the first moment she saw her. Gilde took the place that had been vacant in her life when Bridget had gone away. But, now the roles had changed. When Alina had been close to Bridget, she had been the little sister. Now, Gilde was her baby sister and Alina nurtured her like a mother. Alina shook her head in the darkness. It was hard to say why her parents had separated before she was born, but now that she was an adult and had lived through so many things, she no longer held any grudge against her mother. In fact she wished more than anything that she could tell Michal how much she loved and appreciated everything that Michal had done for her. At the time she’d been so angry. But now she knew that adults did things for reasons children couldn’t ever comprehend.