Gabriel, I'm (not) a serial killer

by Frank Spoiler

  A new day at work, the lieutenant is still giving me grief. I'll have to think of something. I've been looking through the papers for any witnesses to what happened the other night. I was careless, it won't happen again.

  I was really lucky. strangely, no one saw anything... no one found out about the guy I ran over. An article on the local paper read: "The likely killer of the girl found by the side of the road on National Highway II, by Cornella del Llobregat, is probably the same young man who would later die in a hit and run. This young man probably abused the girl sexually and decided to kill her before she could denounce him, to avoid going to jail."

  "According to friends of the victim, she had been determined to end the relationship for days, which didn't sit well with the boy"

  A little later, according to the article, "he would feel strong remorse, which would lead him to kill himself, throwing himself, blind with guilt and fear, under that car, whose unknown driver drove away without providing first aid to the man."

  So much fucking drama, hell! Wise asses!

  Good for me, I thought -one less problem-. Now let's concentrate on the killer of this young lady...

  Mother of mine, this world is crazy! I had to say out loud. What are we coming to?

  I knew well the lieutenant had his eye on me, so I had to fake it. I looked at the stretcher, where a young woman in her twenties was covered with a white sheet.

  I wanted to smoke badly this morning! I remembered I had some candy in my jacket, so I took my gloves off and threw them on the stretcher. My aim was deadly, it fell on the left nipple of the deceased, who was obviously opened up. I'm sorry little lady, forgive me, I meant no disrespect. I said with a sardonic tone. I stuffed my mouth with candy.

  Lack of nicotine was making me jittery and, of course, lack of sleep for days made it worse. Anyway, I had to go on and keep the lieutenant satisfied, otherwise he would bust my head... And I don't plan on that. What if I kill him? The thought rushed through my mind and created a lapse in which I felt great satisfaction as I imagined myself doing it... But no, it's impossible! He's got though skin, the hound.

  I was finally able to finish the autopsy (I performed it yesterday, actually). I just pretended to do it today, just in case. I knew how she'd died all too well (and I joyfully remember the dish I made when I arrived at...) No, surely you'll covet my recipe!

  Anyway, I'm not interested in telling you the morbid details of how I empty my victims... You'll be the first to know when I get to kill you, and I'll sing afterwards. (There should b a demonic laugh here but they tell me it comes out wrong if you write ha ha). You'll fear me in the end and I will have to work harder to fulfill my psychopathic and nurturing needs. It will also be more fun.

  It was time to get off work, so I hit the showers. I was lost in blood.

  I had to fake, in an almost theatrical way, going through guts, kidneys, lungs, heart, etc. I had more than enough in stock from previous autopsies so it wasn't hard to do the switcheroo. I have to say, not even dogs would have liked that meat.

  When I finished I stopped by lieutenant Mathias office and delivered the report. It wasn't the official thing to do, but I wanted to have some fun by watching his reaction when he saw me arrive and give it to him personally. "It's the thing about psychos, we're unpredictable." It was actually fun to see his face while I read the report instead of giving it to him:

  - Young woman in her twenties; one sixty three in height and fifty three in weight; brown eyes, caucasian; bearing a wound caused by an edged weapon between the third and the fourth vertebrae, no exit wound, apparently aggravated by circular motions, which tore away at the kidneys and liver. Probable cause of death: Cardio respiratory failure. She showed lesions in the genital area and the vaginal canal, nave, lower and upper labia, which proves the girl had nonconsensual sexual intercourse or the guy was hung like a horse. -The lieutenant stared harshly and I cleared my throat to move forward.- Fluid samples taken and awaiting comparison to samples I'll take tomorrow from the corpse of the probable rapist-killer. I'm done for the day, dead tired. -I sighed.- As I said, tired and dead, spent. We still need more data: Name, precedence, family. And... I'm hungry now and I want to eat.

  So I left in a flash, making him see spots. Of course, had I known what he was thinking while he listened to me I would have been really worried.

  When I got to the street there was a surprise waiting for me. The blonde! She was right in front of the lab. She couldn't see me 'cause I had taken the alley door, which was closest to the lieutenants office and the space where I had parked my car. She seemed angry. I looked at my watch. Half past three in the afternoon, later than usual. This meant that, without my knowledge, the blonde had been watching me for longer. So she could be dangerous to my safety. That was not good.

  She then turned her face towards me and saw me, giving a startled jump back. I guess she wasn't expecting me. I didn't stop. I strode away towards my car a few meters from where I was.

  - Wait, wait for me Gabriel!

  That made me stop dead.

  - What the fuck?!- I angrily shouted. How the fuck does she know my name? While she was running towards me, a car honked at her insistently because she did not look for the high rush hour traffic. Of course, car owners were eager to get home and others were trying to get to work.

  Nothing happened to her. Too bad¸ I thought, it would have saved me the trouble of doing it myself. It was all I could think of: How and when to kill her.

  Chapter 6

  - What do you want from me, blondie?- I spat when she got to my side. She looked straight into my eyes.

  - I want you to kill me!- there it was again! Like the most natural thing!

  - Are you tripping? Are you on something or what, blondie? I'm a coroner, not a doctor!- I thought it was a clever thing to say.- If what you want is a good rub...- I ran my eyes through her body, trying to be as unpleasant as possible.- all you have to do is ask, baby, I'm sure we can come to an agreement and a date.- The truth is I was just saying stuff, I wasn't in the mood for flirting. There was too much at stake. Like my freedom.

  The blonde was almost amused, which I didn't get since she actually wanted me to kill her. She stopped me from thinking. She grabbed my arm and pulled at it. I wanted her to piss off but there was people passing and staring and I didn't want to get attention to myself. Not because of my profession, obviously, but because of my hobby. It wasn't wise to make a fuss and I didn't.

  We walked to the car (she knew which one it was), and once inside she looked into my eyes again and observed me for a while, probably looking for a way to disarm me.

  God, was she beautiful! Can you imagine Jeniffer Lopez's face with Angelina Jolie's lips and Irina Shayk's body (you know, Ronaldo's girlfriend)? You're such a dorky bunch! And you, ladies, stop your envy and bow down to your superiors!

  Well, ok, this blondie? She didn't look at all like those I mentioned but she was smoking hot!

  - I'm getting tired of all this charade, ok girl? Besides, I don't even fucking know you! Yes, I know you're the one from the theater! What the fuck do you want from me?.- She only stared at me saying nothing.- Well, blondie, speak and tell, what are you playing at?.- I said, mean as I could.

  She gave me a strange look and it even seemed as if she was looking at me with tenderness and, possibly, with awe!

  Then she dropped the bomb.

  - I have terminal leukemia and I have six months to live, more or less...

  I stared at her like an idiot, not knowing what to say. Then I exploded in rage.

  - What the fuck are you saying? Damn it! And why me? Why should I give a damn? Who do you think I am? A miraculous saint like Saint Mathew? (I had no fucking clue who that was)

  The blonde took my rant with ease, as if it wasn't directed at her, then she looked back into my eyes with that chilling stare and it gave me goose bumps, and not the good kind.

  - Can you stop playing dumb? I think you're too old for that nonsense.- She let
out of her naughty mouth.- I think it's time we spoke like adults. I know perfectly well what it is you do and I know you're a murderer.

  She just blurted it out, fresh as daylight. Who was going to tell me, (you, I guess, I have no friends) that some broad was going to sit in my car, in the middle of the night in a darkened corner and just say those things and then... I didn't kill her? To make matters worse, why would I do it if her disease is going to be more unpleasant than any knife to the throat? I couldn't help but smile at that thought, which made the blonde say...

  - I knew you'd find it funny.-

  It wasn't, I had too much on my plate to be able to do that. But I could not help but look at her breasts. Did I mentioned she had two? She was wearing a tight top that saved you the trouble of guessing too much. I don't think she gave a shit about it.

  What a waste, I thought.

  - So then, did I pass first evaluation?.- She said, taking my mind of biblical musings.

  - And the third and the fourth! You're freaking hot!

  - Amazing! A psychopathic killer and he dares cat calling! You're fucking lame!.- She spewed.- Have you no balls, you shitty psycho?

  I let my rage take hold, she was being merciless on my balls, so I grabbed her by the neck and I pulled her face to mine, and I spat between clenched teeth:

  - Never, ever, bust a psychopaths balls, don't you forget you're looking for death and death is easy to come by. But the one I can give you will be painfully slow and ugly... So, stop busting my balls!.- I let her go, I opened the door and got out of the car. Like a gentleman, I opened her door and said:- Don't be foolish, buy a ticket for the Caribbean or any other country you know nothing off, enjoy whatever time you have left. Now, go!.- But she wouldn't, so I grabbed her arms and pulled her out of the car, turned and, got in and drove away. I was calm, I didn't know why, but I knew she wasn't going to turn me in.

  I looked at my watch. Shit! Four thirty and I hadn't had a bite!

  I didn't know it yet, but a pair of familiar eyes had followed our little encounter. A man's eyes. Lieutenant Mathias's eyes.

  The fucking blonde

  My head hurts... since I spoke to her. Shit! I didn't even ask her name... Well, I hope she follows my advice and goes away, in the end I have no use for her... Her meat must be rotting inside. I didn't kill just because, not anymore, I was choosing my victims carefully now. I bet you smile when I say victims, right? Yes, I've matured and seeing my victims eviscerated is educating. But with the crisis and all, I'll probably come for you anyway...

  I've had something to eat but the pain remains, it won't go away... I must do something. I know lieutenant Mathias is behind me and I have to be careful, but this cursed pain... weighs on me. I felt her eyes on me and I felt a chill. She was still there and watching my every move... I turned around for a fraction of a second and... there they were, blue and cold, in the same spot. I have to do something¸ I thought, and I will... tomorrow; I have to hunt now.

  I went out. As usual, since the tragedy of my neighbors, one found dead in her apartment and the other one missing, no one dared go out after dark, so no one could see me go. They were older and alone, most of them. I was wearing washed off jeans and a black t-shirt, I drew less attention like that, I wore a jacket on top, matching the jeans. I didn't take the car, nor the portable cooler, not even the tools. I just wanted to have some fun.

  I walked all the way downtown, I wanted a more... refined prey this time. I was tired of the same old poor victims, the same wretched kind. It was going to be different this time, I was going to get a big fish to eat tonight and have a great time.

  As I moved through the city my eyes observed everything with curiosity, every little bug that crossed my path, they all looked the same, they all had the same worries... Most had iPods or smart phones in their hands or on their cheeks and were texting... puaj! I spat on the side walk. Gross, no one speaks to anyone if it isn't through a screen! I suddenly saw her, she was pulling out in a red F430 Spider Ferrari with the top down. The girl was obviously spoiled, she wore a pink sleeveless suit and a sailor shirt- is she captain Memo's child?- Her back was bare to the waist, her mini skirt had a straight and simple cutline. She was a gorgeous brunette. I couldn't see her eyes from where I was but I could see her body and -what a body! The Ferrari was in the middle of the curve, paying no mind to all the cars honking away in the street.

  But as soon as she got down from the car, it all became whistles of joy. Of course, female drivers, the few there was, just rolled their eyes.

  The brat went into the Can Punyetes restaurant. What the hell was a rich kid doing in the Can Punyetes diner? The place was a regular urban diner, focused on Catalan traditional cooking. Well, I said, whatever. I just needed to see her dead as soon as possible.

  I know it sounds mean but, see, I'm an amoral witless killer! What did you expect?

  I had to have brought the car... and some fucking cigarettes! I looked for some candy on my jacket. Damn it! when changing clothes I forgot to put some candy mints I had bought and I cursed myself for it.

  I might need to wait for hours and I had no candy!

  I took advantage from the fact the girl was talking to the restaurant's owner (don't ask me what about, I'm no diviner) and I approached the nearby kiosk, just by the corner, and bought the paper, the first one I saw, I didn't mind, I just wanted to pass the time. Yes, I also bought some candy and some chips, just in case the thing took longer than expected. Of course, if she stayed all night I was in for a huge disappointment. I remembered the diner had some living quarters for the owners. Uf! I sighed. I looked at my watch again. 21:30. Ok, it was still early. I settled on a bench in the park right across the street and buttoned up my jacket, it was getting cold (or I was) and the effect of the pill was wearing off, so I took the bottle out and swallowed two more. What was that? The bottle? Look alive, I have constant headaches so I brought it with me. There, happy? I noticed a young man coming out of the diner, he dressed like a waiter and was looking to both sides of the street, as if looking for someone. I imagined he was searching for the Ferrari owner since he was eager and nervous, or so it seemed. He was fucked, the driver of the Ferrari had flown away the moment the girl stepped out of the car, -people have no patience anymore- so I have no idea what he was trying to find.

  Finally, the Ferrari came from the other side of the street and the guy waited for it by the street; when the car stopped, a guy in his fifties came down form it; you could tell the man was bald for the ridiculous golf cap he wore. Medium height, a hundred and eighty centimeters tall and about ninety kilos in weight. As soon as he got off the car I saw him give the keys to the kid and saying something in his ear; I'm guessing something in the vicinity of "just a scratch on it and it's your balls, kid" Then he patted the kids back and went in.

  I had no doubt anymore, it was going to take a while, but they would come out eventually. I settled back on the bench. What an uncomfortable piece of shit! I got the paper out for reading and I popped some candy in my mouth. Damn, my craving for tobacco came back with a vengeance!

  As I turned the first page, I saw it in big bold letters: "NO CLUES YET ON THE SERIAL KILLER", no clues and no witnesses who can identify him -STILL AT LARGE- It seems to...

  Smaller lettering followed.

  - Bah!.- I spat some leftover candy wrap.

  I moved to the next bit. I knew enough to care but a little.

  Half past eleven and they hadn't come out yet... I shit on their names! This killing rich brats deal is a bore! They have no hurry, of course, since they don't actually have to work like poor old me. I'm going to make an extra effort with you, rich cunt. I was annoyed at times, I didn't care about having to wait this long for a kill. Besides, I had to work the next day and I didn't want to be sacked from my chief medical examiner post in this times of hardship, they could go ahead and hire someone else for three Euros and give me the boot!

  And this business of offing people is just a hobby, not a living. Corone
rs make a living.

  All this thinking trying not to go into a frenzy almost made me miss the girl coming out of the restaurant... alone! I didn't know why but the girl came out without the Ferrari man.

  I enjoyed looking at her again in that pink outfit and her thong-showing miniskirt. She seemed furious. No, God damn it, I don't know and I won't ask her!

  I wanted to see the color of her blood, because for some reason I imagined it being pink. I don't know... just my imagination.

  Anyway, I got up from the bench and followed her; she was in a hurry. I didn't want to lose her among the people in the street; it was pretty busy and lively, being a friday night, so without getting to close, I followed without missing one detail about her swaying hips (what a trip that was!). Suddenly I heard a roar at my left and saw the Ferrari and his balding driver run parallel to her and honk the horn to get her attention. Shit, I thought, if she gets in it is goodbye prey; but she didn't, the girl started squealing about something:

  - I'm not a whore and you're not going to get me into sleeping with that motherfucker!.- She was out of herself with rage. The guy said something like:

  - Then go fuck yourself and don't come back to my house, bitch!

  Didn't he listen to what the bitch just said? I saw him throw a jacket and a matching purse at the girl, accelerating and disappearing in less than ten seconds up the street. I think she wasn't expecting that because her eyes filled with tears and she started looking everywhere. I began to think she was looking for a cab, and she fucking was.

  There was no time to lose, so I moved quickly towards her while I took my latex gloves from my pocket. I had to be clean and professional this time.