Renegade Cowboy

by Sara Richardson

  Lucas sat next to him. “Yeah.”

  Levi faced them across the counter and looked his brother over. He’d never seen Lucas look so tired. “Seems like hard work bringing a baby home.”

  “It is. I haven’t slept more than two hours in a row since she was born.” He chugged coffee from a mug. “I’m constantly worried. Hearing her cry tears me up. And I suck at changing diapers. Obviously.” A grin somehow erased the bags under his eyes. “But I’ve never been happier. It’s the best feeling in the world.”

  “You deserve it.” On a normal day, Levi didn’t do sentimental, but seeing his brother finally get everything he’d ever wanted really got to him. It gave him hope too. Which reminded him. “Since we’re all here, I wanted to run something by you two.”

  His brothers shared a look he’d seen countless times. Here we go again. But he’d like to bet this wasn’t exactly what they were expecting.

  “I want to build a house. Up in the west meadow. Right on the creek.”

  Lance straightened. Yeah, he’d caught him off guard. “A house? At the ranch?”

  “I can’t stay in your house forever.” Soon Lance and Jessa would have their own rug rats running around. “I want someplace permanent. Something’ll that fit the future.”

  “The future.” Lucas raised his eyebrows with a knowing look. “This have anything to do with Cassidy?”

  “Yeah.” No use denying it anymore. It had everything to do with Cassidy. After watching her deliver the baby, after spending the whole day with her at the hospital watching her interact with his family, he was convinced. Cassidy was his future. He wanted it all—everything his brothers had, a solid marriage, a comfortable home, even babies who pooped on everything.

  “Wow.” Levi had seen that proud big brother smile on Lance’s face only one other time—at the rodeo grounds dedication. “Welcome to the club.”

  Always the skeptic, Lucas frowned. “Isn’t Cassidy moving to Denver?”

  “Yeah, but our families are both here, and I want a place for us to come.” A home base, even if they couldn’t be there full time. “Besides, from what I’ve heard, nurses have to work only three twelve hour shifts a week. So maybe we could split time between Denver and Topaz Falls.” Never thought he’d admit it, but now that he was back home with his brothers, he appreciated them and wanted to be part of their lives. He wanted their kids to grow up together, their families to be close.

  “You’ve really thought this through,” Lance said as though impressed.

  All he’d been doing lately was thinking. Especially about Cass. “So you’re fine if I use the land?”

  “Sure.” Lance shrugged as he said it but the grin gave him away. “It’ll be great having you around more.”

  Lucas nodded his approval too. “Have you talked it over with her?”

  “Not yet.” He was still working on that.

  * * *

  Undercover detective work happened to be a lot more complicated than it looked on television.

  Cassidy slowed the Subaru, letting another car merge onto the highway in front of her. Three cars between her and her mother’s old Jeep should be enough to keep her cover intact.

  When Lulu had told her she was going to an AA meeting in the next town over, Cassidy had gotten suspicious. This was supposedly her mother’s third visit, but the woman couldn’t seem to tell her anything about the group—specific names, how many people attended. When she’d ask, her mother would say, “Oh, I didn’t really count how many people. Some men, some women, you know…” Then she’d quickly change the subject to something having to do with Levi as though she knew that was the one way to make Cassidy bow out of the conversation. It had worked, of course. She didn’t want to talk about Levi any more than her mom wanted to talk about AA.

  So, in the absence of talking, she’d decided to tail her own mother twenty miles to see what Lulu was really up to. It’d be an all-out miracle if her mother didn’t catch on too. Everything Cassidy knew about tailing someone she’d learned from watching reruns of Murder, She Wrote with Lulu, but it was more difficult to keep distance than she’d thought it would be.

  Three cars had already honked at her for going too slow as the line of traffic passed through spots of shade and sun within the red canyon’s walls.

  Finally, a sign welcoming her to Glenwood Springs glinted in the sunlight.

  Up ahead, her mom’s Jeep exited the highway and headed into town.

  Reducing her speed even more, Cassidy followed, taking the off ramp at a crawl. So far so good. At least her mom had gone to the right town. Now, if she’d go straight to the Episcopal church where the meeting was supposed to be held, Cassidy could turn around and drive on home, her suspicions proven wrong.

  Glenwood Springs was much bigger than Topaz Falls, and she had a hard time keeping up with her mother between all the stoplights and traffic. Near the edge of downtown, she thought she’d lost her, but then saw the Jeep make a quick right at the last second. Cassidy gunned it down the block and made it through the yellow light, still drawing the finger from some pedestrians who were waiting to cross.

  “Sorry!” she yelled through the open windows as she sailed past. The tires squealed when she took a right. Her mom’s Jeep was parked a few blocks ahead of her along the curb in front of the library.

  Despite the fact that she’d been right, her shoulders slumped. Her mother had already gotten out of the car and was hurrying to the library’s entrance.

  For a few minutes, Cassidy sat and let the car idle, waiting to see if her mother simply had a book to return, but after a while, she knew. Lulu wasn’t attending AA meetings. She was obviously hanging out at the library for an hour before driving back home.

  The familiar struggle between anger and sadness warred once again. The battle that had raged for the last six years. Since her father had left and she’d taken on the burden of worrying about her mother, she’d think Lulu was making progress—she’d see glimpses of hope in a smile or a cheerful morning—but then she’d find another bottle stashed behind the microwave, another secret, another thing her mother had hidden from her, and the anger would rise. Most days she struggled to hold on to that anger, because sadness admitted defeat. Sadness meant accepting this is how it would always be. Sadness meant grieving the other Lulu, the one she still wanted back.

  Letting the anger seal off her heart, she threw open the car door and scrambled out, slamming it again before she stalked into the library.

  The building was modern for a town that prided itself on its western heritage, all uniform brick and sleek glass windows. Judging from the stark emptiness, it definitely wasn’t the town hangout. Cassidy marched down row after row of shelves, her irritation gaining momentum with each step. Her mother was actually hiding. Unbelievable.

  Down the very last row, she spotted Lulu, sitting on a cozy couch in a reading nook off in a secluded corner. Her mother was all settled in, flipping through an issue of Woman’s Day.

  “Anything good in there?” Cassidy asked as she approached.

  Her mother’s head snapped up, eyes wide with the same panicked look Cash used to get when the school would call about another unexcused absence.

  “Cass…honey.” Her mom quickly tossed the magazine aside and sat up straighter. “What are you doing here?”

  This was always the tricky part. Clinging to the anger but also doing her best to manage her temper so she didn’t make a scene. “I had a feeling you weren’t going to the meetings.” Her voice was cold and hard. It had to be or she’d cry.

  Lulu’s sigh erased her panicked expression. “So you followed me all the way to Glenwood Springs.”

  “Yeah, Mom.” She fought the rise in her voice. “I had to. Because you’ve been lying to me.” She’d always heard that about alcoholics. That they lied a lot. But Lulu hadn’t. She’d hidden things, but she hadn’t lied right to Cassidy’s face. Not until now. She sat down, caving under the crushing weight of defeat.

  “I d
idn’t want to disappoint you anymore,” her mother murmured, shame flushing her face. “I’ve been disappointing you for too many years.”

  Cassidy didn’t disagree. “So why not just go to the meeting?” If she knew how much it meant, why not do it for her?

  “I’d planned to. But then I drove up to the church, and they were all going in.” Her mother snuck a fearful glance at her face. “They were all young. And they were chatting like they already knew one another. I panicked. I drove away and passed the library and decided to stay here instead.”

  That was the other thing she’d learned about alcoholics. They hid. Not only from people but from their problems. “You can’t do this alone, Mom.” The power of that truth weakened her anger. “And I won’t be here to help you. I’m leaving. You’re going to need support.”

  “I know. I know.” Lulu patted her hand as though trying to reassure her. “But I haven’t been drinking. Not at all. Even when I’ve gotten shaky. Even when the anxiety hits.”

  The withdrawal symptoms. She’d noticed them a couple of times, but her mother always insisted she was fine.

  But was she? How could she trust anything Lulu said anymore? “When is the last time you had a drink?”

  Her mom gazed steadily into her eyes. “That night you came to the treehouse. That was the last time.”

  So it had been quite a while…

  “I felt horrible that day. Shaky and sick. Thinking about Cash.” Her voice wavered on his name. “But I haven’t had anything since. Just like I promised you.”

  “That’s great.” It was the longest she’d gone without a drink in the last year or so. But still…“I’m worried about leaving. You’ll be lonely, and I want you to have people you can call…” For those moments when her mother felt weak. When Lulu needed someone to remind her why she couldn’t drink.

  “Darla said I can call her. And Jessa and Naomi. They’ve all been so sweet.” Her mother looked into Cassidy’s eyes, and there it was—a glimpse of the old Lulu.

  “I want you to go,” she said firmly. “You deserve this, honey. It’s time for you to think about yourself for a change. Trust me. Things are different now. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

  If that was true, then why had she lied?

  Chapter Sixteen

  Holy, sappy, love explosion. Did you have to use so many glittery hearts?” Levi glanced around his father’s living room and kitchen. It looked like Cupid had thrown up everywhere.

  Lucas and Lance had been tasked with hanging a heart-shaped garland across the hearth. Naomi and Gracie were scattering glittery heart-shaped confetti across the table. And Jessa was tying heart-shaped balloons to everything that could anchor them—chairs, lamps, doorknobs…

  “What else would I use for a last-minute surprise happy-wedding, welcome-home-from-your-honeymoon party?” Jessa demanded.

  He had nothing.

  When they’d gotten a hold of his father and told him Naomi had had the baby, Luis and Evie had headed for home right away. Levi mentioned their impending arrival to Lance, and the next thing he knew, Jessa had planned a small surprise party to welcome the newlyweds home.

  Well, kind of a surprise party. Levi had called back to warn the old man. His father wasn’t fond of surprises or parties, though he tolerated them when Jessa was in charge. The hearts though? Something told Levi his dad wouldn’t be impressed.

  “I think it looks beautiful,” Gracie said, tossing another handful of confetti into the air.

  “Careful, sweetie. Let’s try not to get any on the floor.” Naomi followed along behind her with a broom, trying to sweep up the stray pieces. Baby Charlotte was tucked neatly into some wrap contraption that seemed to keep her contentedly asleep almost all the time.

  “Oh, by the way.” Jessa eyed Levi intently. “I invited Cassidy and her mom.”

  “Great.” He played down the eagerness that bucked his heart. He hadn’t seen Cass in a couple of days. She’d been busy packing and working, and he’d been inundated with stuff for the clinic. So, yeah, he couldn’t wait to see her. Maybe pull her outside onto the porch and steal a quiet moment so he could kiss her, trace his lips down her neck again. He kept his expression neutral. Jessa didn’t need to see his desperation. Next thing he knew, his sister-in-law would be trying to plan their wedding. That’d scare Cass away for good.

  “There she is!” Gracie squealed, pointing out the large picture window. “Auntie Cass is here!”

  “I’ll go meet her—” Levi started to say, but Gracie had already bolted out the front door.

  Damn. So much for catching a minute alone with her.

  The door banged open, and Gracie towed Cassidy into the living room. “Wait till you see all of the sparkles!” the little girl sang.

  While Cass oohhed and ahhed over the decorations, Levi checked her out. Was it really possible that she looked sexier every time he saw her? Tonight she’d pulled her blond hair back loosely, and she was wearing one of those bra-optional sundresses that just about brought him to his knees. Yeah, he needed a minute alone with her.

  He was about to walk over to greet Cass when Jessa blocked him. “I need your help hanging this.” She unrolled a large banner.

  Congratulations Papa Luis and Grammy Evie!

  Levi winced at the sight of more sparkly hearts.

  “Gracie helped design it,” his sister-in-law explained as they hung it on the wall behind the dining table.

  “Then Dad will love it.” His father had the softest heart when it came to his granddaughter. He glanced at Naomi, who was gently shushing a whimpering Charlotte. Now his father would have another granddaughter to spoil. Levi was actually shocked he didn’t have more by now.

  He secured the corner of the banner with a piece of tape Jessa handed him. “Man, you and Lance had better get caught up,” he said to his sister-in-law. “Can’t let Lucas and Naomi have all the kids.”

  The roll of tape fell from Jessa’s hand. A pained expression gripped her mouth, almost like she wanted to cry.

  Before he could ask if she was okay, Cassidy rushed over. “Hey, Levi, could you help me get something out of the car?” She grabbed his hand and dragged him past Lulu and Gracie, who were chatting near the window.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked as soon as the front door closed behind them. He’d obviously missed something.

  Cassidy let go of his arm. “You shouldn’t say things like that,” she whispered, as though afraid someone would hear.

  “Like what?” He didn’t remember insulting anyone…

  “You shouldn’t say anything about having kids.” She took his arm again, leading him down the steps and closer to her Subaru. “Not to a woman who’s newly married and wants a baby as much as Jessa does.”

  “Oh.” He closed his eyes. “Shit.” Of course she wanted a baby. She mothered everyone. But she wasn’t pregnant yet. And she’d gone to Denver that day for some mysterious appointment. Opening his eyes, he turned to Cass, desperate for her understanding. “I didn’t know. I swear. I feel like such an ass.”

  “Of course you didn’t know.” She opened the back door of her car and leaned in, hoisting a huge, beautifully wrapped present off the backseat. “Jessa doesn’t want it to be a big deal. Especially now when Lucas and Naomi are so happy.”

  Levi took the present out of her hands. “She’d never want to take away from that.” Jessa was too selfless to let anyone focus on her problems. Levi set the present on the hood of Cassidy’s car and turned to her. “So what do I do? Should I apologize?”

  “No.” She walked closer to him, and his knees nearly gave at the way her hips swayed.

  “Try to be sensitive.” Cass stopped too far away. He wanted her up against him, in his arms.

  “I’ll do my best,” he managed, unable to hold his gaze still. It wandered all over her.

  She smiled up at him. “I know you will. You can actually be very sensitive. You’ve managed to surprise me a few times.” The words were almost s
hy.

  He definitely wasn’t feeling shy. “I love to surprise you.” Unable to resist, he pulled her close and kissed her. One light touch of her lips was enough to loosen his control. “It’s too bad my father’s coming home,” he said, breathless at the feel of her hands rising up his chest. “I would’ve invited you to sleep over tonight.”

  “That is a bit disappointing,” she agreed, her lips quirked. “Maybe we can find a place to stay after our date.”

  “I’ll work on that.” Damn, he couldn’t wait to get that house built. If he hadn’t been so consumed with rebuilding the rodeo grounds over the last year, he might’ve been working on his own house. Which meant she could’ve spent the night whenever the hell she wanted.

  “You look very serious all of a sudden.” She pulled back and studied his face.

  He couldn’t tell her how serious he was. Not yet. But he could show her. “Want to see something incredible?” Of course to him, nothing could top the sight of her standing there in that dress with the wild and utterly pristine mountain backdrop behind her.

  “Sure…” She drew out the word into a question.

  Without an explanation, he left the present on the Subaru’s hood and took her hand, leading her up the small hill behind his father’s house, across the creek that carried the snowmelt into the valley and all the way over to the flat meadow nestled near the base of Topaz Mountain. A semi-circle of full aspen trees sheltered the space, their brilliant green leaves dangling from tattered white branches.

  “It’s gorgeous over here.” Cass was out of breath. Either from the trek over or from his hand pressed into the small of her back. He couldn’t tell.

  “I think so too. Which is why I’m going to build a house here.”

  “A house?” She stepped away from him.

  “Yeah. It’s the perfect spot.” As long as his father approved, which Levi guessed he would.

  Cassidy turned in a slow circle, looking out over the meadow again, but he couldn’t read her expression. She kept it so guarded all the time…