Let Me Be the One

by Lily Foster

  Before we were getting ready to turn in for the night I came upon Darcy as she was looking at the pictures hanging on the walls in the living room. She turned and smiled when my arms snaked around her waist and then she gestured to a picture of us four boys, all standing in size order, side by side, arms crossed in front of our chests, in our bathing suits on the beach. “I love this picture. You and Charlie look like twins and the little guys look like they’re imitating the way you two are standing, even down to the looks on your faces.”

  I didn’t say anything, just kissed her neck and breathed her in. It felt so natural to have her here. Darcy was staying in my room and I was sleeping in the guest room downstairs. Something about her being in my bed, where I’d spent so many nights daydreaming about a girl like her, made me…well, let’s just say I was sneaking upstairs at some point that night. At least I thought I was. When I did creep up there I found my door locked and there was no answer when I tapped on the door. I’d been cut off. In the morning she was sitting at the kitchen island having coffee with my mother. When I sat down next to her she said under her breath, “Nice try, lover boy.”

  Oh, how I loved this girl.

  Turns out, my parents did let the boys ditch school. I spent the day taking them to get outfitted for their ski rentals for the season, going to lunch at a chain restaurant in the next town where the waitresses wore skimpy uniforms—this is why they loved me—and then throwing the football with them at my high school field.

  Next year Brendan would be going out for the team. I missed them and I knew they needed this time hanging out with me. They never got tired of asking questions and I never got tired of answering them. How many wins did we have in fall rugby? How many tries did I get? Who would the Sox get in the draft this year? Who would have dominated if they had played at the same time, LeBron or Michael Jordan? They could talk sports for hours and so could I. Brendan, though, started slowly shifting the conversation to other subjects and I had to remind myself that he was getting older. He actually asked me what “exact words” I said to Darcy when I “asked her to be my girlfriend”. I had to make up something generic because the real story would have been confusing as hell for him and not something he could have recycled for a girl in the eighth grade.

  I could tell they were both under Darcy’s spell. Terrence, still a little kid, told me Darcy was prettier than “queen Amidala”. He was a Star Wars geek. Brendan cracked up at that and then added, “I think she looks more like Tom Brady’s wife….yeah, oh Gisele.” For that he got a football thrown, not hard, but right to the face.

  That night we left for the party and picked up Ben along the way. My mother dropped us off like we were thirteen again. We would be walking the quarter-mile home later, which was fine. These Thanksgiving Eve parties were usually out of control so driving was out of the question.

  Sure enough, when we walked in, it was a scene. Packed wall-to-wall, there were people making out on the couches, music was loud, and the smell of weed was thick in one corner of the house. I looked to Darcy to make sure she was ok. She’s no shrinking violet but coming to a party where you know no one and everyone else there are long-lost friends acting like fools could be overwhelming. I squeezed her hand. “Want a beer?”

  She laughed, “Desperately!”

  I left her with Ben and went to find the keg. I didn’t want to be rude to people but I was being accosted every two seconds by someone saying hello. I wanted to catch up with everyone but I was more concerned with leaving her. It was probably ten minutes before I got back to the spot I’d left them. I saw Ben chatting up Kim and Steph. They were the kind of girls that were good to go; he would easily be able to land one of them tonight. No Darcy in sight. “Where is she?”

  Ben looked at me darting his eyes from one girl to another to express that he was busy. “I don’t know. She was just next to me a minute ago.”

  With that, both girls were touching my arms and talking to me but I could hardly hear them. Their voices sounded so whiny and fake. How I was drawn in by that kind of thing such a short time ago was beyond me.

  For the next ten minutes, which felt like an hour, I was on a mission. I’m sure people were a little like, “what the fuck,” because I was hardly taking time to say hi to those that I’d been the closest of friends with. I just kept saying, “I’ll be right back,” as I pushed right past them. Finally I found her in the den in an animated conversation with another girl and Dylan sitting on the arm of the couch next to them. “Holy shit, Darcy, I’ve been looking all over for you!” I sounded annoyed but it was really a combination of stress and relief.

  She laughed and then smiled in a way that told me my concern made her happy in some way, “You were worried?”

  Dylan jumped up and grabbed me in a hug. “Tom! So glad you’re here, man. Small world, right? This is my girl, Kasia Mazur, who happens to have gone to high school with your Darcy. Can you believe that?”

  After that rocky start, Dylan’s party was awesome, as usual. I had to go back and make the rounds and say hello to the people I’d just blown off. I felt like I could, now that I knew Darcy was having a good time catching up with Kasia.

  My close friends, guys and girls, were cool and made the effort to approach Darcy, introduce themselves, and make her feel at home. Everyone knew me there so I didn’t have to worry about any guys hitting on Darcy. There were one or two instances where girls were being a little too determined with me but I knew how to handle that better now. I would just start talking about Darcy to them, point her out, and then they would treat me like I had the plague. Worked like a charm.

  The next morning I found Darcy and my mother in the kitchen. Darcy was showered and dressed already. I was taking her down to New York early this morning. She and my mom were dicing celery and onions while chatting away. I hung back for a minute and have to admit, I felt a lump in my throat watching them together. I wanted this in my future.

  Darcy

  Tom and I pulled up outside of my house and he grabbed my hand before I turned to get out. “Hey, Darcy, I love you.”

  “Where did that come from?”

  He smiled at me with tenderness. “Sounds corny, but I was just overcome with that feeling, so thought I’d share.”

  I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face. “Right back atcha.” I had been overcome with that feeling a lot lately myself. I felt so deeply in love with him.

  When we walked in, the house already smelled great. Mom was first out to greet us. Tom hugged her right away—a true Farrell. Caleb came out of the kitchen then. “I’m glad you’re home. I’ve had to take over your kitchen duties all morning.”

  Mom laughed. “He’s lying. He got here a half-hour ago, tops.”

  Caleb and Tom shook hands. “Well, I just want you to know that this is the first time I’ve let Darcy give me scouting advice. She said you’re fast and fierce on the wing.”

  “I hope I don’t disappoint.”

  “You won’t. Darcy speaks highly of you and I have to admit, she generally knows her stuff. When are you heading back down?”

  “I was planning on coming Friday night but my little brothers want to watch so instead I’m heading down early with them on Saturday. I’ll be here by eight.”

  Caleb grabbed Tom for a few minutes to give him the rundown on the tournament competition and then Tom, too soon, was saying his goodbyes. I walked him back out to the car. He kissed me and held onto me tight before we broke apart and he got into his truck. Even though it was only going to be two days, I was bummed watching him drive away.

  Thanksgiving was great. Kate wasn’t huge yet but her bump was very noticeable. Kate looked so beautiful and she and Luke were so obviously happy. The way they held hands, the way I saw Luke place a hand on Kate’s belly and then look up at her with wonder and such absolute and complete love in his eyes, was moving. I really and truly could see that someday for me and Tom.

  During dinner, talk went from Mom’s latest photography pr
oject, to our upcoming trip to Puerto Rico, to possible baby names—Caleb suggested some doosies—and then, as I knew it would, on to my love life. Luke asked Caleb to fill him in on Tom. I felt like a little kid sitting at the table. “Hello? You can ask me about my boyfriend, Luke.”

  “I will, but first I want to know what Caleb thinks.”

  Caleb shrugged, “So far so good but I was mainly concerned with how he measured up for Saturday.”

  Luke said in between bites of stuffing, “Don’t be so touchy, Darce. I love you. What kind of big brother would I be if I didn’t check up on your boyfriends? I’m still mad at Caleb for not keeping me in the loop about that last asshole.”

  Kate put her hand on his forearm. “In the past, Luke, remember?”

  Caleb said breezily, “I had it under control, obviously.”

  Kate smiled at me, eyes twinkling, “And it sounds like Darcy is in good hands now. I can’t wait to meet Tom on Saturday.”

  Luke gave me a look that was like a warning. “I’m looking forward to meeting him too.”

  He finally stopped when I pegged him in the head with a dinner roll.

  Saturday morning I got up early to pack up our gear for the day. I made thermoses of hot chocolate, sandwiches for everyone, and packed bananas and oranges for the guys playing. It was a sunny, crisp fall Saturday; the best kind of day to be in Central Park.

  Luke was a spectator for the first time this year. He hung out with Brendan and Terrence, explaining the game to them and showing them how to pass the rugby ball. I knew Caleb was happy with me because Tom played great. My dad was impressed with Tom’s play also and was even happier still that he didn’t have to treat anyone on the team today for injuries. Mr. and Mrs. Farrell came down later in the afternoon to watch and to pick up the boys. Caleb and Tom’s team did well but they were knocked out in the semi-finals.

  Afterwards we made our way to the party at a bar on the Upper East Side. Finally, after all these years, I was allowed to stay. We had a great time. Beers were definitely flowing, we were dancing, and Tom was probably a little too touchy-feely for Luke’s taste. I heard him yell to Caleb over the music, “What’s with all this excessive PDA?”

  Caleb answered, not realizing I was straining to hear him, “It’s all good. He’s great and I’m happy that for once I don’t have to run interference between every guy in the room and Darcy. With him here, no one’s hitting on her and I can relax. And Tom is a major step up from that fucking tool, Nick. I still wish I broke that guy’s jaw when I had the chance.”

  Caleb really couldn’t say anything about me and Tom anyway, as he had just retracted his tongue from the throat of some girl. He introduced her as a coworker. She was pretty I guess, but because of Liz I now had a strong aversion to redheads. Also, she didn’t seem like the real deal and I wanted Caleb happy and in love the way Luke was.

  The next morning we slept in a little late, ate brunch with my parents, and then made our way back to school. It was good to get back because I missed having Tom sleep over. Sunday nights we usually didn’t stay together but we had been living like we were in a convent for the past few days and I think we both needed it. I know I needed to feel his arms around me.

  Tom

  Finals were coming up. I felt like I was writing paper after paper and studying non-stop the past two weeks. Darcy was really busy too. I looked forward to eating dinner with her at night. We were staying with each other on the weekends but weeknights lately were crazy so dinnertime was the time when I got to relax and just talk to her. I never got tired of just talking to her.

  In addition to getting ready for finals, I was preparing my resume for the on-site interviews that the big firms conducted on campus. It was a weird time because all of this was making it clear that our time here was coming to a close and we were all about to face our futures.

  Darcy had been wavering a bit on going straight to medical school in the fall. She was considering doing an interning stint with a medical mission and deferring school until the following year. I didn’t weigh in on that because, for one, she knew better than I did on that topic and also because I didn’t want to push her into anything based on what I wanted. That wouldn’t be fair. If I did, I would tell her that I didn’t want her on any mission where she was away from me or, even worse, in some poverty-stricken far-off country where she couldn’t even contact me and I’d be worried twenty-four-seven. I think that would do me in.

  If I had my way, Darcy would be back in New York and I would be working on Wall Street. I knew she wouldn’t move in with me but we would be able to play some version of house when I got my own apartment in the city. But like I said, I was keeping my opinions to myself.

  There weren’t many big parties the last two weeks before winter break but there were a few low-key get-togethers. People needed to let off some steam in between all the studying. We had one at our place. Darcy and all of her roommates were there, Chris, Mac, Nick and their housemates, as well as the rest of the rugby guys and few other females. Low key by our standards but it was pretty crowded.

  Nick and I were no longer friends. Since that night at the Sox game we mostly kept our distance from one another but we didn’t totally avoid being in the same place at the same time; we had too many friends in common for that to be possible. After a little time had passed, if we were in the same room we didn’t totally ignore one another; a head nod might pass between us. Tonight, Nick was well behaved and chatting up Morgan’s roommates, Liz and Carrie. He was currently off with his on-and-off again girlfriend. Even I hoped that he would find someone that would make him happy; I wanted his thoughts on someone else other than Darcy.

  Darcy headed home earlier than everyone else. After I walked her back to her place and spent a few quality minutes groping and kissing, I walked back into my house to see a considerably wilder scene. The music was louder and Carrie was on the kitchen counter as Nick was licking the leftovers from the shot he just took off her belly—so much for him finding true love. When Liz saw me come back in, she made a bee-line for me. “Hey Tom, there you are. Where’s your beautiful girlfriend?”

  “She hit the hay.”

  She shrugged and smiled. “Too bad. So what’s new with you?” Without waiting for an answer she went on, plaintively, “I feel like since she’s been in the picture I never see you anymore. I feel like I’ve lost one of my closest friends.”

  What was with the pouty face? And really, calling us closest friends? Yeah, I didn’t know about that. I really didn’t want to be talking to her right now but I couldn’t escape without making it totally obvious. “I’ve been around, Liz. Who’s been in your life this year? I know you’re not spending your time at home knitting scarves.”

  She lowered her head and then, for added effect, licked her lips as she looked up at me. “No, not exactly, but every other guy pales in comparison to you.”

  I took a big gulp of my beer and looked away. “That was a lifetime ago.”

  Sadly, she said, “Yeah, tell me about it.”

  Ben came over just then and I felt relieved to be done with this conversation. I didn’t like reminders of what an asshole I’d been. Liz was an acquaintance—a friend, I guess—but in no way was I attracted to her, even back then. Still, though, I’d taken what I wanted from her; I’d used her like I had many others.

  The night before our last final Darcy and I were hanging out, watching a movie to unwind. I loved sitting with her, my arm wrapped around her shoulders, holding her close to me. She looked up at me and smiled that sweet smile. “You’re sure you can’t come to Puerto Rico?”

  “Darcy, you know I’m dying to come but Brendan and Terrence would be really disappointed if I didn’t head to Florida with the family.”

  “I know. I’m just feeling bad for myself. I was counting on being able to feel you up in the pool. Maybe do a little naked night-swimming in the ocean.”

  “You’re killing me!”

  She laughed, “Just teasing. Beth, Rene, and
Caitlin are coming so with them and my parents, there wouldn’t be any room in the house to sneak off and be together anyway.”

  “Caleb isn’t going?”

  “No, he said he can’t get away with work. He’s been…I don’t know…quiet lately and hard to read. Overall, I’d say Caleb is kind of a dog when it comes to women but I have noticed there’s a girl down there that he seems particularly friendly with so I’m surprised he’s not coming. Her dad owns a local restaurant on the beach. He hasn’t told me about her but I know he flies down there at least every other month and it’s not just for the surfing.”

  “Next time you go I want to tag along.”

  “Definitely. I know I sound like a whiner but I’m feeling bad already knowing I’m going to be missing you over the break.”

  It made my chest swell hearing those words.

  Darcy stayed with us for two days after we left school for the break. I know every member of my family loved her and Darcy seemed totally content to be hanging out with my parents and brothers. She insisted on taking Brendan and Terrence with us when I suggested dinner and a movie one of the nights and then she spent time helping the boys pick out gifts for my mom and dad in the mall afterwards. I loved watching her with them.

  Last week I had called my mom for some advice on a Christmas present for Darcy. Twenty questions ensued. “Well, that depends, what do you want the present to say? Do you want to just get Darcy something that she likes or is she a person you want to really tell something to?”

  “I’m not following, Mom.”

  “Well, if it’s not that serious yet and you just want her to be happy with what she gets you could buy her concert tickets, a nice handbag, or something else she’d like. But if it’s meaningful that you’re looking for, then you have to rack your brain.”

  “Rack my brain?”

  After a pause she went on, “You know that old teapot I have displayed in the living room on the mantle; the one that’s so old that the finish on it looks cracked?”