Irons 3

by Mj Fields

  “Hey there, is everything okay?” I whisper as I slide out of bed.

  She shakes her head no.

  “Okay, tell me how to make it better and I will try my best.”

  “You said,” her little bottom lips pops out. “They’re very nice.”

  “Yes, they are.”

  I am on my knees in front of her now.

  “But you said,” she stops again and her eyes fill with tears.

  “Lily, it’s okay. You can tell me anything; in fact, you can tell me everything.”

  “You said, you would sleep with me again. Did you just mean-”

  She hears Jax move and stops.

  “I meant what I said. I just thought maybe you wanted to be in there with your sister and-”

  “Okay,” she turns to leave and I grab her little hand.

  “You okay, Firefly?” She turns and looks at me, then at Jax.

  “She’s okay, I think she likes our bed better,” I wink at her, “Come on, you climb up in there.”

  “I can take the couch,” Jax starts to sit up.

  “I’m pretty sure the three of us can fit. You okay with that?” I ask as Lily is already on the bed heading towards the middle, dragging her bear behind her. “I guess that means yes.”

  I lay down and her back is to me. Jax is looking down at her and her head is tilting up; I know she’s looking at him too. “Goodnight, sleep tight,” he says to her.

  “Goodnight, sleep tight,” she replies.

  Within minutes, she’s asleep and Jax looks over at me. We hear a rumble and look towards the window; lightning.

  “I bet she woke up hearing that and it scared her,” he whispers and reaches his hand above her head, laying it across the pillow, “Hand, Angel.”

  I hold his hand and we stare at each other.

  This is all new to both of us. We knew it was coming, but like everything that surrounds Jax and me, it comes at us like a storm. Yet, here we are.

  “I love you, Jax,” I whisper.

  “Say it again,” he says as his eyes grow heavy.

  “I love you.”

  ~*~

  After Jax falls asleep, I see a light from the hallway. I look up and Mom is standing at the end of the bed with her hand covering her heart.

  “She’s okay.”

  “What happened?” she whispers.

  “Jax thinks it was the storm, and I think it’s because she slept with me last night and I told her I would let her whenever she wanted.”

  “She’s comfortable with you.”

  “She will be with you, too, soon.”

  “She sees you as the one who helped her,” Mom smiles sadly as she looks at her.

  “We all have a long road ahead of us. But together we’ll get her there. Mom, you and Dad need to move closer.”

  She nods, “I know.”

  “Will would want you to.”

  She swallows hard, “I know he would. We will. I can’t imagine missing any more of their lives.”

  She doesn’t move, she just stands there staring, “Mom, I’m not sure you’ll fit, but if you want to sleep in here-”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” she giggles then turns around, “Sleep well.”

  I roll back over and Jax is looking at me, “Angel, this one I understand, but please don’t invite your mother to join the party in here again.” He smiles back and then closes his eyes.

  ~*~

  I wake up even more exhausted than I was when I fell asleep. But I see Jax smiling at Lily and I want to be awake. I want to be awake and see every sparkle emit from his eyes. I want to be awake and see Jax making silly little faces at her and her silently giggling while she covers her mouth in an attempt not to wake me, because he is holding his finger to his mouth and telling her to shhh. I wanna be awake and see this moment where Jaxon and Lily, two people who never knew what love in its truest form is, the love a child gets from a parent, are sharing that for what may be the first time ever.

  He pushes her hair out of her eyes and stares at her. He puts his hand up and opens it and she lays her palm flat against his. He curls his fingers over hers and I can’t help but giggle. This, of course, alerts them that I’m awake, and I regret it immediately.

  “Morning, Angel,” he leans over her and kisses my head

  I lean in to kiss him back and I feel dizzy, immediately.

  “Frankie?” he says and sits up.

  I open my eyes and roll to my opposite side and run to the bathroom just in time to lean over the sink and throw up.

  “Is she okay?” The worry in Lily’s voice doesn’t go unnoticed by Jax, and I throw up a second time.

  “She just has a bellyache,” he says, trying to not worry her. I hear him hopping into the bathroom as I turn and slide down the cabinet and sit on the floor. “You okay?”

  I nod, “Just not feeling well.”

  He grabs a washcloth and wets it, then holds it over my head, “You’re sweating.”

  “Throwing up is a lot of work.”

  “Wish I could do it for you.”

  “That is sweet but weird.” I allow him to help me up and he pulls me into his arms, my stomach lurches again and I step back just in time to hit the sink.

  He is rubbing my back and holding back my hair. I look out of the corner of my eye and see Lily looking at me from the doorway. She looks deeply concerned. “I’m okay. You okay?”

  She nods yes and Jax looks over at her, “Better not get too close, you’ll be next.”

  I look up to see my mother coming in, tying her robe, “You okay?”

  “She’s just not feeling well, maybe you could get Lily some breakfast?”

  “Let’s go, little one,” Mom says as she ushers Lily out.

  “Go with them, I’ll be fine,” I say as I rinse my mouth out with the water from the cup Jax hands me.

  “I’ll go when you’re back in bed.”

  “Jax-”

  “No argument.”

  I look up at him and nod and then rinse out the sink.

  “You have a lot to do. I am going to be just fine.”

  “Nothing’s more important than taking care of my wife-”

  “Getting custody of Lily.”

  “Those people are gonna sign away their rights. They’re meeting with a lawyer and family court judge that-”

  “Jax, like it or not, you need to make sure the Deverauxes don’t fight us on this. You’re gonna need your Mothers help in that.”

  “They threw her away to begin with. I don’t expect a fight. Let’s get you in bed. Please, Angel.”

  “If you promise to go make sure-”

  “To bed, Angel.”

  “Jaxson-”

  “Have faith in me, Francesca.”

  “Of course.”

  “Get your ass in bed then.”

  Once in bed, Jax sits down and runs his hand through my hair, “I think you have had way too much to deal with since-”

  “Don’t even say it, Jax.”

  “It’s true. Doesn’t change a thing. Can’t make it go away but after father’s funeral, we’re going away for a while. Me, you-”

  “Lily, Mom, Dad, Laurie, Calee-”

  “All of us. Away from here, to celebrate our family.”

  “Our family,” I smile.

  “All family, all day. The night is mine.”

  “Even though I feel like hell right now, I cannot wait.”

  ~*~

  When I wake up, Jax is gone and I have a little one sitting on the bed looking at me. “You feel better?”

  “I do. I hope I didn’t scare you.”

  “No.”

  “Good.” I sit up and see Mom at the door. “Come on in.”

  She sits next to Lily and hands me a glass and some crackers, “Ginger ale. Helps settle the tummy,” she says as she wraps her arm around Lily.

  “How long have I been asleep?” I grab my phone. “Noon!”

  “You didn’t feel well,” Mom says as she feels my head.
>
  “I’m fine.” I change my tone so I don’t frighten Lily, “Is Jax back?”

  “Not yet. He has called to check on you and Lily. He has been at the courthouse; your father is with them-”

  “Why?”

  “Because he is William’s father, Lily’s biological grandfather. Your father wanted to be there. They took Lawrence, Laurie’s boyfriend. He knows a couple of the judges.”

  “Good.”

  “Your father is on his way back and Jaxson is on his way to his mother’s-”

  “Who is with Jax?”

  “Shadows.”

  “Is Shadows alright? I think I upset him.”

  “I don’t know,” Mom says as she glances at Lily, redirecting my attention.

  We sit quietly for a moment then she reaches out for Lily. “Jaxson wants us all to go away soon.”

  “Is he mad?”

  “No, Lily, not like that.” I take a deep breath, “His father passed away a few days ago. Jax and I are going to be busy with the calling hours. Then he wants us all to go on a little vacation together to a very special place.”

  She nods and looks down, “Will you be gone long?”

  “No, for a few hours then right back here to you.”

  “But you don’t feel well,” she says as she looks up at me.

  “I feel better now. Let me hop in the shower and then we can do something, okay?”

  ~*~

  Lily and I spend the day with my parents on the beach; she loves it here. I love that she is here, William’s little girl, who I thought looked like Jax, looks just like her father, except for his eyes. They are as blue as the sky.

  I catch my parents staring at her when she and I are building a sand castle, they look more alive today than they have in years. She did that for them.

  I try not to worry that Jax is still not home, even though the clock now says eight p.m. Lily is exhausted, a day in the sun will do that to anyone. But to a little girl, who was never allowed to shine, it’s truly taxing.

  She tries to make everyone smile, she has a great deal of concern about others, I can tell that already. But she also watches them, us, like she is waiting for the bottom to fall out. My hope is that one day, she will heal from that.

  I watch her lay, asleep in her bed. Beautiful girl. Sweet, beautiful girl.

  With Lily asleep, my thoughts turn to Jax. I get out of bed and very quietly make my way out of her room, Will’s old room.

  “Has he called?” I ask, after shutting the door.

  “Come have a seat.” My father pats the couch next to him.

  I sit down and he smiles at me, same smile as Will, same smile as Lily, “Court today went well. The adoptive parents are willing to hand her over, the judge wants the Deverouxes to have an opportunity to make a claim for custody. Jaxson was going to his mother, hoping for assistance-”

  “They have no right to make a claim, none at all.”

  “I agree, so does Jaxson. He is going to offer incentive to stay the hell away from her.”

  My father rarely swore, “Incentive?”

  “He won’t expose them if they walk away.”

  “I want him to expose them. I want him to bury them. I want-”

  “He wants his family: you, Lily, and the rest of us to be safe.”

  “That’s not like Jaxson to walk away. He believes in justice, he believes in righting wrongs, he-”

  “I don’t think for a minute he’s giving up. I assume he is biding his time.”

  I hold my stomach and sit back as I feel my face heat up.

  “Here.” My mother hands me ginger ale and crackers, “You’ll need to see a doctor soon, Francesca.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Uh huh,” she says and kisses my head.

  I SIT AT A TABLE across from my mother and Deveroux and push a file towards him.

  “I’d like you to sign this so that Lily can get on with the life she deserves.”

  He opens it and looks inside. I watch his face harden and then he continues reading. When he finishes, he looks up at me.

  “Do you have any idea how this is gonna look when it gets out? My daughter’s death, followed by me just giving away part of my bloodline?”

  “I am very sorry for Mimi’s death. But, as we all know, this is one less kink in your agenda.”

  “Jaxson,” my mother warns.

  “Sign the papers, Arthur.”

  “No.” He pushes the file to me.

  “You understand this is the easy way out? This is the way that doesn’t include me exposing you for all the shit involved. The lies, the deceit, the kidnapping of a man’s child? Do you understand that this is what’s best for you? ‘Cause I give a fuck less what happens to you. You can go on living your miserable existence; hell, maybe you can push your wife to end her life like you did your daughter’s so your,” I slam my fist on the table, “motherfucking political agenda isn’t effected, and move in here.”

  “Jaxson, that is enough!”

  “Not even fucking close to being enough. That little girl had a father who would have loved her, taken care of her, had a chance to know her. She has grandparents and an aunt who have no fucking agenda. They are real people who, regardless of whom the mother to the child was, would have loved her. Hell, if Mimi had been able to see what real life, without the bullshit, was like, maybe she would be here today. So, like I said, sign it or not, you don’t get her.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “Look at me, do I look like a man who says something and does the opposite?”

  “He’s grieving, Jaxson,” my mother tries to intervene again.

  “Don’t give a fuck. You hand me back that file tomorrow at Father’s services, signed and notarized, or I go back to the court with the file you don’t fucking have.”

  “Don’t you threaten me, boy,” he yells at me.

  “Motherfucker still doesn’t get it’s not a threat,” Shadows laughs.

  “You may want to watch yourself, too,” Arthur snaps at him.

  “No bitch, you may want to watch yourself. I had my lips on your little girl’s, trying to breathe life back into her in between pounding on her chest, trying to make her heart fucking pump because some no-class sorry fucking excuse for a father fucking pushed something he should have cherished.”

  “Your father is in prison and you’re calling me-”

  “Don’t give a fuck about him, but if I have my way, your sorry ass will be sitting next to his. Irons is giving you options. I’d have given you two; jail or your grave. You may want to think the fuck about that before you try to threaten me again. Sorry ass motherfucker,” he kicks the chair out from behind himself and stands. He leans over the table, “Look up here. This is what a man looks like, a man who made his way. A man of honor and class, Arty; your ass ain’t shit. Irons, I’ll be right outside the door; one more minute in this room and your momma, gonna have to bury two men.”

  “Officer Shadows! You do not-”

  “Aw fuck, look at me, I sure as hell do,” he takes three strides to the door and slams it behind him.

  “You do not disrespect my brothers again, or so help me God, I’ll wipe my hands and let him at you,” I stand.

  “Jaxson, you have to give a little here. If people think he just gave away a child.”

  “Mother, he gave away two. There is no more give. Two lives have been lost in this battle, the one you two don’t have the balls enough to fight for. I have several sets of balls. Mine and a small band of brothers who will not stop until they see that the country they have fought for is run as our founding fathers intended.”

  “We discussed this two days ago, you push this and people are gonna die,” my mother warns. But this time there is a hint of fear in her voice.

  “People are already dying, Mother.”

  ~*~

  We walk into the office, Dr. Neil stands, “You ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be,” I nod.

  “Lieutenant Shadows, you ca
n wait for us here, no one will bother you.”

  “Will do,” he says and sits.

  I lay on the table and wait to be put into the globe. I hate MRIs and this was only my second. It sounds like you’re under heavy fire while shoved in a casket with no way out.

  Forty minutes later and Dr. Neil is back, “In January 2015, the Aeromedical Reference and Waiver guide, or ARWG, updated several topics. Neurology was one of them. Considering just what you have told me, auras, or blurred vision, followed by severe headache and nausea means you are not in any position to fly in combat, Jaxson.” She hands me a paper, Headache Algorithm, “It’s all laid out here and on the website. I wrote the web address on the bottom. It wouldn’t be safe to put you in the air without a copilot until you’ve gone years without symptoms. A waiver wouldn’t be able to be considered. I’m not a radiologist, but the preliminary results don’t show anything that I, or the tech, could see. I’m sorry, Jaxson.”

  I look at the paper for a few moments. My whole life I have wanted to be a pilot, when I became one, I wanted nothing more but to be a soldier, fighting for his country’s freedom. This diagnosis comes as no surprise, hell I was ready to walk away before this happened, but to be told you can’t do something is hard to take.

  “I’ll write up my recommendation tonight and send it in the morning. Jaxson?”

  “Thank you, Dr. Neil,” I stand and shake her hand. “I’ll give Colonel Smith a heads up.”

  I start to walk out of the room and she asks, “How is Francesca?”

  “I haven’t been home yet. Last I called, her father said she was sleeping. The next time I called, she was getting Lily settled in. Going home to her now.”

  She smiles and nods, “Would you please let her know I will be stopping by with Calee tomorrow?”

  “I will, but she and I will be at my father’s services.” I run my hands through my hair, “If she feels better, that is.”

  She smiles, “She will. Give her time.”

  Her smile makes me wonder, “I’ll give her anything she wants.”

  “I have a feeling she’d do the same for you.”

  ~*~

  We are at a red light when Shadows look over at me, “We have orders.”