Country Secrets

by Caz May

  She still hasn't spoken a word to me, only little mumbles or grunts at times.

  “It’s ok. Please sit down,” I say pulling the chair out next to me.

  Hesitantly she sits down, and looking straight at me she reaches out to take my hand in hers.

  It’s a sweet gesture and it takes me by surprise.

  I can tell it’s her way of showing me she’s ready to listen to whatever I want to talk about, so I continue, "I have to go out droving again. For a few days this time."

  Without warning she rips her hand from mine and covers her face with it instead, peering out at me between her fingers.

  Tears are threatening to pour down her cheeks.

  It certainly isn't the reaction I was expecting. She seems genuinely upset that I have to leave, but I have to wonder is she upset or if she’s scared of being alone in my farmhouse.

  Or even worse, is she going to run? And is pretending to put on a show for me even though she’s happy she could now be free of me?

  I gently pull her hands away from her face, wiping the tears away with my thumb.

  My hand lingers a little on her cheek.

  I don't want to leave her, but I have to.

  ”Oh Savannah, please don't cry. I'm sorry."

  She shocks me when she abruptly stands up and bolts down the hallway.

  I stall, not sure if I should follow her or leave her be, feeling so torn between wanting to comfort her but not knowing if she wants my comfort.

  But when the sound of her sobbing comes down the hallway it tugs at my heart so much that I want to comfort her like the first night she came back to the farm.

  This time though I need more than just a hug.

  I slowly edge down the hallway towards the guest room, but stop outside my own room where a shadow catches my eye.

  Savannah is lying on my bed, sobbing.

  "Savannah?" I ask cautiously standing in the doorway.

  She looks up at me with her tear filled eyes with an expression that is too hard to read.

  Stepping further into the room, I sit on the bed next to her feet.

  She sniffs through her tears, wiping her arm across her cheeks.

  Her mouth opens as though she’s about to speak, but just as quick she closes it, biting her lip instead.

  I need to reassure her that everything will be ok and that I’m going to come back.

  "I won't be gone long I promise. You'll be safe here."

  Sniffing again she nods, clearly not convinced.

  It really breaks my heart seeing her cry. I don't want to see her endure anymore pain, although this is nothing compared to what she’s been through, I’m sure of that.

  She sits up on the bed next to me then and I pull her to my side, touching her cheek softly.

  "You're so beautiful Savannah."

  Her arms are suddenly around me in a warm embrace.Holding her close feels so incredibly right and I truly don't want to be anywhere else.

  But I want more. I need more.

  Pulling back I look into her blue-green eyes intently, "Savannah, please I really want to..." I pause a moment, to try and calm myself, to stop my heart from pounding in my chest but it’s futile and I have to tell her now. ”Savannah, I want to kiss you,” I declare, feeling like I’m begging her.

  But when she edges closer to me, pressing her lips against mine my heart stops a moment before pounding wildly.

  Her kiss is soft, her lips taste sweet but it’s so much more than just a soft meeting of lips.It’s everything i’d hoped it would be and more.

  Longingly, I deepen the kiss, wanting to taste more of her, for her to feel how much I want this, to feel how much I want her, all of her.

  She lets out an impassioned murmur that drives me utterly wild with hunger for her. Never has a kiss left me feeling so overwhelmed.

  Reluctantly I break away from her kiss, breathless, and still a little spellbound at how just one kiss has made me feel.

  A cheeky grin has taken over her face, that makes me feel even more overwhelmed.

  ”Savannah that was amazing."

  She mumbles an 'mmm' that makes me desperately want to kiss her again and unlike the past few weeks I don't hesitate to pull her closer to me.

  Zealously I press my lips on hers again, taking her cheeks between my palms to deepen our kiss more. Warmth rushes through my body and all I can think of is this, of her, of wanting so much more than just to kiss her.

  Again breathless we break our kiss, but this time I’m speechless, feeling completely tongue tied at how consuming her kiss was.

  The look on her face tells me that she has wanted that as much as I did and I’m not planning on it being the last time I kiss her.

  ~ ~

  I'd tried to sleep that night, holding Savannah in my arms after we'd shared the most amazing first kisses but having her close had just made my thoughts wonder to taking more of her for myself.

  I want to know everything about her, every curve, every sweet spot and heartbreakingly every scar on her gorgeous body.

  She murmurs, half asleep when I roll over to get out of bed at dawn.

  "I have to go,” I whisper.

  Again she mumbles ‘mmm',before cuddling the blankets to her chest.

  Kissing her forehead softly I whisper to her, "But I really don't want to after last night."

  She doesn't respond this time, having drifted back to sleep.

  She looks so peaceful and so incredibly beautiful, it makes walking out the door so difficult for the first time in ages.

  Grabbing my swag and clothes I load up the Ute to head off. It’s going to be a long, hard couple of days alone out in the far paddocks. The farm work has to be done but it’s the last thing I want to be doing.

  After kissing Savannah I'd have much rather stay in bed entangled in her arms than be out in the freezing morning air.

  Blitz is staying back at the farm this time around as it’s easier to work the far paddocks with the quad bike and sometimes having him on the back with me was difficult, so it’s me alone with my thoughts.

  And from the moment I leave the farmhouse until arriving at the far paddock gates there is only one thing on my mind.

  Savannah.

  God I want her so damn much.

  (24) Savannah

  Waking up in Hunter's bed I shiver touching the sheets beside me and panicking when he isn't here.

  I open my mouth to call out to him, the words on the tip of my tongue, but nothing comes out. I take a deep breath to calm myself and my mind wanders back to the night before, reliving the kisses we'd shared.

  Pressing my lips to his was brazen, and even now I can still feel his lips on mine.

  The feeling of warmth kissing him had filled with my body with had not left, even waking up without him beside me.

  I recall him saying he was leaving, in my half awake state at dawn, and there’s another thought in my head.

  I’m sure he'd said, ‘he wanted me' but it could have been my imagination, in my dreams of him when he'd left for droving.

  About to get out of bed, I sit up, clutching the sheets to my chest firmly when I hear footsteps padding down the hall.There’s no one here, there shouldn't be anyone here should there?

  In panic I freeze, shutting my eyes tightly to wait until the footsteps stop and they do stop, at the bedroom door.

  I can't bring myself to open my eyes, as the footsteps appear to now be coming closer to the bed.

  The intruder doesn't make a sound, instead bounds onto the bed and licks my face.

  My eyes spring open and I laugh at myself for thinking Blitz was an intruder in the house, ”You scared me Blitz."

  He lets out a low bark, before putting his head in my lap. “You’re not meant to be on the bed you know?"

  He lets out a whimper, trying to make me feel sorry for him, and my heart softens. “We won't tell him buddy,” I say stroking his head.

  I’m not sure why Hunter has left him here, as I’m sure he wo
uld have needed him for droving, but nevertheless I’m glad he’s by my side for some protection.

  He isn't a big dog, but he’s most certainly protective of those he cares about and for some reason he's shown a genuine care for me, from the moment I'd followed Hunter onto the porch a few weeks earlier.

  His kennel and some toys are out on the verandah and I think back to the night I'd crawled onto the porch bleeding and in pain.

  Blitz had not been there, obviously out with Hunter droving that night, but a memory of Hunter's voice in my head from the day after linked things all together.

  Blitz had been there when Hunter found me, and for some reason the silly dog loved me.

  "How about some breakfast, buddy?" I ask him, even though he can't respond.

  He eagerly jumps off the bed and trots towards the kitchen. I follow him, stretching as I yawn and slowly climb out of bed.

  My body aches, not from the bed, but because kissing Hunter has awoken something inside me.

  Something I’m a little too scared to feel as it reminds me a little of the beginning of my relationship with Dante, when things between us were exciting and new.

  He'd made me feel the butterflies too, but with Hunter it’s different.

  I was petrified to feel those things with Dante, like maybe I'd always known our relationship was toxic, but with Hunter the butterflies in my belly stir something deeper in me and even though I barely know him, I want more from him. I want him, all of the gorgeous Hunter Mackenney.

  Out in the kitchen Blitz is hoeing into food like he’s never eaten in his life.

  It makes me laugh out loud, but also floods me with the same feelings I’d had a few nights ago.

  The feeling of not being able to deserve happiness. Kissing Hunter had been the first time in so long that I'd felt happiness and I’m beyond terrified it’s all going to be taken away, just like in the past.

  Quickly making a coffee I revel in the warmth on my hands and sitting down on the couch I try to calm myself, sipping the coffee and inhaling deep breaths.

  No matter how uneasy it makes me feel, I know I have to tell Hunter everything.

  I need to open up about my past to him if I truly want a future with him.

  Our kisses have made me yearn to give him all of me.

  I just have to find the words.

  (25) Hunter

  Barely a minute had gone by that I hadn't thought of Savannah whilst I was away.

  Her kisses had made me long for her even more. In some ways it had shaken me to the core. I'd never felt such intensity before with anyone.

  I'd truly loved Addison, but no kiss with her had ever sent the rush of warmth and electricity through my body like kissing Savannah did.

  There’s no doubt I’m falling in love with her.

  But I’m frustrated that she hasn't spoken to me about her past. I know she’s afraid to let me in, to expose herself to me but if I’m going to give myself to her completely I need her to trust me.

  Without thinking when arriving home, I open the farmhouse doors, tugging off my shoes and putting my akubra on the hat stand, just like always. I’m feeling a little uncomfortable from still being in my dirty clothes so I tug at my tucked in t-shirt lifting it over my head and sighing as I walk into the kitchen, desperate for a coffee.

  I don't even make it to the far end of the kitchen to make my coffee, as stopping near the lounge room I see Savannah on the couch, her legs draped over the armrest, engrossed in a book. She looks so happy and absolutely gorgeous.

  Sensing I’m in the room she turns to look at me, blushing. There’s silence between us and I hate it. I want to talk to her, have her greet me, kiss her 'hello' and have my wicked way with her right there on the couch, but that isn't going to happen, no matter how much I want it to.

  Lost in my thoughts I don't even see her get up to come and stand in front of me.

  She touches my bare chest, and my whole body tingles with the sensation of her soft fingers on my skin.

  The look in her eyes isn't the same as when I'd kissed her and she seems edgy, as though something is wrong.

  The only thing that crosses my mind is that she regrets kissing me.

  "Savannah," I say, lightly brushing her cheek with my fingers, "do you regret the kisses we shared?"

  She flinches, removing the hand she still has on my chest and shrinking back from me. My heart lurches in my chest.

  This isn't happening.

  I’m ready to give my heart to her and she’s throwing it back in my face.

  I’m nervous to look at her now, but when I do she’s looking straight at me shaking her head.

  "So you don't regret kissing me?"

  Her mouth opens, and then closes again.

  "Please Savannah I need to know,” I plead with her.

  Again she repeats the same action, this time letting out a tiny grunt, that is like slow torture.

  I just want her to tell me, use some words to tell me how she feels.

  "Fuck Savannah,” I say with a hint of anger and want all rolled into one.

  There’s only way to find out if she did regret our first kisses.

  Grabbing her by the waist I pull her closer to me, wanting there to be no space between our bodies. Cupping her cheeks in my palms, I press a fierce hungry kiss to her lips.

  She murmurs against my lips and that sound of her telling me she’s loving the feel of my lips on hers, makes my body rise to attention.

  I need her. I need all of her.

  This kiss is wild, more intense than the ones we’d shared before and when she pulls away from me breathless I can't stop myself from confessing, "Savannah I want you so fucking much, please I need you."

  She wraps me in a hug, but it isn't enough, kissing her isn't even enough anymore.

  Grabbing her hand from around my back, I urge her to touch me, to know what she’s doing to me. But feeling the desire in my pants, she snatches her hand back like it’s on fire and her mouth opens to say, "I...I..ca.."

  And then she’s gone, racing down the hallway to the guest room.

  Once again I've fucked it up again by moving to fast.

  I have to give her some space and make it up to her but I want her so damn much, it hurts.

  I let Savannah be, even though it’s torture and all I want to do is run down the hallway to the bedroom and kiss her senseless.

  If she needs space I’m going to give her that, as it’s the least I can do after my crazy lust filled advances.

  Honestly I don't know what else I could do, so plonking myself down on the couch I sigh, trying not to think about her like that again.

  But I can’t stop my thoughts, my head is filled of thoughts of kissing her, of so much more.

  I think I need a damn shrink. I need to talk to someone.

  That’s what I need, a damn conversation with someone else , not a one sided one that has me wanting to bang my head against the wall in frustration.

  Digging out my phone from my back pocket I dial my brother, hoping our conversation about Savannah this time won’t have him thinking I’m a damn fool.

  "Hey big bro. How's things?"

  "Fucked Quent."

  "Must be for you to swear."

  I sigh, knowing that’s most certainly true, as I’m not one to swear much at all.

  “Hunter?" he queries, when I don’t respond.

  “Yeah?” I ask.

  “Is something wrong? You’re being weird.”

  “Oh god, Quent, she won't fucking say anything."

  "Who? Savannah?"

  "Who else Quentin?” I say a little angrily.

  "Look bro I just think you should forget about her. Get back with Addison."

  There’s a hint of pain in his voice saying those words to me, that has me a little intrigued.

  "That's the last thing I want Quent. I don't want Addison back. I want Savannah."

  "Well bro I don't think that's a good choice but hey up to you."

  "Yeah not
going too well though."

  "What ya mean?"

  My younger brother is going to think I’m a total idiot and Savannah a cock-tease but what the hell, he wants to know.

  "Every time I kiss her and try to take things further she runs off."

  Just as I thought he laughs.

  "Oh god Hunter. I'm so sorry but seriously that's crazy. Bro you could have Addison back and your chasing after some cock-tease."

  There, he said it.

  "What's with your sudden fascination with Addison?" I ask, wondering if something had happened between them.

  Quentin hesitates before he answers, a different tone in his voice, "I'm in love with her Hunter. Always have been."

  "What? That's fucked up, even for you little brother."

  Again he laughs. I’m probably not being the most supportive big brother with that reaction but I’m seriously shocked to find out my flirtatious little brother had always wanted my ex-girlfriend.

  He could have any woman he'd wanted and he did. But the one woman he actually loved he couldn't have. I can't help but feel sympathy for him.

  "Well, you can have her bro,” I say trying to be supportive.

  "If only Hunter. She wants you."

  "Um yeah that ship sailed about a year ago."

  "Haha, good one so are you coming to the movie fundraiser tomorrow night?"

  "That's tomorrow?"

  "Yeah I'm on patrol duty."

  "Sure I'll be there."

  "Ok big bro, see you then."

  He hangs up and I audibly laugh. How is it possible I'd not known he was in love with Addison all this time.

  It’s a good thing I'd never married her as she probably would have gotten bored with me and run off with him.

  It doesn't matter now anyway, he can have her. I hope I have Savannah and to make it up to her for all my stupid advances I’m going to take her out to the movie fundraiser.

  I hope it will make her see that she can be a part of my life, because I want her to be more than anything.

  (26) Savannah

  Hunter hadn't come rushing into the room to comfort me like he'd done before and I could have been upset about it, but I’m not.