Girl to Come Home To

by Grace Livingston Hill

  Diana sat there in amazement staring at Jessica, and for the moment saying nothing, so Jessica went on. “Besides, I’ve been finding out a lot about you, too. Things I suppose Rod doesn’t know or he never would be going around with you. He’s so religious that he would drop you like a hotcake if he knew. And if you don’t let up on this, I’ll good and well see that he does know. See? You see, I have friends in New York, and they tell me you are engaged and going to be married right away to a swell guy who thinks you’re all right, and naturally he doesn’t know what you are doing in Riverton. But if you keep this thing up, I’ll see that he does know all about it. I often go to New York, and I can hunt him up and tell him everything that goes on here, see?”

  Diana looked at the girl as if she were crazy, and in her heart she was saying, Oh, Lord, what is this? What shall I do? Help me, please.

  She was smiling faintly when this tirade began, and the startling things this girl said had, for the instant, driven away her usual calm from her expression, leaving only that faint smile set there like something that might fade quickly.

  Then, as if some unseen strength had come to her she began to speak in a steady voice, “Are you quite through? Is that all you wanted to say? Then if you’ll excuse me I think I must go, for someone is waiting for this package,” and with all her old, sweet self-possession, the result of years of cultured training, she arose, walked quickly across the gallery, down the steps, and out through the crowded store, head up, shoulders back, and an undisturbed expression upon her face.

  And Jessica sat in amazement and watched her go. Her hateful words had not even fazed the girl. What kind of a girl was she anyway? And somehow Jessica almost envied Diana, to be able to take it that way. That was what it meant, probably, to be “to the manner born,” while she was only born to the wrong side of the tracks and couldn’t seem to get away from it no matter how hard she tried, nor how hateful she was to other people. She simply could not understand it. What did it mean? Wasn’t it true about her being engaged? Well, why didn’t she say so then? Or was there nothing much between her and Rod? Or what? Had she only put herself in worse with Rod by attacking the girl he had been going with? Well, it was done, and now what? She must follow this up somehow. She would have to go to Rod, get to him somehow, even if he didn’t want to see her, and tell him what kind of a double-crosser his latest girl was. With all his religion he couldn’t stand a girl doing that. She would get in touch with Rod tomorrow, in spite of all his scruples. In spite of the Graemes. In spite of Louella. She would beat them all and get it back on everybody. Get it back on Rod and perhaps get him just where she wanted him, and then she would ask him to give that ring back and have it to show to other people. She would do that little thing tomorrow morning. She certainly knew how to make plenty of trouble for a lot of people when she really set about it.

  So, dressed in her most innocent morning frock of delicate-wash material, fragilely trimmed with simply expensive lace and a wide hat with a wreath of wild roses, the kind of thing Rod used to admire, and delicate white sandals, she took her way slowly up the old familiar drive. She went to the side door where she always used to go, knock, and walk in without ceremony or waiting for anyone now, so she stayed a little on ceremony and stood with her wide hat in her hand, sweetly smiling. And Jessica knew how to smile, sweetly, almost innocently.

  “Are you here, Mamma Graeme?” she called in a pleasant voice. “I’ve come to see you. I hope you’re home, and not busy.”

  Margaret Graeme came out a little anxiously, not knowing just what to anticipate, and she looked at the smart girlish figure and was thankful in her heart that this girl was not for her boy. She had never felt her to be the right girl for either of her children, though there had never been a danger from her for Jerry, for he had openly despised her, raging to his mother now and again on Rodney’s account.

  “Why, no, not too busy. That is not for a while. I believe I have to go to a committee meeting at eleven. Sit down, won’t you?”

  So Jessica spread her filmy orchid-sprigged skirt out engagingly in the rocking chair that was offered and settled herself for a good home talk, with a nice air of pleasant anticipation.

  She spoke of the lovely weather they had been having, rattled on a little about her brief trip west, with a unique fabrication of a story to explain her going. She told enlarged stories of her husband’s estate, described the wonderful old house and its fine, costly antique furniture. She told of a wondrous blue diamond her husband was getting for her that was to be set in a new fancy way, and at last she looked at her little trick of a watch and remarked nonchalantly, “I hope I haven’t come too early to catch the boys when they come down. I know they like to sleep late these furlough mornings. Dare I stay till they come down?”

  “Come down?” said Margaret Graeme, lifting amused eyebrows. “Why, bless you child, they aren’t even here. They left late last night.”

  “Do you mean they’ve been sent back overseas?”

  “Oh, no, not that, that is, not yet.”

  “But where have they gone? I’m always asking that question about Rod and never getting an answer. Is this intentional?”

  Margaret Graeme smiled. “Well, it has been rather hard to place them. They’ve so many things to see and do, and they have felt that perhaps they had so little time in which to do it.”

  “Well, then, suppose you give me an answer now, Mamma Graeme. Where have they gone?”

  Mrs. Graeme laughed merrily. “Well, I’ll have to give you the same answer,” she said. “They didn’t tell me. They simply said they were called to headquarters.”

  “Do you mean they’ve been called back to Washington?”

  “It might be, of course, but I’m not sure. It depends on what headquarters it is, I suppose. I really don’t know much about these things. I haven’t had much chance to talk over their affairs with the boys yet. It seems there are several headquarters, I think, depending on whether you are talking in terms of military orders or personnel or home efficiency. I’m not even sure I’m using the right terms. I’m afraid I’m rather a dummy about such matters, and it hasn’t seemed too important to take time to understand. But undoubtedly we’ll learn in time and be able to give them their true standing in the eyes of the world, that is, as far as the world is going to be allowed to know. If it is, yet.”

  “But don’t you really know pretty well where they are going? Surely you could tell me that much. Remember, Mamma Graeme, how near I came to being a member of the family, and then I would have had to know.”

  Margaret Graeme laughed. “I’m afraid not,” she said amusedly. “We don’t know yet, and may not be told everything even when the boys get their orders, for the government has found that there are some things that must be kept absolutely secret, even from the nearest and dearest.”

  “But I think that’s perfectly horrid. That’s unreasonable. No families would stand for that.”

  “Oh, yes, they would. They have to, you know. Why, there were months and months when the boys were overseas that we had no definite idea at all where they were. It was understood that we wouldn’t. It was the only safe way to win the war.”

  “Nonsense!” said Jessica. “I think that’s ridiculous! As if all those thousands of soldiers would stand for that! They wouldn’t stay there and fight if they were treated like that.”

  “Oh yes they would. They understood why such orders were given, why such precautions were necessary. No, we got rather used to not asking too many questions. We knew that if we asked one that shouldn’t be answered they would just laugh and give an evasive reply. So we just waited till the boys got ready to tell us. If they didn’t, we knew it was because they were forbidden.”

  “Well, I certainly wouldn’t stand for that.”

  “I would rather stand for that and help the war along than just to satisfy my own curiosity and persist in demanding to know everything. You know, you want your dear ones to be true soldiers and to submit to laws and or
dinances.”

  Jessica was vexed and showed it. At last she got up and started toward the door. “Well, it seems I came on a fool’s errand,” she said.

  “Oh, I wouldn’t call it that, child,” said Mother Graeme. “We’ve had a nice talk, haven’t we?”

  “We didn’t get anywhere, and I wanted to talk to Rodney. There is something important I want to ask him about. When do you definitely expect him back?”

  “I’m afraid it will have to be the same old answer. I just don’t know. It might be a day or two or more, or even a week or a month. Depends on what changes are going to be made in their work.”

  Margaret Graeme was getting to be a master of evasion indeed. Of course she did not know definitely what was to be done with her sons in the immediate future, though she could guess perhaps and not fall far short of the truth. But she had been adjured not to tell anything, not even what she knew to be true, so she told nothing. And at last Jessica, much vexed in spirit, took herself away, went and hunted up Louella, and complained to her.

  “Well, Jessica,” said Louella sympathetically, “that’s exactly the way Margaret Graeme always treats me. You wonder why I can’t get any of the information you want. Well, now you see, I simply can’t get anything out of her no matter how hard I try. I’m glad you’ve seen it yourself, and then you won’t be so hard on me.”

  “Well, at least now we know they’ve gone somewhere, and it ought to be definitely settled soon where they are to be permanently. I wonder if we could get anything out of the postman?”

  “I’m afraid not,” said Louella. “I tried him awhile ago, asked for the address of somebody overseas, and do you know he wouldn’t give me the address, not without an order from the person. He said he would mail my letter, but he had no right to give me the address. It seems to me that government affairs take too much on themselves, refusing to give out the address of your best friends or next-door neighbors, perhaps.”

  “Well, there must be some way,” said Jessica. “I’m not one to give up so easily. I’m going to find out where they are as soon as they are located definitely, and believe me, I’m going to visit Rodney in his office, too, government or no government. They can’t simply turn a lady out of an office.”

  “Well, I don’t know about that,” said Louella doubtfully. “You know, the government is very severe. Army and navy regulations are simply unreasonable, I say. And I wouldn’t hesitate to step over some of their old regulations myself. Nobody would certainly put me out of anywhere, office or whatever. But maybe you ought not to try. You are a young woman, you know. And perhaps your husband wouldn’t like it if you did. You might get your name in the papers or something and be misunderstood.”

  “Well, anyhow, I’m going to talk to Rodney Graeme. I’ve got things to tell him that he ought to know, and I intend he shall know them. Remember I used to be very close to him, and if I know something to his advantage I think I’m the one to tell him, don’t you?”

  “Well, of course, Jessica, if you put it that way. But you must remember there are always consequences to things like that, rash actions, especially when you’re dealing with government regulations. I’d be careful what I did, Jessica.”

  “Oh, I’m not afraid. Just wait till I find out where that office or plant or whatever it is, is located, and I’m going straight in and track Rod to his office. Then believe me, nobody, not even a mother, is going to put up any bars to keep me out. I’m going to his office, and I’m going to stay there till I’ve told him plenty about that little white-faced Diana that he’s trotting around with, and when I get done you won’t see him out riding with her anymore, I’ll guarantee. One thing that Rodney Graeme is mortally afraid of is to do anything that will make narrow-minded people talk about him. He seems to think God is just waiting around the corner, watching, to see if he goes wrong some way, or if anybody can find anything to accuse him of. I’ll show him that that girl is no mate of his. A girl that would be all ready to be married and then go off and visit and run around with other men when she’s got a perfectly swell guy of her own who is expecting to marry her. I know he’ll draw the line at that.”

  “But, after all, Jessica,” said Louella, “isn’t that something like what you did, sending Rodney’s nice pretty ring back to him and marrying another man?”

  “Well, I sent it back, didn’t I? I didn’t keep it, though I wish I had. I may go and ask him for it. I wonder if he has it in the bank. See if you can find that out for me, Louella.”

  Chapter 18

  Diana walked all the way home instead of taking the bus as she usually did after shopping. Somehow she wanted to be alone to think and not be herded in a bus with a lot of other people to distract her thoughts. She felt as if she had been struck sharply or had a shocking fall and didn’t want even to think for a few minutes, till some of the pain was past.

  She was thankful that the way she had chosen had very little traffic and few pedestrians. She walked rapidly, as it seemed easier that way, but when she came to the park that was across the road and only a block below the Sanderson home, she turned sharply into it and sought out the bench where she had often gone to read when Beryl was busy or away at the Red Cross for her mother.

  There was no one there now, and the sunshine was shimmering through the lacy hemlock boughs that were planted behind it. She sat down under the shadow at the end of the bench and drew a relieved breath, feeling as if she had reached a real refuge. For an instant she just sat and looked out over the lovely scene and tried to realize that she was no longer under the fire of that awful girl’s eyes, her look of contempt and challenge. Then the memory of it all rolled over her like a great wave of trouble and fairly took her breath away.

  She dropped her face into her lifted hands, her head bowed over, and if she hadn’t been still so conscious of the great world outside that might at any moment step into the picture, she certainly would have groaned. The whole matter seemed so utterly sordid and humiliating. To think any girl would dare to talk to another as that girl had done. Real trouble she was in, and she had no one to go to. She would be ashamed to tell Beryl or her mother, and as for her own mother, even if she were home and she might go to her at once, her mother would only be very angry and annoyed with her. She had stayed away against her advice and laid herself open to gossip and criticism.

  Somehow the only one she wanted to go to with her trouble was Rodney Graeme, and of course she couldn’t do that. She wouldn’t for the world have Rodney know a thing like this. It seemed to put a great blight upon her soul, a great insult to her life, which she had always hoped was sweet and clean. She felt as if she had suddenly fallen into pitch and did not know how to get rid of its stains. If only there were somebody to whom she dared talk! But the only one who came to her mind as possible was Rodney, and that was impossible. Perhaps she never could talk to him again. And there would be his sweet mother, too, but of course she wouldn’t have her know for anything in the world that a girl like that would dare to talk to her the way Jessica had talked.

  Then suddenly there came to her, like a voice speaking quietly behind her: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee … I will help thee.” Where did that come from? Out of her childhood past, or out of the meeting where Jeremy had spoken, or had she heard Rodney repeat it lately? Why, surely that was the verse Rodney had used among others when he was telling her about the Lord, and it reminded her at once that she need not cast about for someone to comfort and help her. She had a new Helper, a Lord who cared, and who had promised to be with her everywhere. She had no need to go to earthly friends, to men and women, or even her girlfriend. There was One closer to her now. Who would understand fully. Before whom she need never feel humiliated, even though He and she both knew she was a sinner. But He had taken that sin upon Himself, for her sake.

  Then she remembered how she had once before cried unto the Lord in trouble and He had helped her, smoothed her troubles all out without any effort on her part. Would He do it again?

 
; So she prayed, “Oh, my dear new Lord, I am in trouble again, and no one to help but You. I can’t do anything about it myself. Won’t You please take over? I don’t understand why this thing has come upon me. Was it something I did wrong? But somehow I’m sure You can make it right. And if there is something I should do, please show me what it is, and give me guidance now, and strength. And now, please help me to go back to the house and the hours that are ahead and not act frightened. I will trust You all the way and listen for Your guidance. Thank You. Amen.”

  She remained with bowed head for a moment, and it seemed to her she felt a hand upon her head, laid there in blessing and a promise. And again came that voice from far away, back down the ages, and yet, as if the words were just spoken. “Fear … not … I will help thee.”

  A moment more and then Diana lifted her head, and the trouble and burden seemed to be gone. God was there, and what she could not, He would do for her.

  She brushed her hair back from her hot face, straightened her hat, and got up, gave one glance around the quiet park, and then started briskly back to the house. It did not matter now what that girl had said, what she had threatened to do. God would take care of that for her. What a wonderful thing was this that Rodney had done for her, whether she ever saw him again or not! Whether his steps ever crossed her path again, that was in God’s hands, too, but at least she would always be glad that she had known him and that he had introduced her to God. Perhaps in heaven they could talk it over, but maybe by that time all this would be as if it had not been. Just like that trouble with her mother and Bates Hibberd. It might go away. Of course there might be more of that coming to her again when she got back to New York, but God had helped her once. He could and would surely help her whenever the time came that she needed help.