She Dims the Stars

by Amber L. Johnson

  “I’m finishing my gap year and headed back home. I took the time off to decide if I wanted to get my master’s or not.” Her voice is gentle now as she reaches out and pats his knee. He looks up, and his eyes get big when her hand makes contact.

  “What are you studying?” Audrey asks.

  September looks beyond me to answer. “Clinical Psychology.”

  Audrey’s fingers slip around my bicep, and she grips harder than I think she realizes when she answers in that fake voice she reserves for Cline, “That’s amazing.”

  The tent is quiet as the sun begins to peek in through the window screen facing the east. Audrey’s body is pressed up against mine, her face buried in my chest, only the top of her head visible under the blanket. I shake her gently and she curls up even tighter.

  “Today’s the big day. You’re jumping off a cliff. Are you ready?”

  Her head raises slowly and her eyes appear, sleep rimmed and half open. “Did I tell you I’m afraid of heights?” I move to sit up, but she presses me back down with her hand on my face. “Don’t move yet. I need to get into the right head space. Just stay here with me for a minute, okay?”

  “Yeah, okay, I can do that.” Wrapping an arm over her, I pull her closer and stare up at the top of the tent. The smell of the damp nylon takes me back to a memory of my dad, and I blink it away before the feeling can overwhelm me. I try not to dwell on thinking about him in any way other than with a detached eye through making my game. Or talking about him limitedly with my mom. Otherwise, the pain gets to be something I can’t shake.

  “Cline stayed with September last night?”

  “Yeah.” I laugh and it causes her head to bounce on my chest. “I told you he moves fast.”

  “Well, if it’s any consolation to you, she asked if you were single.”

  I sit up and she follows, her hair sticking to the side of her face while she yanks her clothes into place. “Did you tell her yes?”

  “Were you interested?” Her eyes are searching mine, and for a moment my heart beats off rhythm under her gaze. Would I have been interested in another girl right now? Hooking up with September in her tent with Audrey and Cline in the one I’d brought for us all on this trip? The thought of Audrey in the sleeping bag alone while …

  Then there would have been the wrath of Cline.

  “No. I wouldn’t do that to Cline.” Or you, I think, but I don’t say it out loud.

  Her demeanor has gone cold, and she scoots away to stand up. “Next time a girl asks if you’re available, I’ll let her know you are. I have to go change.” With that, she’s gone from the tent and I’m left to wonder exactly what the hell I’ve gotten myself into.

  The sounds from the other campsite let me know our friends are awake, so I get up and change into my swim shorts and grab a towel, stepping out of the tent just in time to see Cline tumbling out of September’s. She’s on all fours, her head poking out of the flap, and he leans down to give her a kiss before he turns and half runs, half hops across gravel to get to me.

  “I take it last night went well?”

  The grin on his face is more than enough to answer my question, but he does anyway. “I wanna keep her. Can we keep her? Can she come with us?”

  “She’s not a puppy, dude. She’s a person.”

  His whole face lights up. “I think she might be my person.” He doesn’t wait for a response from me before disappearing into the tent and making a bunch of noise while he changes into his swim shorts.

  I start to think about what he’s said. Is it that easy? Can you just meet someone that fast and know? Shouldn't it take longer?

  As I’m pondering these questions, Audrey appears on her way back from the bathrooms. She has changed into a bathing suit, but she’s wearing some sort of cover-up on top of it. Her hair is pulled back away from her face, no trace of makeup, and she’s doing that thing with her hands again.

  “Cline’s in there,” I call out in warning before she walks into the tent and finds him with his dick hanging out.

  “Shit. I need my bag from in there.” Her fingers are tapping faster now, and there’s a look of panic that crosses her features momentarily before she smooths them out again.

  “Which one?” I ask, though I think I know.

  “The small one with the flowers. I keep it in my purse.”

  “I know the one. I’ll grab it.” She doesn’t have time to argue with me before I’m unzipping the tent and crouching inside, ignoring my friend and his half naked ass. The bag is exactly where she says it will be, and it makes a rattling noise when I grab it, so I hold it closer to my stomach to quiet it down. Grabbing another towel, I wrap it inside and slip a bottle of water in there, too, before escaping back out without a word. I hand her the entire thing, discreetly packaged, because I know. And unlike what she may be used to, I’m not judging her.

  Her lips are pressed together, and her cheeks are bright pink as she takes it from me with a quiet thank you. As she turns to walk away, I stop her and slip a granola bar on top of the towel. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

  She’s gone for twenty minutes, and in that time, September has changed, grabbed something to eat, and left with Cline for the boat. When Audrey returns, it’s just the two of us and she’s a little calmer, a little less edgy.

  “They went to the dock to get the boat ready. I said we’d meet them there in a few,” I tell her as she stops just outside the extinguished fire pit. “We can go whenever you’re ready. No rush.”

  She’s staring at me, holding all her stuff, still and unwavering. We’re in a silent stand-off, neither of us moving.

  “Why are you being so nice to me, Elliot?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask, taking a step forward. She inches back a step and stops, staring at me curiously.

  “Like, from the minute we met you’ve been nothing but nice to me. You haven’t said a mean thing once. You haven’t made me feel bad about myself. You don’t say anything about these.” She lifts her bag into the air and shakes it, making the bottles inside rattle. “You’re willing to drive me places and let me sleep next to you. You come running when I’m getting attacked by people-sized moths. You do really nice shit for me for no reason at all. Why?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe my mom just raised me right?” I’m struggling to figure out why she’s asking me why I’m just simply being a decent human being.

  “You don’t even really know anything about me. We’re practically strangers.”

  “That’s not true,” I counter and take another step forward. “I think I know plenty about you. Enough to know that I like you. That you make me laugh, and I like being around you.”

  Her body stiffens and she huffs, walking forward to get by me and into the tent to put her stuff away. I follow, unsure of exactly what it is that’s happening or what I’m supposed to say right now. “Are you freaking out about the jump or something? You’re acting weird.”

  “Am I? Again, you don’t really know me, so you don’t have much to go off of, do you?” She’s shoving her bags into the corner of the tent by her pillow, and I can see her hands shaking as she rises to her feet.

  “If I don’t know anything about you, then educate me. Because in case you haven’t figured it out, I want to know you, Audrey. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have taken the time to drive your ass all the way out here and pushed you to do the shit your mom did so you could figure out whatever it is that you seem to be missing. If I’m not making myself clear, I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing this for you!”

  She closes the gap between us faster than I can blink, before I can even take a breath, and she has her arms around my neck, pulling my face down to hers, pressing her mouth against mine. I’m stunned for a moment, and my reaction time is slow, because just a second before, I was filled with anger, but now Audrey has her body pressed against mine, and her tongue is tracing my lower lip. I’ve forgotten what I was even mad about in the first place.
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br />   I pull her tight, wrapping an arm around her back and leaning down to pick her up under her butt. She wraps her legs around my waist and kisses me deeper, a tiny moan escaping when I squeeze her closer. She’s crushed against my chest, her little dress bunched up over her thighs, as I step forward and kneel down to lay her on her back atop the sleeping bag bed we’ve made our own for the last couple nights. Yanking from my back, she has my shirt up over my head and flung over to the side within seconds. Her hands roam my skin as she kisses me again, and I press into her touch, letting her fingertips skim and press, fingernails lightly scraping down my sides.

  “I lied,” she says breathlessly, pulling away to look between us and then leaning in to press a wet kiss to my neck.

  “What?” I’m barely holding myself off of her, and the more she touches me the harder it’s getting. Pun intended.

  “When I told you in the diner that I don’t find you attractive. I lied. Jesus, Elliot …” The backs of her fingers sweep across my stomach and lower until they brush across the top of my swimming trunks, and I’m lost in my attempt at control. My hips dip forward, and I roll into her, my teeth nipping at the soft skin of her shoulder. The friction of sliding against her makes me squeeze my eyes shut and I exhale by her ear, gripping the sleeping bag at her sides.

  Pushing up to my knees, I get better balance and find her mouth again. My hands roam her sides and push the fabric of her cover up higher until it’s shoved under her breasts, and I break away from kissing her only long enough to help her lift up and discard it next to my shirt. The feel of her skin against my own, even with the material of her bathing suit between us, is making me feel off kilter in the best of ways.

  I look at her face, and her cheeks are flushed pink, her eyes half lidded, lips parted and puffy. Audrey is a beautiful girl, but right now she’s downright erotic. She cranes her neck higher when I lean down to kiss her there, her back arching and breasts pressing against my chest as she squirms beneath me. Her hands are in my hair, on my neck, tugging and pulling as I descend to her chest. She begins to shake when my mouth hovers above the swell of her left breast.

  “Wait,” she says quietly, and her grip on my hair tightens.

  I go still and close my eyes, exhaling through my nose, dropping my forehead to her chest.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just really …”

  “What?” I ask, raising my head to look her in the eyes. She averts her gaze and then closes her eyes tightly.

  “You said you wanted know something about me, right? Well … I don’t really like how I look right now, so I’m kind of self-conscious about being naked around people.”

  I rest my chin on her chest and smile, waiting for her to open her eyes. “You don’t like your body? That’s what you want me to know?” She meets my gaze and frowns. “This body?” I run my right hand down her side and over her hip, settling her leg around my waist again as I press into her once more. “That’s a shame, because I really, really like it. In case you couldn’t tell.”

  She presses her lips together to stop from smiling, and her cheeks burn brighter.

  I nudge her breast with my nose and kiss the skin below it, flicking my tongue out to taste my way across to the other side. She’s soft and trembling beneath me as I leave a trail of kisses down her side and then across her stomach, stopping to look up from her belly button. “Look at this,” I say and run my finger around her innie. “How could you hate this?” Her hands cover her face as she laughs, and I smile at the sound, shifting lower and kissing below the spot I was just touching. My tongue traces the top of her bikini bottoms, and her hands fall away from her face, finding the back of my head again.

  I press my lips to the inside of her thigh and brush an open-mouthed kiss over where heat is rolling off of her. Making my way back up, I kiss her lips again, tracing her tongue with my own. With a flattened palm, I slide my hand down her stomach, and my fingers stop just above the elastic to her bathing suit bottoms. Her eyes open and hold contact with mine as I inch down the smallest bit. She holds her breath, and the tent is silent as her knees widen and allow my hand to slip beneath the fabric.

  “You’re beautiful, Audrey,” I whisper, hoping she believes it as my fingers seek and explore. I hold her close and kiss her more, even when she begins to shake and whimper. Even when her legs jerk and she digs her short fingernails into my shoulder. Even when she clings to me and cries out my name and God’s name and something else that may not be a real word, but makes me feel like a man anyway.

  Her body goes limp, and she cradles my face in her hands as she stares at me, breathing heavy and shivering. “I’m going to ruin the mood here by saying this, but if you ever make a video game and your character needs a super power—what you just did should be it.”

  “Nope. Mood not ruined at all. Hard-on still intact. And ego boosted to a thousand percent,” I say, chuckling then laying on my back and flexing my fingers.

  Audrey rises up on shaky knees and leans over to give me another kiss. “Give me a second to recover, and I’m gonna repay you for that.”

  “Okay—“

  “What the fuck is taking y’all so long?” Cline’s voice cuts through the air like a bomb going off, and Audrey flies back like she’s been physically hit, landing on her butt. She’s covered in red marks, her chest bright pink, and hair a knotted disaster. I’m lying on my back with a raging boner, fingernail marks all over my back, and my hand curled into a fist.

  We’re so busted.

  Cline’s not speaking to either of us. The look on his face when we came out of the tent was enough to make my dick go soft in an instant. He didn’t believe for a second that we hadn’t had sex. It didn’t matter that he had just told me that September was his soul mate. It didn’t matter that he hated Audrey. No.

  “Treason,” is all he said before he turned and stalked off toward the boat.

  We’d followed behind silently like two kids caught in the act by their parents. I wanted to reach over and grab her hand, take her to the side and tell her it was okay. Instead, we’re dead silent as we walk.

  September let Cline drive the boat, guiding him toward the waterfall and cliff that Audrey’s mom had written about in her journal. I watched from a distance as Audrey sat at the front of the boat, her attention on the horizon, posture rigid, waiting for the falls to come into view. As soon as they did, she began fidgeting. Tugging at her hair and clothes. Tapping her fingers.

  I cross the boat as we drop to a lower gear and go to sit by her side. “Hey, are you gonna be okay?”

  She smiles like everything is just fine. “Of course. This is what we came for.” Her fingers trace the marks on my shoulder and she winces. “I’m really sorry about that.”

  “I’m not,” I respond, tucking a piece of wayward hair behind her ear.

  September jumps from the side of the boat and pulls it to the shore with a rope and ties it off. The waves from our wake cause the boat to rock roughly, and Audrey slides into me, arms flailing. I catch her, and from the corner of my eye, I can see Cline shoot me a look. I flip him the bird in response.

  The look of shock on his face is almost worth not getting off half an hour ago. Almost.

  The girls are already off the boat and headed up to the cliff, but I stay behind and wait for my best friend, because even though he’s being a shithead, he’s still my shithead.

  Cline takes his sweet-ass time doing absolutely nothing on the boat until he doesn’t have anything else he can’t not do anymore, and he’s forced to get off. He’s still not making eye contact with me, but that’s his problem. It’s not the first time I’ve experienced one of his tantrums. It’s just the first time one’s been directed at me.

  “Exactly how long are you going to give me the Somers Silent Treatment?” I ask, keeping his pace up the trail.

  He grunts instead of answering.

  “You’re still stuck in the car with us for at least another week. You know that, right?”

  “Funny
you should mention that. September said she could make a detour through Tennessee on her way back home. I figure since this trip is turning more into the Audrey and Elliot Show, I could just hitch a ride back with her. Leave you two to whatever it is that you’re doing.”

  We’ve come to a clearing and can see the jumping point where the girls are standing. Audrey is crouched down, hugging her knees, and September is leaning over her, rubbing her back. My first instinct is to run to her, but I stay firmly in place, watching this other person talk to Audrey and calm her down. She’s clearly freaking out about jumping.

  Cline crosses his arms and sighs. “This is such a shit show, Elliot. Why are you involving yourself in this?”

  “Why are you running away from it? You two haven’t even talked … really talked yet. And now you’re just going to get into the car with someone else and give up? Go back?”

  “She’s got problems, man. You can’t fix them. I can’t fix them. We don’t even know what they are. But look at her. She can’t even do the thing she came to do. This is nothing but a waste of time and …”

  Silence follows as we both watch in awe as September leads Audrey to the edge of the cliff and holds her hand. She looks her in the eye, giving Audrey her undivided attention, and Audrey nods as if agreeing while looking down into the water thirty feet below. It’s a huge drop, and I don’t blame her one bit for the apprehension. September points to the water and then presses a finger to Audrey’s forehead. I wish I could hear what’s being said, but of all the things we’ve done on this trip, this seems like the most private thing I’ve been witness to.

  September takes a step back, and I watch with my hands balled into fists as Audrey steps all the way to the edge of rock and extends her arms to her sides. She looks up to the sky once and then, for a split second before she moves, she looks over her shoulder to where we are standing, and I swear I can see her smile. The next instant, she is airborne, free falling headfirst into the water below, slicing the surface and going under, leaving nothing but a white ring of water in her wake.