Divided

by Kaesey Stobaugh

  My heart beats dangerously fast. I can feel my fists clenching and my temples pulsing thick, hot blood rapidly. The soldier makes a signal to the other with his hands, I'm thinking it means let's move on, and the other throws the woman to the front of the door where she's left to weep. Both soldiers have disappeared along with their moving prison.

  I don't know what to do. Should I go help her to her feet and try to comfort her? She'll see my gun; she'll know I could've helped. Why didn't I help? I could've dropped them both and saved that boy. But I know why I didn’t, why I couldn’t. I can't risk getting in trouble. I've already got a death sentence for interacting with Willa. I can't wager up another price that my family will have to pay.

  Silently, I jump to my feet and take off running. I take the long way to my house in an act to avoid running into those soldiers. If I'm caught with my gun, I'll be shot in a minute.

  I'm running faster than I thought I could at this point. I know it probably won't happen, but I can already see those soldiers bursting into my house and taking Gabe because I'm not there. I can see the pain in my mother's face and the terror in my sister's eyes. This image hurts. I've got to get home. Impossibly, I push myself ahead faster, harder.

  I run up the hill, looking back countless times to be sure I'm not being followed. And if I was, what would I do? I haven't prepared myself for this moment, when I'm the only thing standing between my family and the soldiers. How would I defend them? Could I even take those soldiers? Could I beat them in a fight? The more I think about it, the more I wish I had shot them when I had the chance. Killing people is the last thing I would ever want to do, that's the highest of all wrong, but I know that old lady and the boy would've been grateful.

  I swing through the door and slam it behind me. I throw the wooden bolt down, sealing us in, even though I know the soldiers could burst through easily. I stand there, breathing heavy, staring directly at the door. My mind plays back the whole scene I just witnessed. It comes back in flashes.

  I finally turn around and I see my mother standing in the doorway of her room. I feel like she knows exactly what’s happened and she's going to scold me for it. But when I look at her, her face is full of sorrow. My mind goes to the worst. I stare at her, waiting for her to break the silence.

  I lose my patience, “Leila? Is she-“

  She cuts me off instantly. “No, no,” She starts in a whisper, “she's asleep. I'd like to know what has you running for your life and why you’re in so late.” Her voice is soft and motherly, like she’s a different person. She's actually curious about where I've been. But this is bad. I don't want to answer either question. Just as I'm about to give a ridiculous answer, Gabe jumps up in his bed. I hadn’t even noticed him before.

  “What was that?” He asks. My mother shushes him as she glides to the window. I listen closely. There’s screaming, more like shrieks. They sound far away but they’re definitely getting closer.

  "Screaming!” Gabe cries, "They’re screaming! They’re here to kill us!"

  "No, no, no," My mother sits on his bed to comfort him. "No, they’re not. We're fine here. It's just the wind." Her voice is calm but her eyes are panicked.

  I give her a look, telling her that they are here and they are taking kids. She nods and hugs Gabe tight. I slowly walk to my room and shut the door.

  I don't even bother changing clothes. I flop down on my mat and stare at the ceiling. As awful as seeing a boy get ripped from his home and dragged away to his nightmares like that is, that's not the worst thing I've seen. I've seen entire parts of this town burn to the ground. The terrible shriek that that women let out was like a blast from my past. It reminds me of all the screams and cries I heard the last time they came for soldiers. Her scream rings in my ears. I can't forget it. It makes my eyes water. Soon I realize that the water is actually tears. I wipe them away with the back of my hand. I know the real sadness for me had yet to come. I don't know how much more time I have before they get to me, but I'm gonna be ready. I know I can't stop them from taking me, but I can stop them from taking my brother and sisters. This isn't just a rumor in the back of my mind anymore. This is real. The war is starting.

  I close my eyes, hoping to dream about Willa instead of the screams of women and children.

  I don't wake up to the usual early morning rays through my window, making me want to get up and start my day. Instead, thunder wakes me. It's not raining yet but the thunder is crashing like crazy. My room is dark in a gloomy way. It makes me feel sad, unlike the sunlight which makes me thankful for another day. This thunder sounds like death waiting to attack.

  My mind drifts to Willa. I wonder what she's doing right now. She says she'll get the medicine tonight and then we'll meet back up tomorrow. I'm having mixed feelings about it now. I'd like to stay out of trouble now that soldiers are roaming town. But at the same time...I don't think that's really possible for me. Thinking about Willa makes me feel better. She makes me feel safe in a way, which is strange because she's the most dangerous thing I could ever get myself into. It feels like we're a team now, we're in this together, and maybe that’s where the safe haven aspect of her comes from. And with that thought, another thunder bolt crashes outside, disturbing my thoughts and shaking the whole house. I guess that's karma, letting me know she's nothing but trouble. With that thought, I laugh a little and throw Willa’s coat over my head.

  Chapter Twenty

  Willamina

  I’m scared out of my mind and have no plan whatsoever. I walk through the dark and deserted streets slowly, procrastinating. The same two thoughts keep circling around in my head; I don’t want to do this, I have to do this. That’s really all this comes down to, I don’t want to but I have to. I try to focus on my breathing and my deliberating footsteps. The hospital is looming up in front of me before I’m ready to deal with it. It’s so big, how will I ever find what I need with almost nothing to go on? I’ve only been here once, and it was many years ago. Georgie had dislocated her arm on the playground at school. She cried her eyes out, but mostly because she wanted the attention. I walk up to the large front doors, pull on the handle and worry for the first time that it might be locked. To my disappointment, it gives easily to my grasp. Of course it’s unlocked, why wouldn’t it be? No one’s stupid enough to do what I’m doing, except, apparently me.

  I feel like I’m trespassing here, which I am. Everything looks just as grey and drab as I remember it being. I pick up the pace and exit the sitting room, winding up in a long dark hallway. I hesitantly open the first door I come to. It’s an examination room; it won’t have any medicine. I fly down the hallway opening doors, they’re all the same. I find myself at the end of the hallway, now facing a bigger, thicker looking door. I hope I’m on the right track now. Through this door things look a little less showy, it’s obvious that this is where the real work gets done. I pass rows of computers where all the files for all the patients are stored. I was taught many years ago by my old history teacher that before the war, every household had one. But he told us they were taken away when people started to get too opinionated. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but now I have hopes that my people fought to be good, honest humans. I hope that they tried to care. I’ll never know now.

  I pass offices and open rooms full of medical equipment that I don’t recognize. Finally, I enter a room full of shelves stocked with bottles, boxes, and capsules.

  There are so many of them, how will I choose? If I pick the wrong kind, I could end up making her worse. I walk to the far shelf and pick up the nearest bottle. It has a long and unpronounceable name on the front. I turn it over and to my relief, see a list of ailments. I hope it’s a list of the things it cures and not things it might cause. I scan the list quickly but it doesn’t match what Nate described. I quickly pick up another bottle, not the one. I’m moving at an incredible pace now, my mind processing the words faster than I knew was possible. As I’m reading another bottle I realize that this one might be it. Bark
ing cough, discomfort, fever; I think this one’s our best bet. I grab the bottom of my skirt, making an impromptu basket of sorts and sweep all the bottles with that name off the shelf. That’s it, that’s all I can do.

  I try to run back into the many rooms I went through to get here, but end up losing half the bottles. After wasting far too long recovering them from all over the floor, I retreat at an easier speed. I’m feeling a lightness that I wasn’t expecting, it’s almost like freedom. I have the stupidest urge to laugh. So, this is what being a thief feels like? What on earth was I afraid of? My walk home is slightly awkward given the dozen or so bottles rattling around in my skirt, but the sense of freedom stays with me the entire journey.

  I pass through the back gate and open the French doors softly. As soon as I shut the doors behind me, I’m engulfed by the silence. I move to take another step but the bottles shake loudly. I hold my breath. No one comes. I take another step, the bottles rattle, I stop and listen, and no one comes. It continues like that for over thirty minutes, but I don’t dare move any faster. If I were to wake someone up, that would be the end of everything, Leila probably included. Each stair seems to take an eternity, and to make things worse, I have to move nearer to the people I’m trying not to wake instead of farther away. By the time I reach my room and shut the door behind me, the freedom is long gone. Now I’m just exhausted and my heart is still pounding through my chest. I stuff the bottles into my old school bag that I keep tucked away in my closet.

  I want nothing more at this point than to collapse into bed without giving another thought to anything, but I know I have to change into my nightgown and take off my boots. My body is achy, not from physical labor, but from being so tense for so long. My silk nightgown feels cool and flowing against my skin. I have a hard time untying the laces of my boots because my hands are shaking so badly. But at last, I’m ready to let sleep take me over. My last conscious thought that night was hoping I made a difference.

  The next morning my thoughts are immediately interrupted by visions of the young men being hauled away. It occurs to me that I forgot to tell Nate about it. They could be coming for him soon, and while he’s aware of this, he needs to know the specifics. I make a mental note to tell him tonight. Tonight! I’m so glad that I don’t have to wait until Wednesday. We might have to meet twice a week; keeping secrets all day without anyone by my side is going to get exhausting.

  I roll over in my bed and stare at the closed door of my closet. The vials are safe in there. Even if someone does go in there, no one will be looking in my school bag anytime soon. Still, I can feel the bottles burning through the bag trying to reveal their secrets. I groan; this is going to be a long day. I want to go see Mia again, but I know that she’ll see that I’m different. But I can’t avoid her for the rest of my life. Raya helps me dress and I eat quickly. I’m hoping that if I get out the door fast enough, I won’t change my mind.

  Mia’s house looks the same as I left it. I think that’s the strangest part of being involved in all this, everything’s the same and you think things should suddenly be different. Technically, it’s a good thing that nothing’s changed; it means we haven’t been caught. I knock on the door and hold my breath. Why am I doing this? This was a horrible idea. Mia will see right through me. Samuel admits me with a bow and goes to find Mia. I can’t lie to her; this is going to be a disaster. Mia comes into the foyer from the kitchen where she was probably eating with a big smile on her face, but as soon as she meets my eyes, hers narrow suspiciously.

  Suddenly, she’s closed the distance between us, seized my arm and is leading me up the stairs to her room with a very stern look on her face. Once we’re in the privacy of her room, she wheels around and just stares at me. I try to hold her gaze but it actually starts to hurt me and I look away.

  “Talk.” She says simply.

  “About what?” I try to sound innocent but I know the time for that is gone.

  “You were going to try to keep something from me. But you can’t and you know that, so start talking.” She sounds certain that I’ll tell her everything. I weigh my options. I know that she’ll keep my secret and that she’ll understand why I’m doing this. But if I tell her, I’m putting her in danger.

  “Mia, can you just trust me? I can’t tell you what’s going on, but it’s better for you this way.” I need her to understand how stuck I am, but how can I tell her without telling her?

  Her eyes become even more penetrating. “No. You need to tell me what you’re hiding. Why do you think you can’t tell me?” I recognize that she’s a little hurt that I don’t think I can trust her.

  “I want to, but your safety’s involved. I won’t put you at risk.”

  She looks excited. “You have to tell me now! Willa, I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.”

  “You don’t understand; it’s not just about me. There’s someone else and he’d kill me if I told you.” I know I’ve said too much. She starts smiling at me playfully.

  “He?” She tries to sound undemanding but I can tell she’s about to explode.

  I can’t help but smile. I put my head in my hands, trying to clear my mind. I knew this would happen. What if I just told her a few non-dangerous details?

  “Okay, but I can’t tell you everything. Got it?” She has to be aware that I’m not giving up the whole story. She nods, her eyes wide in anticipation.

  “I made a new friend recently.”

  “Right.” She looks unbelieving.

  “What? I did!” What doesn’t she believe?

  “He’s just a friend?” I finally get what she’s insinuating.

  “Yes, he’s just a friend, nothing more.” I say, clearly putting an end to the topic, but even as it comes out, I know it’s not entirely true and I surprise myself by how desperately I want it to be a lie. I shake the thought away.

  “Alright, whatever.” She’s still smiling knowingly. “So, where did you meet this new friend?”

  “I… can’t tell you.” This is going to be challenging. She frowns, clearly put out.

  “Why are you friends?” That’s a good question. Why are we friends?

  “He’s nice to talk to. And he’s gone through a lot. I guess I hope I can make his life easier. Plus, I feel happy when I’m around him.” All of a sudden, I’m miles away sitting on the log, sharing my heart with this practically stranger.

  She starts laughing. “What’s so funny?” I glare.

  “You honestly think you’re just friends?” I just smile back at her. It’s no use trying to convince her, she’s already made up her mind. But now the idea’s in my head and I can’t help but wonder…

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Nathan

  If everything went as planned for Willa last night, she got the medicine. I wish I had asked her in a different way or offered to pay her for it. But even with all my regrets, I can't bring myself to regret asking her. She is my only hope at this point. I just pray she didn't get in trouble. I guess I'll find out tonight.

  It's still early, too early to even think about going to work. But with the storm raging outside and my wandering head, I can’t even think about sleeping in. I have too much on my mind. Seeing that boy get dragged away the night before last is stuck in my brain, still. And with that thought comes so many questions. I don't know how long I'll have with Willa tonight but I'm glad I don't have to wait until Wednesday. Maybe she knows more about the soldiers. Maybe they have a weakness. If she can give me any kind of information on them then maybe I can think of a way to fight against them if they try to take my sisters.

  I need to sleep. I just need to shut off my brain for another good three hours. My body hurts from my legs up to my shoulders. I'm blistered and bruised. I'm always in rough shape but it's just really been killing me lately. I close my eyes, trying to force sleep upon me but I'm only disturbed again by my crazy mind.

  I lay there for another hour until I finally feel my eye lids grow heavy. And in no time, I'm out like a lig
ht.

  I can't help but feel fear for my sister's life. She was worse this morning when I left. I hate putting her life into somebody else's hands but considering I couldn't get medicine on my own, having Willa to help me is a life saver.

  It's noon. I can feel light rain drops beating down on my bare back as I tie wire together and nail in stakes. It feels like with the rain comes exhaustion. It drips down my body, soaking my shirt, which is tied around my waste. The ground is rock hard, making it nearly impossible to nail in stakes. Since I've gotten closer to finishing this fence, it seems a lot harder to work on. Even with the rain that fell this morning, we haven't had enough hard rain to soften the ground in months.

  Trying to plant stake into rock is killing me. My hands are burned from hammering with a short but thick piece of rusted metal and cut from stabbing myself with wire. I'm unable to get a pair of thick gloves to protect my hands. Not having them makes work a lot harder. I blurt out a dirty word when my hand slips and slices against the rugged edges of the metal. I slam it to the ground and march away from the project, still swearing under my breath.

  The day drags on minute by minute, hour by hour, and I’m overjoyed when the sun finally disappears over the horizon.

  I'm sorer then I was the last time I went to see Willa, but nevertheless, I still find the strength in my body to run through the woods. I left my shotgun back in my room. Not wanting to have to carry it around all day and risk being seen with it, I'm gonna have to think of a way to get it back in its hiding place without getting caught. I’m not too worried about it though. It seems I’m an expert at sneaking around now, but even as I think it, I shake my head in disapproval. Now’s not the time to get cocky.

  I'm having mixed feelings, one side of me is excited and the other is terrified. Seeing Willa again will feel like stress lifted off my shoulders but unless she shows up with the medicine, Leila is still at death’s door.