The Game

by Natalie Clarke

  “Hayley.” Ellen breathes out.

  “Hi.”

  “Thank you for being here, it means a lot.” Nathaniel gives me a faint smile.

  “Of course.”

  Kyle turns to me. “Thanks for coming, after everything, I’m sorry I bothered you, I know you asked for time-”

  “Of course I came, I still care about your family and about you.”

  “Are you the family of Mr King?”

  The four of us turn to see a doctor dressed in his scrubs stood in front of us, pulling his mask away from his face.

  “How is my son?” Nathaniel asks.

  The doctor’s gaze falls to the ground, and sighs deeply. “We did everything we could, we were able to stop some of the internal bleeding, but unfortunately his injuries were too severe, we were unable to save him. I’m very sorry.”

  All of the air leaves my lungs.

  Ellen wails, turning her head into her husband’s chest as she sobs.

  “No. No he can’t be dead,” Kyle protests, his voice trembles.

  “I’m very sorry for your loss,” the doctor adds.

  “No.” His voice barely a whisper. He collapses on the ground, his knees hitting the ground hard. His face falls into his hands and his shoulders begin to shake as a cry rips through him.

  I sink to my knees and wrap my arms around Kyle, clutching him to me tightly, tears of my own trickle down my cheeks. His arms wind around my waist, hugging my body to his as he buries his face in my neck and sobs.

  Chapter 43

  Kyle

  I fucking hate funerals.

  Not just for the obvious reason of burying someone you love and the gut crippling grief that comes with it, but the fact that I’m surrounded by almost two hundred people, and I can count roughly twenty people I actually recognise.

  The other one hundred and eighty people, fuck knows who they are.

  That’s what I hate about funerals, people showing up that you have no idea who the hell they are and what they meant to the person that is being lowered into the hole in the ground. They’re probably just people my brother passed on the street and claimed to know him.

  ‘I knew Luke King, I saw him at a party one time five years ago,’ is what they’d probably say if I asked. No, you didn’t know him, so why the fuck are you here? ‘He was the guy I fucked while I was totally shitfaced at my birthday party when I was eighteen.’ Good for you. What gives you the right to be here, pretending to have known him while surrounded by people who are actually grieving?

  It’s fake. All. Fucking. Fake.

  The way I see it, the only people that should be here are people who actually loved him, people that he cared about.

  Hayley’s hand squeezes mine comfortingly as she stands beside me, before releasing it as she and Gwen make their way forward, dropping a rose onto Luke’s coffin. She returns by my side, placing her hand back in mine, she glances up at me, tears in her eyes, offering me a warm, reassuring smile.

  The past week has been torture, if it hadn’t been for the girl that I’m currently clutching to, I’m sure I’d be in the same place my brother is now. I’ve barely left my apartment, wanting to barricade myself inside, closing myself off from the world in an attempt to block it out, in an attempt to pretend that my brother isn’t actually dead.

  He can’t be. He was so young, so alive.

  How can someone so full of life have it ripped away from him so easily?

  It’s fucking with my mind.

  It shouldn’t be him in that box that’s now being covered over, it should be me.

  Luke didn’t deserve this end, he deserved everything that life had to offer.

  If I could switch places with him right now, I would, so long as it meant he was still here, still living, still breathing.

  The past week I’ve feel like I’ve been drowning, my chest tight, struggling to find my breath. Once again, I turned to the sweet relief that alcohol had to offer, but Hayley was there to stop me, God knows why, hell, after what I’ve done, she should be handing me another bottle telling me to have at it. Instead, she’s been by my side through all of it, helping me through it, guiding me through the pain.

  I spend the next two hours, shaking hands and receiving condolences from the same complete strangers from the funeral who now fill my parent’s house.

  I can’t count the amount of times I’ve said 'thanks' or, 'it means a lot'.

  It’s all bullshit.

  I can’t stand it.

  It’s suffocating.

  I zigzag my way through the mass of people in the living room and sprint up the stairs, coming to a halt outside the room that used to be mine and my brother’s playroom when we were kids.

  I grip the door handle and turn it, stepping into the room.

  It hasn’t changed at all, it’s just how I remember it.

  Nostalgia floods me like a tsunami, sending me stumbling back against the wall.

  The room is painted royal blue, pictures and drawing we did, cover the walls, a small desk, and a computer it in the far-right corner next to a TV and XBOX. Stacks of boxes filled with toy cars and LEGO in the other.

  There's a small bookshelf to the left of me, filled with books and DVDs, Harry Potter was always his favourite, and me being the older brother, he would always get me to read them to him.

  I read to him so many times I know those damn books word for fucking word, getting to the point I didn't have to read at all, I could tell him the story off by heart.

  I don't think I'll ever be able to read those books or watch those movies ever again, the thought of it is too damn painful.

  The grey carpet I’m standing on, dotted with small marks, patches that have been stained from all the years it was subjected to spilt drinks, paint splatters and a small scorch mark where I set fire to it accidentally when I was eleven.

  I laugh at the memory. The memory of Luke charging across the room, tumbler of water in hand, tipping it over the small fire, then not hesitating to go and tell on me to my parents.

  The little snitch.

  Mommy! Daddy! Ky Ky burn carpet!

  His little six-year-old voice echoes in my mind.

  My stomach knots and a sob rips from me and I sink down the wall until my ass hits the floor, my knees under my chin. I squeeze the heel of my hands into my temples as tears fall into my lap.

  “Kyle?” Hayley stands in the doorway, peering down at me.

  Fuck she’s so beautiful. She’s wearing black heels and a flowy black dress that ends mid-calf, her hair is curled and falls freely, framing her beautiful face.

  She sinks to her knees and sits beside me, stretching her legs out, crossing her ankles as she leans back against the wall.

  “This was our room when we were kids. We used to spend hours in here.” I wipe my tears away with my jacket sleeve. “I still remember it like it was yesterday, it hasn’t changed one bit, my parents are ridiculously sentimental.”

  Hayley takes a moment to gaze around the room, smiling softly. “It’s a great room, you must have had so much fun in here.” Her gaze returns to me.

  “You bet.” I drop my head and we sit in silence for a while, just sitting.

  Just having her with me makes me feel better.

  “How is he dead, Hayley?” I choke. “How can he be gone, and we’re still here? It makes no fucking sense.”

  “I know. I know.” Her hand reaches for my arm. “That’s how it felt when my mom died, I couldn’t understand how she could be there one day and gone the next, how life just carries on. Though we had time to prepare, we knew it was coming at some point, for you it was a shock, unexpected.”

  She rises up onto her knees and leans her forehead against mine, cupping my face in her hands. “It will get easier, I promise, the pain will always be there, but I guess you just get better at living with it.”

  I reach up and grip her wrists, meeting her gaze. “I know you probably still need time, time to figure everything out, but I need you to
know that I will never give up on you, on us. After everything I’ve done, I have no right to ask you to forgive me, to trust me again, but I’m a selfish bastard who’s going to ask you anyway.”

  Her eyes fill with tears.

  “Never in my life did I think I would find anything close to this, never thought I would love anyone like this, love someone so much it hurts, it feels like I’m tearing apart. You want answers, and I’ll give them to you, I’m ready whenever you are, I just… I need you, Hayley.”

  She breaks into a sob.

  I take her face in my hands, smoothing away the lose strands of hair that stick to her face.

  “I need you too,” she utters. “I need you so much.”

  I lower my knees as my left arm snakes around her waist, pulling her onto my lap, her knees either side of my thighs as she straddles me. Her face falls into my shoulder as she cries, the lapels of my jacket fisted in her hands.

  I stroke my hand over her hair, soothing her, kissing her temple.

  She pulls back slightly, meeting my gaze. “Why didn’t you just tell me you knew who he was?”

  “I panicked,” I sigh. “How could I even begin to tell you that the man that… that raped you, was my real father? It would have destroyed you, destroyed us before we’d even began. I was really fucking selfish, I was terrified that if I told you, you’d run, and I’d never see you again.”

  “You didn’t think I could handle the truth?”

  “Of course I did. Hayley you are so strong, one of the strongest people I know, you dealt with what he did to you all on your own… but I was convinced that if you knew the truth, all you'd see when you looked at me, was him, a reminder of what he did to you.”

  “I only kept quiet because I was scared, he told me if I said anything he’d come back.”

  My fist clenches with the thought of that bastard with her.

  “Being scared doesn’t make you any less strong. Everyone gets scared sometimes.”

  “What are you afraid of?” she asks.

  “Myself.”

  Her brows knit together in question.

  “Don’t you remember me telling you? How I was terrified of hurting you, losing you, you walking away from me after realising who I really am? That fear’s come true.”

  A tear trickles down her cheek, I swipe it away. “You shouldn’t have kept it from me, you abused my trust, and it’s going to take time to get that back, but I forgave my dad for what he did, gave him a second chance… I forgive you too.”

  “Really?”

  She nods. “I know deep down that you were doing what you thought was right at the time, protecting me in your own way, I know you'd never purposely hurt me. These past few weeks have been awful without you.” Her voice begins to crack. “I love you.”

  I choke back a cry that’s lodged in my throat. “You do?”

  “Did you ever doubt it?”

  I bow my head, nodding slowly, regretfully.

  How could I not after what I did?

  She touches the side of my face, smoothing her thumb over my cheek. “I’ll always love you.”

  I smile properly for the first time in a week.

  “I love you, too. So fucking much.”

  I crash my lips to hers, taking her mouth like a man starved, hungry, and desperate for a taste.

  Her arms wind around my neck while her tongue dances with mine, perfectly in sync with each other.

  I pull back slightly, gasping for breath. “I don’t ever want to make you cry again, don’t ever want to see you shed a single tear because of something I've done.”

  “Kyle,” she moans against my mouth.

  “Never let me go, baby, please,” I beg.

  She shakes her head slightly, a faint smile touching her lips. “Never.”

  Chapter 44

  Hayley

  “Hey,” I call as I enter Gwen’s apartment, it’s quiet. Usually the TV is switched on to some God-awful music channel or there’s pop music blasting through her speakers, but there’s nothing.

  It’s been a week since the funeral, and she hasn’t been coping well. When I told her about Luke after I got back from the hospital she broke down in tears, her legs collapsing underneath her. She cried non-stop for hours. I didn’t realise just how deep her feelings for him went, I knew she liked him, but I didn’t realise how much, from what little she told me, I assumed they had a friends with benefits thing going on, but I guess not.

  “Hello? Gwen?” I call again, only to be met with silence.

  Where is she? I search through the apartment, before finally coming to a stop outside the bathroom. I can hear the tap running so I know she’s in there.

  I knock on the door. “Are you decent? My eyes are closed, if you’re naked please tell me.” I laugh as I open the door. I hear a sniff and I slowly peel my eyes open to find Gwen sat on the bathroom floor with her knees drawn up under her chin, crying. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” I slide down to my knees beside her.

  I wait for her to say something, but she doesn’t. She leans her head against my chest, wrapping her arms around my middle and continues to cry, I figure she’ll tell me in her own time, so I don’t push her, I just sit and hold her.

  Once she’s all cried out, she sits up and wipes her tears on the back of her sleeve, crossing her legs and sits staring at the ground. “I killed him Hayley. I killed Luke.”

  “What? How could you have possibly killed him?”

  “He was coming over to see me when he got into accident. I wanted to tell him… I should have told him sooner…”

  “Told him what?” I ask.

  She exhales slowly. “I’m pregnant,” she whispers.

  My eyes widen. “Oh my God, Gwen,” I sigh. I shift my position, so I’m sat shoulder to shoulder with her, my legs stretched out in front of me.

  “I asked him to come over to tell him. It wasn’t planned, obviously, but he had a right to know. When he didn’t show I called and called and he never answered, he was gone, and I had no idea.” She begins to sob again.

  I pull her into a hug, kissing her on the top of her head. “What are you going to do, about the baby?”

  “That’s all I’ve thought about since Luke died. I want to keep it, I couldn’t bear getting an abortion, but I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared, Hales. I’m all alone.”

  “Hey, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. You are not alone. You have Luke’s parents, they are going to support you through all of this, you have Kyle, he’s going to love being an uncle and more importantly, you have me. You are my sister, maybe not by blood, but in every other sense of the word you are. I’m going to be here, by your side through all of it, except changing the diapers, that’s all you.” I laugh.

  She laughs softly, a few more tears trickling down her face. “Really?”

  I swipe her tears away from her face. “Of course. I love you.”

  “Love you too, babe.” She smiles. “Wait, you mentioned Kyle, are you two back together?”

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  “I’m glad, I want you to be happy. But I’m telling you now, if he hurts you again, I’ll tear his fucking balls off and feed them to him.”

  My head falls back in laughter. “Okay.”

  “I don’t really feel like going to dinner, can we maybe eat here and watch a movie?” she asks.

  “No problem. You want Chinese or Mexican?”

  “Mexican.”

  Chapter 45

  Hayley

  “Gwen’s pregnant?” Kyle asks.

  I nod. “Luke was on his way over to see her when…” I trail off. “She blames herself, for his death.”

  “It’s not her fault, she didn’t know what would happen,” he says. “So, I’m going to be an uncle, wow. Well, I’m going to be the best damn uncle any kid could ask for.” He smiles.

  “I’m glad. It’s just a shame he couldn’t be here.”

  “I know,” he says sorrowfully.

  "I didn’t want to br
ing it up before, so soon after the funeral, but I need to know everything, everything you know about Payn.”

  Kyle nods, standing up, offering me his hand. “Follow me.”