by V. Vaughn
After I dress, I stare at her house, hoping to see her face looking out at me from the window. Hoping that she will give me another chance to prove myself to her. But the windows remain dark, the blinds still. So, I make my way to the diner to get my truck, wondering if I should leave my hope for us behind.
Chapter 19
HILLARY
I’m dragging my ass today. I’m tired and didn’t sleep well last night. My dreams were filled with images of naked Alec, water sluicing down the planes of his hot, hard body. A body that has definitely replaced the boyish form of him in my memory. Desire smolders in my lower belly as I think about him. It’s a mate thing, and it’s part of why denying Alec is so damn hard.
I wanted him so badly yesterday that I almost let go completely. And the truth is I would have if he hadn’t been so hesitant to go further than a kiss.
I know I told him I shouldn’t have let us get carried away, but I’m not sure that’s true any longer. I’m so afraid to trust him, yet when I begin to, I’m the one who sabotages whatever good thing we have going.
I open the back door of the diner to take a bag of trash to the dumpster in the alley. My nose twitches when the foul odor of rotting food fills my nostrils. After I toss the garbage, I lean against the brick wall to think. I regret it a moment later when my bunny takes advantage of my lull in activity to mount another argument about Alec.
Why can’t I be with my mate? She demands. Again. Man, she can be annoying. Mates in love. We belong together.
I sigh. Arguing with her is pointless. My animal side is all about pleasure. She doesn’t understand the nuances of trust.
I’m startled by the door opening, and Mandy comes out carrying another bag of garbage. One that isn’t full, making me pretty sure she was just looking for an excuse to come back here to talk to me.
“You all right, hon?” She tosses the bag into the dumpster. Her smile is casual, but I can see the concern in her eyes.
“I shifted with Alec last night, and we went to our favorite spot, and… we kissed,” I admit to her.
“Was it a good kiss?”
I groan, “Yes, god help me.”
She shakes her head. “I knew this was going to happen.”
I pout. “Please don’t lecture me. I’m feeling a bit raw about it right now.”
“You know what we need right now?”
“Pie?”
“Even better. A girls’ night out.” She swings her arm around my shoulder. “Call up your Lexi girl, I’ll ask my mom to look after Daniel, and the three of us can get some wine, and sit around and talk all of this through. What do you say?”
“You’re taking a night off from motherhood to be with me?”
“Who says I’m taking a night off from mothering?” she teases, and I smile.
“I’d love it. Thanks.”
Tangy cheddar cheese flavor fills my mouth as I help myself to the snack tray on Lexi’s coffee table. Mandy and I are happily cuddled on Lexi’s sofa with big glasses of wine in our hands. Lexi is in her big arm chair with her legs curled up under her, drinking beer.
“I love this house,” Lexi says. “I’m not sure I want to sell it even though I’m living with Tristan in his cabin up the mountain. I just can’t bear to let it go.”
I can understand why. It’s a happy place full of color and Lexi’s artistic touches.
“Is he making you sell it?” Mandy asks.
“Oh goodness no,” she says, “He’s fine with me keeping it. I think.” She laughs. “Considering what we’ve been through, he’s not pushing me too hard on anything.”
“You could rent it out,” I suggest. “It’s such a cute cottage. I bet it would do well in the vacation market.”
“I think so too,” Lexi says. She glances around and sighs. “I have so many great memories of this place. This was the first house I ever lived in on my own, and it reminds me of how thrilled I was to move to Heartland.” She shakes her head and giggles. “Memories. I have to say I’m happy to be able to say that again.”
Both Mandy and I nod. It wasn’t that long ago that Lexi had a terrible accident and lost her memory. It was a harrowing ordeal for her, and for those who loved her, including me, but especially Tristan who had frantically searched for her for days before finding her in a hospital down the mountain. A human hospital. At the time, I wasn’t sure she was ever going to remember me. But she did. I smile at her. Lexi’s become my best friend, and I love her dearly.
I never told her about Alec though, and I realize that trying to keep him in my past, even though he never really was out of my mind, was a mistake. I think she’d have helped me deal with the loss I felt if I’d let her. Damn trust issues.
“Hey, Lexi.” I frown as I hope she won’t be mad. “There’s something I need to tell you about.”
She gives me a serious look. “What is it, Hill?”
“Remember how you thought I should date Bruce and you tried to set me up?”
She nods. “I still don’t get why you wouldn’t even give him a chance.”
“Well,” I glance over at Mandy who rolls her eyes at me as if she’s imagining how that might have played out. “The reason wasn’t about Bruce. It’s his younger brother, Alec. He’s my mate and the guy I’m currently obsessing over.”
Lexi spits out some of her beer. “The Alec Thompson is your mate? Why the heck didn’t you tell me?”
“Your wedding wasn’t exactly the time to get into it.”
“Fair. And jeez, I wish I’d known. Why didn’t you ever mention him to me before?”
I sigh. “Because the man left me for football and broke my heart. It wasn’t a something I wanted to dwell on. When I met you, I was finally getting my life back, and you were a big part of helping me enjoy it.”
“Wow, so it was bad?” Lexi asks.
Mandy says, “Our girl was knee deep in pie for months.”
I put my hands on my stomach. “Twenty pounds worth.”
Lexi blinks. “I had no idea. You could have told me, you know.”
I reach out to touch her leg. “I do know. I just couldn’t go there because I was afraid of what it might do to me.”
Lexi nods with a compassionate look I’m relieved to see. I take a swig of my wine before launching into my current situation. “And now Alec is home, he wants me back, I’ve kissed him, and—” I let out a sigh. “I don’t know what to do.
“How do you feel about him?” asks Lexi.
“I’m conflicted.” I lean back on the sofa and take a sip of wine. “I’ve missed him for so long, and now that he’s back, part of me wants to make a relationship work. But another part of me is afraid he’s going to leave again.”
“You’re talking to the right person when it comes to trust.” Lexi says. “But if I hadn’t been willing to trust Tristan again, I’d be an unhappy woman. If you’re still in love with him after all this time, I think you owe it to yourself to try to make something work.”
“Exactly,” Mandy chimes in. “Dating Alec doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing situation. Test the waters.”
I give Mandy a look of surprise. “You’ve been warning me away from him. What’s changed your mind?”
“Not only can I see that it’s hurting you to stay away from him, but it’s clear he’s determined to win you back. It’s kind of pathetic, actually. The way he sits at that booth and watches your every move with that sappy grin on his face.” She lifts her wine glass and takes a big sip.
“He has a sappy grin?” I ask as my heart warms.
“Oh, he’s a goner,” Lexi says. “I remember the way Tristan slunk around like a puppy looking for affection when I was trying to decide if I could be with him again. Now I can’t even imagine what my life would be like if I hadn’t given him another chance.”
I savor a mouthful of wine and consider what they’re saying. I’m most definitely smarter now than I was the first time we fell in love. And a whole lot more mature. I won’t lose myself completely to hi
m as easily as I did when I was a hormonal teenager. Back then, Alec was my world, but now my world is bigger with more friends and a life I’ve lived without him for years.
Lexi giggles as she reaches over to grab a strawberry. “Make sure he has to work for you, though. Like really, really hard.” She winks at me.
“I agree,” Mandy says with a grin. “A little groveling can go a long way.”
I hold up my glass to toast my friends. “To men down on their knees begging.”
Our drinks clink as we laugh.
Mandy leans back with a sigh. “I wish I’d been smarter when I met my ex. But hey, you live and learn.” She drains the rest of her drink and then gets up to go fill her glass. “Anyone need more?”
“Top me off?” I ask as I hold my glass out, and I take the opening Mandy offered to try to dig into her past. “You know, you’ve never told me exactly what happened with your baby daddy.”
She waves my question away as she pours wine into my glass. “It’s old news.”
Lexi and I raise our eyebrows at each other while Mandy returns to the kitchen to put the wine away. As curious as I am, it’s obvious Mandy’s not ready to share. And that’s something I can understand, so I let it go.
What I can’t let go is my uneasiness about trying something with Alec again. Even though my friends think I should.
“I’m going to check in with Daniel,” Mandy announces, and she moves toward Lexi’s backyard to make her call.
Lexi says, “I should call Tristan too.”
“And I’ll go to the bathroom,” I say, thinking I’ll give Lexi a bit of privacy.
A flowery scent fills the air as I squirt soap on my hands to wash up, and I think about what might happen if I give Alec another chance. For starters I’d get to have sex again. It’s been a long six years without that intimacy. And the truth is that trying to resist him hasn’t made me care for him any less. I look in the mirror at myself and talk to my bunny. “I say we go for it.”
Whee! She hops up and down and I can’t help but smile. But even though her joy is infectious, what I really feel is a huge sense of relief. And it makes me think somehow everything is going to be okay.
Chapter 20
HILLARY
My brain is foggy when I shuffle into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I had a good time with Lexi and Mandy last night, but I don’t drink the way we did on a regular basis, and I’m feeling the effects. As the aroma of dark roast fills my kitchen, I think about the decision I made last night to date Alec again.
It still gives me a sense of relief, and I decide to go with that feeling before doubt creeps in. I pick up the phone and call Alec. He answers on the third ring, and I know I’ve woken him when he speaks in groggy voice. “Hillary? What’s wrong?”
“I woke you. I’m sorry.”
Alec clears his throat. “Don’t be. It’s fine. What’s up?”
“Nothing serious, but could you meet me after my shift at the diner today? I’ll be done around three.”
“Um, okay. Are you sure there’s nothing wrong? Because your voice has that you’re-in-trouble sound I remember from high school.”
His tone is a teasing one, but I don’t want to give anything away yet, so I say, “Just be there.” I hang up, feeling proud of myself for taking control of the situation.
At work, the day drags. It’s slow, which makes time seem to stand still and gives me plenty of opportunities to wonder if I’m about to make a big mistake.
A half hour before my shift ends, Alec walks through the door and sits in his usual spot to wait for me. As I finish my last few tables and clean up, I can feel his gaze on me, and I smile remembering the way Mandy called him pathetic for his sappy grin. Then my mind goes to what happened at the hot springs, and the warmth I felt in my heart travels lower as I imagine where I’d like our next skinny-dipping adventure to go. I have to go into the kitchen to cool down.
When my shift finally ends, I hang up my apron and find Alec at the booth, talking to a local about his recent retirement. The news has been all anyone wants to talk about today since it hit the sports channels this morning.
Before he can speak, I say, “Take a walk with me.”
“Okay.” He gives me a puzzled smile, and I wonder what he thinks of my take-charge attitude.
We leave the diner and take a leisurely stroll down Main Street to the shifter park at the center of town. Heartland is a special community, full of people who love each other and do what they can to preserve the feel of this beautiful, peaceful locale. We all want our town to remain the best place a shifter could ever live, and I want Alec to see that again. I want him to remember how wonderful it is here so that he won’t ever want to leave.
As we pass by the hardware store, William, the owner, comes out and greets us. “Hello, Hillary. Nice to see you.”
“You too, William.”
He smiles at Alec and offers his hand. “It’s great to see you again, Alec. I heard the announcement that you’re retiring from football due to an injury. I was sorry to hear it.”
“Yes, sir.” Alec slaps his bad leg. “It’s my knee.”
“Such a shame, son. Such a shame.”
I can see the torment in Alec’s eyes, but he puts on a brave face, regardless. “I’m happy to be home, so it’s not a total loss.”
William smiles. “Gotta say, it’s not a bad place to be. If you need anything, you just come in and see me.” He wishes us a good day, and we continue on.
Alec kicks at a pebble on the sidewalk, and it skitters across the street while I wonder how he’s doing now that the news of his retirement is out. “Are you doing okay?”
“Me? I’m fine, Hillary.”
“Okay. I ask because I figure it must be hard talking about leaving the team.”
He shakes his head. “I’ve come to terms with it.” A smile covers his face. “Someone’s been pretty great about helping me with that.”
I’m not sure how much help I’ve been, but I ask, “Have you thought any more about what you want to do?”
He runs a hand through his hair and gazes down at me. “I’m going to talk to Coach Weaver. He’s still at the high school, and I thought he might need help.”
“That’s a good idea. But is it going to be challenging enough for you?”
“Even though I don’t need the money, I’ve got to do something, Hillary. Sitting around doing nothing all day is making me a little crazy.” He flexes his hands at his side as if his bear needs him to shift.
“I can imagine,” I say as we walk into the park. A horse gallops toward us before it stops, nods, then turns to go back the other way.
Alec laughs. “Was that Jessica?”
“Yes.”
“What’s she doing now? Didn’t she go to Harvard or some big-name school like that?”
“Caltech. She’s a lawyer here in town.” I lean into him and speak softly. “I heard a rumor she’s going to run for mayor in the next election.”
“Doesn’t surprise me. She was student council president, wasn’t she?”
“Yes.”
We find a bench to sit on, and we watch wolves and a cougar race by. Large birds of prey swoop down from the sky and land on the perching posts situated around the big stone fountain. I suppose for a stranger this place would blow their mind, but to us it’s as natural as can be. I never tire of watching the shifters of Heartland being who they were meant to be. It makes me wonder how Alec managed life in a town where what he was had to be a secret.
He chuckles as a cat chases after a wolf as if she’s got him on the run. “I’ve missed it here.”
“I can imagine. Was it hard being somewhere you couldn’t shift easily?”
“It was. Do you know how hard it is to find a big, quiet, private place to shift into a bear in Miami?”
“Where did you go?”
“I tried to drive out to the woods when I could, but one time I was so desperate I ended up shifting at the zoo.”
&nb
sp; I laugh. “No way!”
“Yes way. It was crazy. I snuck in late at night and did it in the bear enclosure. Thankfully they didn’t mind my company. Although the female seemed a little too interested in me.”
I open my mouth in shock as jealousy spikes in me, but when I see his smirk, I realize he’s teasing and slap at his arm. “You’re horrible!”
He laughs and the sound fills me with happiness. Happiness I want to feel forever. I look away and watch a couple of ducks splashing in the fountain as serious thoughts fill my head. I gaze at him and ask, “Are you really going to stay?”
“I want to.” He takes my hand in his. “I know this is only going to be words to you, and I wish I had a way for you to see I’m being sincere, but I really do plan to stay. As far as I’m concerned, life without you in it isn’t something I’m going to accept. Even if all I get to do is watch you work.”
“Yeah, about that. It’s getting kind of creepy,” I tease. “People are noticing.”
He gives me a sheepish smile, but the twinkle in his eyes tells me he knows I’m giving him a hard time.
“Tell you what,” I say. “I’m going to help you out with that boredom and stalker problem you’ve got. I have a job for you.”
His eyes widen. “You do? What is it?” His face falls with mock disappointment. “If it’s that dishwasher position—”
I chuckle. “Nope. I’ve decided to give you a chance. Your job is to woo me, and I mean woo me good.”
The grin that spreads across his face makes me want to kiss him. “I’ll do whatever it takes, Hillary. You won’t be disappointed.”
“I better not be.” I nudge him in the side with my elbow. “I’m not some pushover boss. I expect nothing but your all.”
“Then my all is what’ll you’ll get.” He salutes me. “I swear it.”
“You’re hired.”
“My first order of business is to take you out on a proper date. What do you say? Will you go out with me?”
