“I decided to go to his place. He lived in a high-rise condo in downtown Miami, right on the water. My mom got the big mansion on Hibiscus Island in the divorce. I called him to see if he could come pick me up, but he didn’t answer. So, I got dressed, put my homework in my backpack, and left the house, walking. I got off the island just fine—there’s only one road in and out of the neighborhood—and got to the bus stop. I’d never taken the bus before and didn’t know what I was doing, and, to make a long story short, I ended up taking the wrong route and got off in a bad neighborhood. Like, a really bad neighborhood.”
“Oh, Hayley,” Josh said, dreading what she might say next.
“I wandered around in the dark, no clue where I was. I heard gunshots. A woman dressed in a miniskirt and a bra came up to me and told me to ‘get the hell off her corner’ or her pimp would beat me up. A couple guys in this car slowed down when they saw me and—” she broke off, remembering.
Josh drew her onto the sofa. She allowed him to wrap her close in the blanket before she continued, and she let him take her hands in his.
“Anyway, I was crying and terrified and I just walked toward the brightest, most well-lit place I could see. It was a twenty-four-hour convenience store. I know, the kind of place that gets robbed, like, twice a day. Anyway, I went inside and asked directions to downtown Miami. The clerk was young, took pity on me, and called her own mom to come and give me a ride home. She showed up fifteen minutes later, in an old car, and she was the nicest lady. I told her where my dad lived and the whole way, she kept telling me how happy and relieved he would be to see me. How worried he must have been, and what a big hug he’d be sure to give me. I almost started to believe it myself.”
Hayley had begun crying, soft tears on her cheeks. Josh gently wiped them away.
“She eventually found the right building downtown. She asked if I was sure this was where he lived, and I said yes, the dolphin place. It had a stylized dolphin as the logo. She parked on the street out front and said she would wait until my dad came down to get me. I told the guy at the desk my dad’s name, and he called him, and I could tell from how he responded that my dad was chewing him out. Then my dad came down, came out of that elevator looking nothing but annoyed with me. ‘What are you doing here?’ he said. ‘You’re supposed to be with your mom.’ I told him I needed help with my homework and that I’d gotten lost in a bad place and gotten a ride from a nice lady … he saw her car, took me by the arm, and marched me back outside. ‘Take her to her mom’s,’ he told the lady. ‘I don’t have time for this.’ And he left me there on the street next to this stranger’s car.”
“Holy shit,” Josh said, unable to imagine such callous disregard. He thought of his own parents, his happy, chaotic upbringing, the dedication and support his dad showed him. He couldn’t imagine who he’d be without it, and his admiration for Hayley grew even more. In spite of such awful parents, she’d grown into a woman who was warm and caring, one who would make a great mother.
“What happened then?” he asked.
“The lady drove me back to my mom’s house. Took me up to the door and rang the bell. One of the hired help answered. I said thank you to the lady, that I’d better just go back inside, but she insisted on seeing my mother. When my mom finally came to the door, she says, ‘La-di-dah, oh, hello, who do we have here?’ She had no clue I was missing. I was gone for over four hours, and she thought it was the funniest thing that she hadn’t even noticed.”
Anger on her behalf roared in Josh’s gut. “I have to say—I despise your parents.”
“That makes two of us. The lady who gave me a ride was furious. Absolutely furious with my mother, and she said some choice words which my mom completely blew off. I’ll never forget before she left, she knelt down so she was on my level, and she hugged me close and said, ‘You deserve better, Hayley. Always remember that.’”
She looked up at Josh, the tears still falling. She straightened her spaghetti strap back into position, then she pulled away. Stood up.
“And I do, Josh. I deserve better. I don’t deserve to be left in the woods while you go off to live your life without me.”
“Hayley, I—” Dammit, he thought, at a loss for what to say. He’d never felt so awful about anything, and he knew this wasn’t only about him leaving her in the woods. He was about to turn thirty. How could he be so jumbled in his emotions? He should go back to the beginning, work through it logically, as logic had never failed him before. “We had a deal. I was going to be your dating coach, remember? Remember how we started out? I wasn’t ready for … I’m not ready for …”
He sighed, and then she sighed.
“I’m trying to walk away, Josh. I’m trying to let you go. I’m trying to move on and honor our agreement.” Hayley looked at him pointedly. “But you’re not letting me.”
That’s because I fell for you, he wanted to say. And I had no intention to, and now I don’t know what to do about it.
“I have the dogs ….” he said helplessly.
“Honestly, Josh, shut up about the dogs,” she said. “The dogs aren’t the problem. You’re the problem.”
She looked away from him toward the television, to the pained couple who lived in black and white, and whose love was destroyed by war.
“You’re stuck, and it’s all in your head, and I simply don’t get it. You can have love and the dogs—it doesn’t have to be one or the other. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. But if you don’t want me—which you don’t, you told me you don’t—you can’t tell me who I can and can’t date.”
“You can’t date my brother,” he said again, because it was all he knew for sure.
“You can’t say that,” she snapped. “Don’t you understand? You get to go off and live your lone-wolf life like you claim you want, and I get to go and date whomever I want—and yes, it could include your brother. And yes, it might still include Evan. You have no right to show up here whenever you want and kiss me like you did and then tell me I can’t have you—because I. Deserve. Better.” She took a deep, resolved breath, crossed the room, and opened the door. “It was just a fling, Josh.”
He got his jacket, went to the doorway, and paused before leaving. He took in the scent of lavender and honey she must have bathed in before he arrived, knowing he’d never again smell honey or lavender and not think of the woman standing before him.
“It wasn’t just a fling,” he said. “It was something more, and you know it.”
The look she gave him was sad.
“Whatever it was, it’s over.”
26
Josh had one full forty-eight-hour shift left before the Akpaliki Taurtut race at the end of the week, for which he’d taken vacation both days. It was also his first time seeing Jack since learning he and Hayley had met at the holiday festivities. As it happened, they both pulled into the parking lot at the fire station at the same time and parked their trucks side by side.
“Morning, brother,” Jack said, which was his usual greeting, but then added, “I met a friend of yours the other night. Hayley March.”
“Maggie mentioned that.”
“Dating coach, eh?” Jack said, eyes twinkling.
Ah, shit, Josh thought. “Just doing a favor for a friend.”
“So you’re not dating her?” Jack asked as they walked into the station together.
“No,” Josh said. “I’m not dating her.”
Even though it was true, he felt like he’d just gone through the most painful breakup of his life. He’d messed up with her in so many ways.
Once inside, they greeted the firefighters who were getting off shift. Then they made straight for the fresh coffee the guys had brewed as a parting gift. Jack poured Josh a cup and handed it to him.
“And you don’t have feelings for her?” Jack asked.
Josh gave him a sharp look. “Why? Do you want to ask her out?”
“She mentioned her predicament with Devotion.com and that she needs them to think
she’s got a boyfriend.” Jack watched him closely. “I was thinking of offering my services.”
“You’d better fucking not!”
Jack grinned as if he’d gotten the rise he’d been looking for. As if he’d gotten at the truth. “You obviously like her. Why don’t you be her backup?”
“She doesn’t want to show off a fake relationship. Besides, I can’t be around her.”
“Why not?” Jack said. “Because you ruined things between her and Evan and now she’s mad at you?”
“How much did she tell you?”
“Enough to know you’re an absolute fool if you let her get away.”
Race day brought with it a bitter wind that slammed against the triple-paned windows. The howls of the wind woke Josh even before his alarm clock went off at four o’clock. He forced himself to stay in bed until it did, knowing the next night of camping at the Denali checkpoint wouldn’t be restful, either.
He dressed quickly, inhaling the smell of Maggie’s race day breakfast. As she always did before sled dog races, Maggie had set her alarm early to make eggs, bacon, and her special protein pancakes for the small group who’d go to the start line. Along with Maggie and Josh, there would be Bruce and Viktor—all of whom who would tuck leftover pancakes in their inside coat pockets to eat when they had a free moment throughout the long kick-off morning.
That day, there was a single candle sticking up from the top of the pile of pancakes, which Maggie rushed to light as Josh entered the room. She held up the plate like it was a cake.
“Happy birthday, little brother!” she said. “Welcome to the big 3-0.”
“Thanks.” Touched, he crossed the room and blew out the candle.
“Did you make a wish?”
Hayley, he thought. I wish for Hayley.
But he knew he wouldn’t be getting that wish. The knowledge was a pained pang in his heart, and an ache in his body that was like frustrated lust, but even worse somehow.
“I wish I saw movement from Dad’s house.” Josh looked out the kitchen window and didn’t see any lights to indicate his dad was awake—which was not a good sign, as Bruce should have started race day preparations by then. “Have you seen him yet today?”
“No, I was going to call over there.” Maggie joined Josh at the window. “He should be up by now.”
“Damn it,” Josh said. “What about Viktor? He should be here by now, too.”
“It’s not like him to be late on a race day. Did you check your phone?”
Josh looked and saw a text from Viktor that he was running half an hour late because he’d had to jump-start his pickup.
Race days were stressful enough, but the group, which had been working together for three years by then, had a well-oiled process down which did not include Bruce sleeping in and Viktor running late. It meant the dog feeding would be behind schedule, which meant they’d have to rush to get the dogs and equipment loaded into the trailer, which meant they’d be tempted to speed to the start of the course, which meant … and on and on.
Josh began putting on his outerwear. “I’m going head over to Dad’s and see what’s up before I get the mush on for the dogs. Would you mind calling him, too?”
“You got it.” Maggie grinned. “Remind me why this is fun again?”
“Family bonding,” Josh said.
“Oh, yeah. That.” There was a plate of pancakes warming on the counter under a towel. She tore one in half, came over to Josh, and fed it to him while he latched up his gloves. “Couldn’t we bond by playing charades like a normal family?”
Josh laughed. At the moment, it seemed like not only a fair question, but a wise one, too. He patted her on the head with his thick snowmobile gloves.
“Love ya, sis. Thanks for helping.”
“You bet.”
He rode his snowmobile the short distance to Bruce’s house because it had snowed overnight and trudging through half an acre of new snow would only put him further behind schedule. The wind was nasty, and he gripped the handlebars to stay firmly in place on the snowmobile, dreading in advance how tense his muscles would be after two long days of similarly gripping the sled during the race.
When he stepped into the house, he heard two things—the ringing phone and a hacking cough. He flipped on the kitchen light and went to his dad’s bedroom, where he found Bruce sitting up in bed coughing, holding his cell phone in one hand and covering his mouth with the other. Scattered on the nightstand were bottles of cough medicine, cold medicine, Kleenex, and a glass of water.
Josh handed Bruce the water glass and took the phone from him. He told Maggie their dad was getting up, and disconnected.
“Dad, what the hell? You look really sick.”
“I’m fine.” He coughed, then coughed three more times. “I’ll be fine in a minute.”
Josh’s gut told him otherwise. “I thought you were getting better. You said you were getting better.”
“I am.” Cough, cough.
Shit, Josh thought, his stomach churning at the possible implications. He’d checked on Bruce several times over the past few days and had only heard reassurances. Either his dad had taken a turn for the worse, or he’d downplayed how bad he really felt. Maybe both. He tried to feel his forehead and check for a fever, but Bruce wouldn’t let him.
“Go put on the mush for the dogs,” Bruce said. “I’ll be right out.”
“Will do.”
Viktor arrived at the kennel then, grumbling apologies for being late.
“Has my dad been sick the past couple days? Have you noticed anything?” Josh asked. “He’s hacking away in there.”
“Yeah, he’s been under the weather,” Viktor said. “Don’t know how bad, but he took a nap yesterday afternoon, which was kind of alarming.”
It was indeed alarming. His dad never napped.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Josh said. “Damn. I wish you’d finished the dog handling certification class so you could sub for him out on the trail.”
Every year, Viktor had opted out of the class in favor of a hunting trip with a couple of his old friends, which relegated him to manning the trailer. It had tie-up cables for the dogs, straw on the floor, and allowed them to work with the dogs out of the wind and cold, getting on booties and untwisting lines and the like. Viktor’s contribution was immensely helpful, but because he wasn’t certified, he wouldn’t be able to camp out overnight at the race checkpoint. At this point, either Bruce had to or Josh would have to rely on volunteer handlers—which was acceptable but not preferred.
“Your dad’s tough. I think he’ll be fine,” Viktor said. “Colds always seem worse when you first get up.”
Bruce did seem much better when he emerged a few minutes later from his room. He was dressed, his coughing had ceased, and he was in his usual chipper race day mood. By the time they’d gotten the dogs fed and loaded into the trailer, it seemed to Josh his dad was fine for racing.
He’s an adult, Josh reminded himself. He can take care of himself. But still, he had a niggling worry that his dad was overdoing it, pushing his own health in order to help him. Josh knew how stubborn the men in the Barnes family could be, himself included.
The Akpaliki Taurtut began on the far east side of town in the parking lot of the county fairgrounds. In the mid-morning winter darkness, the fairground was lit up with not only parking lot lights but barrel bonfires scattered throughout. Josh left his dad and Viktor to unload and ready the dogs while he made his way over to the check-in tent, stopping along the way to greet the out-of-town racers he knew.
After checking in, Josh returned to where Bruce was preparing to leave for the overnight checkpoint. The back of Josh’s truck was tarped and loaded with the tents and camping equipment and dog gear; Bruce would drive the truck to Denali National Park and set up before Josh and the dogs arrived later that day, and then serve as Josh’s dog handler.
“You sure you’re feeling well enough, Dad?” Josh said.
Bruce coughed slightly, but h
is voice was strong. “I’ll be fine. You just focus on the race.”
Josh couldn’t deny his own excitement. The weather forecast was for a clear, cold day and the festival atmosphere around him was infectious.
The event was a big deal in Golden Falls, bringing in thousands of people who graced the downtown businesses with their holiday shopping dollars. In return, the city put on a good race, packing the starting line with enthusiastic well-wishers. Food trucks served up hearty fare, heated tents held vendors and seating, and holiday music played over loudspeakers, which was barely discernible over the rambling announcer and incessant yapping of hundreds of dogs.
“I’m gonna head out,” Bruce said. “See you at the checkpoint. Good luck. And happy birthday, Josh.”
Josh grinned. “Thanks, Dad. For everything.”
Cassie Holt waved him over for a live shot and asked him a few quick questions about the expected conditions on the trail. Maggie gave Josh a hug and a promise for a bar crawl birthday celebration. The fire department had Engine One assigned to the event, so Josh went over to say hello, accepting handshakes and well wishes from Cody, Sean, Dylan, and Jack in turn. Cody handed him a few packages of caribou jerky, and Jack gave him a flask of rum.
Josh kept looking around for Hayley, but she wasn’t there.
27
Saturday dawned crisp and clear, and Hayley set out for Denali National Park shortly before ten.
She’d meant to leave earlier but had stopped by the office to send another batch of profiles of the sexy, eligible men of Golden Falls to Allison Reiss at Devotion.com, along with parameters for target audience. It was painful to look at Josh’s handsome face smiling out at her, but she knew it would do the trick—it would get women to sign up. Who wouldn’t want to be with a man who looked like that?
Bring Your Heart (Golden Falls Fire Book 2) Page 23
