by Emma Hart
God, please let it not be the Chinese food.
I was already giving up coffee. There was no way I could give this up, too.
I closed my eyes and rapped my knuckles against his door before I changed my mind.
Oh, God.
This was happening. I was really telling Kai the truth.
I opened my eyes just in time for him to answer the door.
He grinned, surprise lighting his blue eyes. “Ivy. What’s up?”
“Can we talk?”
His eyebrows shot up. “Right now?”
I nodded, wrapping one arm around my stomach as a comfort.
“I’m not—”
“I brought food.” I held up the bag lamely. “Chinese.”
Kai glanced over his shoulder into his apartment. “I can’t really—”
“I’m pregnant.” The words blurted out of me before I could stop them.
His eyes widened. “What?”
“And it’s yours,” I finished in a softer tone.
“What?” came from a female voice inside his apartment.
I inhaled sharply.
Right.
He wasn’t alone. He had a date in there.
That’s why he didn’t want to talk.
“Oh.” I took a step back, my cheeks burning something fierce. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had a date. I’ll just—go.”
“Ivy, wait—” He reached out for me, but I turned and ran into my apartment, fumbling with my keys for only a second before I stumbled inside and slammed the door behind me.
Stupid, stupid, stupid Ivy.
Tears stung my eyes. I squeezed them shut to stop myself from crying, but it was futile. The tears spilled over my lower lids and onto my cheeks at a rate of knots I couldn’t keep up with.
I didn’t even know why I was crying.
But here I was. Standing in the middle of my living room, holding a bag of Chinese food, crying my heart out. It was probably a crying session that had been building ever since I’d seen the first positive test this morning, but still.
Was this my life for the next eight months? Random crying sessions?
I’d have to invest in waterproof mascara.
And now Kai had a date. A date I’d just ruined because I couldn’t take a hint.
God, I was so dumb.
Dumb, pregnant, and alone.
That only made me cry harder.
I managed to get to the kitchen island, where I set the food down on the counter and managed to sit on a stool. Then I collapsed forward, burying my face in my arms.
Two knocks rattled my door. “Ivy?”
I couldn’t have answered Kai even if I wanted to. I was crying too hard to string two words together.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to.
The door opened. “Oh, Jesus.” It swung shut with a bang, and before I could even look up, Kai was pulling me up off the stool and into his arms.
He tucked me tightly against his body, cupping the back of my head and holding my face against his chest. He didn’t say a word, he just let me cry it out against his white shirt until I couldn’t cry anymore.
At least I didn’t think I could cry anymore. I wasn’t sure how anything worked now.
“I’m sorry I ruined your date,” I mumbled into his chest.
“My date?” He paused, then laughed, his whole body shaking. “That was my sister. Her timing apparently leaves a lot to be desired,” he said dryly.
His sister?
Oh.
Ohhh.
“She broke up with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago and needed a break so she’s staying with me. I’m surprised you haven’t seen her.”
I swallowed. “I’ve been avoiding your apartment.”
“Okay.” He slipped his hands up my body and cupped my face. “I assume you haven’t eaten if you got takeout?”
I shook my head.
“Okay. Then let’s eat before we talk.” He released me and got to pulling all the cartons out of the bag. “Are you hungry?”
“I have no idea.” I sat back down on the stool. “All I know is that you smell like coffee and it makes me want to throw up.”
He peered over at me, quirking one eyebrow. “Coffee makes you sick?”
“I threw mine out and ordered one hundred and twenty hot chocolate pods for my machine.”
“Why did you order one hundred and twenty?”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time.” I sighed, echoing my thoughts from earlier. “And they only came in packs of thirty.”
“You could have stopped at sixty. Or ninety.”
“I know, but there was an offer. Look, I don’t have to explain my pregnant pre-nap purchases, okay?”
He flashed me a look that said he was trying desperately not to laugh at me. “Here. Eat this and you’ll feel better.”
“Let’s hope,” I muttered, looking at my chow mien with trepidation.
It was wild in my body today. Nothing was a given.
“Why are you playing with your food?” Kai sat down next to me.
I prodded some chicken with my fork. “I’m trying to decide if it makes me feel sick or not.”
He nodded slowly. “That makes… sense.”
I sighed, setting my fork down. “Are you mad?”
“What am I supposed to be mad at?”
I pointed at my pelvis with both hands.
“Your vagina?”
“Kai.”
He put down his own fork and took my hand. “Am I mad that two consenting adults got drunk, had sex, and you’re now pregnant? No. I think I’m in shock, but I’m not mad. And I’m not the one who has to consider if my food is going to make me throw up, so I’m not really in a position to moan about anything right now.”
“It was my fault,” I replied quietly, looking down. “I missed a pill when my grandma went to hospital, but I didn’t realize. I’m sorry. I popped it out of the strip and—”
“Stop it.” He cupped my chin and lifted my head so I had to meet his eyes. “Ivy, we both decided to have sex without a condom. We knew the risks, drunk or otherwise. We’re both equally responsible for this. Okay?”
I didn’t respond.
“Okay?”
“Okay,” I said softly. “You don’t have to stay, you know.”
“You are not saying what I think you’re saying, are you?”
“No, I’m just—” I paused. “You don’t have to do anything.”
He pushed the food away from both of us and spun me on the stool so we were fully face to face. He planted his hands on my knees and met my gaze with a ferocity that made my heart skip. “Ivy, if you think for a second I’m going to walk away and let you do this alone, you’re an absolute idiot.”
My bottom lip quivered.
“I’m going to be there every single step of the way. You’ll have to drag me away from you, do you understand that? Nothing—nothing—matters more than being there for you and this baby. Our baby.”
“Okay.” I sniffed, trying not to cry again.
I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear him say that.
“Come here.” He pulled me against him once more. “Whatever you need, I’m there.”
“Good. Because when my grandmother finds out, you might have to pretend to be my secret husband.”
He laughed. “Do I get the perks as payment for my pretense?”
“I was joking,” I mumbled.
“I wasn’t.”
Well, that stopped the tears.
I swatted his chest and sat back upright, wiping my cheeks. “I think that’s gotten us in a sticky enough situation, thank you very much.”
He grinned, and I shot him a look that said I was not interested in whatever dirty comment he was about to make.
“Eat,” he demanded, pushing the beef strips toward me. “I’ll even let you have mine.”
Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all…
CHAPTER THREE – KAI
I cupped Ivy’s fac
e at her door. “If you need anything—”
“You’re just across the hall, Kai, not in Alaska,” she replied, pulling my hands away. “I think I can manage to drag myself to bed.”
“Well, if you get lonely…”
“I’ll open my online dating app, read some awful bios, and remember why I’m single.” Her tone was dry. “I’m fine. I promise I’ll text you if I need anything.”
“You sure?”
“If you’re gonna hover over me for the next seven and a half months, at least bring ice-cream next time.”
“Flavor?”
“Wow, you’re not kidding.”
I held up my hands. “I told you. Anything you need.”
She tilted her head to the side, tucking a stray bit of her blonde-brown hair behind her ear. “I could so easily manipulate the hell out of you.”
“Are you going to?”
“Not today. I’m far too tired for that. It’s been a long day.” To punctuate her point, she yawned, clasping both hands over her mouth. “I need to go to bed.”
“Okay. And you promise you’ll get a key cut for me tomorrow so I can get to you quickly?”
She sighed. “I promise, Kai. I’ll even send you a running commentary from the moment I step outside the door to the moment I get back home. Will that appease you?”
I grinned. I knew she was being cocky, but yes, it would, and I told her as much.
What I didn’t tell her was that I wanted to lean down and kiss her.
I had a feeling that wouldn’t go down too well today.
“Okay. Goodnight,” Ivy said, stepping back. “Before I start thinking you’ll never go.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“If you ask me that one more time, you won’t be.” There was bite in her words, but her eyes belied her amusement. “Now go. I think you have to explain to your sister.”
“Yes. He does. He can start by introducing us.”
I jerked around. Anna was standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame, with her arms folded across her chest. Her yellow sweater was a stark contrast to her scarlet hair, and I winced at the look she gave me.
“Anna, this is Ivy. Ivy, this is my big sister, Anna.”
Anna waved. “I’ve come to rescue you, Ivy. He likes to think he’s a big, fancy alpha male, but he’s like a s’more—hard on the outside, gooey on the inside.”
Ivy fought a smile.
“Get inside.” Anna jerked her head in the direction of the apartment.
“What are you, Mom?”
“No, but I’ll call her if you don’t do as I say,” she sniped. “Besides, Ivy is clearly exhausted. Growing a human is no joke. Let her go to sleep and stop fussing over her. Nothing is going to happen to her in bed, Kai.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought four weeks ago, and here we are,” Ivy muttered in response.
My sister burst out laughing. “I like her. Now leave her alone.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and looked back at Ivy. “Text me, okay?”
“Yes, I promise.” She huffed, but there was a smile tugging at her lips. “Goodnight.”
“Night,” I replied, giving her a smile of my own.
Ivy closed the door, and I waited until the I heard the click of the lock before I went into my own apartment.
Anna followed me in and shut the door behind her.
“Don’t,” I said sharply, walking over to the fridge and pulling out a beer. I uncapped it with the magnet opener on the fridge and took a long pull of the cold liquid.
Anna padded over barefoot and took her wine out to pour herself a glass. Silence reigned uncomfortably for a long moment until she said, “So. You knocked up the girl you’ve got a raging schoolboy crush on.”
“Oh, fuck off.” I grabbed the beer and took it into the living room where I threw myself onto the sofa.
I didn’t need her shit tonight.
I could barely wrap my head around the fact Ivy was pregnant. I’d kept my shit together because she was a mess, and the last thing she needed was me freaking out all over her.
Ivy was pregnant.
With my baby.
The woman I’d had feelings for for weeks was having my baby.
I was going to be a father.
Holy fuck.
I put down my beer and buried my head in my hands.
“You look like shit,” Anna said brightly. “Especially for someone who just got an in with the girl he likes.”
“An in? Have you lost your fucking mind?” I jerked my head up and looked at her. “She’s fucking pregnant, Anna. The last thing I want to do is use that as an excuse to get her to go out with me. Fucking hell. What’s wrong with you?”
“A lot.” She sipped her wine, leaning against the island without a care in the world. “How did this even happen?”
I blew out a long breath. “We got together a few weeks ago after a party and weren’t as careful as we should have been. End of.”
“So she’s not trapping you?”
“Trapping me? What am I? A bear?” I snorted. “If you don’t have anything useful to say, shut up.”
“You’re gonna have to tell Mom and Dad.”
“Not. Useful.”
“I’m just saying.”
“Well, don’t!” I grabbed the beer and finished it before retrieving another. “Can’t you see I’m having a bit of a crisis right now?”
“You looked fine five minutes ago.”
“Yes, because Ivy is the one who can’t eat her dinner without poking it because she’s afraid it’s going to make her sick. I’m not the one who threw out all my coffee because the smell is gross, Anna, that was her. She doesn’t need me losing it right now.”
“She’s a woman. She’s probably expecting you to lose it.”
“Well, I am. She just doesn’t need to see it happen.” I sat back on the sofa with my beer. “I have no fucking idea about babies. Or pregnancy.”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you screwed her without a condom.”
I stared at her. I was getting really tired of her shit. “Anna. That’s not helpful.”
“I’m not trying to be helpful,” she drawled. “I’m sorry, were you expecting me to coddle you and tell you everything is going to be okay? That nothing really changes? That’s it’s fine? Newsflash, bro, it’s not going to be fucking okay. You’ve knocked up a girl you’re half in love with. You’re going to have to hold her hair while she throws up, rub her feet when they hurt, massage her shoulders, make sure she doesn’t just live off the inevitable fake craving of her favorite chocolate or chips, and you’re going to have to literally hold her hand when she pushes a baseball out of her vagina.”
I swallowed.
“Then, when she’s done all that, you’re going to have to clean dirty diapers, mop up baby sick, survive off three hours of sleep for at least a month, and look after her while she’s recovering from the most harrowing experience of a female’s life.”
“You are really, really not helping.”
“But before all that, you have to tell Mom.”
“Jesus, Anna, if you tell Mom and Dad—”
She held up her hands. “I’m not telling them anything. But I want to be there when you do.”
I huffed out a breath and got up. “I’m going to bed. I’m not listening to you anymore.”
“It’s not even eight-thirty.”
“So? Even going to bed before my elderly neighbors is better than sitting here while you aren’t helping me.”
Anna flipped me the bird and put her feet on the coffee table. “Are you finishing that beer?”
I slid it over the coffee table to her, then headed for my room. I pulled off my shirt and shoes and lay down on my bed before I checked my phone in case Ivy had text.
She had.
IVY: I safely made it to bed without the monsters snapping at my ankles.
I smiled.
ME: Thanks for checking in. I’ll spray
under your bed tomorrow.
IVY: Maybe if you’d done that in the first place, I wouldn’t be a walking incubator.
ME: On the bright side, you can’t get rid of me now.
IVY: You and I have different opinions on what a ‘bright side’ is.
ME: I know. I thought sleeping with you was one, but I guess you disagree there, too.
IVY: I knew that was a bad idea.
ME: How are you feeling?
IVY: Like, am I feeling sick? Or am I feeling like my world is spinning at a million miles an hour and nothing makes sense anymore?
ME: Do you need me to come over?
IVY: No. I need someone to pinch me. Or just kill me so I don’t have to tell my grandmother tomorrow, because she probably will kill me.
ME: It’ll be fine. Do you want me there when you tell her?
IVY: Do you WANT to die at the hands of a constipated old woman?
ME: I can’t say that’s ever been on my shortlist. I thought maybe bungee jumping.
IVY: If you go bungee jumping and die and leave me to raise this baby alone, I’ll kill you again.
ME: You can’t kill a dead person.
IVY: You just watch me, Kai. You just watch me.
IVY: How are you feeling? You seemed scarily calm when I told you.
ME: In my defense, you were crying so hard I thought you might drown yourself. I didn’t have much time to think about me.
IVY: Well, now you have. Are you sure you’re not mad?
ME: I told you I’m not mad. We knew what we were doing when we chose not to use a condom.
ME: It’s sinking in. I’m a little shocked, yeah, but I’m okay.
IVY: Are you sure?
ME: You’re not allowed to worry about me.
IVY: I am. You can’t help me if you’re dead.
ME: I have no imminent plans to die.
IVY: Then you’re definitely not coming to tell my grandmother. In her eyes, the only person worse than me will be you.
