"I only have an hour," I told Graham who stood patiently waiting for me to return. Connie mumbled something, but I chose to ignore her.
WE WENT TO THE SAME diner where I had lunch with Logan but sat on the opposite side. I found myself looking at the table where he and I sat just a week before. The waitress came and took our orders, but I couldn't break my stare across the room.
Graham leaned his back against the wall and put his elbow on the table. He didn't seem like the same man I remembered. "So how are things with Mister Wonderful?" he asked sounding jealous.
"Great," I lied. We didn't talk much, so much for catching up on old times. I picked up my burger and took a bite, but nearly spit it out when he continued talking.
"I never felt anything for another the way I did for you," Graham confessed.
Tears stung my eyes and I had to look away. Where did that come from, I wondered? Would he tell me this if he knew I was single? Graham didn't feel anything for me, and if he did, walking out on Christmas was a horrible way of showing it. "Graham don't," I cried.
"I know, you have someone else," he stated, reaching over to touch my hand. I pulled back, his touch meant nothing, and I didn't want it. I wanted his touch when I thought we had something special, not now.
"I should go," I threw my napkin on my full plate and stood.
"Please don't go," he pleaded. "I'm sorry to upset you. I know what happened between us hurt you, but I concluded that I'd rather be your friend, watching you with someone else, than to not be in your life at all."
"Graham," I choked on my words. Part of me wanted to tell him the truth, there wasn't anyone else, but I had a deal with Logan. "I'm not sure I can do that," I stumbled over my words. I thought we were meant to be once before, being his friend would only remind me of what I lost.
Graham put his head in his hands. I could have sworn I heard him sniffle. He looked up and tried to smile. "No pressure," he said, "but if you ever need me, I'm here."
WE ATE LUNCH IN SILENCE, or should I say barely ate lunch? I picked at my food, appetite gone, then parted ways. I couldn't bring myself around to look in Logan's direction. "How was lunch?" Connie asked.
"Quiet," I told her. "We didn't say much," that was a lie and Connie sensed it. I could see her smirk out of the corner of my eye. I didn't want to say too much, knowing Logan overheard everything said. I leaned toward her desk and whispered, "Actually, he told me he still cares about me." Those weren't his exact words, but Graham and I were complicated, and I didn't know how to explain how he felt when I didn't know for sure myself.
Connie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms across her chest. "Of course he does," she snickered. "He thinks you're with Logan and he's trying to win you back."
"But," I covered my mouth with my finger, trying to tell her not to be too loud. "He didn't ask me to leave Logan or anything."
She rolled her chair closer to mine until our knees brushed against each other. "No, but he put doubt in your head and I'm pretty sure that is what Logan is trying to keep you from." I shook my head and didn't understand what she meant. "Graham is all about himself, everyone sees that except you. So, he tells you he still cares, makes you second guess yourself, and boom a breakup with your current boyfriend comes next."
I tried to protest, but Connie wasn't listening to my side of the story. She and Logan meant well by protecting my heart, but I believed it was fate that brought Graham back into my life. "You don't know him," I continued to deny everything she said. "Maybe he was scared when I told him I loved him, maybe he wasn't ready."
"Or maybe he's just stringing you along again," she growled and returned to her desk.
The thought scared the living daylights out of me, but she couldn't be right. I tried to focus on my work but looked up and noticed Logan standing in front of my desk. "Are you going to be home tonight?" he asked.
Not sure what he was up to, I shyly replied, "Yes."
"I'm going to be out of the office for the rest of the day," he instructed, looking both at me and at Connie. I nodded and watched him walk out.
"What was that all about?" I quizzed Connie. She shrugged her shoulders, just as unsure as me. It wasn't like Logan to tell us anything about his day. I sighed and returned my attention to my computer. Perhaps wrapping up the month's figures would take my mind off both Graham and Logan.
Chapter 5
A WREATH HUNG ON MY apartment door and I stood to examine it, it wasn't there when I left in the morning. A piece of paper stuck out from under the holly that read, 'Another family tradition.' I couldn't help but grin, so that's what Logan had to do that was so urgent earlier in the day.
When I stepped inside, another note greeted me on the table.
Hi Hen, I heard you tell Connie where you kept your spare key at one point or the other. I hope you don't mind my being here, but I have something planned. Go to the refrigerator to see my next note.
I didn't mind him being there but made a mental note to keep my voice down from then on. There wasn't anything posted on the fridge and I wondered if he forgot to finish whatever he planned. When I opened the door, another note caught my attention. He rolled a piece of paper and stuck it through the handle of an eggnog container.
Pour a tall glass of this, I know you love it. I'll see you over by the glasses.
My heart sang. I didn't know what Logan had done to my apartment, but I enjoyed playing along. Inside the cupboard where I kept the glasses, was an oversized mug that said, 'Enjoy the holidays with loved ones.' I always drank my eggnog out of a mug ever since I was young. It made me feel grown-up. The memory warmed me as I reached for the new addition to my kitchen, another note waited underneath it.
If my calculations are correct, it should be nearly 6:00 when you read this. Go to the living room. You'll find another note, but don't open it until after you hear the doorbell. When it rings, make sure you answer, only after can you open the next note.
What on Earth was he up to? I poured the eggnog and made my way into the living room. There was a soft blanket on the couch and another letter like he promised. My fingers ran across the blanket, wondering where it came from when the sound of the doorbell alarmed me. I laughed as I walked to answer it, knowing he said it would ring.
A tall skinny kid stood with a bag in his hand. I frowned and my heart ached a little bit. I hoped Logan would greet me. "Happy holidays," the kid said as he handed me the bag. "It's paid for, and thanks for the big tip."
I started to reach into my pocket, assuming the mention of a tip was his way of asking for something, but the kid walked away. "Merry Christmas to you too," I shouted down the hall then returned to the living room where the note was waiting for me.
You didn't eat much at lunch, so you must be hungry. I hope I'm correct and ravioli and sausage are your favorites, everything you need should be included. But, before you eat, there's one last note for you at the bottom of the bag.
I pulled out the hot meal and placed it on the coffee table and searched for the final note. My heart raced, wondering how he could top everything he already did for me. A week before I barely knew Logan, now I wondered why I never took the time to acknowledge him? As he mentioned in the previous note, a piece of paper had been taped to the bottom of the bag.
The remote control is on the table, you might not have noticed it. He was correct, it wasn't out of place and I thought nothing of it. As you sit back and eat, turn the television on and hit play. Don't peek, just trust me. I'm a firm believer in Christmas traditions and know deep inside you are too. He's here with you, not just tonight but always. Enjoy your evening and I'll see you at work tomorrow. Love, Logan.
My fingers pressed the play button as my eyes swelled with fresh tears. Every year when I was a kid, I watched Miracle on 34th Street with my grandfather. I continued watching even after my grandfather passed away. The past few Christmases, however, changed the way I viewed the holiday. Until Logan opened my heart and soul.
It wasn't a date, I spent
the evening alone, with the spirit of my departed grandfather, but it had been the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me. Everything faded for the next couple of hours as I followed Logan's directions. "I believe, I believe, I believe," I mouthed, my favorite line in the movie. If I had Logan's phone number, I would have called him right then and there, but I'd have to wait until morning to thank him.
LOGAN WASN'T IN WHEN I arrived at work. I couldn't keep the grin off my face, nor could I focus on doing anything, until I saw him. When he finally walked through the door, I jumped up and ran to him. My arms wrapped around him and I didn't care who could see us. "Thank you so much," I shouted but didn't let go of my embrace.
Logan put his briefcase down on the floor and returned the hug. The desire to kiss him surfaced again, but I knew I had already been unprofessional. "I'm glad you liked it," he smiled as I put myself back together. "It's bad luck to break traditions," he winked at me before continuing to his office.
"What's that all about," Connie begged for information.
I shook my head, finally learning that some things are meant to be private. "Nothing," I replied. She didn't buy it, but I didn't care, nothing could take my mind off my fake boyfriend.
Chapter 6
THAT WEEKEND WE TRAVELED to Utica like planned. Logan arrived before sunrise and tossed my overnight bag in the trunk of his car as I prepared travel mugs of hot chocolate for us. We talked a little during the drive, but for the most part, we sang along to the holiday music on the radio.
As the morning went on, my stomach growled. "I'm hungry," I told him.
"We'll be there soon," he answered. "My mother will have breakfast waiting for us, and if she doesn't, she'll insist on cooking once she hears that stomach of yours." I blushed, knowing he heard it, but then laughed.
"You hear everything!"
"Yes, I do, Hen."
He'd been correct, his mother prepared a ton of food. Logan introduced me to his parents, his sister would be there later in the day. His parents treated me like I was one of their own, and as Logan said, his mother heard my stomach growl. We laughed as the four of us sat around the table. We'd only been there for a few minutes but already I knew I belonged.
Their home was warm and inviting, a fire crackled in the living room as Logan and I settled onto the couch. His arm nestled behind me and I reminded myself it was all part of the game. I listened as he updated his parents on his life back in the city. They asked me questions about myself and sometimes Logan answered for me. He never ceases to amaze me.
Later in the afternoon, his sister, Julie, and her husband, Keith, arrived. Logan squeezed her tight as she kissed his cheek. I didn't have siblings but admired the love between the two of them. My eyes brightened as I watched their embrace. She and I hit it off like we'd been the best of friends for years. I couldn't help but feel welcomed in their home, and glad I came.
Logan's mother stood to start preparing the dinner, saying it would take a while for the turkey to bake. "Can I help with anything?" I asked her.
"No dear, you kids have a snowman to build," she answered.
I looked at Logan, but he didn't need to say it, another tradition. We all bundled up and went into their backyard. "Let's make it a contest," Julie suggested. "You and Logan against me and Keith. Whoever builds the best snowman wins ten dollars."
Logan didn't seem interested, but I spoke for the two of us, "Game on."
We froze our butts off as we frolicked in the snow. Julie and I acted like children and made snow angels while Logan and Keith rolled snow for the base of the snowmen. I wobbled as I tried standing but managed to get on my two feet, when out of nowhere a snowball hit my leg. "Gotcha," Logan cheered from across the yard.
"Are you going to let him get away with that?" Julie asked as she packed snow between her gloves.
"Not on his life," I responded by throwing one and hitting his arm. Logan chased me around the yard, both of us throwing frozen balls at one another. We could hear Julie and Keith laughing and encouraging us to get each other.
Logan caught me and tackled me in the snow. He hovered over me, his face close to mine, and the urge to feel his lips on mine consumed my body. I think he might have granted me my silent wish, but a snowball landed smack on his head.
"Come inside before you catch a death of a cold," his mother lectured. I couldn't help but giggle, guess she told him.
Before helping me to my feet, Logan grinned and said, "Some other time," and my heart melted. Was there anything I could keep from him?
We never did build a snowman that day, but I had the time of my life. We gathered around the dinner table and feasted like there was no tomorrow. His family was great, and I regret that they would never see me again. Logan looked at me and smiled. Damn, I thought, he was my employer, not my companion.
As Logan promised, we studied the Christmas tree, searching for the pickle. Ornaments from his childhood sparkled and told me stories about him. "This one belonged to my grandmother," Logan's father said as he gently touched an old-fashioned angel. "The first one we hang every year. Someday it'll be on Logan's tree, but as long as I live it remains with me."
A warmth spread through my body at hearing him speak so fondly of the angel. I knew Logan would take care of it when it came into his possession. I watched the family exchange gifts and was taken by surprise when his mother handed me one. "You didn't think we'd leave you out, did you?"
She handed me a present and I almost cried. Logan had told me during the trip that he put my name on all the gifts he bought, so I didn't feel obligated to hand her something in return. I opened the paper and lifted the top of the box. They bought me a hat, scarf, and glove set. "Oh, thank you," I reached over and hugged each of his parents. "I don't think mine will dry after Logan pushed me into the snow," everyone laughed, and he winked.
His mother did allow Julie and me to help set up dessert. I set the table and glanced over at Logan standing under the mistletoe and couldn't help myself. I've wanted to get my lips on him all day. He didn't think anything of it when I stepped up to him, but also didn't realize where he'd been standing.
I leaned in and softly pressed my lips into his and allowed them to linger for a moment. Logan's hand brushed up my backside, sending goosebumps all over. "What is that for?" he asked.
Pointing up to the ceiling, I said, "I have traditions too."
Logan looked up and smiled. Then, he pulled me closer to him and kissed me for real. My kiss to him was soft and sweet, his hot and hungry. I wanted it to be real, but deep inside I knew it was just for show. Cheers from the others brought us back to reality. "Merry Christmas," he whispered in my ear.
My cheeks hurt from smiling so much as we approached the table. Dessert was served, and the day turned out perfect. If I could have stayed there and not face the real world when we returned home the next day, I would have.
That night Logan and I laid in front of the fire. Julie and Keith went home and his parents retired to their bedroom. “It's snowing out,” he said as he stood to make hot chocolate.
While he was in the kitchen, I stood up and pressed myself against the window like a child. Soft flakes fell on the trees as the heat from the fire steamed the window. I wiped a circle with my sleeve and admired the view. When I turned around, I noticed Logan watching me. He held two oversized mugs and I couldn't help but grin. “Are those marshmallows?”
“Nothing but the best,” he placed the hot chocolate down on the coffee table and sat on the couch. I skipped over to join him and we continued watching the fire from across the room. As we drank the warm liquid, his arm covered my shoulders and our knees touched.
I wanted him to kiss me again but wasn't sure if he would. There was nobody to put a show on for. “Thank you for bringing me here,” I said. “I'm sad to see it almost over.”
Logan nodded in agreement. “You made today special for me too so I should thank you instead.”
We leaned our heads into each other and at the s
ame time said, “You're welcome.” I giggled and he kissed the top of my head.
Things were better when I was Logan's girl, but things changed when we saw each other in the office on Monday.
Chapter 7
WE DROVE HOME ON SUNDAY and didn't speak much. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen now that Logan went home with me to get his parents off his back about relationships. He granted them one wish, made me happy for a couple of weeks, but in the end, it was all just a show to him.
For Christmas I received a friend, except the butterflies in my stomach told me I wanted more. Did I? As we neared home, thoughts of Graham started to enter my mind again. Logan drove, a somber look on his face yet she said nothing. I wanted to talk to him but found myself staring out the window instead.
Graham expressed his feelings toward me, Logan's silence suggested him and I were just friends. I began to question myself, tried to figure out my heart. If I confessed my undying love to Graham, we could be the perfect couple we once were. I learned from my mistakes and this time around, I'd wait for him to tell me he loved me before I said it again. Perhaps six months wasn't long enough, I'd wait six years if that's what it took to be happy with Graham again.
Logan wasn't in the office when I arrived on Monday morning. I was on the phone with a client when he came in, so no words were exchanged between us. There was no need to go into his office for the remainder of the day. Connie and I talked about the weekend I shared with Logan, she heard about it all, except the kiss. Graham dropped a bundle of mail, but I couldn't look him in the eye. Christmas was right around the corner and once again, I was alone.
Christmas Eve arrived, and the office closed at lunchtime, then after a quick office party, our holiday began. The new kid turned on the holiday music. "Hey, the party hasn't started yet," I teased him.
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