"Yeah," he commented as he came out of his cubicle with a Santa hat on. "Like we're honestly going to get any work done today."
The three of us laughed, but I stopped when I noticed Graham walk in. We weren't expecting deliveries, in fact, he wasn't even wearing his company uniform. The volume of the music lowered as we all returned to professionals.
Graham stepped up to my desk with a small package in his hands. "I've had this gift for three long years," he explained. "I should have given it to you then, but again I should have done a lot more than I did." His hand shook as he handed me the present.
I didn't know what to say, were we picking up where we left off? I smiled at him as I slowly unwrapped the paper, what would he have given to me back then, I wondered? Inside the box was a small picture frame and an old picture of the two of us nestled inside. My face wet with tears, I pulled it out and looked at it. It was him and I on our first date, I remembered the restaurant, the drinks we shared, and even the song playing in the background when we snapped the selfie picture. I knew then I loved him, and I knew at that moment as well. There was no way to deny it.
"Logan and I aren't together," I blurted out without thinking about it first. I just couldn't help it. "We never were."
Regret filled me as soon as the words fell from my stupid mouth. How long had Logan been standing in the doorway? My sad eyes looked up to him as my chest felt like a bullet just landed in it. Logan didn't say a word, just glanced at Graham and marched into his office. Connie sighed and mumbled under her breath, probably cursing me for my actions. The room blurred as more tears swelled.
"Will you have dinner with me tonight?" Graham asked. He didn't say anything about Logan and I being fake, didn't accuse me of behaving like a hormonal teenager which I felt like. Graham didn't seem to care.
I wiped my face and sniffled. If I felt Logan wasn't interested in me before, he wouldn't be now. "Yes," I answered, not caring what anyone thought.
He took my phone number and told me he'd text his address and the time to meet him, then Graham left. I couldn't bring myself to look over at my best friend, my shame kept my head low. I grabbed my purse and ran out of the office, no longer caring to join them for the office party.
I FOUND GRAHAM'S PLACE without any problems. He greeted me with an embrace when I arrived. His arms were just what I needed, having spent the entire day feeling sorry for myself. I loved Graham and knew we were meant to be together, but hurting Logan weighed heavy on my spirits.
Graham cooked dinner, he was always a good cook. He set the table, complete with candles burning in the center. His Christmas tree twinkled in the living room and soft instrumental holiday music played in the background. During dinner, we talked about our families and why each other decided to leave Syracuse. We both regret losing each other.
It had to be fate that brought us back together, but I wondered what our futures would hold. Since he walked back in my life, I went back and forth with emotions and thoughts of reuniting- now I had what I wanted. Right?
After dinner, Graham didn't want to clean up right away. He led me into the living room and held me tight, a tear leaked and ran down my nose. My dreams were coming true, why did I feel lost? He lifted my chin and pressed his lips onto mine. I pulled back slightly and looked into his eyes, they weren't the same.
"I have something for you," he said as he pulled me closer to the tree.
"You gave me a gift already," I reminded him. I didn't have anything for him.
Graham smiled, kissed me again, and said, "That was to remind you how special we are together. This is your real gift," he leaned down and stood back up with a small unwrapped ring box in his hand. Graham flipped the top back and a diamond sparkled brighter than the star on the tree.
My mouth fell open and my breathing halted. He knelt on one knee, something I imagined him doing years ago, but something didn't feel right about it.
"Alexa, will you marry me?"
"No," I cried without hesitation. Graham lost his balance and knelt on the floor with both knees, he leaned back onto his heels and looked crushed. I didn't know where my answer came from, other than straight from the heart. Tears pooled in his eyes as I froze before him.
"Oh my God," he panted as he hung his head.
"Graham, I'm so sorry," I continued crying. "If you loved me, if you wanted me to be your wife, you wouldn't have left. This doesn't feel natural, it feels forced because we were once good with each other."
He stood and closed his hands around mine, his face streaked with moisture. It pained me to see him look the way he did, but not nearly as much as it pained me to recall the hurt on Logan's face. "I was stupid for letting you go," he choked on his words. "Please forgive me."
"I do forgive you," I replied and pulled myself away from him. I needed to leave, needed to find my true happiness. "But Graham, I just can't," my words trailed off as I grabbed my coat and purse and ran out of his apartment.
Chapter 8
THE OFFICE PARTY ENDED hours earlier, but I hoped Logan would still be there. The building security officer let me in and I raced to the office only to find it empty. My heart broke. I knocked on Logan's office, but he wasn't inside. At my desk, I pulled out my cell phone and called Connie. She didn't answer. She was with her family, and although she might have been upset with me, I knew she'd come around.
I searched through my desk, knowing Logan's number was listed there somewhere. After a few minutes, I called from the office phone. He didn't answer. I thought he would, knowing an office call after hours would mean an emergency, but it went to voicemail. This was an emergency, I told myself as I slammed the handle onto the receiver.
Defeated, there was nothing I could do. Tears stopped flowing down my face the instant I rejected Graham. I'd become the strong woman Logan pushed me into being and it felt amazing. If only I could tell him, I thought as I left the office and made my way back home.
My window displayed my Christmas tree and the lights on it. I smiled and thought of Logan. One of my traditions was to leave the lights on all day and night on Christmas Eve, whether I was home or not. I wished I could tell him, but I feared my friendship with Logan ended as fast as it started.
As my key turned, the sound of holiday music drifted from under the door. Cautiously I entered, knowing I didn't leave the radio on. Would a burglar turn on Christmas music?
My heart burst when I walked inside. Logan stood there, in my apartment, and waited for me. "He asked me to marry him and I said no," I exclaimed as soon as I saw him. "I'm so sorry to hurt your feelings."
Logan rushed across the room and threw his arms around me. "You're not meant to be with him," my head nodded in agreement, this time I knew it to be true. "Not when I love you more than he ever would."
Did he just say what I think he said? Tears raced down my nose again as Logan leaned into me and kissed me like he did under the mistletoe. My hands reached up to his broad shoulders and pulled him closer. "I love you too," I breathed between kisses. "You're the greatest Christmas gift I could ever wish for."
Logan twirled me around and I laughed. He pulled my hand and led me into the living room. "One more family tradition," he told me. "We watch It's A Wonderful Life on Christmas Eve. Will you watch with me?"
I didn't answer, didn't need to. Logan and I curled up on the couch, both of us under the soft blanket he gave me. The lights were turned off, except for the Christmas lights, and the movie played while Logan held me in his loving arms.
"Merry Christmas, Hen," he said before pulling my head in for another kiss.
"Merry Christmas," and it was. The best Christmas of my life.
Epilogue
I WOKE ON CHRISTMAS morning with the biggest grin on my face. Logan stayed with me until the clock struck midnight and whispered, “I love you,” in my ear.
Some will say it was too soon, but something in my gut told me it wasn’t. Love doesn’t need to wait six months or a year to say. If you feel it, you feel it, and
Logan and I definitely felt it.
I got out of bed and headed straight to the shower. Suddenly, I had holiday plans and I couldn’t wait.
Before long, I found myself looking at my Christmas tree. There weren’t as many special ornaments as Logan had, but I did have a few from my childhood and seeing them made me remember the days gone by.
Something caught my eye. “This can’t be,” I said to myself, knowing we did not put this in the tree when we decorated. I reached through the heavy branches. The pine scent filled my nose as I moved in and held a pickle in my hand. I couldn’t help but laugh.
The doorbell rang and I put the pickle back where I found it then raced to answer the door. “Merry Christmas,” I said and pulled him inside.
Logan gripped my waist and brought my body close to his. When his lips touched mine, I thought I would melt. “Merry Christmas,” he replied. “Are you ready?”
My head began to nod as I reached for my coat. Logan held it for me as I slipped my arms through. “Thank you for the pickle,” I told him.
“How did you find it?”
He zipped my coat and placed a hat on my head as I explained. “You taught me to look at the tree and I did. You know, I do have some old treasures. I like your traditions.”
Logan kissed my cheek and held my hand. “Good, then let’s go before we’re late.” We left my apartment and he drove for a few minutes until we reached the church. “Christmas mass is another family tradition,” he said as he parked the car.
“Mine too,” I told him. I haven’t been to Christmas mass since Graham walked out of my life, but that was all behind me now. This Christmas I’ve been giving the gift of a genuine boyfriend and I couldn’t be happier. “Let’s go.”
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Romance Me: A Collection Of Standalone & First In Series Books Page 35
