Coming Home for Christmas

by RaeAnne Thayne

  He appeared to choose his words carefully. “I think we should give it another shot, anyway. If you moved back to the other house, we could maybe test the waters. Spend more time with each other and the kids. Get to know each other again. Be a family for real, after all this time.”

  The image he painted was exactly what she yearned for, as if he had reached into her head and plucked it out. She loved her husband, her children. She wanted to build a future with them.

  It was impossible, though.

  She couldn’t lie to herself.

  She had already taken so much from him. She loved him too much, which was why she couldn’t rob him of his chance at a real marriage, with a wife capable of standing beside him in all things. Someone healthier, stronger, more than she could ever be now.

  His life and the children’s would be better if she returned to Oregon.

  Yes, she was fully aware of the irony. The entire reason she had left seven years ago was because she had been certain they would be better off without her.

  At the time, she hadn’t been thinking straight, lost in the dark, thick fog of depression. Now in the cold, clear light of reality, she knew exactly what choice she had to make.

  Her family was better off without her. Oh, she would continue to stay in contact with them. She would message, call, visit when she could. That would have to be enough.

  “I’m afraid...that’s impossible.”

  He blinked, looking stunned. “Impossible? Why?”

  She looked away, unable to face his heated gaze. She didn’t want to lie to him. But what choice did she have?

  “I...I have a life in Oregon. Friends. A job. I can’t just pick up and leave everything behind to come here...permanently.”

  “Why not? Do you have a loving family there? Children who need you?”

  She let out a shaky breath. “You know I don’t.”

  “Do you have a community of friends where everyone wants to help you?”

  “I...have several good ones there.”

  He was silent so long she finally lifted her gaze to his. He had moved closer, until she could feel the heat radiating off him and the movement of each breath.

  “Do you have a husband who loved you with all his heart once and would like to see if he still can?”

  “Luke.”

  Whatever she intended to say was lost as he lowered his mouth and kissed her with a hunger that matched her own.

  The kiss was emotional, intense, filled with a longing that made her ache. He held her close and it was as if her muscles had memory where he was concerned, too.

  She sighed and gave herself to the kiss for long, heady moments. How tempting it was to surrender everything to him, to let him take her to her bedroom with the fireplace and the big, luxurious king-size bed and let him persuade her that she belonged nowhere else but here with him, in his arms.

  She couldn’t. Fear stopped her from taking his hand and dragging him down the hall. If they made love again, she would never be able to leave.

  Somewhere deep inside she found the strength to slide her mouth from his and step away on legs that trembled.

  “No. This isn’t what I...what I want, Luke. I’m sorry. We had something once but that was a...a long time ago. We don’t know each other anymore. I’m grateful to you for...letting me back into the children’s lives, but I think...I’ll be a better mother to them from a...from a distance.”

  “You don’t really believe that.”

  “I do. I’m sorry. I wish...I wish things could be different.”

  She wanted to make a quick exit but she did nothing quickly these days. She limped out of the room toward the other side of the house, her heart aching more with every slow step.

  * * *

  Luke watched her go, his thoughts in turmoil.

  He couldn’t believe she had rejected him. He had put his heart on the line, had found the courage to tell her how he was feeling and ask if she would stay, and she had turned him down flat.

  He hadn’t expected it, especially not after the eager way she returned his kisses or the softness he saw in her eyes when she looked at the children. He thought she wanted to stay, to be part of their lives again.

  She had seemed to love attending the holiday show that evening and had been enjoying herself until she left to use the restroom.

  Had something happened after she left him and walked out of the auditorium? Had someone said something malicious or unkind?

  It didn’t matter. Whatever had happened, she had withdrawn from him, retreating into a place he couldn’t reach.

  How could he have misjudged the situation so completely?

  More important, what the hell was he supposed to do now?

  They still had Christmas Eve and Christmas to make it through. For the children’s sake, he would do his best to give them a memorable holiday, filled with all the joy of the season.

  He had been doing the same thing for seven years, pretending everything was okay for their sake when inside he was dying. Why should this year be any different?

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Are you guys about ready to wrap it up?” Luke asked Bridger and Cassie after about twenty trips up and down the good-size hill at Pine Tree Park, with its beautiful view of the lake and the Redemption Mountains in the distance.

  “I am,” Cassie said. “My feet are freezing and I think my nose is going to fall off.”

  Despite his lingering sadness and the tension that sizzled between him and Elizabeth, the day had been a good one so far. He didn’t think the kids noticed anything wrong as they did chores and worked to get everything ready for Christmas.

  Sledding down the hill at Pine Tree Park had become a tradition for them. Luke knew if he didn’t take them, he would hear about it.

  “That was super fun, Dad,” Bridger said as they loaded up the sleds into the back of his pickup truck. “It’s too bad Mom couldn’t come with us.”

  Luke tensed at the reference to Elizabeth but forced himself to relax. “She’s waiting back home, keeping Finn company.”

  “I know,” Bridger said, pulling off his beanie to reveal crazy hat hair. “But it still would have been fun to have her there.”

  “She can’t walk very well,” Cassie pointed out. “Do you think she would really be able to make it up the hill, over and over again?”

  Bridger looked stricken. “Oh. I didn’t think about that. I guess you’re right. Maybe we could have pulled her up on the sled.”

  Luke tended to forget about the things Elizabeth couldn’t do. She didn’t complain about her physical limitations; she just plowed through with everything, whether that was climbing the stairs at his house or shoveling snow outside with him and the kids.

  She didn’t seem to let anything stop her—except when it came to letting him back into her life.

  Why was she putting barriers between them?

  When they walked inside the house, Luke was startled to find the delicious scent of roasting poultry filling the air.

  Bridger gave an exaggerated sniff. “Wow! What smells so good?”

  Elizabeth smiled, though she looked a little nervous. “I know we talked about grilling steaks again. That would have been...delicious and we can still do that, if you...if you want. But I thought a traditional turkey might be good today and we can save the steaks for dinner tomorrow.”

  “Where did you get a turkey?” Luke was fairly certain he didn’t have one in the house, but maybe Megan had dropped one off when he wasn’t looking.

  “The grocery store...in Shelter Springs delivers. It costs a little extra, especially for a fresh one, but it’s worth it for the...convenience.”

  His mouth watered. “It really does smell delicious.”

  “I know how much you like turkey and thought you might...enjoy it.”

  “I just ho
pe you didn’t put dish soap in the marinade this time,” Cassie said.

  “I tried very hard...not to,” Elizabeth assured her with a smile. “I’m afraid dinner won’t be ready for a few more hours.”

  “Perfect. That will give us time to take a few gifts around to the kids’ friends.”

  “Don’t forget,” Bridger said. “We still have to give our grand prize for the best decorations.”

  “Except we can’t do that until dark,” Cassie reminded her brother.

  “Would you like to come with us to deliver the gifts?” he asked Elizabeth.

  He saw uncertainty cross her lovely features, but then she glanced at the children before nodding. “Yes. I would love to. Let me grab my coat.”

  She seemed as determined as he was to give the children a memorable holiday.

  Even if they couldn’t be together beyond this season, at least they could share that.

  * * *

  Except for her aching heart, this was everything she dreamed Christmas Eve should be.

  After the children delivered their gifts to friends, they returned to the house and worked together on the remaining side dishes to go with the turkey. While holiday music played through speakers in the house and the fire blazed merrily in the great room, she and Cassie peeled potatoes to be boiled and mashed while Luke and Bridger worked on making a salad and setting the table.

  They played silly word games throughout dinner, and by the time they ate the apple pie she had baked, everyone was laughing.

  After dinner, they changed into church-appropriate clothing, then again loaded into Luke’s big pickup.

  “We’re a little early for church services,” he said. “That should be just enough time to drive around one last time and look at Christmas lights.”

  “Yes!” both children said in unison.

  “Do you have our grand prize?” Cassie asked.

  “Right here.”

  He presented a small wrapped rectangular box bearing the label of the hand-dipped chocolate factory in Shelter Springs.

  She and her parents used to drive around looking at Christmas lights, too. They had never awarded prizewinners, but she still found a sweet sense of continuity in carrying on the tradition with her own children.

  While a light snow fluttered down, dusting everything in sight, they drove through Haven Point to admire the different decorations people had used to adorn their houses. In the end, it came down to two choices. An elaborate flashing light show set to Christmas carols on a newer house near the lake or a small clapboard house in one of the poorer areas of town where the owners had formed a huge star out of light strings on the roof of a dilapidated barn and had strung white lights radiating down from it to land on a rather primitive manger scene.

  She fully expected the children to go for the light show. It was flashy and fun and obviously popular, judging by the cars lined up to enjoy the show. Instead, they unanimously chose the manger scene.

  “Are you sure this is the one you want to award first prize to?” Luke looked doubtful.

  “Yeah,” Bridger said. “I really like that star and I bet it wasn’t easy to hang.”

  “It’s sweet,” Cassie said.

  “What do you think?” Luke asked Elizabeth.

  “I’ll vote with the majority. I like the manger and the star.”

  “Okay. If that’s what you want.”

  Luke drove back across town and pulled up in front of the house. It looked even more modest now that Elizabeth looked closer.

  “Do you want to come with us to give the prize?” Luke asked.

  “You don’t just drop it off?”

  “Sometimes. The last few years, we’ve been stopping in person to say thanks.”

  “We carol, too,” Cassie said. “That was my idea. Dad and Bridger only do it because I make them.”

  “We may want to skip the caroling this year,” Luke said. He looked a little wary, though Elizabeth couldn’t figure out why.

  “I don’t want to skip it. That’s my favorite part!” Cassie said. “What song should we sing?”

  The boys didn’t say anything, both looking reluctant. Finally Elizabeth spoke. “How about...‘Joy to the World’?”

  “That’s a good one,” Cassie said. “Okay. We’ll ring the door, and while we wait for them to answer, we start singing.”

  “If you’re sure,” Luke said.

  Something was going on here. Something Elizabeth didn’t quite understand.

  “I am,” Cassie said firmly. “Okay, Bridger. Ring the bell.”

  He obeyed his sister, pressing hard and long. The minute he lifted his hand, Cassie started singing. It was a little higher key than Elizabeth felt comfortable in but she did her best. Luke pitched his voice to a lower octave and sang along.

  They had just finished the chorus when the door opened. All their voices seemed to die off at once when they found Billy Sparks and his two kids peering through the doorway, all dressed in Sunday clothes, too.

  “Rosie!” Cassie exclaimed.

  “Jed!” Bridger said at almost the exact moment.

  These were the children who had tormented hers, calling their father a murderer. Elizabeth wanted to sweep her family away from this house, but then she looked at Luke.

  He knew. He had to have known exactly who owned the house where they were delivering the grand prize. Haven Point was too small for him not to know where Billy Sparks lived.

  Billy had treated him horribly but Luke was reaching out anyway. Love for him, fierce and powerful, soaked through her and she had to fight tears.

  If her children were startled, she saw the Sparks family was even more so.

  “Hamilton. What are you doing here?” Billy asked after an awkward moment.

  Cassie was finally the one to speak. “Every year our family picks one house that we think has the best decorations in town. Bridger really liked your star this year.” She paused, then continued as if honesty compelled her, “And I did, too.”

  “I bet it took a lot of work to get it up that high,” Bridger said.

  “I helped.” The boy about his age spoke up.

  “You did a really good job,” Bridger mumbled.

  Luke smiled down at his son, pride in his eyes.

  “Here’s your prize.” Bridger thrust out the wrapped box of chocolates.

  “Merry Christmas,” Luke said.

  Billy blinked, clear astonishment on his blunt features. “Uh. Merry Christmas to you, too.”

  “Bye. See you at school next year,” Bridger said to the boy, who giggled.

  “Bye, Rosie,” Cassie said to the girl, who acknowledged her with a nod.

  They were all silent as they walked back to the pickup truck.

  “I didn’t know that’s where Rosie lives,” Cassie said when they were all buckled in again.

  “I’m glad we gave them the prize,” Bridger said. “Jedediah was kind of a jerk to me but I shouldn’t have punched him at church.”

  Elizabeth smiled at him in the back seat. “I guess that’s what Christmas is about. Forgiveness. Second chances. Being kind to those who sometimes make it hard.”

  “It’s easy to be nice to people who are nice to you back,” Cassie said. “It’s harder when they say mean things about you and don’t treat you like the Golden Rule says they should. Rosie can be a jerk sometimes, but I guess I’m still glad we gave them the prize.”

  “I am, too,” Luke said gruffly.

  More than anything, Elizabeth wanted to take his hand, to thank him again for raising such amazing children. A tear dripped out as he drove the short distance to church, and she wiped it away, hoping he didn’t notice.

  The church service was tender and touching, with lovely music and heartfelt prayers. The entire evening was absolutely perfect, she thought as they drove home throu
gh the snow toward Luke’s house.

  “What’s...next?” she asked when they walked inside.

  “Usually we get in our jammies and have popcorn. Then we stay up late playing games or watching a Christmas movie,” Cassie said.

  “Not too late or Santa can’t come,” Bridger said. Though he might be turning eight in a few months, she sensed Christmas Eve was a time when he still wanted to believe in the magic.

  She didn’t blame him. She did, too.

  “Sounds...perfect. I’ll go get into my jammies, then.”

  She was glad she’d packed a fairly decent pair that was comfy and not too threadbare. It was adorned with candy canes, so perfect for the evening.

  When she came out of her room, she found the children in the kitchen helping Luke pop the corn. He hadn’t changed into pajamas but had taken off his sport coat and changed into jeans and a more casual shirt than he’d worn to church.

  “It’s kind of weird not to have Aunt Megan here this year,” Cassie was saying when Elizabeth joined them.

  “We’ll see her tomorrow. She was going to a big family party with Elliot’s family at Katrina’s house,” Luke explained to Elizabeth.

  “Oh?”

  “We were invited, but I thought it might be fun to have Christmas here since it’s our first year in the new house, especially since you’re here to enjoy it with us.”

  “This is...nice.”

  Her words were a vast understatement. It was better than nice. The whole day had been perfect. She didn’t want it to end.

  She tried to console herself that at least she would have wonderful memories when she returned to Oregon, but the thought was bittersweet.

  The children opted for board games instead of a movie. Elizabeth didn’t mind. Luke brought out the same folding table she had wrapped presents on the night before and set it in front of the fireplace. While the Christmas tree sparkled behind them and the fire blazed in the hearth, they played the children’s favorite strategy game.

  In the end, she and Cassie emerged victorious.

  “I guess we are the undisputed...champions this year,” she said to Cassie after the scores were totaled.