Pagan Lover

by Anne Hampson

  ‘You said you weren’t sure you would go back to your fiancé.’

  ‘I know what you’re thinking, Nico, but I must be honest, I could never feel anything for you—not anything deep.’

  ‘You can’t say a thing like that. We haven’t had a chance of getting to know one another. Yet even so there’s already this bond we have both felt. Surely that’s a basis for something stronger?’

  She gave a small sigh. It would seem that Nico had an affection for her, which seemed absurd in the face of the fact that the Greek male was notorious for his lack of deep feeling.

  ‘I really don’t think I could fall in love with you, Nico,’ she said. ‘Besides, if I got away from here I should naturally go back to my own country.’

  He nodded his head.

  ‘That is what I was saying a moment ago. You’d never see me again.’ He lifted his glass and stared at the cloudy liquid contained in it, then put it to his lips, regarding Tara over its narrow rim. ‘I’ll help you all the same,’ he promised. ‘But it can’t be during this particular absence of Leon’s because my boat is having some repairs done to it. When will Leon be going away again?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Her heart had been throbbing with hope and excitement and now it felt like lead within her. ‘Is there no possible way I can leave within the next couple of days, Nico? I mean—is there not another boat I could get?’

  ‘I’ve a friend who has a motor launch, but I would not care to trust him to keep quiet—or even to take you in fact, because he’s a business associate of Leon’s. He’s in the wine business and I understand he buys grapes from Leon.’

  ‘Leon has vineyards?’ said Tara, for the moment diverted.

  ‘Yes, on the mainland. Leon has many business interests besides fashion. In fact, fashion’s only a small part of his overall activities. I suppose you know he’s a millionaire?’

  ‘I knew he must be wealthy,’ returned Tara without much interest. She was back to the matter of her escape, feeling that she had been raised in spirit only to find herself right back to where she was. Nico, sensing her disappointment, apologised and said he would make sure, that everything was ready for the next occasion when Leon was absent, and with that Tara had to be satisfied. Before he left Nico asked if he could call again, and although Tara felt it was risky, and told him so, he was willing to take the risk.

  ‘If any of these damned servants thinks fit to carry tales to Leon then let them!’ he said.

  ‘But, when I’ve escaped, Leon will immediately suspect you of helping me.’

  ‘I don’t really care. If he cuts up rough I shall tell him he had better watch his step because of what I know.’

  After he had left Tara was frowning over what he had said. She did not care for the idea that Leon should be subjected to the kind of embarrassment which Nico could, if he so wished, inflict upon him.

  And yet why should she care about her husband’s feelings? He certainly had not cared about hers when he callously parted her from her fiancé on their wedding day, nor since, when he had forced his will upon her.

  CHAPTER TEN

  FROM high on the hillside came the tinkle of goat bells, then from lower down the hoarse bray of a donkey as it brought its rider up the cobblestoned path towards a steep flight of steps that had been painted white by the owners of the house to which they led. Tara, standing on the edge of a copse at the southern end of the garden, watched broodingly for her husband’s tall figure, as she had seen the ferry boat come in and knew he would be on it. There he was, a suitcase in his hand, coming along from the harbour towards the path which wound its way in a series of steep and sinuous bends off which were cut the paths to the various great mansions which were part of the attraction of the tiny island of Hydra.

  Seeing her standing there, Leon lifted a hand; she waved in response, one part of her shrinking from what she knew she must expect, while, paradoxically, the other part actually hungered for the thrill of her husband’s demands. She wished she could understand herself, and her attitude towards the man who had her at his mercy. She told herself that she hated him; her one obsession was to get away from him … and yet..... He had hinted that she would miss his passionate lovemaking and she had since dwelt on those confident words, aware as she was of her husband’s fascination for her, the magnetism which drew her irresistibly, compelling her to obey his arrogant orders, to surrender to the mastery of his ardent demands. Was sex all she thought about? she had asked herself with contempt. Did the fire of his passion consume her totally, filling her heart and mind—and even her soul—to the exclusion of all else. What but disaster could be the outcome of this kind of imprisonment? She was an idealist who put loving and caring before all else... or she had done so until she met this Greek pagan who had set out to teach her about very different emotions.

  ‘How nice to have my wife waiting for me,’ he commented with mocking amusement as he came up to her at last. ‘Missed me, obviously.’

  She glared at him, teeth gritting. Why did he have to rile her like this?

  ‘It was nothing more than sheer boredom that brought me out here,’ she snipped, turning abruptly away in the direction of the house.

  He fell into step beside her and took her hand.

  ‘What have you been doing with yourself?’ he asked casually, ignoring her peevishly-spoken complaint.

  ‘Reading and sunbathing—then more reading and sunbathing,’ she answered sarcastically.

  ‘I had meals in between, and sometimes I was diverted by watching my jailers and wondering what they would do were I to make a run for it.’

  ‘They can run swifter than you,’ he said.

  ‘I don’t know.... I believe I’d give them a few breathless moments.’

  ‘And you, my child,’ he returned cheerfully, ‘will be having a few painful moments if you don’t change your mood. I’ve been expecting an eager welcome, but instead I’ve a little vixen awaiting me with snapping teeth.’

  She fell silent, trying to divert her mind to more pleasant things—the Judas and arbutus trees gilded by sunshine, the oleanders by the fountain’s edge, the poinsettias and the lavender hedge, with butterflies gleaming iridescent as they hovered above the flowers, like humming-birds. The goatherd on the hillside, the duff paths down to the sleepy harbour where fishermen sat mending their nets or slapping octopus to a frothy lather on the stones. In the olive trees cicadas trilled, their music slightly distorted by the sough of the wind in the foliage. She wandered along at her husband’s side, glad that he was silent. She would hear his voice soon enough!

  ‘Come up and unpack for me,’ commanded Leon as soon as they entered the house. ‘You can tell me what you have really been doing.’

  She obeyed, saying as they mounted the wide, balustraded staircase,

  ‘I’ve told you what I’ve been doing.’

  ‘Nothing else?’ He stood for a moment, his hand on the door knob, his eyes regarding her intently. ‘You should have given me that promise, you know. You’ll have to give it in the end.’

  She lowered her lashes, avoiding that close scrutiny, for she was thinking about Nico and his promise to get her away from here the next time Leon was absent from home.

  In the bedroom Leon put down the suitcase and held out his hands.

  ‘Come to me,’ he ordered in a soft tone of voice.

  Anger surged, but she obeyed, accepting the fact that there was no escape anyway, so it was far less painful to go to him willingly than to have him leap across the room to grip her wrist in a bruising hold. ‘Kiss me.’ Again she obeyed, giving him a tight-lipped peck. She was caught roughly to him, caught in a brutal embrace that made her gasp with sudden pain. ‘I’ll teach you yet, my girl! I thought you had come to realise that I’m your master!’

  ‘I hate you,’ she gasped, ‘hate you, do you hear!’

  ‘I daresay all the household can-hear,’ he responded darkly. ‘As to your assertion that you hate me—repetition makes it less convincing. You know
in your heart of hearts that you don’t hate me, Tara.’ So confident he was! What a lesson he would learn if she did make her escape! She looked at his face above her, dark and satanic, the eyes burning with desire. A hand came up to trace the curve of her shoulder from her throat and then to the lobe of her ear. ‘You might hate the idea of obeying me, of accepting my word as law, but you don’t hate me. On the contrary, I firmly believe that you’ve reached the stage where you’re realising that there can be no real hate where the physical pleasures we give each other are so great.’

  She looked away, sure that she hated him in spite of the argument he had produced against it.

  ‘It’s only desires of the flesh,’ she managed to say at length. ‘And that’s only effective at the time—’ She broke off, blushing, but brought her gaze back to his. ‘You know what I mean,’ she ended, fully expecting a smile of mocking amusement to curve his lips, and not being disappointed.

  ‘Yes, Tara, I know what you mean.’

  ‘As I said, it’s effective at the time, but not afterwards.’

  ‘What you’re trying to say is that lovemaking impairs judgment, is that it?’ She merely nodded and he added with some amusement, ‘But it’s bound to, isn’t it? No one can be clear-headed when in the throes of a violent passion——‘

  ‘Oh, be quiet!’ She twisted out of his hold and ran to the other side of the room. ‘Don’t you ever think of anything but that!’

  ‘I thought we were merely discussing the question of whether one could be capable of rational thought at a time like that.’

  She sighed impatiently.

  ‘We were talking about my hatred for you, Leon! I suppose that ‘I don’t hate you then—but I do afterwards, all the time.’ She looked directly into his eyes. ‘Don’t fool yourself,’ she advised, ‘because no matter how you try to, you’ll know in the end that you were wrong.’

  His eyes were suddenly alert.

  What exactly do you mean?’ he demanded tautly. ‘If you’re up to something, Tara, then I recommend strongly that you remember what I once said to you: I have never been taken unawares in the whole of my life.’

  Well, there was always a first time, she thought. However, she realised that she had almost made a slip; she resolved to practise caution, all the time from now on.

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she returned with well-feigned innocence. ‘What can I be up to, with all these jailers watching my every move?’

  He opened his mouth, then closed it again, much to her relief. He went to his own room and she did not see him again until much later in the day.

  It was the following morning that Leon asked her again to make the promise to him.

  ‘You might just as well give it,’ he advised with a hint of asperity. ‘Because if you don’t I shall keep you prisoner here until our child is born—which will be an inconvenience to me as well as to you.’

  ‘It will inconvenience you?’ She looked at him questioningly.

  ‘I want to take you to Athens with me the next time I go. My business associates know I’m married, and they were puzzled that I went over on my own. I don’t want to do so again because it will look very odd.’

  ‘I can understand that,’ she returned.

  ‘But not sympathise,’ he said evenly.

  ‘Why should I sympathise with you?’

  ‘Are you going to give me the promise?’ he repeated with growing impatience.

  ‘No, I am not. I can’t make a promise which I have no intention of keeping.’ She was troubled lest he should defer his next visit to the capital indefinitely. He had once said that it was his usual practice to go over about once a fortnight and stay for several days, but from what he had just said it was plain that he was reluctant to go without his wife. As he had mentioned, his friends and business associates would consider it very strange, to leave his new wife alone at home.

  So you’re still hoping you will find a way of running from me?’ His eyes were narrowed, and a trifle anxious, she thought. She had come to breakfast a quarter of an hour later than he, and he had waited for her, drawing out her chair and remarking at the same time on her appearance. She looked charming, he told her with a smile. She was in a pretty long-sleeved blouse of wild silk and a pair of sapphire blue slacks. Her hair shone and even her eyes had lost their sadness. He remarked on that, too, but she had merely shrugged and made no comment. But it had naturally crossed her mind that it must be the hope in her heart that had taken the shadows from her eyes. If only Leon would keep to his practice and go off to Athens again in a fortnight’s time. She was sure Nico would manage to get her away to Piraeus, where she would be free! Free to get the first plane for England!

  She looked at him across the table, strangely affected by that hint of anxiety in his gaze.

  ‘You know I’m hoping to run from you, Leon,’ she answered quietly. ‘You must have realised right from the start that escape would remain my one burning ambition.’

  ‘If you went you’d take my child with you.’ His voice was harsh suddenly and a kindling look came to his eyes.

  ‘If I escape before it’s born, yes— Oh, why are we discussing the child! I’m not having one! You seem so sure, but you could be wrong—I hope to God you are!

  ‘I’ve suffered enough at your hands without that being added to my misery!’

  A strange pallor seemed to be creeping under the tan of his cheeks, and she noticed a movement there, too, like the twitching of a nerve out of control.

  ‘If you would only accept your lot,’ he began, when she interrupted him to say she never would accept it.

  ‘Why should I?’ she added with fervour. ‘Does any prisoner, taken the way I was taken, accept his lot?’

  ‘You’re mine!’ he stated firmly, ‘and the sooner you admit it the happier you’ll be!’

  She sighed and said in a flat little tone,

  ‘Can we change the subject, Leon? I’m not up to an argument this morning.’

  His eyes glinted but he made no comment and they ate their grapefruit in silence. Stamati came in with a silver tray and served them with eggs and bacon and mushrooms. When he had gone Tara said, hoping she sounded casual,

  ‘When will you be going to Athens again?’

  ‘Why?’ he countered briefly, picking up his knife and fork.

  ‘No particular reason,’ she shrugged. I just wondered, that was all.’

  ‘I shan’t be going yet awhile. I want that promise so that I can take you along with me.’

  Her heart jerked. Surely he would have to go! He could not leave his various businesses indefinitely.

  ‘You’ll have a long time to wait for my promise,’ she warned. ‘I’m sure your commitments in Athens won’t keep that long.’

  His shrewd eyes seemed to bore right into her. Fear set her nerves rioting. Oh, God, she whispered, make him go. Let there be an emergency—anything! But make him go!

  ‘You sound as if you want me away,’ he said smoothly at last. ‘Any particular reason?’ Soft the tone, and challenging. Tara shook her head and paid no attention to the food on her plate. ‘If you think for one moment that my servants will risk losing their jobs by being careless then let me tell you it’s wishful thinking on your part. Why don’t you be sensible and let me have the promise?’

  She gave a shuddering sigh, feeling defeated. But the next moment an idea had come to her and her spirits lifted. She was careful not to reveal this in her manner as she replied, deliberately injecting a note of despair into her voice.

  ‘Perhaps I will in the end be driven to making the promise.’ Another shuddering sigh, audible this time, and her shoulders drooped. ‘You’ve won every round so far, haven’t you, Leon? So ‘why shouldn’t you win this one?’ Her lip quivered and she put down her knife and fork as if she no longer had any appetite for the food in front of her.

  ‘So you are beginning to see sense.’ The satisfaction in his eyes was apparent, and a smile curved his lips. ‘I knew you’d c
ome round in the end.’

  She looked at him, swallowing convulsively ... and praying he had noticed. She wanted to ensure he was aware of her reluctance to make the promise, while at the same time giving him the impression that she was resigned to giving it.

  ‘I’m not making it yet,’ she told him, but in a quivering, defeated sort of voice. ‘My spirit’s not yet broken altogether—in spite of your efforts.’

  ‘I’ve no wish to break your spirit!’

  ‘Oh, yes, you have. How many times have you told me I must regard you as my master? How many times have you coerced me into doing what you want me to?’

  ‘All I want is for you to stop fighting me.’

  She, shrugged, unwilling to continue the discussion. And it was Leon who broke the silence, a few minutes later after Stamati had been in to clear away the dishes they had been using.

  ‘If you’re resigned to giving the promise you might as well give it now. You’ve seen nothing of this island— nothing beyond the grounds of this house. You’re a very foolish child, Tara.’

  ‘I can’t give the promise yet. I must think about it— please give me time,’ she added in a pleading voice, feeling a hypocrite and blaming her husband for driving her to such spurious lengths. She had always been open and honest, but now, for the first time in her life, she was deliberately practising deceit.

  ‘Yes, I’ll give you time,’ agreed Leon, but with an exasperated intake of his breath. ‘I suppose ] haven’t any option.’

  His glance revealed his thoughts; he was thinking she was just about as stubborn as it was possible to be. Well, let him think what he liked, so long as he didn’t guess what she was about.

  And it was evident that he had not guessed when, about ten days later, he announced his intention of going to Athens.

  ‘I’d like to take you,’ he said, glancing at her with a hopeful expression. ‘How about that promise, Tara?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘Perhaps I shall come with you the next time’ She had to lower her head, ashamed of her deceit. ‘Have a nice trip, Leon.’