Hush

by Nicole Hart

  “Okay, but the offer always stands.” She gave me that familiar gaze that I hated.

  “Don’t look at me like that.” I rolled my eyes.

  “Like what?” she snapped.

  “Like you feel sorry for me. Don’t do that,” I snapped right back.

  “I’m not. Fuck.” She groaned and shook her head but didn’t look at me because she knew I was right.

  “Call me if you need me. Love you.” I pulled her hair as I walked past her to grab my purse from the counter.

  “Love you, too, bitch.” She smirked but still refused to make eye contact.

  I hated that she pitied me and my life. I never wanted that from anyone, especially my little sister.

  I walked out the door and slid into my car. The heat took my breath away as I started the ignition.

  Once I got on the road, I cranked the air as high as it would go before turning on the radio.

  I wanted to drown out the thoughts starting to whirl around in my mind. I wondered how drunk Jackson would be tonight or if he would even be there when I got home. Maybe he wouldn’t come home at all. Sadly, the last scenario gave me a little comfort, which made me realize how miserable I was in my marriage.

  But the sound of my phone ringing through my speakers jerked me away from my thoughts. I’d just left Sara’s a few minutes ago, and she was already calling, which surprised me. I hadn’t even had time to get home.

  “What’s up?” I answered the call and waited for her reply.

  “Mama had another nightmare.” She sighed into my ear, and my stomach plummeted to my feet.

  “Man, already?” I bit the side of my lip as a distraction to keep the tears from forming.

  “Yeah, I heard her cries as soon as you left. I just got her calmed down, but I hate that it’s happening so frequently.”

  “Me too.” I shook my head as I pulled into my empty driveway, killing the ignition but staying put. I refused to get out of my car until I had my full attention on my surroundings.

  “I just fucking wish she would talk to us and tell us what’s going on in her head. Maybe we could help her.” Sara sounded angry, but I knew it was a mask for her pain because that’s how she worked.

  “Me too.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. I agreed with her wholeheartedly.

  But I had other thoughts running through my mind that I didn’t want to share with Sara. Mainly because I didn’t want to say it out loud.

  Part of me feared Mama could feel him close. That somehow, she knew he was awake and out for revenge. I glanced over at the gun case sitting in the passenger seat of my car and vowed to myself to protect my family from him and everything I knew he was capable of doing.

  He might have had the upper hand when we were kids and defenseless against his evil ways. But those days were over.

  I patted the case before pulling it to my chest.

  He would never hurt us again.

  That was a promise I would make sure never got broken.

  As I stepped out of the shower, I heard Jackson’s truck pull into the driveway. I slid into a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top before opening the bathroom door. I knew I had to face him regardless of how mad he made me. And I wasn’t even in the mood to argue anymore. I just wanted to relax and read a book.

  I grabbed the latest paperback I had picked up at the half-price bookstore and headed into the kitchen to check on the soup I started earlier just as Jackson strolled into the kitchen. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye but wasn’t ready to make eye contact. I felt him draw closer to me, and my body tensed as I continued to stir the chicken and vegetables.

  “Hey.” His deep voice rumbled against my shoulder as he wrapped his arms around my waist. The scent of mint filled my senses, and I was more than a little surprised by the absence of whiskey on his breath.

  “Hey,” I repeated, trying to keep my heart rate even, irritated with myself for being nervous at his closeness. He was my husband. This should be the most natural and comfortable thing in the world to me. But it wasn’t. And it hadn’t been for a long time.

  “Are you still mad at me?” he asked, his voice low.

  “I don’t want to talk about it, not right now,” I admitted.

  I wasn’t in the mood to fight. I didn’t have the energy for it. Besides, if he didn’t believe Duane was coming after us, I couldn’t force it. And I wouldn’t allow him to call me stupid or even make me feel that way for thinking it. Not again. So I would just worry about protecting myself. I wouldn’t depend on him to do it, not anymore.

  “Okay good.” He let out a loud sigh and squeezed my sides before pulling away.

  I released my own exhale as he drifted farther away from me.

  “Do you want some soup?” I wanted to keep things as normal as possible without bringing up the elephant in the room. Besides, I was thankful he was sober at the moment. Shocked, but thankful.

  “Yeah, thanks.” He sat down at the kitchen table while I scooped us each a bowl.

  Sadness washed over me when I sat down across from him. Things had changed so much. I was sitting at dinner with my husband for the first time in ages, and he was actually sober. But I couldn’t think of anything to say. Part of me felt like I was having dinner with a stranger and not the man I’d been with since I was a kid.

  I tried not to stare at his face, his appearance such a contrast from the boy I fell for all those years ago. Alcohol had taken a toll on him in a short amount of time. He looked closer to forty than he did his late twenties. And he was so thin. He’d always been tall and lanky, but this was just skinny. He used to have lean but muscular arms and a strong jawline. That had been replaced by a bony frame and sunken cheeks. He was almost unrecognizable.

  “What?” He glared at me over his glass of tea.

  “Nothing,” I lied and attempted to focus my attention on the bowl of soup in front of me, but I’d suddenly lost my appetite.

  I stood, grabbed my bowl, and carried it to the sink. I was sure that my facial expressions would tell him exactly what I was thinking, and I didn’t want the argument right now.

  “Something,” he spat, his voice changing in an instant.

  “Nothing, Jackson. I’m just tired,” I lied again, rinsing my bowl before placing it in the dishwasher.

  “Whatever, Rach. You suck at lying.” He chuckled before walking out of the room, leaving his food on the table.

  I ignored his comment and cleaned the kitchen in silence before grabbing my book from the counter and debating on where to read. I decided to lounge on the sofa, hoping we could coexist in comfortable silence for the rest of the night.

  “What the fuck is that on your leg?” His eyebrows were crinkled together, and his lips pursed tight.

  “Um…it’s a tattoo.” My attempt to hide my sarcasm went completely out the window as it spewed from my lips.

  “I can fucking see that.”

  I bit my lip to keep from opening my mouth.

  “When did you get it?” He stood from his chair and stalked closer to me. I crossed my arms defensively, feeling the overwhelming urge to protect myself. From my husband.

  “A few days ago.” My voice was low, and I hated that I felt nervous about this stupid conversation.

  “So you’re just going out and getting tattoos now? Must have been your fucking sister’s idea.” The way he spoke of her caused anger to run through my veins.

  “It was, actually. She got one, too. And I like it.” I cut my eyes at him as I sat on the sofa, holding my paperback close to me.

  “She’s probably the one who convinced you not to come home too, I bet.” Snarling at me, his eyes studied the ink on my flesh.

  “Actually, you do a pretty good job of that.” I shook my head and opened my book to the page the bookmark held in place.

  “Don’t fucking get smart with me, Rachel.” He leaned down, his hot breath in my face.

  I stared at the man in front of me. “Who are you?”

  “What the h
ell is that supposed to mean?” he growled, his lips awkwardly close to mine.

  “It means you’re not the same person anymore. And I don’t like who you’ve become. This guy’s an asshole.” My nerves were shot as I leaped to my feet and brushed past him, completely done with our conversation.

  The old Jackson would have fought for me, fought for us. But this Jackson let his true colors shine through as I glanced over my shoulder. He pulled a flask from the side of his chair and stared at me while he twisted the cap loose.

  Our eyes locked as he put it to his lips and began to chug whatever liquor he kept it filled with.

  Disgusted.

  I was absolutely disgusted, and I didn’t care that it was written all over my face. I smirked and shook my head at him before retreating to the bedroom we shared…hoping like hell he didn’t follow me. But the truth was, I knew he wouldn’t. He had everything he wanted in the palm of his hand. That’s all that mattered to him.

  Fucking asshole.

  The local news had always given me a nervous feeling since I was young. It was always something bad, and the reality of how messed up this world was seemed to smack me in the face each and every time it came on.

  But this was even worse. This was personal. I stared at the screen with my cup of coffee shaking between my fingertips as the newscaster gave the latest.

  “Another body has been found near Trinity Park. The name of the victim is unknown at this time, but the police have revealed that it is a female, around twenty-five years of age. No specific information will be given until the family has been notified. The department will not confirm or deny that this is the work of a serial killer—although, there have been multiple murders in the area during the past few weeks. At this time, the council is considering a mandatory curfew for the city of Belford. We will give you more information as we get it in the newsroom. But for now, the police department is asking that everyone be extra aware of your surroundings and travel in groups, if at all possible. Stay tuned to channel seven; we’ll be right back.” The man who sat behind the desk gave a somber smile as the camera drifted farther away from his face and was replaced by a waffle commercial.

  I stared at the cup of coffee in my hand and felt the urge to vomit.

  Another murder.

  Jackson had already left for work this morning, and I hated that he wasn’t here to see this. Not that it really mattered. He would blow it off and wouldn’t see it for what it truly was.

  The reminder that I was home alone caused me to check the locks on the front door, again.

  He’d slept on the couch last night, and I was thankful for that. The last thing I wanted was the smell of whiskey lingering in the air as I lay there awake half the night. It was easier hearing his snores from a different room.

  I picked up my cell phone and dialed the one person I knew I could talk to about this.

  “Hey, bitch. What’s up?” Sara’s voice chirped in my ear.

  “Have you watched the news this morning?”

  “No, I’ve been nursing this coffee like a zombie for an hour. Mama was up all throughout the night.” Her deep sigh caused my heart to ache.

  “More nightmares?” I asked, although I knew the answer.

  “Yeah, every time I would leave the room, they would happen again. I don’t get it.”

  “I’m going to come over and stay the night with her if that’s okay? That way you can get some sleep.”

  “Yeah, of course it’s okay. But anyway, what about the news?”

  “There was another murder at Trinity Park,” I blurted out.

  “Holy shit. Oh my God.” Her concern was comforting.

  “It’s so messed up.” I shook my head, worry consuming me once again.

  “Wait. What does the person look like?” I knew she finally saw things the way I did, even if she didn’t want to admit it.

  “They haven’t identified her, but female, mid-twenties.” I gave the report to my sister.

  “I’m Googling it now.” Her voice was quiet and a little distracted.

  I stared at my cold coffee and waited for any information she could come up with.

  “There’s a missing woman. A young mom. Holy shit,” she hesitated.

  “What? What?” I repeated when she didn’t answer me fast enough.

  “She’s been missing since last week.”

  “Okay…?” I waited for more information. “Did they find her? Is it her?” She was too quiet. She wasn’t giving me the information I wanted to hear.

  “I don’t know.” I could hardly hear her, her voice so meek and distant. “Rach,” she whispered.

  “Yeah?” My stomach was a ball of nerves.

  “She looks like Mama. Just younger.” She let out a deep sigh, and the coffee I had in my system decided to make a reappearance, causing me to jump to my feet and run for the kitchen sink since it was closer than the toilet.

  I turned the faucet on, causing the regurgitated drink to wash down the drain, then turned my back to it, resting against the cold stainless steel.

  “But that’s not who they found in the park?” I asked, willing the statement to be true.

  “I don’t know. She’s just missing, but the news is speculating that the body found was hers. This is so fucked up.”

  “And it’s not a coincidence,” I remarked, squeezing my eyes shut and rubbing my temple with my free hand, my head beginning to throb.

  “Fuck that motherfucker.” Her shock turned to anger in an instant.

  “Do you need me to come over?” I knew I had to get to work, but I was willing to call Amie and let her know I would be late. As tough as my sister was, she needed me. We needed each other.

  “No, Jake’s home today. He’s sleeping, but I’m going to wake him. I need him to talk me down right now before I go searching for that piece of shit myself.” Her voice was shaky, and I knew her husband was the only one who could handle that task.

  “Okay, go talk to him. I’ll be over right after work.”

  “Rach?” Her voice was soft and filled with worry, and I knew her moods bounced from one end of the spectrum to the other.

  “Yeah?”

  “Please, be careful. Please.”

  “I will, I promise.”

  “Don’t forget the gun,” she insisted, but I was already one step ahead of her demand.

  “Already right here.” I stared at the piece of steel that gave me my only sense of protection.

  “Just don’t stop anywhere. Go straight to work and come straight here. I don’t care what Jackson says. He can come here, too, I don’t care. I just need to make sure we’re both together tonight and with Mama.”

  “I’ll see you tonight. Love you.”

  “I love you, too. This motherfucker will not get away with this,” she insisted before ending our call and leaving me to my own thoughts and worries.

  I sat and watched the time for the last few minutes of the day, waiting for Jackson to call me back at five o’clock. The voicemail I had left for him emphasized it was important. And although our relationship had gone downhill lately, I had enough hope to believe he would at least return my call, regardless of how much we had fought.

  “You can go ahead and cut out of here. I’m just going to make a few notes before I leave. There’s no reason for you to stay.” Amie had poked her head out of her door and startled me, drawing my attention away from the clock on the wall.

  “No, it’s okay. I’ll stay,” I insisted and grabbed my notebook to try to keep myself busy.

  “Honey, it’s only fifteen minutes. Get out of here.” She laughed and waved me off before retreating into her office.

  “Thanks, Amie.” My voice rose loud enough for her to hear me as I gathered my belongings. I made my way out the door, hyper-aware of my surroundings as my feet scurried to my car.

  I pulled into traffic heading to Sara’s when the ringing of my phone caught my attention. A small part of me sighed with relief when I saw “Husband” flash across the sc
reen.

  “Hello,” I spoke into the receiver just as I came to a complete stop at the red light.

  “Hey.” His voice was low and cold. This wasn’t a call he was excited to make, he made that obvious with just one syllable.

  “Um, listen, I’m going to stay at Sara’s tonight. I just think we need some distance,” I uttered the words I’d rehearsed over and over throughout the day. I didn’t want this to escalate into another fight, but I knew I didn’t want to be around him, either. Not right now, anyway. I needed time.

  “What makes you think that running away from me is the answer?” he snapped in my ear.

  “I’m not running away from you, I’m just taking a breather.” I pressed my foot on the accelerator when the light turned green and checked my surroundings at the same time.

  “It sure fucking seems like it.” His voice was like nails on a chalkboard, screeching in my ear, and I hated I felt that way.

  “Jackson, look, I’m trying to get some distance before we do or say something we can’t take back.” It was the truth.

  He was all I’d ever known, but the thought of being without him was growing more appealing by the day.

  “Is there someone else?” His left-field question almost made me laugh, but not quite.

  “Are you kidding me? Did you really just ask me that?” The sarcasm spewed from my lips like hot lava, and I was in utter shock it came out of his mouth. He’d never accused me of being unfaithful before, not even as teenagers. This was ridiculous.

  “Yep.” His one-word reply almost caused me to throw my phone at the windshield.

  “I can’t believe you’re trying to turn this around on me, Jackson!” My pitch squealed into the receiver, and my hands shook as I gripped the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white.

  “Forget it, Rach. Do what you want. Go where you want. See who you want. Just fuck it,” he retorted, and then there was dead silence on the other end of the receiver.