Hush
Page 16
“Swear?” I squinted my eyes at her, trying to read her.
“Swear.” She stared at me, and I wanted to believe every word she said, but part of me thought she was just telling me what I wanted to hear.
“I have to go. I don’t want to be here when he gets home.” I turned away from her without another word. My feet helped me escape into the woods without looking back. I knew she would head back home anyway. There was nothing there to keep her away anymore—I envied that about her.
I stared at the sky. The memories grew fuzzy thanks to my trusty companion I held securely against my chest. It always knew how to do its job…whiskey never let me down.
I tilted my neck further until I fell backward, and my head smacked the dirt with a thud. The dead grass stabbed at my skin as I sprawled out in front of Ma. The heat sizzled against my flesh as though it were determined to drive me away from my mother. But I wouldn’t allow it.
“Stupid sun.” I chuckled and stuck my middle finger in the air, giving it the salute it deserved. I’d leave when I was damn good and ready. Nothing and no one was going to dictate what I did.
Not even Rachel.
“You’re doing good, son. You’re doing everything right,” I heard Ma whisper in my ear, and I laughed, thankful she’d finally decided to talk to me. I pulled a cigarette from my pack and lit the stick between my lips before throwing the lighter at his grave.
“Fuck you,” I hissed in his direction before waiting to see if Ma had anything else to say.
I let the smoke billow around me, engulfing me, cradling me. I could feel her everywhere.
Laughter escaped my lips and the cigarette shook, causing hot ash to spill onto my shirt, but I didn’t care.
I didn’t fucking care.
Although this story is fiction, a lot of my truth lies between these pages.
Trauma changes us. There’s no “just getting over it.” It affects our day-to-day life, sometimes even without us realizing it. We spend years ignoring it. We feel like we couldn’t change it, so we just won’t think about it. But we carry it, it weighs us down. We carry shame. We carry guilt. We carry fear.
But let me tell you, just in case someone has convinced you otherwise, it’s not your fault. You didn’t ask for it. You didn’t deserve it. And you shouldn’t be forced to suffer the rest of your life because of it.
Speaking your truth is a powerful weapon. And that comes in so many forms. Maybe it’s talking to a therapist. Maybe it’s confiding in a friend. Maybe it’s telling the young girl whose pain you recognize, your story. Maybe it’s writing a book because you finally realize that he can’t hurt you anymore. But it’s a weapon all the same.
You have the right to heal.
Healing doesn’t mean the abuse never existed. It means it no longer has the power to control you.
But never be ashamed of the scars it left behind.
I love you guys. Thank you for reading Hush. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.
Love,
Nicole
National Sexual Abuse Hotline
1–800–656–4673
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1–800–799–7233
National Child Abuse Hotline
1–800–422–4453
Teen Helpline
1–800–400–0900
Addiction Treatment Helpline
1–877–734–7819
Alcohol Abuse Hotline
1–888–969–2216
First, my lovey. Thank you for sweeping a lost 17-year-old girl off her feet. Thank you for healing my soul. You are my safe haven and I’m so grateful for you. I’m so proud of the man that you are. How did I get so lucky? I love you beyond words.
My baby loves, I love you both more than my heart can handle. You teach me life lessons every single day. You make me want to be better. Thank you for being the reason I push myself and never want to give up. Because dreams do come true, you two are proof of that. I love y’all!
My Mama. I love you more than you’ll ever know. I know life hasn’t always been easy but you’ve always done things the best way you knew how. I admire the strength you developed over the years and I’m proud of you. You deserve the best in life.
My bestie, Christy, thank you for being my lifer. Thank you for listening to me rant and convincing me that I needed to write this one. Thank you for not allowing me to put it down. Again.
My TWOTS. You guys have no idea how important you are to me. Who knew that a simple collaboration would lead to this beautiful friendship? I can’t imagine my life without y’all. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us!
Julie, you are a Rockstar. Thank you for putting up with my scattered brain and random ideas, I know it can’t be easy. You’re the best.
My Naughty Bitches, thank you for being so wonderful to me. Your support means more than you will ever know.
Also, a huge thanks to all the bloggers and readers. I couldn’t do any of this without your constant help and support.
The Roughneck Series:
Love on a Dirt Road
Back Road Chances
Redemption Road
Her Darkest Road: A Roughneck Novella
The Hurricane
The Corridor
On the Rocks
With a Twist