Breathe Again

by Rachel Brookes

  I folded my arms across my chest and pouted. “Fine, but I am not happy about this, and we WILL be talking about it soon. I will be coming to your apartment tomorrow.”

  “Uh, I am actually staying in a hotel at the moment. My apartment fell through.”

  “WHAT!” I shrieked, looking back at him with wide eyes. “Right. You are coming to stay with me. Sleep in my spare room until you work out what’s happening.” He started to object but my words interrupted him. “Don’t argue with a pregnant woman, Lucas. It’s final.”

  I clasped my hands together, resting them on my stomach, and sat back, letting the leather of Lucas’s seats caress my body. The dull hum of the engine instantly brought on a comforting mood to sweep through my exhausted body while my mind played tricks on me. So much had changed since I had been gone.

  My thoughts suddenly traveled to Mr. Davenport. I missed him more than anything. This had been the first time we’d been away from each other for any extended period of time. It was scary. He was and always would be my family, my comfort, my protector. Being away from him had cemented what he truly meant to me, and in the loneliness of New York City, I had come to the knowledge that he had been in my life longer than my parents. He was my constant. The realization had stung me like a thousand bees attacking my body, and it had taken me days to truly get a grasp of it. He had been taking care of me my whole life and I had done nothing but given him hell. I would forever be in debt to him.

  I shifted in my seat and shot a pleading look at Lucas. “Can we swing by the Beautify office? I really need to see Mr. Davenport.”

  His eyes flicked with concern before he nodded slightly. “Sure, but this doesn’t mean that you will get out of coming to the apartment. If you aren’t at your apartment in an hour, I am coming for you.”

  WALKING THROUGH the Beautify LA office felt somewhat awkward. I hadn’t been here in over three months, and now, as I strode through, I heard the whispers and comments about my expanding waist line.

  ”New York certainly didn’t do her any favors.” “Did you know she was pregnant?” “Whose baby is it?” “I knew she’d slept her way to the top.”

  When I left Los Angeles, I’d had a flat stomach and had been going to New York for a month, but now, I was five months pregnant and returning after an extended stay in New York. The office gossips would have a field day with this. I wondered how long it would take for someone to ask when Mr. Davenport and I would become parents. I shuddered at the thought. He was like my father.

  The rumblings of an argument seeping through the walls of Mr. Davenport’s office stopped me mid-step. I knew those voices. I swallowed hard and increased my pace until I was standing just outside of the closed door. Mr. Davenport’s and Tate’s voices floated aggressively through the air as a heated discussion bellowed between them. I grabbed the door handle but froze on the spot, my ears pricking up at the conversation.

  “I didn’t do a thing with Chelsea. Why would I touch her when I have Savannah? She is the mother of my child for god’s sake. Sav is the one who owns my heart and who I’d do absolutely anything for. Do you really think I’d jeopardize losing her and our life together for a cheap fuck?”

  “Well I don’t know, would you? Your track record isn’t doing you any favors Tate. I warned you about this. I warned you that she couldn’t handle something like this and still you fucked it up.”

  “I didn’t do it.” Tate’s voice increased as my heart stopped. “I know I’ve fucked up in the past, and I know my reputation doesn’t do me any favors, but everything changed when I met Sav. Every single fucking day I want to make her happy. Every breath I take is for her and our baby. I’m never going to be good enough for her, am I?”

  “Sav told me what she saw. A fucking video. Really, Tate?”

  “I am a lot of things, but a wannabe porn star fucking on video is not one of them.”

  “Do you realize I am the one she calls and cries to every night? I am the one she tells all about the baby. I am the one she called when she felt the baby kick. Me, Tate. It should have been you.”

  “My baby has kicked?” Tate’s voice was barely audible and saturated with pain.

  With a shaking hand, I opened the door and my eyes shot to Tate as I slipped into the room without a word. Their eyes shot to the door at the intrusion, their faces filled with frustration and anger, but as soon as they gazed at me, wonderment and shock drowned out their irritation.

  I stood silent, like a statue on display to them both. My hand protectively cradled Jellybean as my eyes dropped and focused on a section of the carpet below me. Making eye contact with Tate would destroy me. I wasn’t strong enough to deal with his piercing eyes right now, but still I could feel the pull of everything that was Tate Connors, just like that very first day in the elevator.

  Mr. Davenport rushed across the room, his eyes never leaving me and before I could say a thing his arms engulfed me in a crushing hug. The intensity of the situation and knowing that Tate was only meters away from me caused my cravings to overcome me and my eyes instinctively found his over the broad shoulder of Mr. Davenport. My heart beat frantically in my chest as I searched his face for any sign of what he was thinking, I hated that his face was blank, unreadable, impenetrable.

  The blue of the eyes I got lost in so many times and adored was shaded and barely recognizable. All I was seeing was pain. He looked exhausted, the spark in his eyes replaced with struggle and rimmed by dark circles. My urge to comfort him was so strong, and all I wanted to do was wrap him up in my arms, to soothe, love, and caress him, but I knew I couldn’t. I still needed answers. I was desperate for answers even if those answers would give me what I didn’t want to hear. Our eyes locked for what seemed like eternity before he broke away. For the first time in our relationship, he was the one to break our connection, and I felt the distance instantly.

  “I will leave you to it.”

  Tate hesitated briefly and shook his head, refusing to look at me. Mr. Davenport’s grip loosened around my waist and he grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the couch in his office. The tension in the room was blinding. Without another word, Tate slipped through the door, closing it behind him and leaving me in the office with Mr. Davenport.

  “He didn’t do it, Sav.”

  I swung around, looking at Mr. Davenport with wide eyes. Wasn’t he just in here blasting Tate for cheating on me? I gripped the edge of the couch and sat down, sinking into the plush, cream leather. My body and mind were exhausted, desperately trying to comprehend everything happening around me.

  “How do you know?” I whispered, my eyes pleading at him for answers.

  Slowly walking towards me, he sat beside me, grabbing my hand and looking at me with pride. I felt my chest tighten and my eyes flood as an onslaught of tears cascaded over my cheeks.

  “Hey, come on, Sav. You are home. What’s going through that head of yours?”

  “I love him.”

  “And he loves you. He didn’t do it, Sav. Yes, he had sex with her and it was filmed, but it’s not new.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Did you not just hear our conversation? That is a man who is desperately in love with you, who is trying to gain your love and respect. He is remorseful. Not because of anything he did but because you had to see that.”

  “I fucking hate that bitch,” I spat, venom dripping off my every word. My hatred for her was at an all-time high. I didn’t like the word hate but I didn’t think hate was even a strong enough word for what I was feeling. “I am willing to lose my visa to show her what I really think of her.”

  “Jesus Christ.” Mr. Davenport ran his hand through his hair and a deep growl sounded. “I am not bailing you out on an assault charge, so get that fucked-up thought out of your head and watch your bloody language.”

  “You are a hypocrite.” I smirked and pushed him slightly. His brow creased as he looked at me.

  “You are going to cause a man to go grey before his time. Now tell me a
ll things Jellybean. I’ve missed this little person.”

  “Well, I have an ultrasound tomorrow, so I’ll be able to get you a photo.”

  “Tate should go with you.”

  “Back on the Team Tate bandwagon I see?” I questioned with a raised brow.

  “I am far from Team Tate, but he hasn’t done a thing. You need to explain things to him. Give him that much. And he deserves to see his child. Tanzi has been keeping tabs on him. He is a wreck.”

  I sat in silence, watching Mr. Davenport frown and scratch his chin. This man sitting in front of me only wanted happiness for me. He had never asked me for anything, but I felt obligated to give him the world. He saved me—it was as simple as that. I scooted across the couch, wrapped my arms around him, and held him for dear life. I collapsed against his chest as tears continued to fall. My tears were my relief. I cried of sadness and happiness, of fear and achievement. My life was a mess, but there were so many other people worse off than me. I was healthy. I had been given the gift of a child, the gift of everlasting love, and a family I so desperately craved.

  “Sav, you need to go through the storm before you get your rainbow.”

  Mr. Davenport’s words stung my heart and hit home.

  I was one of the lucky ones. I had survived.

  LUCAS WAS true to his word. An hour after he dropped me off at the Beautify office, he was pounding on my front door. Opening it quickly, I secured the towel tightly against my body, ushered him in, and walked back to my bedroom. Clothes were strewn over my bed and spilling out of my suitcase, and my frustration levels of what to wear was skyrocketing with every second that ticked by.

  “You should get changed back into the top you were wearing earlier. The guys will love it.”

  “I saw Tate,” I spilled without consequence.

  “What? Where? How?”

  “He was at the office when I turned up. He and Mr. Davenport were in a somewhat heated conversation about me. He didn’t say a word to me and left.”

  “Shit!” Lucas sat beside me and grabbed my hand tenderly. God, it was great to have my best friend back. “He is waiting for you to make the first move.”

  I shook my head while my mind filled with memories of Tate and me. I missed him. There wasn’t any doubt about that, but could I really get the images of him and Chelsea out of my head?

  “I should get ready if I am getting kidnapped and taken to the apartment.” I smiled slightly and grabbed my new maternity skinnies and a shirt that was snug against my stomach. “I will just change and I’ll be good to go.”

  “Put back on the top you were wearing before,” he repeated.

  I rolled my eyes in his direction but couldn’t help but smile. “You really need to stop checking out my boobs.” I looked down at the top I had just put on and smirked. “If you think the shirt I wore before was good, just wait ‘til you see the one I’m wearing now.”

  “I doubt that very much.”

  I pulled open my makeup bag, applied my favorite lip gloss, and swiped my favorite bronzer over my cheeks. I could be girly when I wanted, but this was my go-to make up application—a bit of gloss, a spritz of perfume, a swipe of bronzer, and a lashing of mascara and I was good to go. Satisfied with how I looked, I moved back into the bedroom to find Lucas reading the latest copy of Beautify I’d left on my bedside table.

  I coughed softly to grab his attention. “So what do you think?”

  Lucas’s eyes lifted from the magazine and nearly popped out of his face. “Fuck me dead, Savannah. You can’t just lay that on a guy. I’m sorry, I am not your boyfriend, and it is probably not my place to say this. Actually, I know it’s not my place, but girl, the thoughts going through my head right now would cause Tate to fucking kill me.” His smile filled up his face and I shook my head at him, knowing full well that my cheeks were flushing.

  “Well I think I’ll take that as a good sign. Can we please just go and get this over and done with?”

  Tate

  I COULDN’T concentrate on anything but the thought of seeing Savannah. She looked stunning. My thoughts flickered back to the instant my eyes had landed on her, standing there in that gorgeous and quite revealing top that allowed my eyes to enjoy the treat of seeing her newly enhanced boobs. And fuck, her stomach was perfection. The shield that offered protection to my child.

  “What’s up with you, man?” Jack’s slurred words soared through the air as he pushed a beer into my empty hand.

  Shaking my head, I slammed back the beer and tried to distract myself and move away from Jacks inquisitive mind. This was not a conversation I wanted to have with a highly intoxicated Jack.

  The craziness of the apartment should have taken over every sound floating through my mind, but all I could hear was that sexy Australian accent that made me fall to my knees. Fuck, it had been too long. I wanted her in my arms. I wanted her in our bed. My need to explain was first and foremost. I needed her to listen to me as I spoke nothing but the truth to her—one last chance, one last shot. Savannah had always told me that she could tell if I was telling the truth by my eyes, and my eyes were now ready to show her that she was it. There was no one else.

  My head swung towards the front door as I heard the familiar squeak as it opened. My breath caught in the back of my throat, and the feeling of my heart stopping mid-beat hit me. Lucas stepped through with Savannah huddled closely behind him. Her eyes flew around the room, trying to reacquaint herself with my apartment. I lifted the beer bottle to my lips and took a desperate gulp, but my eyes never left her. Her eyes hadn’t seen me yet.

  “Savannah motherfucking Rae!” Jack’s voice roared through the apartment as I watched him rush towards her, wrapping his arms around her in a bone-crushing hug. Fuck, I wanted his arms to be mine.

  “Jack motherfucking Hayes!” Sav retorted, and I couldn’t help but smile. I was watching her like a hawk and I didn’t give a shit who saw. Her eyes rose over Jack’s shoulder and finally her eyes met mine. I felt like the world stopped spinning, like the world went silent for us. My life had stopped the moment I’d left her in New York. Now, here she was. I wanted nothing more than to rush across the room, throw her over my shoulder, and lock her in my room for hours while I ravished and loved every part of her body, but I knew the ball was in her court. I would wait patiently. Fuck it—patience wasn’t one of my strongest qualities.

  Her eyes never faltered from mine, and I refused to break. I heard voices floating around me but nothing mattered except her. She had visited me so many times in my dreams, but having her here was the best fucking gift in the world. Nothing was ripping me away from this moment; I had waited too long to see her.

  Her eyes found Jack’s again as he leaned in and whispered something to her. My breath stilled. Without a moment’s hesitation, both sets of their eyes found mine across the room and Jack moved quickly back to where Tanzi was watching the scene unfold in front of her, her mouth agape and her eyes wide.

  Fuck this. I took off and walked across the room towards her. Her eyes widened quickly before dropping down to the floor.

  “Savannah?” My voice hitched. Without restraint, my hand rose and cupped her cheek before reality punched me in the guts. I couldn’t touch her—not without her permission. I ripped my hand away from her and took a step back. It killed me.

  “Hi, Tate,” she breathed out. Her eyes traveled over my face and she tugged her bottom lip between her teeth. Awkwardness soon rushed around us, and I lost all ability to speak. What the hell was wrong with me? I had a thousand things I could say to her, a thousand words I was desperate for her to hear, but I was totally mute.

  “Tate, get your ass over here. We are having shots and there is a tequila shot with your name on it.” Jack’s voice sounded, breaking the trance I was currently in.

  “I miss tequila,” Sav whispered, and a smile rose on her lips. The tension between us dissipated for a brief second, and suddenly it felt like everything was normal.

  “Want me to have o
ne for you?”

  “Have two.” Sav smiled before she broke away and rushed over to where Lucas was sitting on the edge of the couch, chatting with Tanzi. My eyes followed her and I finally took a breath.

  The afternoon continued in a blur of tequila shots and Long Island Iced Teas. It had been the consensus of all the guests that Jack and I would drink Savannah’s share, and considering that her drink of choice was tequila and Long Islands, there was no chance in hell I wasn’t getting plastered tonight.

  My eyes fixated on her for the whole afternoon, and all I wanted to do was escape into the confines of her heart and sort out the shitstorm that was surrounding us. As day soon turned into night and the party guests started moving over to Red Velvet, it ended up just being the five of us left in the apartment, waiting for Jack’s beloved pizza to arrive.

  Slipping into the tub chair in the corner of the living room, I narrowed my attention to where Sav was sitting close to Lucas on the couch. It almost looked like she was craving protection from him.

  I was desperate for her to look at me. I knew my eyes had the potential to lock her in, and I was willing to try anything and everything to get a moment in her soul, in her thoughts, and in her memories.

  “What about that chick that was all over Tate in Vegas?” Jack laughed, chugging back his beer, totally oblivious to what a statement like that would do to a highly volatile situation.

  Sav’s eyes flew to Jack’s as the color drained from his face as guilt swamped him.

  “Nice one, dickhead,” Lucas growled beside Savannah before turning to her protectively.

  Without a second thought, I rushed towards her and grabbed her hand in mine. Screw the ‘don’t touch her’ rule. “It’s not like that, Sav.”

  She snatched her hand from mine and her eyes went blank as she looked at me. “It’s not like I have any say about what and who you do anymore, Tate.”

  Tension-filled silence drowned the air.

  “Are you really going to sit there and say that?” I felt my frustration levels rising by the second, and it didn’t help that I had a stomach full of alcohol. “Do you really think I would fuck around on you? Do you honestly think that little of me that I would fuck some random chick in Vegas while my pregnant girlfriend is on the other side of the country? Do you really think that low of me?”