Breathe Again

by Rachel Brookes

  As a standoff of epic proportions began between Chelsea and me. My hackles rose, and I knew I would never back down from her. I wasn’t a revengeful person, but as soon as someone starts hurting the people I care about and throwing around half-arsed accusations, they will see the wrath of Savannah. This could be the very reason I chose to have limited female friends. It was easier than having to deal with the bullshit games girls were notorious for starting, and clearly this was why I never hid my intentions when it came to men in the past. Be clear as day and no feelings came to the surface. I felt Mr. Davenport sigh beside me and I swallowed hard. Professional, Savannah. For him.

  I still didn’t back down as I spoke. “So I am assuming the—”

  “Um, excuse me? I was told that I needed to be here.”

  Our heads snapped to the door opening slowly, and I couldn’t believe who I was looking at, could this day get any weirder? Blake freaking Ryan had just walked through the door looking all rock star-ish. This was the first time we had seen each other since he had left New York for London.

  His eyes widened to the size of saucers as he took everything in. Dressed head to toe in black, he was wearing a shirt that sat snug against his body, and his tattoos were glistening under the boardroom lights. He was born to be a rock star.

  His eyes bounced between Tate and me and dropped to my hand gripped tightly in Tate’s and a smile tugged at his lips. Tate’s body stiffened against mine and his hand squeezed mine to the point of hurt like he was making his claim on me.

  “Stop it,” I hissed and shot him a pleading look.

  “Sorry, just habit,” he whispered then peppered my jaw with a kiss.

  “Thanks for coming in, Blake.” Mr. Davenport shuffled papers on the large conference table and looked towards Blake, holding out a pen and what looked to be a contract. “So you have been booked for the shoot next week and we are now just finalizing details. Savannah will be running the shoot on behalf of Beautify and Chelsea will be the female model for the campaign. If you can just sign here, we are good to go.”

  Blake shook his head and shot a disgusted look at Chelsea. “Are you serious? I can’t work with her.”

  “See? I told you, Savannah. Even Blake doesn’t want to work with you in your pathetic little fairytale world you are supposedly living in,” Chelsea spat before she threw her straw-looking hair over her shoulder and strutted towards Blake. I watched Blake closely; the look sweeping over his face was priceless.

  “I wasn’t talking about Savannah, you idiot. I cannot work with you, Chelsea. I tend to not want to associate with fucked-up, conniving bitches.”

  I couldn’t hide the smile of victory tugging on my lips. Blake Ryan, you genius. The look of utter devastation Chelsea was wearing made me feel like a million bucks. I still had no clue of the history that Chelsea and Blake shared.

  “Well isn’t this going to be a fun shoot,” Mr. Davenport mumbled under his breath.

  “Since when did you become a model?” Tate suddenly asked Blake.

  “My band got signed. The record company believes I have a certain look and decided to book me for this shoot. Believe me, I am not impressed. This is the first and last shoot I’ll be doing. Sucks that it has to be with her.”

  Mr. Davenport walked towards the door and closed it loudly, causing me to jump. I suddenly felt like I was fifteen and getting in trouble for the one and only time I smoked a cigarette. My laughter filled the air as I tried to pull myself together. Yep. Here I was, laughing at the most inappropriate of times. Four sets of eyes turned to me, which only caused my laughter to grow louder.

  “And what is so funny, Sav?” Mr. Davenport asked with a chuckle in his pathetic attempt to hold some authority in the boardroom.

  I glanced around at everyone again, swallowed my laughter, and wiped the tear that had escaped my eye. “This whole situation is hilarious. Fine, I will run this shoot but under my terms. I am assuming the shoot is at Red Velvet and that’s why you are here?” I turned to Tate, who nodded in agreement. “Chelsea, this is my shoot. You fuck up once and you will never work with Beautify again. Blake, if I am going to do this, you are too. Tate, I want Jack working on this shoot, and Mr. Davenport, Tanzi is working with me.”

  Silence filled the room before they all agreed.

  “I’m done. I’ll be at my desk.”

  I walked out of the boardroom and strutted through the office with determination in my step. My emotions simmered just below the surface but I refused to show how I was truly feeling. Being near her, seeing her looking at Tate like she was fucking him in her thoughts caused my heart to twist and literally ache. I needed to forget that video, but every time I thought of it, I was taken back to that moment in New York. I knew I needed to forget or at least push it aside. I dropped my head in my hands and sighed deeply as I slumped into my office chair. The air around me shifted as someone stood by my desk.

  “You okay?” Tate’s deep voice questioned. I raised my head from my hands and looked at him. Painfully beautiful he was. His eyes begged for truth, but this wasn’t the time or place, especially knowing that Maureen, Beautify’s main office gossip, had her ears pricking up at the desk across the room desperate for the scent of fresh scandal.

  “Yep. I’m great.”

  “You are a terrible liar.”

  “Tate, I just want to get my work done, forget about her, and try and stop thinking about what is filling my head.”

  He swung my chair around so I was facing him and he crouched down so his face was opposite mine. We were in the middle of the Beautify Office and I know our hushed voices were drawing people’s attention. Next thing I knew, I’d be getting accused of cheating on Mr. Davenport.

  “You and me. Not her. I know, no matter what I say, it won’t get those images out of your head, and I wish I could climb in your head and tear them to shreds, but I need you to tell me that we can get past this, that you and I are stronger than her. I need that, Sav. You are the strongest thing in my life. I can’t let that strength be destroyed.”

  I leaned forward and placed my lips on his. His hands grabbed hold of the chair and pulled me closer to him before his hand moved to the back of my head and hauled me deeper into the kiss. My tongue ran the length of his bottom lip before I tugged on it with my teeth. Tate’s tongue ploughed into my mouth with ownership. If I could kiss him for the rest of my life, I would die a happy woman.

  “Remember where you two are.” Mr. Davenport’s voice hovered around us and I pulled away quickly as my cheeks flushed. My eyes bounded around the office, but thankfully no one was looking.

  “Well, blushy, I’ve gotta get back to work. Seriously, your blushing is the cutest fucking thing ever.” He kissed me hastily one last time before taking off through the office, his laughter heard until he disappeared into the elevator.

  THE WORLD was a miraculous place, sometimes beautiful and sometimes utterly fucked up. The fact that I was about to run a shoot with Chelsea made my anxiety soar to a whole new level. It made me question why the world had decided to fuck me over. All I wanted was for her to disappear into the deep black pit of a hole she came from and never return, but here I was, on this cold and rainy Tuesday night, sitting on my living room floor with my peanut butter and banana sandwich and looking through promo photos of her. If I was able to drink, I’d be pissed off my tits right about now.

  My mood was as dark as the thunder rumbling outside my windows and my anger intensified with every photo that I held in my hands. I wondered how long it would be until I tore her photos in half and set them alight with the candles burning around the room.

  Tate was at work and I knew he wouldn’t be home until well after midnight, so I had hours of solitude on my own, hours of time for my mind to play games with me. My eyes moved down my body and landed on my stomach just as Jellybean decided to kick and remind me of he or she’s existence.

  As I flipped through photo after photo of Chelsea in lingerie I knew I couldn’t be on my own. I tossed
the photos I was holding out of my hand and found my phone hidden under one photo in particular of Chelsea in some skimpy black lingerie, boobs and arse hanging out everywhere. I could swear I tasted vomit just looking at it.

  “Tanzi, can you come to my place and bring Chinese food and chocolate?” I begged on the phone.

  “You okay?”

  “I need my best friend and greasy food.”

  “Be there in ten.”

  I smiled down at the cell in my hand and thanked my lucky stars that Tanzi Connors had decided to email a stranger on the other side of the world all those months ago. What had started as a random email from a girl who I thought had the coolest name ever now had turned into a friendship that I’d always wanted and never thought I’d get. I was never one of those girls who had a lot of female friends but Tanzi was refreshing, crazy, and hilarious. Our first email was the generic ‘congratulations, I look forward to meeting you, blah blah blah’ but the second email was when it all started. The moment she mentioned tequila and the beach, I knew I had found my first friend in Los Angeles, and as they say the rest is history. The fact that my child is going to have her as an aunt and that the love of my life is her brother just made it so much more special.

  The door of my apartment swung open with a thud. “Savannah, where are you?”

  “Down here,” I replied.

  Tanzi came into my vision and waved the chocolate I had demanded in the air with a smile. She stood before me and looked at the photos splashed over my floor, her eyes wide as she worked out what she was looking at, her smile instantly dropped.

  “Why the fuck are you looking at photos of slut face? Seriously, Savannah, you need to stop torturing yourself. This is not going to help. You are a masochistic bitch.” Tanzi’s face went stiff, her eyes narrowing at the particular photo of Chelsea that I was holding.

  “It’s for work.”

  “Look, Mr. Davenport may be the man I fantasize about meeting in the mailroom at work and fucking his brains out while stamps stick to my ass.” She winked at me as my face screwed up. “But he has no fucking clue if he is making you do this. Seriously, what the hell is going through his head?”

  I swallowed the bile that rose from the pits of my stomach and shook my head, desperate for the images Tanzi had just painted so vividly to leave my brain. “Firstly, please do not ever talk about fucking Mr. Davenport and secondly before you joke about becoming my stepmother again, I would never allow it.

  Tanzi took a place on the floor beside me and leaned back on the couch, her legs out in front of her. As she ripped the picture out of my hand, I watched as her eyes scanned over the photo before looking at me and rolling her eyes. “She doesn’t even have good tits, Sav.”

  “Look at my girls. They are so much better. At least I didn’t have to spend thousands of dollars to get these bad boys.” I grabbed my boobs softly and squeezed them together, almost choking on my double D’s. “You’re thinking of motorboating them right now, aren’t you?”

  “Don’t tempt me, woman.” Tanzi smirked.

  “Nuzzle right in there, Tanzi. I won’t tell Tate. It can be our little secret.”

  Tate

  TELL SAV you love her

  A random message was waiting on my phone when I got back to my office after doing my final before-close check of Red Velvet. What the fuck was Tanzi talking about? Shoving my wallet and phone deep into my pockets, I walked through the now empty bar, switched off the main lights, and exited the front door. My thoughts jumped over different scenarios about what the hell could have happened in the eight hours since I’d left Sav at Beautify.

  Walking into the darkness of our apartment, I smiled at the familiar scent of Sav in the air. Throwing my keys down on the bench, I opened the fridge, grabbed an apple juice, and headed to the couch with all intentions of winding down in my solitude.

  I loved my job, I loved Red Velvet, but shit, it could be tiring at times. Tonight had been slow, and usually I’d love a slow night at work because I could catch up on the mountain of paperwork and organize upcoming launch nights and expansion opportunities, but tonight it allowed me to think about things way too much.

  Tomorrow I was hoping my balls would drop and I’d grow a set and contact my father. I needed to get it over and done with, and I needed to get it done before Jellybean arrived. I hadn’t told Sav of my plans yet and I knew I had to wait until the right moment. It wasn’t something I wanted to drop on her without knowing if I’d actually go through with it, it was a stress she didn’t need.

  Finding the remote, I flicked on the television and fell back into the over-plush cushions on the couch. Thankfully, instead of having to sit through my mind-numbing infomercials, a replay of last year’s Super Bowl came on as the screen as the television burst to life. Loosening my tie and pulling my shirt out of my pants, I felt the wanted feelings of relaxation arrive. After I threw my tie on the couch beside me, my hand brushed something and my eyes couldn’t believe what they were seeing.

  My fingers flipped through photo after photo of Chelsea in various poses and wearing nothing but lingerie. Why did Sav have these and why had she been looking at them? Suddenly, Tanzi’s voice appeared. ‘Tell Sav you love her.’ Was Sav feeling insecure and questioning our relationship? Was she having doubts about us? Was she punishing herself for something she had absolutely nothing to do with?

  I stood from the couch and looked towards the closed door of our bedroom. My urge to show her what she meant to me was burning within me, but I couldn’t always show her with sex. Making my way through the apartment, I quietly opened the bedroom door, and the light from the candle slowly burning on the dresser allowed a soft life to bounce of the walls and swamp the dark space.

  Sav lay cuddled up to my pillow with the sheet barely covering her body. The door that led to the balcony was open and the cool Los Angeles air cushioned the air. Her blond hair surrounded her beautiful face on the pillow. I prayed to god our child got her looks.

  I sat down softly on the edge of the bed and watched over her. So peaceful, so beautiful, and all mine. I still had no clue how the hell I’d gotten this girl.

  “Sav, wake up,” I whispered and ran my fingertip down her cheek. She squirmed in bed, and slowly her eyes fluttered open. A smile appeared on her lips as she looked up at me.

  “Tate what’s wrong?” Her voice was husky from sleep, her words spilling with concern.

  I grabbed her hand and pulled her up until she was sitting. “I need you to get out of bed for a minute.”

  Sav nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving mine as she swung her bare legs over the edge of the bed and stood before me wearing just one of my t-shirts.

  “I saw the photos in the living room,” I whispered. My fingers interlocked with hers, and the sound of her breathing increasing hit my ears.

  “Tate, I don’t know—”

  “Don’t say anything.” My finger rested on her lips and her head nodded in agreement. Once I was satisfied that she wouldn’t speak, I dropped my finger and brushed my lips softly over hers. “Just trust me, okay?”

  My hands ran up her bare arms. Instantly, goose bumps spread over her cool skin and her eyes closed at the sensation. She was so reactive to my touch and I loved every second of it, but this wasn’t what this was about. I needed her to see herself how I saw her.

  “Look at me, Sav.”

  Her eyes pried open and looked at me with heated hesitation. Our eyes searched each other’s for unspoken words. I didn’t break our contact as my hands moved down her body, searching for the hem of my shirt that looked so fucking perfect on her. She gasped as my hands moved inside the material and skimmed the delicate skin of her hips. I felt the smirk form on my lips as my hands brushed her bare hipbone, showing me that she wasn’t wearing panties. So fucking sexy.

  “Lift your arms, Savannah.”

  Without a word, Sav raised her arms and I slipped the cotton t-shirt over her head. She shook her head and her hair swished around her face. S
he stood before me in all of her naked form. My goddess. My Savannah. Her mouth twitched as if she were going to say something, but she closed it tight while her eyes finally smiled at me. I silently walked to her drawers, knowing exactly what I was looking for. I pulled out the black and baby pink panties, suspenders, and bra that had turned me on many times in the past. Her eyes followed wherever I was, but she remained still and didn’t say a word.

  Moving back towards her, I gently placed the lingerie on our bed and stood before her. I couldn’t stop my hands from moving to her naked skin. It was as if it were silently begging me to take ownership. My hands cupped her face, pulling her lips to mine. Our kiss wasn’t frantic. It wasn’t full of lust and need; it wasn’t aggressive or dominating. It was soft, pure, loving, and gentle. With the back of my fingers, I traced every inch of her skin, outlining her lips, sweeping across her collarbones, caressing the bare skin of her breasts and expanding stomach, and cupping her hips gently.

  “I love you, Miss Rae.”

  Dropping to my knees, I gazed up at her and was met with her eyes burning into mine. Grabbing the panties from the bed, I placed them on the floor beside me before turning my full attention back to Savannah. I lifted each of her feet, softly placing a kiss on each of the soles. Sliding the panties over her ankles and up her calves, I kissed the delicate skin as I moved the panties slowly up her toned legs. I stopped when I reached her knees and spread her legs wider so they would hold the panties in place.

  I shuffled forward and let my lips fall to her bare skin and traced the length of her thigh with the tip of my tongue while my fingertips swept over the other, giving it just as much attention. Her breathing became heavy, and suddenly her hand found my hair and her fingertips moved through it, her nails scraping my scalp with a soothing sensation that stopped me momentarily.

  My mouth continued its assault on her thighs, splashing kisses on every inch of her beautiful skin. I moved swiftly but softly to where I knew I wanted to go. I needed to taste her. I needed her to feel me. The moment my mouth connected with her, Sav went rigid against me. I wrapped my arms around her hips, stopping her from collapsing to the ground. She was standing before me, naked and submitting entirely to me.