Breathe Again

by Rachel Brookes

  “Think about what I said. Don’t screw this up. She is coming back for you, Tate. No one else. Listen to her. Let her explain. Don’t fuck up the best thing in your life.” Jack patted my shoulder as he stood from his chair before disappearing into the house and leaving me to my own devices.

  Being on my own was dangerous, this was the time where my brain would decide to be an evil bastard and play mind games with me. I knew Sav was in Australia for Mr. Davenport and I understood her reasoning for going in the beginning, but I also knew that he was out of the hospital and had been on the mend for a month now. She could have been home a month ago. This separation almost destroyed me daily, but in the back of my head was the little voice telling me that one day, maybe one day, they would come back.

  Taking my phone out of my pocket, I flipped it over in my hand. I needed to speak with her. I was at the stage now that I needed to give her an ultimatum. I opened up a new text message and began typing.

  We need to talk when you wake up.

  For the next eight hours, I checked my phone religiously, yet there was still no response from Sav.

  Climbing into bed that night, I tossed and turned. I thought of worst-case scenarios. I spent the better part of the night scrolling through every photo on my phone and watching every video of Max Sav had sent while they had been away. Finally, as the orange haze of sunrise floated through my windows, reality hit me.

  I still hadn’t received a response from Sav.

  Savannah

  TODAY WAS the day that had been twisting and turning my insides since I realized Max and I were going back to the United States. After three exhausting and life-changing months, we were heading home. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought that I wouldn’t class Australia as home, but all I knew now was that home was wherever the man with the deadly blue eyes was, and that was now Los Angeles.

  Sitting in my business-class seat with Max at one side and Mr. Davenport on the other, everything suddenly came full circle. The last time I had been sitting on a plane beside Mr. Davenport, he had been warning me with stern eyes to stop sleeping around when we got to Los Angeles. Thank fuck I hadn’t listened to him. If I had, I might not have fallen to the effects of Tate Connors and I might not have had my gorgeous baby boy, who was now chattering away to the air hostess.

  I looked at Mr. Davenport and smiled with a heavy heart. Seeing him at his weakest and bouncing between life and death had instilled something in me that had been dormant for years. I had to live. I needed to finally break down the tight walls that kept me from moving on fully to the best chapters of my life.

  “Are you feeling okay about this?” Mr. Davenport questioned from the seat beside me, looking up from the emergency landing pamphlet he had been handed.

  “I am nervous as f-u-c-k,” I spelled out. Mr. Davenport laughed and shook his head at me. Some things never change.

  “What are you nervous about?” he continued with a raised eyebrow. I looked at him with wide eyes.

  “Is this a trick question?”

  “Gramps, draw with me,” Max’s soft voice interrupted.

  When I looked down at my son, my smile took over my face and Mr. Davenport’s crazy question dissipated. Max was everything I could have asked for and more.

  “Are you coming to the p-a-r-t-y with us?” I asked softly, knowing the word ‘party’ would set Max off like a firecracker. We were arriving in Los Angeles the day of Tanzi and Jack’s engagement party, and our arrival was planned all around that. I couldn’t miss my two best friends’ special day.

  Mr. Davenport’s eyes left the page he was coloring and found mine. “I have been invited but I am not sure if I will go.”

  “Please come with us. We need you there.” I shot him a pleading look.

  “Everything is going to be fine, Sav. It’s time I gave you back to the one guy who seems to be able to put up with you.” He smiled lovingly at me before turning back to Max and leaving me with way too much time to think as we soared through the air at 30,000 feet. What the hell kind of world was I going to step into when we arrived?

  THE SUN was shining brightly in California. The trip from the airport was full of Max asking questions and laughing at the driver’s accent. I watched him closely. He was so much like Tate that it was crazy. There was absolutely no doubt who his father was. They shared the same eyes, the wild chocolate brown hair, and the cheekiness that I loved so much.

  The cab came to a halt in front of a house I didn’t know. I had simply been given an address when I received the invitation via email, the engagement party was happening at a beach house in Santa Monica. The driver was chatting to Mr. Davenport, but all I could concentrate on was the thumping of my heart and the increasing sweat forming in my palms. Just breathe, Savannah. Just breathe.

  “You ready for this?”

  “No,” I admitted with a shake of my head.

  Following Mr. Davenport out of the cab, I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking. What the hell was wrong with me? He grabbed my free hand as if he thought I’d flee, and to be honest, the thought had crossed my mind. We slowly walked up the paved drive with Max in my arms as I felt the anxiety fill to full capacity.

  “Mummy, a puppy!” Max shrieked excitedly. He wriggled his way to freedom and ran up the long drive and through the double wooden gates before I had a chance to grab him.

  “Max Davenport Connors, come back here!” I demanded, rushing after him, leaving Mr. Davenport chuckling at the scene unfolding in front of him. “This is not funny!” I shot over my shoulder, firing him an amused look. Fuck, my son was fast. I hurried following close on his heels and halted as soon as I stepped through the gates.

  Max Connors in all his sweet innocence had burst through the middle of the engagement party and was now pretending to be a dog, totally oblivious to the implications of his stark arrival. Every single person’s attention was now firmly locked on us, and I immediately felt the world around us cave in. This wasn’t the way our return was meant to go down. We were meant to quietly walk in and see everyone one on one. We were meant to make sure we were welcome. We were meant to be a subtle inclusion to the party, not this party stopper.

  A gasp rang out behind me and I swung around quickly. My eyes widened as they landed on Tate’s mum. The color from her usually suntanned face drained out as she looked between me and Max. Almost as if it were in slow motion, the plate she was carrying slipped from her hands, smashing into a thousand pieces as it hit the pavement below.

  “Savannah?” she asked in barely a whisper.

  Max’s laughter grabbed my attention away from the shocked expression on her face. I crouched down and picked Max up, placing him on my hip. I watched her closely as her eyes took him in. We had our weekly Skype dates and I emailed photos regularly, but it wasn’t the same as having him in the flesh. Max wiggled in my arms and was barking like a puppy, causing me to giggle and a smile to slowly come to her face.

  “Max, do you know who this is?”

  Max shifted in my arms and turned to look at her. Begging tears formed in her eyes as she looked over him. He fired a killer smile and she broke out in giggles.

  His little brow furrowed in concentration as he looked between me and Mrs. Connors. The breath I was holding in escaped the moment recognition hit him. “Gramma,” he said matter-of-factly.

  “Why is everyone so quiet? I thought this was a par—”

  Mrs. Connors inhaled sharply and my eyes closed briefly as my head dropped. This wasn’t how it was meant to happen. Just hearing his deep, husky voice made my breath catch. Silence fell, crushing the excitement that had been around us just moments ago. I hadn’t expected our reunion to happen like this. I thought maybe it would be just us three away from the world, away from prying eyes and hushed voices, but definitely not like this. I thought I could have sneaked into the house and saw him, but now our reunion was on display to everyone.

  I finally raised my face and my eyes connected with his. Tate looked at me like he w
as seeing a ghost, a mirage, and that this wasn’t reality. But then his eyes flashed to the wriggling little boy in my arms and a lethal combination of happiness, intrigue, and confusion swam in his deep blue eyes.

  “Let me take Max. Go and talk to him.” I broke my stare from Tate and looked at Mr. Davenport, who had moved up beside me with an encouraging smile on his face. “Be strong, beautiful girl.”

  “Hey little man, do you want to go and play with Gramps for a minute.” I smiled at Max who nodded excitedly and held his arms out to Mr. Davenport.

  “Come on, Maxey. Let’s go and find Uncle Lucas.” Mr. Davenport took Max from my arms and strode towards the group of people staring at us.

  My eyes flashed through the crowd and finally I found Tanzi and Jack. My eyes misted at the sight of my best friends. God, I had missed them. Tanzi’s hand was at her mouth and Jack shot me a wink from across the yard. I tore my gaze from them and turned back to face the man who had given me my life back. Tate Connors.

  As if the world stood still, all noise around us evaporated. Right at this moment, it was just the two of us. I felt the pull towards him the closer he got. My breathing hitched as he stood before me. His eyes traveled over every inch of my face, drinking me in.

  “Tate,” I breathed out into the space between us. His eyes darted from mine and moved to where Max was with Mr. Davenport. My heart broke as I watched his face crumble and a single tear roll over his cheek.

  “I can’t do this, Savannah.” His voice was barely a whisper. He turned his back to me and stormed towards the stairs leading to the house. The screen door slamming behind him caused me to jump. I stood in front of the empty space he left and sighed deeply.

  “Sav, I can’t believe you are here,” Tanzi’s soft voice said beside me. I spun around quickly and my arms swallowed her within seconds.

  “I couldn’t miss my best friend’s engagement party.”

  “Savannah Rae, you sexy momma.” Jack’s arm wrapped around my waist from behind and pulled my back into his chest, resting his head on my shoulder. I smiled at the feeling of love surrounding me as Tanzi, Jack, and I stood in a huddle of arms.

  “Jack, you sexy beast of a man.” I twisted in his arms, hugging him for dear life.

  “Mummy, Lukey said we can go swimming at the beachhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Max squealed, filling the air and causing deep laughter to escape all of us.

  The familiar feeling of being watched took over me and I froze at the intense sensation of being under the gaze of Tate Connors. It was a feeling I would never forget. I turned and looked towards the house and found him standing on the balcony, glaring down at us.

  “This right here is his biggest dream coming true. He just needs to let it sink in. He has been waiting forever for this moment.” Tanzi admitted, truth dripping from her words.

  I smiled at her before focusing back on Tate. His gaze didn’t falter. Wherever Max was, Tate’s eyes followed. I took nervous steps up the stairs towards him. Standing beside him, I looked out over the backyard, not having a clue what to say or do.

  “He is perfect, Savannah.”

  I looked at Max and couldn’t help but smile. He was chasing Tanzi around the backyard, squealing with happiness, and completely oblivious to the stir his arrival was causing.

  “He is happy, healthy, and a little heartbreaker. You have nothing to worry about.”

  “I never doubted that you’d look after him.”

  A tense silence fell between us. I couldn’t drag my eyes away from his, and his eyes drove into mine. Still to this day, he could drag me in and make me forget about the rest of the world with one glance. I knew he would be happy to see Max, but as he stared at me with waves of anger and desire flooding his eyes, I had absolutely no clue if he wanted to kiss or strangle me.

  “Tate, Savannah, get your asses down here.”

  “Uncy J said arse. Uncy J said arse,” Max started chanting in sing-song.

  “Fuck, he even says arse,” Tate muttered before walking down the stairs and leaving me with a million thoughts swimming through my head.

  I straightened my skirt and ran my fingers through my hair. The smell of the nearby ocean filled my senses and made me feel at peace in the turbulence of the day. Moving down the steep steps, I rushed across the lawn to where Max was now the center of attention. Jack, Tanzi, Lucas, Ali, and Tate surrounded him, watching him playing with the dog.

  “Did you just say a naughty word?” I asked with a stern voice.

  Max walked over to me with his head down and wrapped his arms around my legs. “Uncy J said it.”

  “That doesn’t mean you have to say it.”

  “I’m sorry, Mummy.” He pulled away and gave me the biggest, bluest puppy-dog eyes he could muster. I shook my head and turned towards Tate. I pointed to Max and rolled my eyes at Tate. “Those eyes? That look is all you.”

  Max suddenly became alerted to the fact Tate was standing with us. His face flashed with recognition as he looked at Tate and the biggest smile took over his face.

  “Daddy!” With excited steps, he ran towards Tate, wrapped his arms around his legs, and held him tightly.

  My heart ached and clapped triumphantly in my chest at the sight before me. Tate’s fears of Max not knowing him disappeared when Max spoke that one word. Tate stilled and stared at our little boy, losing all ability to speak. Suddenly, Max took a step away from Tate and grabbed his hand, pulling on it to force Tate to lean down to his level. Out of nowhere, Max’s tiny hand lifted the edge of Tate’s shirt until his toned stomach was on full display to the whole party.

  A high-pitched squeal shattered the air before an eruption of giggles poured out of Max’s tiny body. Throwing himself on the grass, he laughed like he had just witnessed the funniest thing he’d ever seen. Max rolled towards me and pulled the edge of my skirt. I leaned over, coming to his eye level.

  “Daddy has drawings on him,” he whispered innocently in my ear.

  My laughter joined his while everyone around us stared like we were a couple of nutbags. Tate’s eyes drove into us as Max looked back at him. Max was completely in awe that he was with his daddy.

  “Tell him, Max,” I encouraged.

  Max moved towards Tate, standing before him and looking up at him through questioning eyes. My heart skipped a beat at the vision before me. Max was the spitting image of Tate, and seeing them together like this was painfully beautifully.

  “You have drawings on you,” Max giggled and pointed at Tate’s chest. “Mummy has a picture of you with your drawings and she always had it in her bed like a teddy.”

  Oh, Max Davenport Connors, you are a walking secret teller. My eyes dropped to the ground, searching desperately for a hole to fall down. Everyone now knew about my ritual I had while I was in Australia. I had the ritual of falling asleep while hugging a photo frame containing my favorite photo of Tate. It was the one thing that had allowed me to fall asleep in my loneliest days in Sydney. Now, as I watched the stormy look roll in over Tate’s face, it seemed it would be a ritual I would also have in Los Angeles.

  Tate

  TALK ABOUT a complete and utter storm of emotions. No wonder she’d never replied to my text. She had been above the fucking Pacific. I needed the ocean and fast. Escaping from the engagement party, I slipped out the back gate, crossing the road until the feeling of warm sand hit my bare feet. I couldn’t get my head around Savannah and Max being back.

  As I took a seat on the sand, the sun beamed down on my skin and I closed my eyes, tilting my head towards the sky. My mind bounced all over the place, trying desperately to believe what was happening. Max and Savannah were here. I could touch them, I could hold them, I could see them in the flesh. This morning I’d woken up thinking I was simply going to celebrate my sister and best friend’s engagement. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought I’d be seeing my son and Savannah.

  I couldn’t even begin to comprehend the thoughts running through my head. Was I happy? Of course I was. Was I scared?
Fuck yes. Was I confused? More confused than I’d ever been. Was I dreaming? I hoped to Christ I wasn’t.

  Through my closed eyes, a shadow lingered over me. My solitude was shattered.

  “How are you doing, man?” Jack questioned, collapsing beside me and looking out at the ocean. “Honestly? I have no fucking clue.”

  “You have your family back, man. Sav is back for you, Tate. Your son is looking at you like you are a fucking god or something. It’s kinda sickening.”

  My eyes widened at his words as my irritation rose in my chest. “It’s such a mindfuck. Do you know how hard it was not to drag her inside like some fucking caveman and show her just how much I missed her? Fuck, I would have taken her right then and there if I could but I can’t and I won’t. What’s to say she won’t run off again in a week or a month?”

  “You need to get this thought out of your head that she ran. If it were Tanzi on the other side of the world, completely banged up, what would you have done?” He stared at me knowingly and I knew the answer. “You would go straight to her! Your relationship with Tanzi is the same as Sav’s and Mr. Davenport’s. Tanzi is your other half and Mr. Davenport is Sav’s. She did what she had to do, and to be honest, I think it’s the most selfless thing I’ve ever witnessed someone doing.” Jack stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I probably sound like a pussy for saying this, but a love like yours and Sav’s doesn’t come around often, so don’t lose it.”

  I watched with narrowed eyes as Jack strode away from me, leaving the beach and leaving me to deal with my increasingly frantic thoughts. Jack was right. If anything happened to Tanzi, my world as I knew it would stop and I would drop anything and everything to be by her side. Everyone knew that.