Innocent Tears

by Iris Blobel

  “Grandma said barbeques are not for little children.”

  Every muscle in him went ridged at the mention of Grandma. Slowly he breathed in and out. With as much composure as he could handle, he was about to reply, when he heard Emma’s voice.

  “Honey, your grandma is right that it can be dangerous, but how about I come a bit earlier to help you with the burgers?”

  Nadine looked from Emma to Flynn.

  “Dad?”

  He winked at her. “Of course you can, Miss Muffin.” Then he looked over to Emma and moved her hand off his arm. “Thanks,” he said with a nod. He turned and placed a pancake on his plate. As he sat down he said, “I think it’s a great idea for Emma to come earlier and help, but not this weekend, Miss Muffin. My parents are coming tomorrow to stay for a few days. They’re your grandparents as well.”

  “Your parents?” Nadine asked hesitantly.

  He nodded as he speared a piece of pancake with his fork. “These actually taste quite yummy.”

  His eyebrows shot up at the sight of Emma and Nadine staring at him. “What?”

  The girl stood with tears in her eyes and ran out of the kitchen.

  “Nadine?”

  “Why are your parents coming, Flynn?” Emma asked.

  “To meet their granddaughter.” There was some hostility in her voice and he didn’t appreciate it. “And to help me out.”

  “Never thought of that,” she admitted quietly. “Sorry.” Pondering his words, she suddenly asked, “To help you out which way?”

  Standing to take the plate to the sink, he replied. “Look, I’m honestly grateful for your help, but I will need to have something organised on a more permanent basis if Teresa is serious about giving me full custody.”

  But Emma was persistent. “What do you have in mind?”

  Flynn moved to meet her gaze dead on. Her eyes stared into his, betraying her obvious dislike. This sensation made him momentarily chill, but then he quickly looked away. How could he argue or have a discussion with her when all he wanted was to take her into his arms?

  “Em, it’s not that easy. I’ve got a job which is not considered a nine to five employment.”

  She tilted her head to the side. “Flynn, please tell me you’re not carting her off to your parents.”

  A big sigh escaped him. Not wanting to touch her, he willed her to understand.

  With an icy voice she said, “Please tell Nadine that something’s come up and I had to go.”

  And he forgot about not touching her and held onto her arm instead. “Em. Please.”

  Emma turned around and moved his hand off her arm. “Have a nice day, Flynn.”

  “Emma!”

  * * *

  * * *

  Leaning against the doorframe, Flynn gently knocked against the door to Nadine’s room.

  “Can I come in?” he asked, nerves building in his stomach.

  At the sight of her with her tousled hair and her green eyes red and tear-filled, his knees became weak underneath him, and he wished there was a magic way to take the girl to her mother. But it was something he couldn’t give her and it broke his heart. With a few big steps he walked over, sat down next to her, and took her into his embrace. She let out a sob as she threw her arms around him.

  “Muffin. I’m sorry. I am so sorry for all this.”

  Nadine looked up when he wiped a tear in his eye. “Are you crying?”

  Flynn choked back a laugh. “I guess I am. I told you I’m scared.”

  Seemingly ignoring what he had just said, and looking around as though something was missing, she finally asked, “Where’s Emma?”

  “She’s gone home. Emma is a bit mad with me at the moment.”

  “Why?”

  Taking a deep gasp of air, he replied, “Very hard to explain, Miss Muffin.” He took her face in his hands and looked her in the eyes. “Nadine. Mum and Dad are really nice and will love you very much. I promise you.”

  Nadine nodded. “Will I have to stay with them?”

  He was a bit taken aback by the question. “What makes you ask that?”

  “Because, Grandma doesn’t love me and gave me to you. I don’t think you love me, and now I have to stay with your parents. That’s why Emma is angry with you.”

  He arched one eyebrow. This was one clever little girl sitting with him. Yet, it made his heart ache. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree and in Nadine’s case, she was just as clever and switched on as her mother.

  “Muffin. You’re my special girl and I’m very proud to know you’re mine–” He stroked her head. “But the issue is I’ve got a job, which requires me to be in the office for most of the day. I need someone to look after you.” He gave her a kiss on her forehead. “Do you understand?”

  Nadine nodded. “Emma could look after me.”

  Yup, that would work for me as well. But he knew that was impossible. “It’s not that easy. Em works at the hotel, remember?”

  She shrugged. “She could work for you.”

  He liked the idea as well, especially since the arrangement would allow him to see much more of Emma. He kept the thought to himself and changed the subject instead. “How about we go down to the beach today?”

  Nadine just nodded, and it showed him that he had just made a step back instead of forward. The nod. He knew that nod by now. It meant she closed up again, and the nod was her way of expressing herself as to say, whatever. He rubbed his hands over his face and tried to think of something else to say, but his mind was blank.

  18

  Flynn spotted his mother straight away. Even in her mid-fifties, Jenny still looked attractive. She was tall and graceful, her dark hair nicely cut into a bob, which only emphasised her still young-looking face, but especially her green eyes – Nadine’s green eyes.

  Jenny came towards Flynn and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Hello, Flynn.” Then she turned her attention to Nadine who was in Flynn’s arms. “Hello, princess.” She held her arms out as an invitation for Nadine to move into her arms. And she did, though slowly. With childlike curiosity she carefully gazed at her new grandmother first.

  “Hello. I’m your dad’s mum. Your grandma.”

  Nadine held onto her doll for dear life and just nodded.

  Jenny touched Nadine’s freckled button nose. “My, you’re a gorgeous little sausage.” Then she turned and pointed at Carl, who was making his way towards them, luggage in his hands. Flynn shook his head slightly as he watched his father struggling with the trolley. He had often been told how Carl, who was in his fifties, was more or less the elder version of him – though he looked more powerful with his chest broader and seemingly more muscular.

  Carl placed the luggage on the ground and shook Flynn’s hand. “Son.”

  Flynn was relieved to have his father around. “Dad. How are you?”

  Then Carl turned towards Jenny and Nadine. “You must be little Nadine.” He lightly tousled her hair. “Aren’t you a little cupcake?”

  “Are you my grandpa?”

  There was a deep hearty laugh. “I guess I am.”

  Flynn couldn’t believe what he was seeing right in front of him. Nadine was giggling and laughing with his old man, and that smile was even broader than he had even seen when she was around Emma. But it didn’t surprise him. His father had always had a way with children. He had loved his job as a principal of a small primary school, and in return, the students had respected and adored him.

  Nadine pointed at Carl’s chest where a few hairs were visible. “You look like a teddy bear.”

  Carl laughed again and pinched her cheek. “I don’t growl, though, unless I’m hungry.”

  Nadine was still on Jenny’s arm as they all walked over to the car park. His daughter was taking everything in and tried to watch the airplanes descend into landing. Her gaze fell back onto Jenny.

  “Are you scared of flying?” Nadine asked quietly.

  While lifting her up just a little bit higher on her hips Jenny repl
ied, “I’m never really scared when I have Carl with me.”

  “Teddy?”

  Jenny winked. “He always protects me.”

  Flynn looked behind occasionally to keep an eye on his mother and Nadine. It seemed a bit tricky for Jenny to keep up with them while carrying the little girl. But his mother’s beaming face told him that nothing in the world would make her complain. Grinning inwardly, he turned his attention back to his dad, who was still talking about the football season, work, and current politics.

  “I don’t like calling you grandma,” Nadine said suddenly.

  Nodding, Jenny admitted, “It makes me sound old, doesn’t it?”

  Nadine agreed. “Yes, and mean.”

  “I’m a lot, pumpkin, but I’m not mean. How about Nan?”

  Nadine placed her finger on her lips. “Hmm… I think I’d like that.”

  They both shared a little laugh before Nadine asked, “Are you staying with Dad and me?”

  “Yes, pumpkin. We wouldn’t miss it for the world to spend some time with you.”

  “Why?”

  Flynn was surprised by the question, and Jenny asked, “What do you mean why? We’re excited to get to know you.”

  “Grandma doesn’t like me.”

  Jenny met her son’s gaze, and they silently shared the pain of that statement before she turned back to her granddaughter. “I don’t believe that,” she said casually. “I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding.”

  “That’s what Emma says.”

  “Who’s Emma?”

  “She’s my friend.”

  They arrived at the car, and Flynn took Nadine off his mother and buckled her up in her little toddler seat in the back of the car – just as if he had done it for the last six years.

  “Who’s Emma?” Jenny asked.

  “Hmm?”

  “Emma? Nadine said she’s her friend.”

  “Oh yes. Emma works at the hotel where Teresa and William were staying. They couldn’t find a babysitter, so they somehow ended up with her.”

  “She’s my best friend,” Nadine piped from the car.

  They all smiled.

  “Well, we better invite her over so we can get to meet her as well, don’t we?”

  Flynn drove through the heavy Melbourne traffic. His mother’s comment to invite Emma still stirred in him. How could Emma not understand? More importantly, why should it bother him so much whether or not she did? But it did. In just the few days he had known her, he’d become so fond of her, and not only because she was such a good friend for Nadine, but also because of that kiss they’d shared. He thought about that kiss often, though he had tried his best to forget about it. A mistake. They happened. The light turned green and Flynn tried to concentrate on the traffic, but his mind kept drifting off. Her petite little body, her blue eyes that radiated kindness, even when she disagreed with him, her short curly hair. And he’d liked the way her skin reacted to the touch of his hand. The deep breath he took came out as a sigh and Carl placed his hand on Flynn’s shoulder.

  “Everything’s going to be fine,” he heard his father saying.

  Flynn nodded in appreciation as he raked his hand through his hair.

  * * *

  * * *

  “Cupcake!” Carl called for Nadine, when he found her in the kitchen at the table eating biscuits and drinking milk.

  Nadine lifted her head to look up at him. Her small mouth curved up in glee. Carl held out his hand. “Want to follow me?”

  She looked at Flynn, who nodded as if in approval, quickly stood, and took Carl’s hand. Flynn watched them as they walked to the guest room. Though for reasons he didn’t understand, it pained him to see his daughter so happy with his parents, but with him. What did it take for her to like him as well? A little bit at least.

  Flynn leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed. The room was a mess with his parents’ clothes and travel accessories. And his little girl stood amidst it all, throwing questions at Jenny and Carl about their home, the coast, the flight to Melbourne, and so much more.

  “Check this one out,” Carl said as he retrieved a little plastic bag out of the suitcase.

  “Oh, there it is!” Jenny broke into a smile. She took the bag and turned to Nadine. “We weren’t really sure what to get for you so we got you this. We hope you like it.”

  She handed a little teddy bear to her granddaughter with “Our Precious Girl” written on it. Flynn watched the girl carefully, and noticed that for the first time that afternoon, Nadine’s bubbly energy was stilled.

  Jenny’s hand reached out and caressed the girl’s hair. “It says Our Precious Girl, because that’s what you are to us.”

  Nadine moved forward to give Jenny a hug. “Do you really like me?”

  “Of course we do.” She returned the hug as small tears escaped from her eyes.

  They remained in the hug for a while, until a photo album caught Nadine’s attention.

  “What’s this?”

  Jenny followed her stare. “Photos.”

  Nadine slowly moved away from Jenny and carefully touched the album. “May I have a look?”

  Carl smiled. “Of course you can, cupcake. That’s why we brought them along. How about we go back into the kitchen, and we all have a look while Jenny and I have a cup of coffee?”

  The girl nodded excitedly. “Okay.” She picked up the album and hopped off the bed.

  “Dad! Come on,” she said as she walked past him. “Let’s look at the photos.”

  Flynn shook his head as he watched his girl happily skipping into the kitchen. There was something deep inside him, which he couldn’t define. Happiness combined with something. But he couldn’t really figure it out. They all followed her into the kitchen, where Nadine had already hopped onto a chair with the photo album in front of her. Carl sat next to her while Jenny moved around the kitchen to make the coffee. Flynn leaned against the bench and crossed one foot over the other, taking everything in.

  Nadine browsed through the photos intently, looking at each of them while listening to his parents’ stories. Then she suddenly stopped and placed her finger onto one of the pictures.

  “Mum,” she whispered as she turned to Flynn. “She had the same picture next to her bed.”

  With only a few steps Flynn stood next to her. He picked his daughter up then placed her on his lap as he sat down at the table. Wrapping one arm around her, he followed her gaze to the photo and choked back a smile.

  “That was your mum’s debutante ball. She looked amazing. I couldn’t take my eyes off her all night.”

  Nadine turned to meet his eyes. “She was very pretty, wasn’t she?”

  A rush of warmth spread through his body and he nodded in agreement. “The prettiest girl in town.” Her small fingers touched his cheeks, and just that tiny gesture stirred up emotions in him which until then, he had safely tucked away. The love he had inside for someone else. The love he’d shared and lost. The same love he kept hidden inside, in fear of the hurt it might cause if he ever shared it again.

  “Do you miss her?” she asked.

  He choked, trying to keep his voice straight. “Every hour of every day.”

  Nadine sighed. “Me too.”

  Flynn gently pulled her closer and placed a kiss on her forehead.

  Jenny came over with the cups of coffee. “Darling, we all miss her and know the pain you’re feeling. It’s an ache right in here.” Jenny pointed her finger towards Nadine’s heart. “But you can’t describe the pain. It’s different than other aches. Remembering might hurt at the moment, but in time, remembering will bring you joy.” Jenny sat down and took a sip of her coffee as she gazed at the child. Flynn knew it was a lot for Nadine to take in, and as he met his mother’s eyes, he mouthed a silent thanks. It was a heartfelt thanks, as her words had spread like warmth and care throughout his body as well.

  Flynn turned the page and instantly burst into laughter with his father. The photos were from their ill-fated fishing tri
p to the mountains when it rained non-stop over night and their tent crashed down on top of them.

  At that moment, remembering was bringing joy to them all.

  19

  “Em, are you home?” Jack shouted as he closed the door behind him. “Emma?”

  “I’m up here.”

  Even upstairs she could hear Jack’s little routine as he threw his jacket onto the couch in the lounge room before he came upstairs. And yes, before he came into the study to see her, he quickly dropped his bag onto his bed.

  “Missed me?” he asked mischievously as he gently kissed her neck and her shoulder.

  Emma turned around and lifted her hand to cup his face. He leaned forward and brushed her lips with his, and just the touch of his lips was such a delicious sensation that Emma’s throat tightened with guilt about the kiss she had shared with Flynn only a few nights earlier. She had tossed and turned in bed that night thinking about the implications of that kiss. Why on earth did she let it happen? Yet, the concerning part was, if a kiss could taste or feel better, she had to admit, it was definitely Flynn’s.

  She managed a small, tentative smile. “Yes I did.”

  Emma decided not to mention her weekend with Nadine, let alone the dinner she shared with the little girl and her dad. Her newfound relationship with Jack, though strong in its roots as buddies, was still fragile and new as they were seemingly heading for more. Telling him would cause unnecessary misery – and she wasn’t even sure it wouldn’t happen again.

  A slight breeze disturbed the curtains and they both noticed the sky turning grey.

  “I have a feeling the weather front’s arrived. They predicted a nice storm tonight.” Jack gazed back at Emma and she liked the tenderness she saw. “How about we’re going to cuddle up in bed to keep each other warm?”