Way To My Heart

by Barbara C. Doyle

  “They’re easy to love.”

  I didn’t doubt it. They were good kids. Caleb kept them occupied when they got bored of watching movies, something I didn’t think was possible. He’d play cops and robbers with them, chasing them around the apartment. He let them win at hide and seek even though everywhere they hid were areas their feet or butts hung out of, clear as day.

  “And you? Are you easy to love?”

  It was a loaded question. If he asked me the same one, I’d tell him no. There was nothing about life that was easy. Every movie I saw made love seem like it was a walk in the park, but I wasn’t that naïve. It took time to build up to the type of comfort you needed before opening your heart to someone else.

  Caleb walked over to where I stood in the narrow kitchen, between the counters that wrapped around the wall and into the breakfast bar. It didn’t offer much space, which he obviously didn’t mind, since he stopped just before me. His shoes kissed the tips of my bare toes as he leaned his lower back against the counter.

  Crossing his arms over his pecks, he said, “I say stupid shit, Paisley. I make mistakes and think about people that don’t even matter to me anymore. Because Kristen doesn’t matter, but you do. And I know who you are—that you’re not going to put me through the shit she did. I was just messed up that morning, because I’d dreamt of a time where I was at my worst. And a big part of that was because I wasn’t with the right person to support me through it.”

  His past was none of my business, but it didn’t stop curiosity from taking over my thoughts. Did Kristen see that Caleb was struggling? Did she even care? I couldn’t fathom letting somebody like him suffer, when he wanted nothing more than to make his family, country, and fiancée proud.

  “Do you regret not trying to make things work with her?” I asked quietly.

  Honestly, I didn’t fear the answer. If he said she didn’t matter, then it was true. He had no reason to lie.

  But I wasn’t about to hand him anymore of myself without knowing where we stood. If he thought for one second that he chose the wrong path for himself—the wrong person—then it was over.

  I’d settled for second best for far too long.

  “I hate that you even have to ask that,” he answered hollowly.

  I shrugged. “I need to know, Cal. I told you before that I can’t get hurt again. But…”

  “I hurt you.”

  I pressed my lips together.

  He tapped my toe lightly with his shoe. “I don’t regret anything about my past, Paisley. Without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today, which is where I want to be. With you. If it means reliving the moment I walked in on my ex-fiancée sleeping with some guy for the rest of my life, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

  “Why put yourself through the pain?”

  “Because, eventually, I’d meet the woman who makes that pain go away,” he answered plainly.

  Swoon.

  “And you think that woman is me?”

  “I know it’s you.”

  I wanted to ask how, but I already knew. We were drawn to each other. I wasn’t sure how his arrogance and my awkwardness worked, but they did. It was in the way we fought and I wanted to throw a brick at his face, and then kiss the wound and make it better. You know, after he bled out for a little bit. Or in the way we irritated each other…him more so than me. We weren’t perfect, but there was no such thing as perfect.

  Except for Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. I’m ninety-nine-point-nine percent positive they’re the only couple on earth that was the definition of perfection itself.

  “So, you want to be with me?”

  “Yes, Paisley. It’s you I want to be an idiot with. Not anyone else.”

  I giggled. “Sounds romantic.”

  “Oh, it is.” He brushed some hair behind my ear, his thumb circling my cheekbone. “And it’ll work, because you’re awkward as hell. We’re a match made in heaven.”

  I clicked my tongue. “You sure know how to make a girl feel special, huh?”

  He flicked my nose. “I seem to recall just how I made you feel using only my fingers not too long ago.” He winked at me. “Anyway, you can’t tell me you’re not awkward, babe. Are you forgetting the message you left me? I had to think about the possibility of some preschooler pretending to be potty trained and hiding diapers in his briefcase as an adult because he never learned how to piss in a toilet.”

  I covered my face in embarrassment over that stupid recording, but he peeled my wrists away. “Don’t hide from me. You’re going to keep me entertained. And I’m sure I’ll keep you on your toes with all the stupid things I’m bound to say and do.”

  “You anticipate that’ll happen often?”

  “As much as you stay awkward.”

  I make a face. “That’s a lot.”

  “Yep.” He pecked me on the cheek. “But I think you’re looking forward to it. Keeps the romance alive.”

  “Potential fights?”

  “Makeup sex,” he countered.

  Heat spread from my neck up.

  I looked down momentarily but he tipped my chin back up. “What’s going through your head?”

  I wet my bottom lip. “I’m afraid you’ll get bored with me. I don’t know how to date or do…stuff. I mean what are the rules?”

  He stared blankly at me. “There are no rules. Dating isn’t like Monopoly. If there were rules, it’d be boring and tactical.”

  I huffed. “You’re an army guy. Isn’t tactical supposed to be your thing?”

  He studied me for a second. “Retired army guy, actually. I’ve been working toward finishing my service for a few months now, training people, tying off loose ends. I’m very much unemployed right now, which I know doesn’t sound very sexy but…”

  “You’re not in the army anymore?”

  I held my breath as I waited for the answer. If he was officially done with his service, that meant he’d stick around. I wouldn’t have to watch him leave every time he was stationed somewhere new, worried about his safety or wondering if he was going to come back.

  He’d stay with me.

  He shook his head in reply.

  I blew out a breath. “So, you’re staying?”

  He nodded. “Where does that leave us?”

  I paused. “I don’t know.”

  “Where do you want it to lead, Paisley?”

  To you.

  “I…” I cleared my throat. Could I tell him that? Admit that I wanted him like I hadn’t wanted anybody else?

  Instead, I said, “I want to know what being wanted feels like. But I can’t take being left again. When you called me Kristen…it felt like I should have just given up there. A girl can only take so much rejection before she gives up for good. And telling you to leave that morning…it was easier than watching you go on your own.”

  “I’m not leaving,” he promised me. “I won’t. Whatever problems we have, we’ll face together. Because we’re going to fight, Paisley. That’s what couples do.”

  Couples? As in…

  “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

  He grinned. “Does this mean that you’re finally giving into my charm? I don’t have to keep bringing you pizza or candy?”

  I huffed out a breath. “If we’re going to do this, you should know there will be plenty of pizza in our future. Chocolate, too. And I’m not talking just Hershey’s, but Ferrero Rocher and those assorted chocolate boxes that cost a kidney to buy. You owe me for the little Kristen remark.”

  He chuckled at my outburst. “I’ll keep that in mind when Valentine’s Day comes around.”

  It was only September. Was he really thinking that far ahead? That seemed like a big commitment to make right after the fight we had. I hadn’t even said I’d be his girlfriend for crying out loud.

  “You’re thinking again,” he noted. “Does it make you uncomfortable that I’m planning ahead?”

  Uncomfortable was the exact opposite of what I felt. But forming that into words wasn’t so e
asy for me. I hadn’t even thought about who was in my future—besides Mashed Potato. But seeing him with his nephews made me realize that I wanted more than a job I loved. I wanted a man to love too. One who loved me just as equally.

  I wrapped my hand around his. “This is the first time that doesn’t absolutely terrify me. Seeing you with the boys kind of cemented it for me. I like you again.”

  “Again?” he huffed.

  “You called me your ex’s name,” I deadpanned.

  He nodded. “Point taken. Is this your way of asking me if I’ll be your baby daddy? You have a thing for dad bods, don’t you?”

  If dad bods looked like his…

  I swatted his arm. “It’s the way you care,” I admitted, laughing. “I pegged you all wrong when we first met. Watching you play with your nephews made it impossible not to be attracted to you so much more than I already am. It melted away the douchiness.”

  He hooked his arm around me slowly, drawing me into his side. “It’s your ass for me.”

  I tried to be angry over his response, but my wavering lips gave away my obvious amusement.

  “Kidding.” He smirked. “You’re the kind of girl that’s beautiful because you don’t realize you are. I’m blinded by you.”

  Closing my eyes, I leaned into him, taking in the woodsy scent he always seemed to have. “You can’t say stuff like that, Cal.”

  “Does it make you all hot and bothered?”

  I rolled my eyes over his theatrics, giggling when I saw him wiggling his brows. “Not with two kids in the other room.”

  He groaned, combing his fingers through my hair before pulling back. “You’re breaking my heart, babe. What’ll happen when we have our own?”

  Before I could answer him, he brushed our lips together. They were subtle touches—sweet, endearing. Each one lasted a little longer as his hands roamed up my arms, biceps and shoulders until he had the side of my neck cupped with one hand and the other pressed against the small of my back.

  I arched my back, tilting my head toward the side to deepen the kiss. Before it could get any further, my phone started buzzing from behind us.

  “It could be your sister,” I breathed, pushing lightly on his chest.

  He sighed loudly, backing up. “She really knows how to kill a mood.”

  I shook my head, walking out of his hold to answer it.

  “Hey, how’s Tony?”

  There was talking in the background that made it hard to hear. “He’s complaining that Five Guys doesn’t deliver, so I’d say he’s doing just fine.”

  I smiled. “That’s good. The boys are asleep in my room. Caleb got them settled in their favorite jammies and read them a book.”

  “He’s still there?”

  I glanced at Caleb, who was probably listening in on the conversation. “He’s staying for the boys.”

  She laughed doubtfully. “If you say so, hon. I’m just glad you guys are in my life. You couldn’t have quit your job at a better time.”

  Caleb’s eyes flashed to mine in silent inquiry, obviously eavesdropping.

  Her voice was muffled as she talked to somebody in the background. “Anyway, they’re going to release him early tomorrow morning, so we’ll grab the boys first thing.”

  “No rush. They’re being great.”

  She blew out a heavy breath. “Just wait. You haven’t seen Andy when he’s hungry. Imagine me, but ten times worse.”

  Caleb nodded. I pushed him away and tried walking around him in case Iris said something embarrassing, but he caught my waist and held me against his front, caging me in a tight hug.

  “I’ll send Caleb out for goodies first thing that way Andy doesn’t try eating my cat,” I muse, playfully elbowing Caleb when his hands start trailing up my sides.

  The movements made me squirm under his touch. When the warm sensations prickled the pit of my stomach over his roaming hands, I ended it. There was no way he was doing that to me while I talked to his sister.

  “Stop,” I hissed under my breath.

  “Stop what?” Iris questioned.

  I attempted to escape again. “Sorry. I was talking to my cat. You know how Mashed Potato can be.”

  “Not really,” she disagreed. “That cat hates me. I’m sure it’s because you named her after carbs.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Technically, a little girl named her. And she’s just moody and goes through an I-hate-everyone stage.”

  “She loves me,” Caleb purred into my ear, loud enough for Iris to hear it.

  Iris gagged. “Don’t be gross.”

  Caleb’s chest rumbled against my back. “I was referring to the cat. Not Paisley’s pus—”

  “That’s my cue to hang up,” Iris cut him off quickly. “Tony is about to go full Hulk mode if he doesn’t get some actual food, so I need to go hunt down a burger before the poor nurse gets a chunk taken out of her hand.”

  Once I hung up, I folded my arms on my chest and eyed him. “Was that really necessary?”

  He shot me a satisfied smile. “Just making sure the world knows that your cat loves me.”

  “She can read between the lines.”

  “Good,” he admonished. “I want her to.”

  Stepping away from him, I grabbed my phone charger and plugged it back into the outlet by the breakfast bar.

  “You quit your job,” he stated.

  “Well, one of them.”

  “Why?”

  I bit my lip, turning around. “Well, if I didn’t it might have made things awkward between Nate, me, and the manager that saw me tell him off in front of customers.”

  He laughed. “You told him off?”

  I cringed, and then giggled. “I told random women that he had a tiny penis.” My eyes bugged out of my head. “Not that I’d know!”

  He snorted. “That’s fucking gold.”

  “But,” I relented, “that isn’t really why I quit. I wasn’t happy, and I figured it was time to make a change. If I’m not going to have a life, I’d rather it be because I went to school and gave myself a chance at being happy one day versus working nonstop and being miserable.”

  His look of admiration made me blush.

  “But telling him off was an added bonus.”

  He cracked a grin, causing me to smile. “I’m going to show you off,” he informed me, sitting on the stool behind me.

  He pulled me backwards onto his lap.

  I sighed heavily, turning to face him.

  “I’m going to crush you,” I whined self-consciously, trying to push off him.

  “You weigh nothing, Paisley,” he scolded.

  “Now that’s a damn lie,” I grumbled. “But it’ll get you brownie points.”

  “I mean it,” he insisted. “Women are their own worst enemies. Can’t you see what I see? You’re beautiful, and I will tell you that every damn day if I have to. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m a persistent man.”

  “No,” I gasped. “Really?”

  He nipped at my neck. “Always a smartass,” he noted into my neck.

  Thinking back to the day we first met at the motel, I said, “With a good ass, as I recall.”

  His hands found my butt and squeezed, causing me to jerk on his lap. “Would you stop that!”

  He nuzzled my neck with his nose. “Can’t help it. There’s a lot to love in that department. Frankly, I can’t wait.”

  I used my hair as a shield to hide my burning face.

  “Don’t get shy on me now,” he teased, moving my hair over my shoulder. “I’m not lying, Pais. The world is going to see a lot of us—our family and friends especially.”

  “Why?”

  His hand slowly traveled up my thigh, drawing the material of my dress up with it until my calves were exposed. His hand stopped its exploration when it reached my upper thigh, his thumb dancing closer and closer to where I wanted it until I had to squeeze my legs together.

  “Because you’re mine,” he growled.

  My breathing picke
d up as I shifted on his lap, so I straddled him like I had on the couch. I relied on him holding onto me since there wasn’t much space. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if the stool was meant to hold our combined weight.

  I didn’t care if it broke. It was the one that Nathan put together, so it’d be one less memory of him hanging around. Then again, I was too cheap to just say goodbye to thirty dollars. That equaled at least two large pizzas and an order of wings from New York Pizzeria.

  I thumbed Caleb’s bottom lip. “Hi.”

  His smile was light, but his eyes were balls of fire that told me he wanted to do a lot more than just sit here and chat.

  “Hi. What are you thinking about?”

  “Pizza.”

  “Naturally,” he replied.

  We smiled at each other for a long moment. I wet my bottom lip, watching Caleb track the movement and grip my hips just a little tighter.

  “We might break the stool,” I told him.

  His eyes flashed. “That’s fucking hot.”

  I held back my laughter. “Sorry, horndog. I meant that I’m ninety-nine percent sure our combined weight will break this.”

  His eyes darkened. “There go the fantasies in my head. They were nice while they lasted.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m just warning you. I’d hate to have you get sodomized by a metal bar.”

  He stared at me for a long moment, then nodded and stood up, with me clinging to his body. “Can’t say that sounds enjoyable. How about we move this to the couch?”

  “I’m not sure what we’re ‘moving’ to the couch, but it should be G rated,” I informed him as he sat in the middle of the cushions with me still straddling him.

  He pushed my hair away from my face, studying every little freckle he could find. “Fair enough. I can wait. I plan to take my time with you, Paisley. I’d hate to have two little boys ruin all the things my mouth has yet to be acquainted with.”

  His husky tone went straight to my core, my breath hitching as I tried relieving the heat that crept between my legs. But the more I squirmed, the worse it got, so I stopped moving altogether.

  “You’re not playing fair,” I grumbled.

  He grinned. “Didn’t your parents ever tell you that life isn’t fair?”