Crumbling Walls (Jack and Emily #1)

by Laura Strandt

  Suddenly, Emily’s eyes filled with tears and she walked into his arms, careful of sore spots, but, nonetheless, wrapping herself in his familiar warmth, “I’m sorry.”

  Kissing the top of her head, “I’m sorry, too.”

  Elizabeth watched in silence for a minute before reluctantly interrupting with a subtle cough.

  “Yeah, Ma?”

  “You two hungry at all?”

  Jack hoped Emily would say no, but her stomach won out over telepathic messaging, “Starving.”

  Elizabeth turned to her son, “Did you leave any soup and Jell-O or do I need to make another batch?”

  Slapping on a cheery face, “There’s some left of both, but between us it’ll probably be gone tonight.”

  “Well, once we get you to the dentist tomorrow morning, we’ll find out just when you can get back on solids.” Turning to Emily, “As for you, feel up to gumming some pasta or you want to stick to the liquids?”

  Her belly growled in response, “I’d love to try the pasta. If I look at more Jell-O, it’ll be too soon.”

  With a laugh, “Tim basically lived on Jell-O for almost a week when he got his wisdom teeth out. He still makes a face every time I make it.”

  Jack held his half-smile until both had left for the kitchen, then his face returned to what would soon become his everyday, slightly sad countenance. He stood there until Elizabeth popped her head back in, “You coming or you gonna stand there all day?”

  With a silent sigh, “Coming.”

  ▪▪▪

  Emily had taken a tour of her new room and fallen asleep there later that afternoon. By the time she woke up, the troops had returned and everyone pretty much settled right into suddenly having a girl in the house, well, another one aside from their mother. She had napkins tossed at her at dinner when she asked for one, she knocked over her glass of water with her cast and when she dropped a forkful of pasta on the floor, Sam scooped everything up in his hand, blew on them and promptly handed them back for her to finish eating.

  She fell in love with every one of them all over again.

  And it was too busy for anyone to notice how little Jack ate or talked for that matter.

  ▪▪▪

  After Elizabeth had helped her into her pajamas, she settled in the living room with the rest of the family and made it until nine o’clock or so before she finally had to throw in the towel. Saying goodnight to everyone, she locked eyes with Jack for just a second longer and, as she headed up the stairs, she warmed as she felt him get up to follow her.

  Stopping next to her bed, she turned and found Jack standing there, his bruised hands dangling from his belt loops, “Need anything?”

  She shook her head, “No. I just wanted to say goodnight.”

  Still not moving, “G’night.”

  Suddenly confused with the way he was acting, “Okay. Um, are you going back downstairs?”

  “For a few minutes. I need to grab my iPod. It’s on the couch.”

  “Okay, well, I’ll see you in the morning then.”

  Finally he moved towards her, leaning in to give her a quick kiss, “Sorry, I’m just tired I guess.”

  Reaching out with her good hand, she gently touched his stitches, “You seem more sad than anything.”

  With a shrug, he turned to go back downstairs, called quietly over his shoulder another goodnight.

  ▪▪▪

  Emily half woke when everyone else drifted to bed, then, again, around three in the morning when she heard the toilet flush. She had only slept upstairs with everyone once and, even though it seemed she woke to every random mumble and stray snore, she still smiled. She had a lot to get used to and, closing her eyes, she was about to drift off again when she heard footsteps pass her doorway. Figuring it had to be someone on the way to the bathroom, she finally went back to sleep.

  ▪▪▪

  Living with eight other people was so totally out of Emily's realm of understanding that, by the end of that first weekend, she felt more exhausted than she thought possible. She hadn't been doing much, but just keeping track of so many people's habits, conversations, likes, dislikes, jokes and more that she dropped to her bed by Sunday night thinking there was a good chance she'd be sleeping at least until the following Thursday.

  Sam, who should have been too small to worry about such things, stopped by her door before going to bed, climbing carefully onto her mattress to give her an extra long hug. Scooting as close as possible, he whispered in her ear, “You’re doing great, Emily. You haven't screamed once and you've been here four whole days. Even Grandma tells us to shut up for ten minutes or her head will explode.” Sitting back, he studied her critically, his face wrinkled up and his head tilted, “I'm glad you live here now and you can tell me to leave you alone any time you want to. I won't get mad … promise.”

  It both broke her heart and made her smile. The need to scream she'd been feeling quieted the minute Sam told her she was not the only one who felt it and she hugged him back as best she could, her ribs and her clumsy cast dictating how tightly she squeezed, “I think I just need to learn a few things to get up to speed and I'll be fine.” Winking over his head at Jack, who'd heard most of the exchange, “And just to let you know, I would never tell you to go away … Dave, maybe, Jack, probably, Tim, most definitely, but never you.”

  Sam wiggled and grinned when she gave him two kisses on each cheek then poked him off her bed, “Goodnight, Mister Sam.”

  “G'night, Emily.”

  After Sam headed down the hall, Jack leaned a little further into her room before going to make sure his brother had actually gotten into bed and under the covers, “Probably?”

  Struggling to stand, she kissed him quickly, “Just kidding.”

  After kissing her back, “I know. Now go to bed. You look more tired than Dad does after an 18-hour day.”

  Choosing not to comment on the fact that he looked just as tired, she was out within minutes of putting her head to the pillow and, for the first time in several days, not even waking up when everyone else came upstairs.

  She slept through the commotion of getting ready for school, unaware that Elizabeth had taken pity on her and shut her door before the real noise could begin. It was after nine when Emily finally opened her eyes and, getting downstairs a little while later, she found Elizabeth sitting quietly on the living room floor, not doing anything but sitting still in the silence. Emily studied her for a moment, then, as quietly as she could, she sat down cross legged in front of her, shut her eyes and listened to nothing.

  It felt nice after the weekend of chaos, but Emily found herself frowning slightly.

  By then, Elizabeth had opened her eyes and asked her, “Why so down? Feeling okay?”

  “Yeah, I just … I love it here and completely appreciate all that you and Will and everybody else are doing for me, but ...” by now, her eyes were smarting, threatening to spill over, “but it gets really loud here sometimes and crazy and I'm enjoying the quiet right now and,” her face crumpled at this point, “I'm sorry.”

  Not being able to help herself, Elizabeth laughed, not a condescending laugh, but a relieved chuckle, “Is that all? Emily, wonderful, beautiful, intelligent girl, why do you think I'm sitting on the floor at nine-thirty on a Monday morning? I crave quiet like Nate craves peanut butter. ” Leaning forward a little, “I guess I just figured you were here enough to have gotten used to it, so I didn't pay attention and I'm sorry for that.”

  All she could do was nod, then, “Sam said his grandma never makes it as long as I have without telling everyone to shut up for ten minutes.”

  Elizabeth hugged her tightly, “Sam is very correct. There were eight of us kids growing up and she started the ten minute thing even before my youngest brothers were born. She waits the full ten minutes while everyone sits there in silence, then she tells them to 'commence with your insanity' and begins tickling everyone she can reach which, really, just makes it louder because everyone knows it's comin
g and tries to be the first to escape.”

  Already feeling better about things, “Would everyone really sit there for that long?”

  Nodding, “It was especially funny when my dad got caught with us. He would sit there, fidgeting whenever Mom wasn't looking and, since we couldn't laugh, this made us want to laugh more. When she turned around though, he would straighten up, looking at us like we were being awful while he was perfection on a chair.”

  Finally, she laughed, “I really need to meet these people.”

  Elizabeth stood, pulling Emily up carefully beside her, “If not before, you'll definitely see them at Tim's graduation party, but, for now, how about you come in the kitchen with me, get some breakfast while I make my grocery list and reassure you that it's okay to disappear into your room for awhile or go for walks or just hang out alone in the backyard? I don't want you to feel obligated to be with us all the time.” After seeing Emily nod, “You went from one of one to one of nine overnight, but it's okay to still be the person you were before all of this, and I, for one, don't want you to change. I love you for you.”

  “You are totally making me cry again.”

  Handing her a bowl of cereal with a watery smile, “I'm about to as well so here, eat your breakfast.”

  Things got easier for Emily after that and, soon enough, she was disappearing upstairs or losing herself in a book on the back porch, bundled up against the spring chill in the air. She never, however, told anyone to go away if they interrupted her, happy in the knowledge that they cared enough to come find her in the first place.

  In the week since she’d moved in, she also discovered, very quickly, to lock the door to the bathroom. Luckily she was only brushing her teeth when Tim busted through the door. Enjoying the deep shade of red he turned and the fumbling apologies he made as he backed quickly out the door, she couldn't stop him fast enough from running smack into Jack, who didn’t look pleased when Tim knocked him into the hallway wall.

  Emily was returning to school today and couldn’t keep the fluttering in her stomach down, so the Tim distraction was just what she needed and she told him as much.

  Still red, “Glad to be of service.”

  With a smile, she continued to her room and finished getting ready, leaving only the button on her pants undone because, given the cast position, she still hadn’t mastered the art of getting completely dressed.

  Snagging Jack as he walked back past her room, “Can you close this for me?”

  Thinking it was just her bag or something, he came in. The problem was she was now standing there in front of him, holding her shirt up slightly and with the top of her jeans open. “Um, your pants?”

  “Yeah. I can’t make my fingers work the stupid button just yet. I’ve been living in pajama pants for a week now.”

  Hesitating, he sat down on the bed, “Come here.”

  She went to stand in front of him, still holding her shirt, “I just hope I don’t have to go to the bathroom today or else you’re gonna be doing this in the hallway.”

  He didn’t hear her because her bellybutton had him entranced. Reaching up slightly, he twisted the button and closed it quickly, then, scooting forward a bit, he settled his hands on her hips. Without a word, he kissed the exposed skin of her belly. Sliding his hands up under her shirt, he would have continued had his mom not called up the stairs, “Em, do you need any help or are you all set?”

  Praying her voice was steady, “I’m fine. I’ll be down in a minute.” Missing the feel of his hands on her skin given he’d pulled them off of her immediately, “Um, we should probably get going or else we’ll be late.”

  He leaned forward, resting his head on her now t-shirt covered stomach, “I miss you.”

  “I’m right here.”

  As he shook his head, he closed his eyes, “You’re the only thing that seems real sometimes and I haven’t been able to touch you in a week. There’s always somebody around and …” he trailed off, “I just want to touch you. To know you’re still okay.”

  Pulling him up, she ran her fingers over his shadowed eyes and the still healing line where his stitches had been taken out the day before, “I’m real, Jack. I promise.” Slowly, she pressed her lips to his and slipped her tongue into his mouth, which he opened gladly.

  Elizabeth was just about to come upstairs to get them when the pair came down, Jack’s arms full of both his and Emily’s things. “Sorry, Mom, had to get her stuff for her.”

  She dutifully ignored the smile on her son’s face, something she hadn’t seen all week.

  This was the last real smile anyone saw for quite awhile and Emily was not the only one to realize it.

  Chapter 26

  School went much better than she expected. She had kept up with the homework and, even with her left hand, was able to take readable notes and get through her exams with time to spare.

  She and Jack also sneaked moments whenever possible, usually in the art room or in the back hall by the band room. Jack lived for these minutes because there wasn’t much other reason to go to school at this point. He studied, he did the homework, he tried to pay attention in class, but running on about two hours of sleep a night was a rather sufficient killer to his memory and his attention-span.

  He took the tests and, confident he knew the information when he walked in the door, found himself unable to answer anything in-depth. He could squeak by with the multiple choice, but short answer and essays were killing him. Since the teachers knew what had happened, they allowed him leniency, but still, within six weeks or so, he was near failing everything.

  He had no idea how to tell his parents what was wrong; he could barely look at them, let alone talk to them with this much guilt looming. So, he went to school under the pretense of learning, but really, he only lived for the times he had Emily close to him. These were the only times he could let the horrible feelings inside him go, because she was standing there, whole and perfect and alive and beautiful.

  ▪▪▪

  Will watched him. Watched him get lost in thought, sitting over his plate at dinner staring at his pile of cooling mashed potatoes until Emily nudged him lightly on the arm. Watched him eat breakfast with shadowed eyes and his face free of any pillow marks, indicating he, yet again, didn't seem to have laid down the night before. Watched him trudge off to school, backpack heavy on his shoulders and Emily's hand firmly in his. Watched him do things that were out of the ordinary for his second son, but not for someone who had done something extraordinarily out of the ordinary.

  Since the night he’d bought Jack home from the hospital and wound up holding his sobbing son on the bathroom floor, Will had been watching. Jack caught him more than once, to which he’d offer up a half-smile, “Geez, Dad, take a picture. It’d last longer.”

  “Just wanted to know how you were doing? Looks like you haven’t slept much lately.”

  His dark blue eyes flashed momentarily before settling back down, “Yeah, but I can manage.”

  “Bad dreams?”

  With a shrug, he gave the answer he assumed his dad wanted to hear, “Some, but I’m fine. I come down and watch TV for awhile and end up falling asleep on the couch.” Then, mustering up what he thought was a full-on, happy Jack grin, “But what I could really go for is a vacation. Got any of those lying around?”

  “Jack.”

  “Dad, I’m fine. I’m tired, but I’m fine. School is school and work is work and I need to eat more vegetables and clean my room and write term papers and buy some new shoes and go to the movies and bake hundreds of cookies. I’m a kid and I’m fine.”

  Will accepted this for the moment, seeing a glimmer of his boy’s humor and deciding maybe he really did just need some time, “Okay, okay. Remember though, your mom and I need to know if you need anything, all right? Be it new shoes or somebody to scream at.”

  Getting up and hugging Will tightly, Jack simply wished that everyone would leave him alone.

  ▪▪▪

  Will gave it u
ntil mid-April and, seeing that Jack didn’t look much worse for wear but definitely did not look better, moved to his second source of information. Finding Tim alone was easier than he'd expected. One day, in the garage, Will watched Jack pedal out of the driveway on his way to work then turned to Tim, “Do you have a minute?”

  Continuing his digging for a screwdriver in one of the various toolboxes, “I've got about two hours worth of them. What's up?”

  “How's Jack doing?”