Risk and Reward

by Rachael Duncan

  “You’ll be okay here by yourself?” He hasn’t left my side in a week. I love him for wanting to make sure I’m okay, but it’s a little suffocating.

  “I think I can manage while you’re gone.” My face softens to let him know I appreciate his concern.

  “Okay. It’ll only take me twenty minutes or so. I’ll set the alarm on my way out.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll clean up the kitchen and start getting ready for the day while you’re gone.”

  Ten minutes later, Nate’s giving me a kiss before walking out the door. I pick up our dishes and load them into the dishwasher. It’s very still in here; the only sounds are the thoughts running around in my head. Now that the cops know who they’re really looking for, maybe they’ll find him soon.

  My hand rests on my stomach as I look out the back window in the kitchen, staring off into space. What if this isn’t resolved by the time the baby is born? What will we do then? I can’t risk him hurting the baby. The image burned into my mind of Choco comes quick and unwanted. My stomach twists in knots and I feel nauseous.

  Nowadays, I never know if the nausea is from the pregnancy, or stress. My friends have told me I need to try to calm down to keep from hurting the baby, but we all know that’s not possible right now. I won’t be able to relax until he’s caught and put behind bars.

  The front door opens followed by the warning beeps of our alarm system, giving Nate about thirty seconds to punch in his code before it goes off.

  Beep.

  Beep.

  Beep.

  When the sound goes on longer than usual, I turn around and freeze.

  Ethan.

  “Turn it off,” he demands. He has a crazed look in his eyes as he stares at me. He’s pale, his hair is everywhere, and his clothes are wrinkled and dirty. He is the epitome of deranged, and he’s currently in my living room.

  My mouth parts, wanting to yell and scream at him to get out, but nothing comes out.

  “Turn off the fucking alarm!” he shouts, raising a gun in the process. A whimper leaves my lips. “Now!” I jump at his outburst.

  I don’t have long before the alarm is set off, so I run to the keypad. My hand trembles as I fumble with the code, entering it incorrectly.

  “Hurry!” he screams, making me jump.

  Fighting against habit, I punch in my panic code, which silences the alarm but notifies them that I’m in distress and need help. My only hope is the cops get here before it’s too late.

  I swallow hard and turn to face him on shaky legs. “Wh-what do you want?” I hate my voice sounds so weak and afraid.

  He lowers the gun and tilts his head to the side. “Isn’t it obvious? I want you.”

  I shake my head. “No, you don’t. You could do so much better than me. You deserve a girl who doesn’t have baggage and can commit to you like you’ll commit to her.” If I can buy some time and keep him talking, I have a chance of making it out of here alive.

  His eyes narrow. “I don’t want to do better. You’re perfect for me in every way. Why can’t you see that?” He says the last part through clenched teeth.

  Despite the rapid beating of my pulse, I will myself to remain calm even though all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. “Eth—Cameron, you don’t really know me. We had fun, and I enjoyed hanging out with you, but I’m doing you a favor.”

  His jaw ticks as his eyes widen, sending my already increased heart rate skyrocketing. “Who have you been talking to? You weren’t supposed to know that.”

  I debate my options: lie, or tell the truth. I go with the truth since I’m a horrible liar. “The, uh, police told me.” I look down, afraid to see the rage that I’m sure will take over his expressions.

  “Why are the cops looking into me?” I’m shocked by his even tone, and when I look up, I see it matches his face. He seems genuinely curious as to why the police are digging up information on him, and that adds to my anxiety. Does he have himself convinced he’s done nothing wrong?

  “My dog,” I whisper. “You killed my dog.”

  He shakes his head adamantly. “No, that wasn’t me,” he insists.

  “Who was it?” I ask in a gentle voice, trying to avoid agitating him while buying some time.

  “Maybe he fell,” he offers as explanation. I blink several times to rid my eyes of the tears that pool in them. “Why would I do that? You love Choco,” he says when I don’t reply. I study him closely, taking in his impassive expression. Does he really believe what he’s saying? It’s as if he’s lost all touch with reality, making me more nervous than before.

  “Yes, I did.”

  “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, so you know it wasn’t me.”

  “You pointed a gun at me,” I whisper to contradict his statement.

  He lifts the gun, the barrel pointing up to the ceiling, inspecting it. “I wasn’t going to hurt you with this; I just needed you to shut it off before we were interrupted.”

  “Interrupted from what?” Needles prick my skin and I’m afraid to hear what he’ll say.

  His head flinches back, like he’s confused by my question. “Being together.” His response is so matter of fact I want to panic. “You, me, and the baby.”

  I have to bite my lip hard to keep from crying out, but I can’t stop the tears that stream down my face as fear grips me and refuses to let go.

  Much like Ethan.

  He walks closer to me and my whole body stiffens. Picking up on my body language, he halts his progress, but tilts his torso toward me and says, “I know it’s not mine, but that won’t matter.”

  “W-where would we g-go?” I ask, my voice shaking with more unshed tears.

  “We’ll figure that out later, but we can’t stay here. We’ll start over somewhere new.”

  I’m at a loss for words, and I don’t know if it’s terror stealing them from me or utter disbelief.

  At that moment, the front door opens and I know this just went from bad to worse.

  “Hey, Char—” His words die on his tongue once he sees the situation in front of him.

  “What the—” Ethan presses the gun to his head in frustration and begins to pace. My eyes cut to Nate to see all the color drain from his face. “You know what? I’m actually glad you’re here, Nate. Yeah, this is a good thing. Now Charlotte can tell you to your face that she’s leaving you to be with me and you won’t have to file a messy missing person’s report or anything like that.” He nods while he continues to pace, almost like he’s convincing himself. I stare at him in disbelief, shocked at the level of crazy he’s spewing.

  “You’re not taking her,” Nate says firmly, his posture strong and determined.

  Ethan freezes mid-step before facing him. “Yes. I. Am.” Where I expected him to blow up and yell, he’s eerily composed. I fear it’s the calm before the storm.

  “Let’s talk this through. Why her? There have been other girls you’ve liked, and I’m sure there will be more after this. Why won’t you leave like you have all the other times?”

  His calm demeanor snaps, and it’s like watching it in slow motion as his eyes flash red and narrow in anger. “I didn’t want to leave them!” he screams. “None of them understood. But Charlotte understands, she just doesn’t know it yet.” His attention focuses back on me and I nearly collapse as he approaches, retreating until my back hits the wall.

  “No! Get the fuck away from her!” Nate comes toward us, but Ethan raises his gun, stopping him in his tracks. My heart stops beating as I fear for the one I love while we watch our worst nightmare play out.

  Nate puts his hands up in surrender. “No,” he says as he shakes his head in fast movements. “You’re not leaving me. They all leave!” His hands fly up as he beats on the top of his head as he continues to scream. “THEY! ALWAYS! LEAVE! Not this time though!” He moves toward me again, reaching out with his free hand, when there’s a pounding on the door.

  “Raleigh Police Department,” a man yells from the outside. My heart le
aps for joy and sighs in relief at the sound of his voice. But one look at Ethan and that all disappears.

  “You called the cops?” His head tilts again while his eyes narrow to slits. “Why would you do that, Charlotte?”

  I shake my head. “I-I didn’t.”

  Boom, boom, boom.

  “Raleigh Police. I need you to open up,” he says again.

  Ethan rests the barrel along the bridge of his nose, inhaling audibly with his eyes closed. I glance at Nate, and he’s watching his every move like a tiger waiting to strike.

  “If I can’t have you, no one will. See you in the next life, Charlotte.” His tone is cold, matching his dead eyes as he points the pistol at me.

  The next series of events happen in rapid succession. The door is kicked in. Officers file in, distracting Ethan. Nate uses the opportunity to charge after him. My heart is in my stomach as Nate tackles him to the ground. No one intervenes while they struggle for control of the gun.

  There’s yelling, grunting, and shouting. None of it registers as I hold my breath and watch on in horror.

  Ethan gets the upper hand on Nate, rolling him onto his back. Ethan pulls his arm back and punches Nate in the face, the crunch of cartilage making me ill. Nate bucks his hips, throwing Ethan off balance and off of him. Nate puts his forearm against his throat as they continue to fight over the weapon.

  Two hands on my shoulders startle me as another officer pulls me away. I’m walking backwards when the gun goes off. My ears ring from the deafening sound and pieces of drywall fall from the ceiling.

  “Help him!” I shout, none of the cops making a move for fear of getting shot.

  I fight the hold the officer has on me. All I want is to get to my husband and make sure he’s okay as he continues to struggle with Ethan on the floor. As I wiggle out of his grip, the gun goes off two more times. It feels like the whole room freezes, like everyone knows the next few seconds will mean everything to me for the rest of my life.

  I forget how to breathe as they both lie on the ground motionless, Nate collapsed on top of Ethan. My hand comes up to my mouth as I wait in panic. Everyone else fades away and the pulse in my ears increases.

  No, this can’t be happening.

  Please, God, don’t take him from me.

  Finally, Nate rolls off of Ethan and lies on his back, staring up at the ruined ceiling. I rush over to him and fall to my knees, not caring that the other officers are yelling at me to get back.

  “Nate, are you okay?” I look his body over frantically and cup his face in my hands. “Nate, baby, are you hit?”

  His eyelids flutter open and his blues meet my browns. He shakes his head. “No, I’m good.”

  “Oh, thank God,” I say on a sob. My arms circle around his neck as he sits up, squeezing him as tight as I can. Glancing behind him, I see Ethan. His eyes are still open in a morbid display of mortality, and I know it’s finally over. Cops rush around us, taking the gun and making sure there’s no further threat while two of them approach Nate.

  “Hands behind your back,” one instructs him.

  “What? No, it was all him.” I point to Ethan, who remains lifeless on the floor.

  “I don’t care, ma’am. Until we get this sorted out, he needs to come with me.”

  I need Nate right now and I feel like I’m about to panic.

  “He’s okay, guys. You can let him go.” I look up and see Marcus walking toward us. The other cops back away and leave Nate alone.

  “Your nose,” I point out. It’s already swollen and I’m sure he’s going to have some nasty bruising tomorrow. I palm his cheeks as I take in his pained state.

  “I’m okay.” He takes my wrists and pulls them away from his face before holding my hands. “Are you okay?” He wipes the tears from my face and studies me. Pressing my lips together, I nod. He kisses me before pulling me into his body and holding me again.

  I take a cleansing breath, the first one I’ve had since this all began. Hell, probably before that. This journey of destruction started the day I walked out on my marriage. As we hold each other, thankful we’re both alive, I vow today will mark a new beginning where we leave the darkness of the past behind us. Of course our good memories will follow because we carry those with us in our hearts. But the sources of pain, anger, and doubt will forever remain in this moment and no further.

  Our house turns to mayhem as more police officers show up and swarm the place to examine the crime scene and ask us a bunch of questions. Marcus reviews the notes and is confident nothing will come of this. We’ll be let go without any problems given prior documentation and the fact that the officers busted in on a hostage-type situation.

  “You should probably let paramedics check you out,” Nate says. As if it’s an involuntary act, his hands go to my stomach.

  “He didn’t touch me. You came in not long after he showed up.”

  He searches my face. For what, I’m not sure, but when he’s found what he’s looking for, he seals his lips with mine in a firm kiss. His hand holds the back of my head as he molds him mouth to mine. He kisses me over and over again, murmuring words of comfort and love mixed with the salty taste of my tears. He breathes life into me, and I savor every ounce of it. My hands fist the front of his shirt, afraid to let go. I cling to him with all my might, reassuring myself that he’s still here when he was almost taken from me moments ago.

  “I was so damn scared,” he whispers against my lips. “All I could see was him taking you and the baby away from me. I-I didn’t know what to do.” He stumbles through his words a little, the events having rattled him quite a bit.

  “I was scared too,” I admit. My hands run through his hair, pushing it out of his face. “It’s finally over now and we can move on without fear, be happy, and live our lives the way we want to.”

  He pulls back and looks at me with a smile. “That’s right. You, me, and the baby.”

  I nod. “You, me, and the baby.”

  He leans down and kisses my lips softly again. I don’t know what I would do if I never got to feel his embrace, have his lips on mine, or introduce him to our baby. Above all the emotions wreaking havoc on my body right now, thankfulness is the most prominent.

  I’m thankful the baby and I aren’t hurt.

  I’m thankful Ethan can’t torment us anymore.

  I’m thankful I get another day with Nate.

  Five months later . . .

  “YOU LOOK GORGEOUS,” Nate says as he comes up behind me and kisses my neck while I look in the mirror. I smile and lean my head to the side to give him better access, which he takes full advantage of. His hands move up from my stomach and toward my swollen breasts, groaning as he massages them. “I think we have time,” he says into my ear.

  “As appealing as that is, Paige is downstairs setting up and my parents will be here any minute.” His head falls to my shoulder in disappointment. “I’m all yours later tonight.” When he looks back up at me through the mirror, his eyes light up with a promise to make sure I follow through. No need to twist my arm; all I’ve wanted to do is have sex lately.

  “Are you sure this dress looks okay?” I ask to distract him as I feel his growing arousal poking me from behind. “I’m a beached whale.” At seven months pregnant, it’s hard to find something that’s comfortable and flattering. More often than not, I forego how it looks for how it feels.

  “If I had to choose, you’d be naked, but this dress is a close second.” He winks, causing me to roll my eyes as I try to suppress my grin.

  Turning around to face him, I hang my arms around his neck in a loose grip. “Can you believe we’re going to be parents soon?”

  “I prayed for it.” His gaze holds so much warmth and love, I want to cry. Stupid pregnancy hormones. “I’m more than ready for this step in our lives, as long as you’re by my side.”

  Standing up on my toes, I kiss him. “I’m ready too.”

  “Alright, let’s get downstairs before I say to hell with the shower and k
eep you up here all afternoon with me.”

  I giggle as he swats my butt and make my way downstairs to see if Paige needs any help. She was insistent on doing it all herself, and honestly, I was more than happy to let her.

  Huggies and Chuggies!

  I stare at the banner that hangs above my kitchen island where a nice spread of food waits to be consumed. I wanted to do a co-ed baby shower so Nate could be involved. With all of our fertility issues, it felt wrong not to have him here. Most guys scoff at events like these, but I knew he’d be upset if I didn’t include him. Once I told him about the Huggies and Chuggies theme Paige was putting together, he was all about it. Truth be told, I don’t think it mattered what kind of party we were having, he’d be here regardless.

  Paige insisted on planning the whole thing not wanting to stress me out more than I have been throughout this pregnancy. I feel fortunate that both baby and I are healthy given everything we’ve been through. I just feel blessed it’s all behind us and it’ll be smooth sailing from here on out.

  Ethan—or Cameron—ended up buried in an unmarked plot somewhere outside of town. His own family wouldn’t come claim him. It’s hard for me not to feel compassion for him in that regard. How lonely and awful it must be for your family to disown you even in death. Yes, he had his problems and did some bad things, but I wonder if his parents had gotten him help when he was younger, if this would have been how it ended for him. Of course, we’ll never know, but the thought crosses my mind from time to time. I can only hope it crosses Mr. and Mrs. Nichols’s minds as well.

  “Need any help?” I ask, pulling myself from my thoughts.

  “Nope, I’ve got everything.”

  “Everything looks great in here. Thank you so much,” I say as I give her a big hug. “Lydia and Scarlett should be here in about thirty minutes or so.”

  At that moment, the doorbell rings and I waddle my way to answer it. When I swing it open, the woman I share the same eyes with stares at me, her lip already trembling as she tries to hold in her tears. “Mom.” It’s the only word that needs to be said as she throws her arms around me.