Dreamspinner Press Year Nine Greatest Hits

by Michael Murphy

  “What, then? What’s going on? What got you so down?”

  David looked away and was quiet for a moment. “I am down and I’m disappointed. I’m very, very disappointed—in you, because you’ve never failed me as badly as you did today. And what’s worse is that you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about. Now, if you’ll excuse me, the very sound of your voice is irritating to me right now, so I’m going to disconnect this call and go to bed.”

  “What’s wrong, babe?” Gray tried again, sounding desperate.

  But David wasn’t forthcoming with any information. “No, Gray. You’re on your own for this one.”

  When David didn’t say anything, Gray said, “Okay. Sleep well. I haven’t been sleeping well in our bed all by myself.”

  “Try sleeping here where they wake you every frigging hour all night long.”

  “I miss you so much. I can’t wait to have you back where you belong. I love you, babe.”

  David was silent, just staring at the computer. They ended their call, and David went to bed feeling more hurt than he ever had before.

  The following morning his tablet computer beeped at him again.

  “Yes?” David said flatly, no more in the mood for a conversation then than he had been the previous evening.

  “You feeling better today?” Gray asked.

  “Better than what?” David said, his voice flat and unanimated.

  “Better than you were yesterday?” Gray asked hesitantly.

  “I felt fine yesterday,” David told him flatly. “I felt fine yesterday, and I feel fine today.”

  “You really feel okay?”

  “Isn’t that what I just said? I’ve been telling everybody who asks me that I feel fine. I don’t know why no one is listening to me. I told you I’m physically fine, Gray. Unlike you, I do not lie to my husband. I’m just in a bad mood.”

  “I’m sorry. Are you ever going to get over being mad at me?”

  David didn’t answer but just stared at the camera. He hadn’t planned to say anything, but David couldn’t help it. “Mad at you? About making me a prisoner? I don’t think I’ll ever fully forgive you for this. With this one act, you’ve kicked the legs out from under the foundation of our relationship, Gray. And this whole thing has taught me a very valuable lesson and has made me rethink ever being willing to help you with anything ever again. But as I told you last night, I’m partly past your deceit, your treachery, you locking us up under armed guard for no reason.”

  “Then, what? Please tell me,” Gray asked, his voice just one step removed from outright begging.

  “As I told you before, you’re on your own with this one. And now, I’ve got to go do nothing. Good-bye.”

  Each of the next three days, Gray tried repeatedly to initiate calls with David, but David was in no mood to talk with him, ignoring most of those calls. David took one call from Gray each day, but spent the majority of the time they were connected waiting and listening for words that never came. He knew Gray would figure it out on Saturday night of that week, which was precisely what happened.

  QUITE EARLY on Sunday morning, David received a call from Gray. He answered it on the first ring, since he had been waiting for the call. Not only that, but David smiled broadly when he answered. “Good morning, Mr. President,” he greeted Gray, sounding extremely upbeat and cheerful. “And how are you this morning?”

  Gray looked chagrined. “Imagine my surprise last night when fifty people showed up here for dinner and a party.”

  “Really?” David asked, smiling. “Whatever for?”

  “You might have warned me,” Gray grumbled halfheartedly.

  “And you might have considered not locking me in a cell so that I had to miss my own birthday party,” David suddenly snapped at Gray. “And you might have remembered the big day and… I don’t know, maybe said something like ‘Happy Birthday!’ And besides, didn’t your crack staff have you fully briefed about what was happening?”

  “All that appeared on my schedule for Saturday night was ‘personal event,’ with no additional explanation. And to be quite honest, I was fairly busy all day Saturday. All right, I’ll say it—I was overcommitted, as usual, and didn’t even have a chance to wonder about what was happening that night until it was time for me to go to the event, and I was late getting there. I didn’t have a clue what was going on.”

  “Tell me about it,” David said. “I’ve known that for quite a while now.”

  Gray looked down, unable to look toward David. “I’m sorry,” he said at last.

  “I hope you all had a wonderful time at my birthday party. Was the food good? While you were enjoying lobster, I was eating standard hospital cuisine. I bet your food was better than mine. What about the conversations? Did people have a good time? Tell me about the cake? Did you save me a piece? I really hope you saved me a piece, although I can’t imagine that it will be any good when I’m finally sprung from hell and get back there to eat it.

  “Did anyone notice that I wasn’t there? I sure hope I was missed. I hope everything was good, because it cost me a fortune for the lobsters, the cake, the champagne, and all the other parts of the evening. It all came out of my own pocket.” David knew all about the party, because he’d been in touch with most of the guests beforehand to forewarn them. He’d asked for their advice on what to do, and they’d nearly all told him not to cancel the party, but to use it as a teaching moment for his husband. David had debated long and hard about how to handle the situation before finally deciding to do as his friends advised.

  Gray bowed his head, unable to look at the camera for a moment. When he finally spoke, he said softly, “Yes, you were obviously missed. I think it’s safe to say that it was a very awkward evening. People ate… and then left. No one had any cake. The servers cut it, but everyone refused to eat it. They said it just didn’t feel right to do so without you there. Several wanted to leave as soon as I told them you wouldn’t be able to join us.”

  “No one danced?” David asked, even though he already knew the answer from several reports he’d received.

  “No. No one danced. No one was in a dancing mood without the guest of honor present. Everyone missed you, and it wasn’t the same without you. Your friend, Giles, from London, was especially upset.”

  “I can’t blame him. He flew eight hours to be there for the party. He came over just for me—at his own expense. I think he has every right to be upset. He’s probably so pissed he may never want to speak to me again. He was doing something nice, for me, and look what it cost him in the end. In fact, a number of guests incurred expenses to attend, some getting hotel rooms for the night.”

  Gray sighed audibly. “I think we both know that a simple ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t going to be enough for this one.”

  “Ya think?” David asked.

  Gray said nothing for a moment. When he spoke, his words were hesitant and simple. “Happy birthday, David.”

  “No, Gray, it’s not my birthday,” David said to his husband.

  “It… it… it was… earlier this week, just a few days ago.”

  “That’s it. It was a few days ago. That was then, and this is now. My birthday has come and gone. It’s over. And my own husband didn’t even remember it—my own husband, and a major milestone birthday too.” Now it was David’s turn to look away and say nothing for a moment. When he spoke next, it was to ask a simple question. “Do you remember the big birthday party I threw for you three months ago?”

  “Yes. Absolutely. It was an incredible event. Everyone had a wonderful time, including me. I’ll treasure the memories of that night forever.”

  “And what birthday was that for you?” David asked softly.

  Gray hesitated for a moment, unable to look at the camera, finally answering, “Forty.”

  “So that would make this what birthday for me?”

  Gray was silent, but David was willing to wait. Finally Gray said two simple words. “The same.”

  “Say it, Gray.
Say the number.”

  “Forty.”

  “Now, it seems to me that some people pay special attention to these big birthdays, don’t they?”

  David was taking some small comfort in the look of chagrin on Gray’s face, but even that wasn’t enough to make up for the hurt he was feeling, the betrayal, and the loss of what he thought he’d had.

  “I’m so sorry, babe. I don’t know what, but I’ll find some way to make it up to you.”

  David stared at Gray’s image for a moment before he said, “It would have to be something pretty fucking incredible, and I don’t have confidence in that even being possible anymore. But before we even think about that, I have to decide whether or not I even want to see you again when I’m finally released from prison.”

  “Don’t even think such things, David,” Gray sharply scolded David.

  “I have to think such things because I don’t know the answer to them at the moment.”

  “At least now I know why you were so down earlier this week.”

  “You figured that out, did you? All by yourself? I’m truly amazed,” David snidely said.

  Gray was silent for a moment. “You know I’m horrible at remembering these things,” Gray said, looking desperate. “You always help me remember the important things. I miss you, David. So much. I depend on you. I need you every day. This has been rough on me too.”

  “I’m here because you put me here, Gray. But looking ahead to beyond this episode, you should probably make some other arrangements for the future in case I’m not there to do it for you.”

  “What does that mean?” Gray worriedly asked. “Are you ever going to forgive me for this?”

  “Forgive you? For which part? For imprisoning me needlessly? No. For lying to me? No. For not trusting me? No. I’m a little less angry with some time and distance, but forgiveness? No. But forgetting my birthday? No. For forgetting my fortieth birthday? Never,” David said simply with a decisive shake of his head. “Not a snowball’s chance in hell. For imprisoning me so that I had to spend my fortieth birthday under armed guard rather than be free to spend my fortieth birthday with my guests at my own birthday party? Not in this lifetime,” David told him.

  “This is so bad,” Gray said, unable to meet David’s gaze.

  “Yes,” David agreed.

  “I’ve screwed up so bad,” Gray said.

  “Yes, Gray, you have screwed up so bad,” David agreed.

  “I’m so sorry, David. I… I never… I’m so sorry.” He then repeated a question he’d asked several times already, “Are you ever going to forgive me for this?”

  “The answer now is still the same as it was two minutes ago when you last asked that question,” David said. “Check back in a year or two, and I might have calmed down enough to consider it, but until then, however, the answer is no. You’ve blown it so badly on all of this. You’ve… you’ve used me, you’ve disrespected my professional skills, you haven’t trusted me, you’ve deceived me. Any one of those is bad, but the lack of trust is the worst. But then on top of all of that—”

  “I’m going to send flowers—”

  “Don’t waste your money,” David snapped. “We can’t have anything like that in here. Anything you sent would have to be thrown out or it would just go to someone else. I’d never see it or even know about it. All that would do is make you feel better. It wouldn’t do a goddamned thing for me in here.”

  “When you get out, we’ll have some friends over to celebrate—”

  “To celebrate what?” David snapped loudly. “My birthday is past. And besides, I’m not sure how people would feel about having to attend the same event a second time, especially given how awkwardly the first one turned out and how much money some of them had to spend to get there for the party. What’s that old phrase? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. A number of folks like Giles had to travel a long, long ways to get there. I personally would be too embarrassed to ever invite them to another party, and if I did, I doubt that they would ever attend. For folks like Giles, it’s not cheap to fly back and forth across the Atlantic.”

  “What can I do?” Gray asked plaintively, his voice almost a desperate whine or pleading.

  David smiled an especially evil smile. “I’d say get me the hell out of here, but I know you don’t care enough to do that. You can answer one question for me.”

  “Of course,” Gray said.

  “Just why were we put initially into a tent instead of moved directly to where we are now?”

  Gray sighed. “My advisers thought it was important to keep word of your involvement completely out of the news, away from the public eye.”

  “Oh. Can I ask why?” David said.

  “They didn’t want to worry the American people, making them afraid that you were a potential future source of a deadly infection for me. My advisers wanted to keep it all as quiet as humanly possible for fear of causing a panic that I might eventually be exposed to something.”

  “You’re kidding me, right?” David said.

  “No,” Gray said. “They really are worried about that. I can’t tell you how many discussions I sat in while they debated the best approach to take.”

  “I see,” David said. “Now, as lovely as this conversation has been, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for breakfast. Have a great day. One of us should. Bye.”

  Without another word, David pressed the button to disconnect the video chat, not interested in talking with the man he thought he knew, and with whom he was now so very angry, more angry with Gray than he thought he had ever been angry with anyone in his entire life. Never, in all the years he’d known Gray, had he felt such a massive distance between them.

  David hated being angry. It just wasn’t him. It didn’t feel natural to him. He had tried so hard to forgive Gray for the entire quarantine mess, but he just couldn’t get past the fact that Gray had outright lied to him, deceived him, misled him, and screwed him, and not in the fun kind of way.

  When Gray didn’t even mention David’s birthday on the day, that was just too much. All the anger that David had released, everything he had let go, came rushing back, and he was just bubbling over with fury. He didn’t want anything special—special wasn’t possible given where he was at the moment. All he’d wanted was for his husband of ten years to remember his birthday, a milestone birthday. Was that too much to ask? Did the fact that Gray did not remember say what David hadn’t wanted to hear—that they had drifted so far apart the chasm was now too large to ever close?

  That night, as quietly as possible, David wept for the loss he felt. He wept for the relationship he’d had always valued that was gone. He wept for the way he felt—so used, so deceived. And he wept because he was afraid. Half of his adult life had been spent on his education. The other half had been spent with Gray. He didn’t remember anymore what life was like without Gray as part of it.

  David’s computer beeped at him a few more times in the days that followed, but he ignored all of those calls for several days before finally accepting one.

  “What?” David said angrily.

  “How are you doing?” Gray asked, sounding tentative.

  “Fine.”

  “Are you keeping yourself occupied okay?”

  “No.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”

  David glared at the screen before saying, “Get a very large dildo—I mean a big one—and then find a pissed-off Republican lesbian, and let her take out her aggression by ramming that dildo up your ass. You do that and let me watch. In other words, Gray, go fuck yourself.” He pressed the button to disconnect the call with no additional words.

  His conversations with Gray were a complete waste of time. Gray tried to be upbeat and David was stony, silent, just staring at the monitor, fearful that his fury would escape if he didn’t focus his every thought on keeping it in check.

  As the days slowly wore on, none of the three men in quarantine exhi
bited any signs of Marburg virus infection. David had been 99.99 percent sure from the very beginning that they wouldn’t get sick because he and the Secret Service agent had been in full protective gear.

  When David was in the mood to accept a call, Gray told him that he had been in contact with the doctors taking care of David and the others and how excited he was to hear that there was not a hint of Marburg in any symptoms or in any of the testing they had performed and continued to perform. David was polite but formal.

  Four days ahead of his release date, Gray said during one of their calls, “I can’t wait for you to get out of there and get back here. I can’t wait to throw my arms open and welcome you back to where you belong.”

  “You’re assuming one, that I want to come back there, and two, that I ever want you to touch me again,” David told him, stony faced.

  “I really hope you do,” Gray pleaded. “I miss you so much.”

  “I can really tell. It’s such a time-honored tradition to miss someone by imprisoning them needlessly. If I come back there, will you need someone to point me out in the crowd?” David asked, trying hard to be something even approaching positive.

  “Nope. I’ll be there holding the door open and when I see you I’m going to run out and wrap my arms around you and lift you off the ground while I hug the stuffing out of you.”

  “Don’t hurt yourself,” David cautioned with a smile. He was still angry, but the prospect of getting out in just a few days and going home made the anger pale by comparison. “Have you changed jobs since I left?”

  “Nope. I just want to be the first to see you. Nothing is going to keep me away from being there to hold the door open for you and to wrap my arms around you. I’m going to hug you, and then take you upstairs so you can get comfortable. I’m going to rub your feet and feed you good food, and I’m going to rub your back and do anything and everything you might want to welcome you home.”