A Pursued Heart

by Elaine Manders

  “It wasn’t easy. I was blessed. Though single parents are allowed to adopt, it’s still not easy. But Jamie didn’t have any blood relatives left—none who wanted him.”

  She reached across the table to grasp his arm. “And he’s so blessed to have you. No one would realize you weren’t his natural father.”

  “Except I don’t look like him. But I’m the one’s who’s blessed, and I love him like I would my own flesh and blood.”

  She realized she was still touching him and pulled her hand back. “Please forgive me for being so brash.”

  He smiled. “It’s all right, really. You won’t mind if I’m a little personal with you, I hope. Why are you afraid of spiders?”

  She just stared at him for a moment. It was something she guarded from most people, but something about this man made her want to trust him. “My father locked me in an old shed he said was full of spiders to punish me once. There were webs everywhere but no spiders actually got on me. It didn’t matter. I was terrified because when I younger I almost died of a spider bite. I was about the same age as Jamie when I was shut in the shed.”

  She laughed lightly. “Before that time I was bitten, I’d played with all kinds of bugs. I was something of a tomboy.”

  The waitress brought them iced tea, and Ben drank long before asking, “How did that happen—that you were bitten?”

  “It was a black widow. I’m sure of that because I was fascinated by the red dot. Actually, I played with it for a while before flicking it away. Trouble was, I didn’t notice where it landed and rolled over and it bit me on the back of my thigh. It didn’t hurt much at first, just like a mosquito bite. When I ran into the house, things turned black, and the place started throbbing. The last thing I remembered was my mother giving me mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and praying.”

  The compassion in his eyes urged her to continue, revealing more than she’d intended. “I know I was miraculously healed, Ben. I was very young and probably got things mixed up in my mind, but it was a black widow that bit me, and I did pass out. When I regained consciousness, my leg was swollen twice its size and was burning intensely, but by bedtime that night, it had gone back to normal, and the pain ebbed away.”

  She was probably making a mess of this witness. Strange, she’d never told anyone that part either. How she was healed. “I know spider bites aren’t usually fatal, even in young children, but I still believe I’d have died if the Lord hadn’t healed me.”

  “I believe you. Sounds like a miracle to me. It’s understandable you’d be afraid of spiders. A lot of people suffer from arachnophobia.”

  A lot of women, he meant. Tears rose in her eyes and she pressed a paper napkin to the corners. “What I don’t understand is how I could be physically healed like that, but assaulted with this fear. God doesn’t send a spirit of fear, so it must be from Satan, but why did God allow that? And why can’t I rid myself of it? Normally it’s easy to avoid spiders, so I just ignore it.”

  Ben surprised her by reaching across the table to take her hand. “One thing you can be sure of, Rebecca, God allows things to happen for a purpose, even if we can’t see it.”

  “You believe that?”

  He patted her hand and laid it down. “I have to. It’s the only thing that keeps me sane.”

  “How did your fiancée die, if you don’t mind talking about it?”

  “She was being stalked by her ex-husband.” He looked down at the tiled floor like he did mind talking about it. With an audible sigh, his gaze found hers again.

  “He even shot through her window while I was there the day before she was killed. After reporting the incident to the police, she wanted me to leave. Didn’t want me involved, she said. She wanted to finish some things with the house. We set up a dinner date, but she came by later and broke it, leaving Jamie with me for the night. I should have known something was wrong. I blame myself.”

  He fell silent until she asked, “Why?”

  That sadness she’d first noticed filled his eyes. “The thing is, I knew deep inside he would come back. She knew it, too. That’s why she wanted me to take Jamie. I can’t get rid of the guilt for not staying and somehow protecting her. Maybe I can deal with it someday. In the meantime, all I can do is be the best father I can be to Jamie and keep praying.”

  “I’m so sorry, Ben. My problem seems so shallow compared to yours.”

  “No, it’s not shallow. I can tell you’re a strong woman. You’ll conquer this thing some day after it’s served its purpose.”

  She searched his face. Was that the answer? God was letting her struggle with this fear to strengthen her for a purpose. Maybe because all other fears seemed so trivial in comparison. Fear of public speaking? She’d conquered that. Fear of leading? She’d overcome that, too. God worked in mysterious ways. He’d healed her mysteriously, but many times He withheld healing. Could it be for a larger purpose? She wanted to discuss this further with Ben, but Jamie came running back to the table at that moment.

  “Look Dad, I won this.” He thrust out a small plastic globe and popped it open. A toy bug fell on the table.

  Rebecca flinched before Jamie scooped it up. “It’s not a spider. It’s a beetle. Know why? It has six legs and spiders have eight. I learned that on the Science Channel.”

  Ben exchanged a knowing smile with her that said, “Watch out for big ears.” Jamie had apparently overheard her talk of spiders.

  “You’re a very smart boy. I know it’s a beetle. I’m a scientist myself—not a biologist—a chemist.”

  Jamie’s eyes widened. “Really? Like on the Science Channel?”

  Here was a way to win the boy over, and she’d take it, although she didn’t know why she wanted to win the boy over. “Yes, just like them, except I don’t talk on TV. I do guest lecture at schools around the country, though, and present experiments.” She lifted her glance to Ben. “If your dad doesn’t mind, maybe you could come visit my department, and I’ll introduce you to my science team. They can show you around their labs.”

  Their meal arrived at that moment, saving Ben from having to make an immediate commitment. All three got down to doing serious damage to pulled pork sandwiches and fries.

  As Rebecca’s physical hunger lessened, her hunger to become a part of Ben and Jamie’s life grew. He hadn’t asked for her phone number yet. Would he? Should she take the initiative? No guts, no glory was one of her favorite sayings. She opened her handbag and took out a card. In a bold move she’d never taken with any other man, she slid it across the table to Ben. “This is my business card. If you ever need a babysitter, give me a call. It’s the least I can do to pay you back for helping me tonight.”

  It was a lame excuse, but she really would enjoy taking care of Jamie. Ben took the card. “You work in the Lowell Building?”

  “Yes, I’m the Research Branch manager for Bay Pharmaceuticals.” How snooty that sounded. She hastened to add, “Brand new, in fact. I took the position just last month.”

  “Is that right? The eleventh floor, right? I’m with Jenkins Accounting on the third floor. Surprised I’ve never met you. I thought I’d seen you around. A pretty girl like you is hard to forget.”

  She swallowed the laugh in her throat, knowing it would come out like a giggle. If there was one thing a branch manager or a prospective girlfriend couldn’t do, it was giggle. “You’re kidding? I knew Jenkins was in the same building, but I’ve never seen you.” Not that she would with the hours she kept—seven-to-seven.

  “I rarely ever go above the third floor.”

  “And I’ve only been there a month. It’s a big building.”

  “It is. There must be six hundred employees on my floor alone.”

  “I don’t know how many are on my floor, maybe the same.”

  “I doubt it. The eleventh floor is the one with office suites. We have mainly cubicles, though I recently got my own small office.” He drained his tea glass and the attentive waitress was at his hand refilling it. When the att
endant left, he added, “I’m a small business accountant.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind. I don’t have a business, but I should get an accountant before tax season.”

  Ben took the time to wipe catsup off Jamie’s face. He brought out his wallet and slipped a card from its contents and held it wedged between two fingers. Rebecca accepted his business card with a smile. “I can do personal taxes, too.”

  She scrutinized the card for a moment. “I can’t believe we work in the same building.”

  “And you’re a manager on eleventh heaven?”

  “’We bring in the best minds to work on cures for the worst diseases.’ That’s our motto. Actually, the entire floor is research—chemical and biological.”

  “A noble job.” There was a note of teasing in Ben’s voice. “I just keep people out of tax court.”

  “Well, that goes to the quality of life as much as healing does.”

  “Dad, can we go soon?” Jamie asked, his eyes getting heavy.

  Ben checked his watch. “It’s later than I realized. Good we can sleep a little late tomorrow, but we still have church.”

  Rebecca stood. The time had passed much too fast for her. She frowned.

  “Do you feel better now?” Ben asked. “Your coloring is certainly better.”

  “Yes, I’m fine, and the traffic has thinned out by now. Thank you for inviting me to join you two. I’ve enjoyed it.”

  “We’ve enjoyed it too, haven’t we, buddy?”

  “Is Ms. Atkins going home with us?”

  Rebecca laughed. “No, you’re going to drop me off at my car and I’ll be on my way, but maybe we can do this again some time.” Did she really say that? There was just something about this man and his son that made her want to spend more time with them.

  She had reached the I-285 connector before reality set in. For the next several months she couldn’t think about dating. She had enemies at Bay Pharmaceuticals, men who had been expecting to land that management job. Men who didn’t think a young woman was qualified. She’d have to spend every free moment learning her new job.

  Proving herself.

  Chapter 4

  For you are still carnal. For where there are envy, strife, and division among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men. –1 Corinthians 3:3

  I always expect either too much of a man or too little. In the end, both good and bad are just men, and I cannot judge them any more than they can judge me—just a woman. –Rebecca Atkins

  If there were a time for falling in love in Georgia it would be October. Late summer and early fall blended into a perfect setting—deep blue, cloudless skies, crisp mornings, followed by golden daylight and dreamy moonlit nights.

  God’s timing was perfect, Rebecca reminded herself, even when hers wasn’t. If He wanted her to get together with Ben Atkins, He’d work it out. Until then, she’d forget about it, no matter how yummy Ben was and how perfect the setting.

  That’s what her brain told her, but her heart was having none of it. For that reason, she’d try to carve out a bit of time every weekend and maybe a loose hour here and there during the week.

  With that objective at the back of her mind, she’d stayed up until two o’clock last night studying employee files, the twenty-six scientists, anyway. The office staff wasn’t a great concern. But she’d get to know all of them, study their likes, dislikes, get to know their families, pray for them. Before she was through, she’d know her subordinates better than their mamas did.

  Too bad she’d forgotten to set her alarm. She was seriously late.

  Ignoring her stomach’s grumbling for her usual egg and jelly biscuit and coffee, she rushed right past her favorite café, making good time in the heavy pedestrian traffic. The Lowell building was only a ten-minute walk from her apartment building. Thank goodness, she didn’t have to drive like all those people sitting in grid-lock behind the wheel of their automobiles.

  When the elevator reached the eleventh floor, Rebecca remembered how Ben referred to it as eleventh heaven. If he only knew how tense things could get up here. She stepped out and her heels clicked rapidly on the highly polished floor leading to her office.

  Margaret Thames, her personal secretary, was on the phone as Rebecca nodded to her. The large mahogany door swung easily on its hinges, opening to her inner office. In a way, it was heaven. Tall windows revealed the city skyline and sunlight spilled over the plush carpet. Rebecca hung up her coat and crossed the room to her desk.

  A package sat in the middle of her glossy blotter. Strange, only one reason Margaret wouldn’t have opened it. It must be personal. It certainly wasn’t unusual for Rebecca to get personal mail—but a package?

  The thing was about twelve inches square and all sorts of postal markings covered the surface. Her curiosity turned to trepidation as she read the marks. Inspected by Customs Officer 1072. Caution. Live Animals. She could tell the entire top was perforated with tiny holes.

  Clearly this was a mistake. The package should have been delivered to the labs in Biological Research. The smaller print on the top seemed to jump out at her. Taragenda Spiders.

  She jerked back, almost tripping over her chair. Don’t be silly. Even if it contained spiders, and even if they were the most poisonous in the world, they couldn’t get out.

  Unless they already were.

  Impossible. The package was definitely sealed on all sides—except a narrow wire mesh breathing strip.

  But there was the bottom.

  Rebecca jumped when the door swooshed. Margaret came in with a steaming cup of coffee. “Isn’t this a beautiful morning.” She set the cup on the trivet on Rebecca’s desk. Her eyes narrowed as they focused on the package. “What’s this?” Margaret asked.

  “It says it’s spiders from South America. Did you see who delivered it?”

  “No—I haven’t seen any delivery men or anyone this morning. The door was locked as usual when I arrived. You weren’t expecting it, I take it?”

  “Absolutely not. Will you take it? No, wait—I’ll call Davidson. It obviously belongs in his department. He ought to know about the mix-up. Delivery men are expected to get a signature for deliveries like this—or they should. Anyway, if it’s an infraction. Davidson must know.”

  Margaret smiled and started for the door. “Oh, Margaret, one other thing. When I was going over the personnel files last night, I didn’t notice anything on my predecessor, Mr. Moran. Do you know why?”

  “I believe the personnel department swept the files before you arrived.”

  “Swept the files?”

  “Yes, Mr. Moran time was expunged from the records.” She laughed like that was a common occurrence. “He was just sitting in temporarily anyway as I understand it. You have been the official Chief of Chem from the moment of your assignment, all through your tour of orientation.”

  That was news to Rebecca. She only hoped she wouldn’t wind up expunged. “Thank you, Margaret.”

  “I’ll get Mr. Davidson on the phone for you," Margaret said as she backed out the door.

  Harold Davidson was head of Neuropharmacology Research in Bio. Rebecca hadn’t had many dealings with him, but those few times, he had been affable and professional. He came across as intelligent—certainly not someone she’d expect to run a sloppy outfit.

  “Tell him to come on in—as soon as possible.” With one finger, Rebecca pushed the package to the edge of the desk and sank into her plush chair. She opened a folder and tried to concentrate, but found herself rereading the same page of the report twice.

  The buzzer sounded. “Yes, Margaret.”

  “Mr. Davidson is here.”

  “Send him in, please.”

  Davidson, a tall, darkly handsome African-American entered. “I hope I’m not in any trouble.” He laughed and took the side chair.

  “Not at all.” Rebecca gestured to the package. “I found this box of spiders on my desk this morning. Obviously it belongs in Bio. Do you have any idea why it was sent to
me?”

  Davidson took the box and inspected it. “None at all. It’s clearly addressed to my department. The delivery man must have made a mistake.”

  “It would seem so. Don’t you require such deliveries to be signed for?”

  “We do.” He frowned. “The ticket has been torn off, so I assume someone did sign for it.” He gave her a level stare. “I’ll get to the bottom of this.”

  “I’ve no doubt you will. Is everyone in the department authorized to sign for deliveries?”

  “Yes, but maybe I should change that to division heads.”

  “I think that would be advisable, not for every delivery, but certainly for specimens.”

  “I’ll change the policy, effective today. Is there anything else, Ms. Atkins?” He got to his feet.

  Rebecca stood and reached out to shake his hand. “Just take this with you, and thank you for coming so promptly.”

  Davidson started across the room, then pivoted. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I hired a new scientist, Derek Gammon. Heard of him?”

  The name did sound familiar, but Rebecca couldn’t place him at the moment. “It’s possible. I might even have met him. Gammon rings a bell.”

  “His credentials are impeccable. He was in contention for the position you hold. Maybe that’s why he sounds familiar to you.”

  “That’s likely. We might have met at the interview panel, but there was a roomful of applicants. I still can’t believe I was selected.”

  “Don’t sell yourself short, Ms. Atkins. You have a great resume and Dr. Breckenridge said your interview score was the third highest in the country.”

  She knew. That’s what had put her in contention, but words like that always made her feel humble. How had she acquired this job when so many others were seemingly better qualified? Dr. Breckenridge had assured her it was because she had something one couldn’t attain through education or experience—perception.

  Davidson had no sooner left when her private line chimed. A dart of hope speared her. Maybe it was Ben. “Hello.”