Here With Me

by Alla Kar

  “Did someone toss it on you?”

  “No!” I yell into the phone.

  “Calm down, J. Love you.”

  “Okay, see you soon. Love you, too.”

  I press the END button and cram my phone into my jeans pocket. Cade is staring at me when I glance over. “What?”

  He shrugs. “You need anything from uptown?”

  I shake my head. “Adam is picking up the stuff for dinner.”

  “You say it like you don’t want to cook.”

  “I don’t. I’m a girl, but that doesn’t mean I like to cook. I’m cooking to be nice, and because I have nothing else to do.”

  Cade turns down the music and leans against his door. “Really? I would imagine you would have boys lined up with that great personality you have going on.”

  “Fuck you,” I say before I can stop it.

  Lifting an eyebrow, his eyes settle on my breasts, then my thighs. “Be careful what you wish for, Princess. You may just get it.”

  Heat creeps up my cheeks and covers my face. “Shut up,” I whisper. I keep my eyes locked on the window the entire way home. Cade sings along to the radio and drums his fingers against the steering wheel to the beat.

  ***

  When we finally get home, I go straight to the shower. I peel off my soaked clothes and toss them in the hamper. The water scorches my skin, but it numbs my thoughts so I don’t care.

  I scrub myself until I’m burning from the friction of the washcloth. Tears mix with the water, and I can’t tell them apart anymore. I stay until the shower turns cold. After I’m dried off and dressed, I go to the kitchen.

  Will is in his baseball uniform, leaning against the table with a Gatorade bottle in one hand. He swipes his blond bangs from his forehead and smiles my way. “Ready to start dinner?”

  Adam shuts the refrigerator. “I got everything,” he says to me. “Need some help?”

  “No, I’ve got it.” Walking over to the fridge, I take out the hamburger meat and then grab the noodles from the cabinet.

  Adam hops onto the counter next to the stove. “So, how did school go today?”

  Ignoring him, I place the meat in the skillet and the noodles in the pot of boiling water. “Fine,” I say after he stares at me for a few seconds.

  Will leans against the cabinet beside me. “Getting to your classes okay?”

  I stiffen at his voice in my ear, but continue to fiddle with the stove. I don’t want to give him any indication that patting my ass and invading my personal space is okay for him. Even though Cade does the same thing. That’s a problem I’m still working out.

  “Yeah, it’s been fine. I guess.”

  Adam swings his feet and looks at me over his phone that he pulls out of his pocket. “Dad called me today. You have an appointment tomorrow.”

  My eyes dart toward Will’s, but I avert them back to the stove.

  Shit. I knew Dad had said I would still go to my appointments, but I was hoping he’d change his mind. “Okay, can you take me?”

  Adam shakes his head. “I can’t. I have class. What about you, Will? Can you take her? It’s at two.”

  Will shakes his head and pulls his shirt to scratch his stomach. “Sorry, Jade. I have class until two and then baseball practice until five.”

  I shrug. Another reason why I need my own car. “It’s not a big deal. I’ll call Nancy and see if she can take me.”

  I start some garlic bread, and finish cooking an hour later. As soon as I set everything on the table, everyone piles in and scoops it onto their plates. God, you’d think they’d never eaten before.

  I wait until Will and Adam have filled their plates before making my own. My mouth waters as I dish out the spaghetti and grab a piece of garlic bread.

  I’m heading toward my room when Adam waves a hand at me. He points toward the couch where Cade is sitting. I didn’t even know he was home. “Eat in here with us.”

  I eye the seat next to Cade, and he pats it before taking a big forkful of food. I internally groan, but sit down beside him.

  Will settles his empty plate on the arm of the chair he’s sitting in. “So, we decided that we’re going to have a little get-together tomorrow night.”

  Get-together? A party? I nibble on my bread and keep my eyes on my plate. Parties and I do not mix.

  “Just a few upperclassmen and whatnot.”

  “So, do you want me to leave tomorrow night?”

  Will barks out a laugh. “Hell no. You’re invited. You live here too, remember?” He gives me one of those smiles that would drop any pair of panties. “You can be my date, if you’re up for it.”

  My brother makes a coughing sound over his food and drops his fork against his plate.

  “I don’t know—”

  “Oh, come on. It’s not like you can’t go into your room if you get bored. It’ll give you a chance to introduce yourself to some other kids. Dance. Drink. Have fucking fun. You haven’t been to college until you’ve been to one of their parties.” He points toward Adam and Cade. “And who better to throw it than your roommates?”

  Crossing my ankles, I glance up at Will and nod. “I guess so, sure.”

  He throws his fist into the air and stands. “It’s a date, then. I have some homework to do. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” He gives me a sexy smile before he disappears into the hallway with his plate of food.

  My brother growls as soon as he leaves. “You are not his date, do you hear me?” He points at me, and I roll my eyes. “I’m serious, Jaden.”

  Sighing, I start in on my spaghetti. “Cool your balls, Adam. It’s just a party. You’ll be here, too.”

  Adam turns the TV on. “Yeah, but I’m planning on getting some puss—ass tomorrow night. I can’t babysit you with Will.”

  I slam my fork down onto my plate. “Then don’t. I’ll be fine. I’m eighteen, not three, Adam.”

  A scoff from beside me aggravates me. “Something funny?” I ask Cade. His plate is resting on his knees that are spread wide, both arms lying against the back of the couch.

  “Nothing funny, kid. You must want to go with him, huh?” He isn’t smiling. It looks like an honest question, but I don’t answer. I don’t want to go with Will, but better him than no one.

  “Well,” I say, tossing my napkin onto my plate, “it doesn’t really matter either way, now does it? Because it isn’t any of your business.” I push to my feet. “I’m going to bed. See you guys tomorrow.”

  Chapter Seven

  Jaden

  “I can’t come get you today. Eric is having surgery on his collarbone. Darn boy went and broke it in football. I wish I had girls,” Nancy sighs.

  Hearing her voice almost sends me into a fit of tears. “It’s okay, Nancy. I’ll get someone to take me.”

  “How are things?”

  “Okay,” I lie.

  “Okay…now tell me how things really are. Did you forget who you were talking to, girlie?”

  I smile into the phone and sit on the edge of my bed, watching my feet sway over the carpet. “I love my room,” I change the subject.

  “I knew you would. It took me five stores to find that Paris picture.”

  I glance above my desk at the huge Eiffel tower. “It’s gorgeous. I can’t wait to go. I’ve almost saved enough from taking out tiny portions from my allowance from Dad. I’m thinking summer in Paris.” Alone. All alone. Alone in Paris. Those words do not fit together…ever.

  She laughs. “I’m so happy for you. I hope you get to go, sweetie. So, are you going to tell me how things really are?”

  Damn. I tug on the end of my braid. “She’s here. In my class.”

  Silence.

  Then Nancy makes a small sound that I don’t recognize. “I thought she was going to Florida or some other bitchy university.”

  I keep my laugh at bay. Nancy doesn’t cuss a lot, but it’s always hilarious when she does.

  “I guess not.”

  “Are you okay? Has she done anything to you
? You know I’ll come up there if she is bullying you again. I won’t toler—”

  “No, it’s fine,” I lie. “I’m just nervous and overdramatizing it. I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay,” she says carefully. “Oh, crap. Here comes Eric, sweetie. Can we talk later? Maybe meet up for dinner next week?”

  “I’d love that.”

  “I love you, Jaden. Call me if you need anything.”

  “I will.” Lie. “Love you, too.” I press the END button and glare helplessly at my door. I hear the music vibrating from Cade’s room. I really didn’t want to ask him, but I see no other option.

  Slipping into some boots, I tug on a knitted pink hat and walk across the hallway. My appointment starts soon, and I don’t have long to get there. I knock a couple of times and listen. The door swings open, and he leans against the frame. His big shoulders take up most of the space.

  He’s smiling when I meet his eyes.

  “Are you busy?”

  He taps his chin. “Depends. What do you want? To come inside my room? To make out?” He grins. “To have some fun?” he whispers, and I don’t think anyone has ever said that word so sexily before. “I can unbusy myself for that.”

  Heat stains my cheeks. A low, deep heat settles in my core. “No,” I say, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I needed a ride to…um.”

  A finger touches beneath my chin and Cade drags my face to look at him. “A ride to where, Jaden?”

  With parted lips, I squirm. “Um, to my appointment.”

  He lifts an eyebrow and quickly drops his hand. “Are you pregnant?”

  “What? No! How, Immaculate Conception?”

  A loud laugh leaves his throat, and my entire body shivers. He tosses his head back and then leans down to look at me, giving me the sexiest smile I’ve ever seen. There is hesitation in the way he stops several inches away from me, but those eyes show no hesitation in mentally undressing me. “Are you saying you’re a virgin? Or that it’s been awhile?”

  God, my cheeks are probably screaming look at me! “I’m not a virgin,” I snap out.

  Cade lifts an eyebrow, the corner of his lip slowly dragging upwards. “Really?” He steps forward, all the hesitation from earlier vanishes. “So, somebody’s already touched you here,” he says, trailing five fingers across the sensitive skin of my hip to the palm of my ass, before squeezing me.

  Is this really happening? I can’t even breathe. Jolts of heat scorch my core, a sopping wetness building between my legs. I want to tell him to step away, to give me more space—but for some reason, I don’t want him to. Something inside of me is daring me to take a step closer to him, but I don’t.

  I can’t move. He watches me from under heavy-lidded eyes, his jaw tightens, and he lets go like he just realized what he was doing. “I’ll give you a ride. Let me get ready.”

  I stare at his door while I wait for him to come out. When he finally rounds the corner, he’s holding a cigarette between his teeth while he tries to light it.

  I follow him to his pickup and settle in my little corner against the passenger-side door. I give him directions quickly and we drive for a few minutes before speaking again.

  “Ready for the party tonight?” he asks. Clearly he is being a smart-ass. There is no mistaking the aggravation in his voice.

  “Not that it’s any of your business. But, yes, I’m actually excited.”

  He jerks his gaze to mine and gives me a look I can’t pinpoint. Both hands are wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, and his cigarette hangs lifelessly from his full lips. “Excited?” he echoes.

  Anger rises from my throat. What does he think I’m too young to go? Or that he’ll have to watch over me like a child? “Yes,” I snap. “I’m ready to have a night to do nothing. Just to drink and have fun. Sue me.”

  His green eyes narrow, and then he turns his gaze back to the road. “Well, I hope Will shows you a good time then.” He takes a long drag and tosses it out the window.

  “I’m sure he will,” I say under my breath.

  “What was that?” he asks.

  “Nothing.”

  He speeds into an open parking space and slams on the brakes. “I’ll be back in an hour. They’re an hour, right?”

  Humiliation burns my throat. He knows exactly what kind of appointment this is. Grabbing my purse, I nod. “Yes.” I step out of the truck and watch as he speeds away like a bat out of hell.

  Whatever.

  ***

  “How are you feeling today, Jaden?”

  I keep my mouth shut and my eyes focused on the photo of Dr. James and her family facing outward on her desk. It makes me feel like she’s an actual person and not someone that gets paid shitloads of money to listen to people.

  After the incident, my father didn’t hesitate signing me up for therapy. Since my dad is a psychologist it was easy for him to find me a good doctor to talk to. As long as it’s not him, I don’t give a shit.

  Dr. James is an older woman with big brown eyes, a small face, and lots of dyed blond hair.

  “Jaden?” she asks again. “How are you feeling?”

  “Fine.”

  She nods, wrapping her interlocked fingers around her crossed knee. “You started classes this week, correct?”

  I nod.

  “How are they going?”

  I bring my eyes to hers. She’s watching me closely, like she may miss something very important.

  “The girl that tortured me in high school decided to come to my college,” I say.

  I’ve talked to Dr. James a few times. I mean really talked to her. I never feel necessarily better, but I can always breathe easier. As badly as I try to block it out, I feel the overwhelming feeling that the air is leaving the room. Every bad memory of Selena is crushing me. Why is she here?

  She nods. “This frightens you?”

  “Yes. More than anything in my life, it frightens me. All the abuse I went through in high school. All the fucking shit I went through.” Cradling my chest, I lean down and put my head between my knees.

  Breathe, Jaden. Breathe. My head spins and everything rushes back to me. Every single moment of my life crashes against me.

  ***

  The bell had just rung, but I still sat in my desk, pretending to gather my things. My hair hid my face, but everyone knew who I was. They all talked as they filed out of the classroom. My teacher never questioned why I took so long, but I’m sure she knew.

  Everyone knew.

  A few lingering people were scattered across the hallway, but I eased down the aisle quickly, stopping at my locker. My fingers shook as I turned the black dial. 56, 60, 4.

  I picked up my books and switched them out. After closing my locker, I grabbed my backpack and darted down the south hall toward AP Chemistry. My day had gone by decently. I hadn’t had any Selena encounters. And only one person had thrown paper at my head in class.

  My fingers clutched the strap of my book bag. My feet were light, careful not to draw attention. Only a few stragglers rushed to their classrooms around me.

  The L-shaped hallway was long and had alcoves between restrooms and lockers. I took the curve to the right and heard her. She was a few lockers down with a group of cheerleaders. They were hanging banners over the lockers with a ladder. Before any of them could see me, I slid into one of the alcoves and raised my hood. I buried my head into the corner of the alcove and prayed they didn’t find me.

  Please, not this time.

  I waited a few minutes until I couldn’t hear them anymore. Stepping out, I saw nothing. Emptiness was becoming my favorite feeling.

  I turned and made my way down the hallway. AP Chemistry was just a few doors down. My heart pounded in my throat, and just as my hand wrapped around the handle, I felt something hit the side of my head, knocking me to the floor. The burning ache starts to claw at my head as I lay helplessly staring at the ceiling, my vision blackening in and out. I heard voices screaming, and then emptiness shut it all out.

  A
n aching burn pounded at the base of my skull when I finally opened my eyes. Dad leaned over me, his lips pressed into a hard line. He’d been crying. Tears stained his cheeks. “Sweetie, are you okay?” he asked, rubbing his finger over my hand.

  Was I? What had happened? “Why am I in the nurses’ office?”

  Dad frowned. “Someone hit you in the hallway at school today. Do you remember what happened?”

  Hit me? Knocked me out? My brain strained to understand, to remember, and then everything slammed back into me, knocking the breath from my lungs. “Someone hit me from the side. I didn’t see who it was.” Sobs broke through my lips, and I cradled my face in my palms.

  “Shh, Jaden. We’ll get this taken care of. I promise.”

  It didn’t happen. No one owned up to the crimes and no one talked. Not that I expected any different. And at school the following week…it only got worse.

  ***

  “Jaden,” Dr. James says, snapping her finger in front of my face.

  I jerk back and blink, my surroundings slowly coming back. “I’m fine,” I say, relaxing into my chair. “I’m fine.”

  She has a worried look on her face, but she leans back and crosses her legs. “Is there anything else you would like to talk about? Anything else happening in your life? How has moving in with your brother been for you?”

  Clenching my fingers around my chair arm, I bite my lip. “Umm, it’s fine. Just my brother, Adam, Will and…Cade,” I say. Why is his name so hard to say? God, I hate thinking about him. I just want to stop.

  Dr. James studies me for a few moments, before smiling. “Do you like your new roommates?”

  No. Yes. Fuck, yes. “They’re fine.”

  She barely lifts her eyebrow but jots down a few things before placing her notebook on her desk. “Time’s up,” she says, getting to her feet. “We have another appointment next week.” She pulls me into a hug. “If you need anything before then, call me, and we’ll make an emergency appointment.”

  “Okay.”

  “But before you go…have you…” He eyes dart toward my wrist. “Have you been thinking about it? Having any bad thoughts?”