Only You

by Cheryl Holt

  “You’re kind and gallant.”

  “I’m not. Not really.”

  “Perhaps I lure your best instincts to the fore. You hide them, and I’m determined that you display them.”

  “Or perhaps I’m simply terrified I’ll look the other way and you’ll suffer another calamity.”

  “I’ll try not to drown again.”

  “Thank you. I’d appreciate it if you’d watch where you’re going.”

  They’d reached the dock, and he stopped and plopped down on a nearby bench, pulling her down with him. Then he leaned over and kissed her, the embrace continuing for a lengthy interval, and she gleefully participated.

  It was foolish to encourage him, foolish to involve herself in their flirtation. She was unbearably smitten, and she had a very tender heart. When he finally departed, she’d be crushed.

  She wanted to have a conversation about the two of them, wanted to ask if he’d ever envision a more permanent connection, but he was a libertine, and he made no bones about it. He had the very glamorous, Mrs. Valda, in Cairo, and he probably couldn’t wait to return to her. Why would Theo suppose she could entice him?

  Still though, he seemed to like her so much, and she refused to accept that he didn’t. Was it possible she could win him for her own? If she didn’t try, how would she ever learn the answer to that question?

  “There,” he said as he drew away, “I’m relieved to have gotten that off my chest.”

  “What? Kissing me?”

  “Yes. I’ve been dying to do it again ever since we sat under that palm tree the other night.”

  “You have not.”

  “I have too. I’m a man, Theo. It’s all we think about. Kissing and…well…more intimate things besides.”

  “You like me more than you’re willing to admit.”

  “I might, and since I view you as an incredible nuisance, I have no idea why.”

  For a female who’d never had any male attention, it was a dangerous remark. It ignited all sorts of absurd feminine yearning. With her active imagination, she’d have them halfway to the altar before she could turn around.

  “What’s your plan for us, Soloman?”

  “I don’t have a plan, Theo.”

  “When Mr. Price is ready to keep on, you’ll simply sail down the Nile?”

  “Yes.”

  “Wouldn’t you miss me?”

  “Oh, I’d miss you desperately.”

  She studied him, not observing a single sign of affection. “You liar. You wouldn’t miss me at all. You’re just being polite.”

  “I’d miss you a little, but I wouldn’t exactly pine away.”

  “Well, that certainly makes me feel special.”

  “I believe I’ve told you previously, Theo. I don’t ever form bonds.”

  “Yes, and I hate that you’ve exiled yourself like this. I hate that you have such a solitary life.”

  “My life isn’t solitary. It’s exciting and fulfilling. How many British men can say they spend their days on the Nile?”

  “Not many.”

  “Precisely. After this experience, if I went back to London, I’d die of boredom the first week.”

  “I’m sure you would,” she glumly agreed, and she kicked herself.

  Even though she constantly vowed not to grow infatuated, not to spin a future that could never be, she couldn’t help it. She was already picturing them ensconced in a cottage in Surrey and living happily ever after.

  But it would never happen.

  He would never marry, would never leave Egypt. Circumstances had pushed him out of England, but the new world he’d built for himself was thrilling and satisfying. There was no place in it for a wife or a gaggle of children, and she had to cease her pointless dreaming.

  “Are we having a relationship?” she asked him.

  “Yes.”

  “What kind?”

  “A very clandestine one.”

  “Would you like it to be more than that?”

  He looked at her so pityingly that she felt like an idiot.

  “Oh, Theo, is that what you’re hoping?”

  “I don’t like having to sneak off in the dark and pretend we’re hardly acquainted.”

  “The only other path for us is for me to formally ask your aunt if I could court you. She’d never give me permission.”

  “I know.”

  “And I would never put myself in a position where I had to beg her.”

  “I know that too.” She sighed with regret. “I wish my life were different.”

  “How? Would you like to wed someday?”

  “I used to assume it’s what I wanted, but after my encounter with Lord Trent, it will likely never occur. So I’m conflicted.”

  He shrugged. “Time will pass. People will forget.”

  “Like they forgot about you?”

  “Touché.” He chuckled. “It’s a cruel world out there. You’re lucky you won’t have to marry some bumbling farmer. You’re much too exquisite for such a dreary, sedate existence.”

  “Do you think so?”

  “Yes. You deserve prospects that are bigger and finer than that. Weren’t you bored to tears at your father’s estate?”

  “I never thought I was, but now that I’ve traveled far and wide and my horizons have been expanded, my memories of it are that it was excessively dull.”

  “You’re too much like me. You’ll never be the same after this trip. It will be difficult to return to being the person you were before you came to Egypt.”

  “I’m guessing you’re correct, but if I don’t head home and wed that bumbling farmer whom you predict will make me so wretched, what will become of me?”

  “I can’t imagine. Women have so few choices. When my scandal exploded, I could pack my bags and flee. You couldn’t.”

  “I disagree. I packed and fled. I didn’t feel I should have had to, but when my father ordered me to accompany Edna, I didn’t have any option but to obey.”

  “But when your exile is ended, you’ll go back.”

  “Maybe not. Maybe I’ll meet a rich, adventurous bachelor while I’m here. He’ll marry me, and I won’t have to go home.”

  She sighed again, wishing that adventurous bachelor could be him. He was so strong and resilient, so interesting and handsome, and she didn’t suppose any other man would ever appeal to her as he did.

  “You might stumble on that extraordinary bachelor,” he said. “Of course he’d have to be someone who’s been living in a cave so he won’t have heard about you and Lord Trent.”

  “If he’s madly in love with me, I’ll tell him the truth, and he’ll believe me.”

  “He’d have to be quite a grand fellow for you to convince him that it was innocent with Trent.”

  “You don’t doubt my story.”

  “Yes, but I’m not about to wed you, so it was easy to take your word for it. Even if you were completely seduced, I hardly care.”

  “Really? You wouldn’t be upset to learn that I’d been thoroughly debauched?”

  “When you put it that way, yes, I’d be incensed.”

  “You’re so noble,” she told him. “You shouldn’t try to pretend you’re not.”

  “I’m not noble or wonderful. You have to stop claiming I am.”

  “I can’t, not when you constantly prove that I’m right.”

  “You’ve forced me to save you over and over. If you didn’t always land yourself in jams, I wouldn’t have to keep rescuing you.”

  “You enjoy it.”

  “I don’t.”

  “When was the last time you had to play the part of hero for anyone?”

  “I never had to until I met you.”

  “I’m bringing out your true nature.”

  “Since I’ve never wanted to be a hero, it’s obvious you haven’t the slightest insight into my character.”

  “Perhaps we’re simply friends then. You’re with me because we’re friends.”

  “I don’t have female fri
ends,” he said. “Nor am I in the market for a fiancée, so I can’t deduce why I’m out here with you at all.”

  “We’re strolling in the moonlight so you can cheer me up after a very tedious supper with my aunt.”

  “Yes, but I never stroll in the moonlight with women.”

  “What do you do with them?”

  “You’re still a maiden, so it wouldn’t be appropriate to apprise you.”

  “You can give me a few hints. I promise I won’t swoon.”

  “You saw me with Mrs. Valda. I shouldn’t have to say more than that.”

  “How awful of you to mention her.”

  He grinned. “Are you jealous?”

  “If I was, I wouldn’t tell you.”

  He studied her, then snorted. “You are jealous. Don’t be, Theo. I’m not worth a single moment of torment. Besides, there can’t be anything between us. It’s impossible.”

  “I know.”

  “I will never marry, and I want no children.”

  “And I probably can’t marry, so I will never have children.”

  “We’re a sorry pair, aren’t we?”

  “Is that why I like you?” she asked. “Is it because we’re both so pathetic?”

  “Yes, it is, which means to me that we should revel in each other’s company while we have the chance.”

  “For how long though? Another day? Two?”

  “Maybe three—if we’re very, very lucky.”

  “I’ve never been lucky, so I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr. Price hustled up and announced he was ready to depart immediately. If you had to go at once, would you miss me then?”

  “No,” he said, but there was laughter in his gaze.

  She scoffed with disgust. “Why do I try to have a serious conversation with you?”

  “I’m never serious, so you can’t have a frank discussion with me. Guess what else.”

  “What?”

  “I never bother chatting with women.”

  “Oh, that’s right. You merely engage in salacious acts you can’t mention aloud.”

  “Should I show some of them to you?”

  “Would I like them?”

  “I’m betting you would or I wouldn’t have asked.”

  “Why would you suppose I’d be interested? Is it because of my situation with Lord Trent? Do you imagine I have wicked tendencies?”

  “Yes, I do imagine that. Under that serene exterior, you’re a vixen at heart.”

  “I am a vixen?”

  “Yes. You’ve just never had anyone to light your spark.”

  “You feel it could be you?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re confident. I’ll say that for you, but you’ve miscalculated with me. Why would I misbehave with a man who will only stay around for the next day or two? I’d ruin myself, then you’d trot off without a backward glance. That seems a tad reckless on my part.”

  “Yes, but reckless conduct is the very best kind.”

  “And you’re an avowed libertine.”

  “Yes, and it’s why women wind up in scandals. A skilled libertine can talk a female into any bad choice.”

  “You really believe that?”

  “Absolutely. Let’s see if I have any effect on you.”

  Soloman drew Theo to him and began kissing her again. He was more thorough than he’d previously been, and he was quickly in over his head. Why was he trifling with her? What as his objective? Every time he was with her, he assumed it was the last time. But circumstances were throwing her in his path almost as if Fate were conspiring to force them together.

  If he was caught with her, the resulting mess would be hideous, but he wasn’t worried about it. She was like a talisman, a magic magnet that had ensnared him, and he couldn’t pull away. So long as she was in the vicinity, he couldn’t bear to keep his distance.

  He deepened the kiss, his tongue in her mouth, as he yanked at the combs holding her chignon in place. They scattered across the dock, and her pretty blond hair tumbled down her back.

  “I’ll never find them in the dark,” she scolded.

  “I don’t care if you never find them. If it were up to me, you’d have your hair down all the time.”

  “How shocking.”

  “I’d get you out of these heavy clothes too. Aren’t you dying in this heat?”

  “Yes, but I don’t have the money to purchase a more comfortable wardrobe, and even if I did, Aunt Edna would never let me wear it. She deems the local attire to be vulgar and improper.”

  “She would. Don’t you grow weary of listening to her?”

  “Yes, but when I’m with her constantly, she’s difficult to ignore.”

  “Your corset and shoes would be the first pieces I’d remove.”

  “Mr. Grey!” she teasingly said. “You can’t utter the word corset in my presence. I might swoon.”

  “Your stockings and jacket would have to go too. I want to see you stripped down to bare skin.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because you’re so beautiful, and I’m happy when I can view more of your lovely self.”

  Why had he offered such a silly comment? What was wrong with him? If he’d had two pennies of common sense, he’d stand her on her feet and escort her to her tent. But when he was with her, he simply couldn’t make good decisions.

  Never in his life had he told a female she was beautiful, and he wondered if he hadn’t been bewitched. Maybe he needed to visit the camp’s witch doctor and buy a potion to ward off her potent effect.

  He gripped her waist and lifted her, dragging her off the bench and over his lap. She was on her knees, her skirt rucked up.

  With the moon rising behind her, the Nile shimmering in the background, she looked like an ancient goddess, perhaps a river mermaid that would lure him to his doom before he noticed the rocks that were approaching.

  He eased her hips down, so their loins were touching. The fabric of his trousers and her drawers were the only items keeping them from drastic and irreversible acts, and his body was urging him to forge ahead and damn the consequences.

  Since he never behaved foolishly, he was even more perplexed by his responses to her. She was smiling down at him and that smile goaded him to insanity.

  “Do you know what happens between men and women when they’re alone?” he inquired.

  “I’ve heard they engage in physical conduct, but I can’t describe it. I’d ask if you know, but I’m sure of the answer to that question.”

  “What if you never wed? You’ll never learn the secret of the marital bed.”

  “I’ll survive. There are spinsters everywhere who have grand lives without a husband.”

  “You shouldn’t be one of them.”

  “I don’t have a choice in the matter. Lord Trent saw to that.”

  For a fleeting instant, he nearly declared himself, nearly told her he’d wed her after all. It was a horrifying insight that had to be brought on by his raging ardor.

  Matrimony was the road a man walked with a woman like her, and apparently he was willing to falsely dangle that connection merely to get what he wanted. He was afraid he’d open his mouth and a thousand promises would spew out that he’d never intended to make.

  Passion he understood. Lust he understood. It was the emotional upheaval created by their situation that bewildered him.

  He started kissing her yet again, keeping on and on until he could scarcely tamp down his worst impulses. He dipped under her chin and nibbled at her nape, nuzzling a trail to her bosom. He yanked at the sleeves of her jacket, tugging it down and off her arms so he had more leverage to tug on her bodice.

  He pulled it down too, exposing a plump breast, and he sucked on her nipple. He licked and played, tormenting her until he was so aroused he truly suspected he might toss her down on the dock and fornicate with her.

  All the while, his hand was working its way up her leg, her thigh, until it slipped under her skirt. Without pausing to consider if he should, he slid a finger
into her womanly sheath.

  She was such a sexual creature that he hardly touched her, and she was pitched into a thrilling orgasm. He continued his assault on her nipple, laving it through the tumult as she soared up, reached the peak, then toppled down.

  As she collapsed against him, he was grinning, preening. He’d figured there was an ardent tempest bubbling under that pretty exterior, and he’d been proved correct. She was snuggled to his chest, her face pressed to his shoulder, and he rubbed a soothing palm up and down her back.

  “What was that, Soloman?” she asked when she could speak again. “What happened to me? I feel as if I exploded.”

  “That was a taste of physical passion. Since you’re determined to remain a spinster, I thought I should show you what you’ll be missing.”

  “Passion can be satisfying to a woman?”

  “Very.”

  “This reaction…it occurs regularly?”

  “If the man has any prowess, and I definitely have it.”

  She snorted. “Cad. Bounder.”

  “I don’t deny it, but aren’t you glad I am? You could have such fun with me.”

  “I shouldn’t have let you proceed,” she said, but she didn’t appear to be upset.

  He shrugged. “I want to know you like this. If it was up to me, I’d strip you naked and have my wicked way with you.”

  She shivered as if her anatomy—down to the tiniest pore—was tantalized by the notion. Still though, she insisted, “I couldn’t do it.”

  “Maybe you could. Don’t underestimate your amorous proclivities. If you decide you crave it badly enough, just come to me in the night after people are in bed.”

  “Women actually behave so scandalously? They slink into your tent?”

  “More often than you’d suppose.”

  “I couldn’t ever be one of them.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I desire more from you than a quick tumble.”

  “You only think you desire more. If you had me for your very own, you’d regret it before the first week was out.”

  “No, I wouldn’t,” she vehemently said. “I’d never regret it.”

  She snuggled down again, and as they nestled in the quiet, he tried to imagine what it would be like to bind himself to her.

  He let an intriguing picture play out where he was the spouse she needed, where they had a houseful of fetching daughters who were exact copies of her. But it wasn’t a destiny he’d ever sought.