Only You

by Cheryl Holt

  Plus, with the letter he’d received from Benjamin, his emotions were at a low ebb. He craved the succor she could provide.

  He’d loved his father and had enjoyed his easy upbringing where he’d been the son of a rich and powerful man. His mother had been an actress and his father’s favorite paramour. She’d died birthing Soloman. After the tragedy, his father could have ignored Soloman, could have abandoned him, but he’d been kind to Soloman as no one could have expected.

  When the man had been so kind, the least Soloman could have done was to watch over his most precious possession. Caleb had been his father’s heir, yet Soloman had left the task of minding him to nannies and servants. They’d all failed to keep him safe, which meant Soloman had failed his father by shirking the sole duty his father had ever levied.

  The shame of it was a heavy yoke that he couldn’t shake off, so it was the very worst moment for Theo to stroll in looking sexy and marvelous and much too enticing for her own good. If he let her stay, there was no predicting what might happen.

  “Stop glowering at me and being such a grouch,” she said. “Aren’t you glad to see me?”

  “No.”

  “Liar.”

  She snuggled herself to him, her lush, curvaceous private parts riveting him with their proximity. He took hold of her and unfolded her from his person, setting her back a foot or two so there was plenty of space between them.

  “What do you want?” he asked.

  “I want you to treat me as you did when we were sailing down the Nile.”

  “What? You want me to snap at your silliness, bark out orders you never heed, then ignore you the rest of the time?”

  “There were occasions when you liked having me around. You weren’t snapping and barking then.”

  “I’m a libertine. You know that. You were the only female available to entertain me.”

  “I was good at it too.”

  “I’m easy to please.”

  She huffed out an exasperated breath. “Do you realize how scary it was for me to visit you?”

  “Yes, it was quite deranged, so I can’t figure out what you’re hoping to accomplish.”

  “I simply wished to see you. Is that so wrong?”

  “No, but Theo, what’s the point?”

  “Must there be a point?”

  “What if your aunt catches you?”

  “She won’t. We have separate suites, and she sleeps like a log. I can be away for several hours with no chance of discovery.”

  “You’re mad to think so, and I’ve explained before that I will not risk a huge scandal over you.”

  He had to struggle to maintain a dour expression. He was delighted by her arrival, but he wouldn’t encourage her in her folly. And it was folly—despite what she supposed.

  She studied him, then mumbled, “Gad, I’m an idiot.”

  “I’ve always thought so.”

  “You never uttered a word about me to Valois, did you?”

  “To Valois? What are you talking about?”

  “He claimed you’d spoken of me constantly since you returned from Cedric’s camp.”

  “He said that? He was spewing nonsense.”

  “He told me you missed me and couldn’t bear our separation. I believed him, because I was so desperate for it to be true. But he was lying, wasn’t he?”

  Soloman didn’t verify or deny the comment. Instead, he said, “I’ve never mentioned you to him. I would never have discussed you with anyone.”

  “Of course you wouldn’t have.” She stepped back, putting even more space between them. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you. He insisted you were eager to be with me, and I never paused to consider that you might not be.”

  “It’s all right. I’m not upset.”

  “Why would he trick me like that? I feel like such a fool.”

  Soloman shrugged. “Valois is French. Why would such a man do anything?”

  “Well, I better find out if my porters are still in the driveway. If they’ve left and aren’t there to deliver me to the hotel, I’m in a bit of a pickle.”

  “I’ll escort you out. I’ll make sure you’re safely away.”

  She held out her hand, palm extended, as if he was an evil she needed to ward off. “No, stay where you are. I got here on my own, and I’m certain I can get myself back. If I can’t, it’s my own blasted fault for being so gullible.”

  “Theo…”

  “It was lovely to see you—on my end anyway. I’ll just be off, and don’t worry. I won’t pester you ever again. I’m not a glutton for punishment, and one humiliation was more than enough.”

  She picked up the veil and wrapped it around her face and hair, hiding her features. Then she proceeded to the door.

  Alarm bells were clanging in his head. Stop her, you dunce!

  But he couldn’t speak up and was too cowardly to take action.

  It was best to let her go. He’d understood as much at Cedric’s camp, and he understood it now. In fact, his feelings were even clearer. There was absolutely no reason to start up with her again.

  Dammit! He didn’t want a bond—not with any woman. The fiasco in London had taught him a hard lesson. It didn’t matter how much he liked her. He would never attach himself.

  His life was fine—fine!—just the way it was.

  He spun away and tromped off in the other direction so he wouldn’t have to watch her walking away.

  Theo could have burst into tears, but she wouldn’t. She’d rolled the dice, had risked all. And for what? No one had ever cared about her, and Soloman’s disregard was nothing new.

  She was so stupid! No wonder Fenton could play so many tricks on her.

  Suddenly, she was grabbed from behind and whisked off her feet. She would have shrieked with distress, but before she could, Soloman was kissing her and kissing her. His grip was so tight they might have been the last two people on Earth, might have been the last two people who would ever kiss. Ever!

  He carried her into his apartment, through the sitting room, and into his bedchamber. He went straight to the bed and dropped her onto the mattress. While she was debating if that’s where she should be or not, he climbed up and stretched out on top of her.

  She felt as if they’d been separated for years rather than days, as if she’d been wandering in the desert and had found an oasis.

  “You silly wench,” he grumbled. “I can’t believe you’re here. I can’t believe you came.”

  “Are you glad? You are. Admit it.”

  “Yes, yes! Don’t you dare leave until I’ve had my fill of you.”

  He began kissing her again, and the embrace was fraught with longing. He was acting like a man possessed, as if she might vanish if he didn’t hold onto her. His hands were everywhere, touching, caressing. Her anatomy, down to the smallest pore, had been in a tormented state, and it was finally garnering some relief.

  He rolled onto his back and pulled her over so she was draped across his chest. He was quiet, staring at the ceiling.

  “I think you missed me,” she said.

  He snorted. “Maybe just a tad.”

  “You don’t have to sound so angry about it.”

  “You seem to know me better than I know myself. I hate that.”

  “You’re not that hard to figure out.”

  “Don’t say so,” he complained. “I like to assume I’m an enigmatic and mysterious fellow. I can’t bear to hear that I completely transparent instead.”

  “You’re transparent to me. I can’t speak for anyone else.” She popped up and pressed her nose to his. “In case you were curious, I missed you too.”

  “We’re a pathetic pair, aren’t we?”

  “Definitely pathetic.” She asked, “What’s troubling you?”

  “What makes you imagine I’m troubled?”

  “Your woe is so blatant I can practically see it floating around the room.”

  “Don’t be absurd. I’m fine.”

  “You can’t lie to
me. Where you’re concerned, your moods are so obvious. Is it your brother? Is it problems with the inheritance?”

  He scowled. “Are you a mind reader?”

  “Yours is the only one I can decipher.”

  “Yes,” he grudgingly confessed, “it’s problems with the inheritance.”

  “Tell me about it. Perhaps I can help.”

  “I doubt it.”

  “You won’t know unless you try.”

  He studied her so keenly that, for a moment, she thought he might actually unburden himself. She held his gaze, eager for him to remember she was his friend, that she loved him more than anything in the world.

  But in the end, he shook his head. “I don’t like to talk about it.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’ve been talking about it for ten years now. It’s always horrid and depressing.”

  He rolled them again, with him on top, as he said, “I hope you’re not here merely for conversation.”

  “I have no idea why I’m here. I was simply anxious to see you. Beyond that crazed impulse, I don’t have a clue as to my intentions.”

  “I’ll have to decide for you.”

  “Feel free.”

  “I can request whatever I want? You’ll be amenable?”

  “Yes.”

  He scoffed. “You are reckless and deranged.”

  “Only since I met you. Before that, I was quite ordinary and sane.”

  “You’re blaming your madness on me?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “I suppose I should take advantage of you before you come to your senses.”

  “You can try. Let’s find out if you succeed.”

  “I’m betting I will.”

  “You just might.”

  “Lucky me.”

  He started kissing her yet again, and there was an urgency to it. He was very determined, very resolute, as if he was pursuing an important goal and was desperate to reach it. There was a road he wished to travel with her. Would she walk it with him to the end? How far would she go?

  Though she’d been foolish in coming to him, she wasn’t a fool. He was adamantly opposed to marrying her, and there was no indication he’d changed his mind. With matrimony off the table, the smart thing would be to chat and flirt, then return to the hotel.

  But just as she’d been anxious to see him a final time, she was also anxious to cram in as many poignant memories as she could. What would those memories entail?

  Gradually, he was removing her native dress, revealing more and more of her to his searing attention. She could have pretended modesty and stopped him, but why?

  The last of the fabric fell away, and he dipped to her breasts and nursed at her nipples, using the aroused tips to set a spark to her passionate instincts. Down below, his fingers drifted into her womanly hair. He touched her once, twice, thrice, and she soared to the heavens.

  As she arrived at the peak, as she tumbled down, he was grinning, preening.

  “You are such a gem,” he murmured.

  “I can’t believe I let you do that to me again.”

  “It’s why you visited me. I’ve created a sexual monster.”

  She smiled. “I won’t admit it. You can’t make me.”

  He sighed. “Oh, Theo, what now?”

  “Now…I’ll spend a few hours with you. I have to be in my room before dawn begins to break, but that won’t be for ages yet.”

  He massaged her breasts again, stroking her body’s most sensitive areas. Almost instinctually, her hips flexed, and his responded in kind.

  “I need you to do something for me,” he said.

  “What is it?”

  “You know what it is.”

  “You want to…to…”

  “Yes.”

  “What would happen?”

  “It’s too hard to explain. I have to show you.”

  “But it’s the marital act, and we’re not married.”

  “We don’t have to be married. It’s simply physical conduct. Anyone can do it.”

  “If we’re not wed, it’s a sin.”

  “The preachers claim it is, but I’ve previously clarified my opinion about them.”

  “I’d never be able to wed afterward.”

  “You still could. You merely have to find a pragmatic fellow who isn’t concerned about your past.”

  “You make it sound easy.”

  “You’re marvelous, Theo. Some fortunate man will snatch you up. Don’t worry about it.”

  “Why can’t it be you?” she blurted out. “Promise yourself to me, and I’ll agree.”

  “Why is it so important to you?”

  “I love you.”

  On hearing her declaration, one she’d tossed out prior, he stared at her so tenderly that she expected he would offer the same sentiment, but he didn’t. Instead, he said, “Love plays no part in what I need from you. As I mentioned, it’s just physical conduct.”

  “I want it to be more than that—for both of us.”

  “If you give this to me, Theo, it will forever remain the greatest gift I ever receive. That’s how much it will mean.”

  The stirring comment moved her, and she nearly relented, but she’d had dozens of lectures over the years, from housekeepers, governesses, friends and—most recently—from Aunt Edna about men and their motives. A female had to have a ring on her finger before going too far.

  “I can’t, Soloman,” she said, hating to refuse him.

  “Then we’ll just chat for a bit—with no harm done. But I’ll always regret your decision. I think you will too.”

  “Yes, I probably will.”

  She pulled him to her and initiated her own set of kisses, and he immediately joined in. After awhile, he sat on his haunches and yanked off his shirt, and when he lay down again, his chest was bare, their skin pressed together. The feel of her nipples rubbing him was more pleasure than she could abide.

  “Marry me, Soloman,” she begged. “I swear you’ll be happy. Tell me you’ll have me, then make me your own.”

  “Why can’t you forget about it, Theo? Why must we argue about it?”

  “It’s what I want, Soloman. I’ve never wanted much in my life, but I want this.”

  He seemed tormented over her request, and for a lengthy interval, he didn’t reply. Ultimately, he nodded. “All right, Theo. I’ll marry you, but if it ends up not being the grand bargain you suppose, I won’t listen to you complain.”

  “I won’t ever complain.”

  “If you realize later on I’m not the husband of your dreams, and you wish you hadn’t proceeded, you can’t nag about it.”

  “Oh, you silly man. When I love you, how could I ever be sorry?”

  “You might be surprised.”

  That was the full extent of conversation he could manage. He jumped into the fray, arousing her, tantalizing her. Without her really noticing, he was fussing with his trousers, opening the front, tugging them past his private parts.

  She would have liked to glance down, to see what he looked like there, but he kept her so busy, there was no opportunity for investigation. He gripped her thighs and widened them, his torso dropping in between as his fingers glided into her sheath. He stroked them in and out, in and out.

  As her passion rose, he moved his hand and something else was there, something bigger, something harder. He wedged in the tip, and she froze, then tried to squirm away, her virginal instincts shooting to the fore.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “I’m going to join my body to yours.”

  “I don’t understand what that means.”

  “I’ll show you, remember?”

  “Yes, but can you explain what’s about to happen?”

  He didn’t elucidate, but smiled down at her, his expression incredibly affectionate, but agonized too, as if he couldn’t bear to delay another second.

  “It will be over in a moment, Theo. Don’t be afraid.”

  “I’m not afraid. I never could be
when I’m with you.”

  “Just relax. Put your arms around my neck.”

  “Like this?”

  “Yes, like that. Now hold on tight.”

  He began kissing her again, pushing the object into her, continuing on until, for a terrifying instant, she wondered if he might simply break her in half. Then suddenly, he burst inside. There was a tear, a sting of pain, and she was impaled.

  “That’s the worst of it,” he said.

  “Are we finished?”

  “No. There’s a bit more.”

  She was relieved to hear it. She’d received varying reports about the marital act: that it was awful, that it was disgusting, that it was a chore, that it was marvelous, and that it was the greatest experience ever. She didn’t know which version was closest to the truth, and in case it was horrid, she hoped it would be over quickly.

  Mostly though, she hoped it would be a tad romantic. If it wasn’t, she’d be dreadfully disappointed.

  He started to flex with his hips, while toying with her, driving her up the spiral of pleasure. Gradually, she got the hang of it, matching him thrust for thrust so it felt quite grand.

  As her ardor crested, as another wave of bliss swept over her, he shoved in very far. He groaned as if he was injured, then he collapsed onto her. She lay very still, cataloguing every detail so she’d never forget.

  Eventually, he drew away and rolled onto his side. He rolled her too so they were facing each other, nose to nose, grinning like naughty schoolchildren.

  “Did you survive it?” he asked.

  “All in one piece.” She sighed with contentment. “I’m not a virgin anymore, am I?”

  “No.”

  To her dismay, tears flooded her eyes, and he looked aghast.

  “Are you sad?” he inquired. “You can’t be sad. This is the best night ever.”

  “I’m not sad. I’m…overwhelmed and very, very happy.”

  “So am I.”

  “Are you sure? You’re not just saying that?”

  “I’m so happy, Theo. I’m practically dying with it.”

  “Everything will be all right, won’t it?”

  “Everything will be perfect.”

  He shifted onto his back and pulled her across his chest, and she snuggled there, listening to his heart beating.