My Today

by HJ Bellus

  “What do you think?” Milly asked, hopeful.

  “I think it is fanfuckingtastic. Pass me more fish and get to work, fishster.”

  Milly took the last package of Swedish Fish and dumped them down her bra, and then had the audacity to shake her titties at me. Surely she didn’t think a little titty germs on Swedish Fish would stop me? After all, we were fishsters. I wanted to beat her ass, but held back thinking of my Meatball that was clearly in the way. I would have to be stealthy in this attack, so planning very carefully, I grabbed her sketches again and pretended to examine them closely. She was giggling, thinking she had won the war. The little biotch even grabbed a fish out of her bra and dangled it above her mouth, nibbling on it slowly. The scent of that fish sent me into overdrive and I attacked. Rolling from my back, I sprang into action and pounced on her. I had her arms pinned down while I sat on top of her. Then I dove in for a fish. We wrestled around and squealed, fighting over the fish like two year olds.

  Somebody cleared their throat, instantly stopping the insanity, and we both looked up to see Greyson standing in the doorway.

  “Does Tripp and Cree know about this?” He asked as he waved a finger at us.

  I still straddled Milly’s lap, with my hands on each of her tits, feeling her up for some fish.

  “Why the fuck do you think they keep us around?” I chirped at him and then couldn’t contain the laughter.

  Even the shocked Greyson started laughing.

  “What do you need, Grey?” Milly asked as she rolled me off of her.

  “Have you guys seen Willow? I need to talk to her,” he asked in complete defeat.

  “She should be here any minute to help with our super-secret project,” Milly answered.

  “I’ve messed up again,” he offered in a low voice.

  Then it was on like fucking donkey kong. Momma Milly sprang into action and I had a feeling this had to do with the heart to heart they all had the night we took Annie to the fair. I know one thing, if Greyson was a smart man, he would turn around and walk away before Milly beat his ass to a bloody pulp.

  “Greyson! Get the fuck out and stay away from her. Do you hear me?”

  “Milly, please let me explain.”

  Willow walked up behind Greyson and pushed her way into the room. She looked between the three of us with a questioning anger radiating from her face.

  “Greyson was just leaving,” Milly offered, and with that he turned around and walked away.

  Willow sunk to the floor and started sobbing. I shot a glance to Milly wanting to know what the fuck was going on. It was pretty obvious that the two of them had a fling going on, but Jesus was it that complicated? It pained me to see Willow hurting so badly. I wanted her to know that she had an outlet to let go of her pain. I threw the last fish at Milly, beaning her right between the eyes, earning me a little giggle from Willow. Then I went to Willow and wrapped her up in my arms and kissed the top of her head.

  “I love you, Willow. I don’t know what is going and I don’t want to know what is going on. All I need you to know is that we are here for you. You always have a safe place here with Tripp and me. Always. No questions asked.”

  Willow eased back into me and let her sobs continue to escape. Momma Milly was still on the war path. She was obviously way too close to the situation to see that all Willow needed right now was someone to hold her without judgment. I will never forget the days it felt like the world was judging me, causing me to weaken so much I wanted to die.

  “Milly, go get the shit to get this room pimped out.”

  Hours, pizzas and some “oh shits” later, we were almost finished with the room. Mac and Annie had joined us after waking from their naps. Milly was such an excellent mother. She was able to work her ass off and tend to her children’s every need. Annie was self-sufficient and an easy keeper, for that fact. Mac, on the other hand, was a living and walking nightmare. Okay, not a nightmare, but definitely hell on wheels. He was walking, but not talking. Mac grunted, and grunting worked well for the little fella. One grunt and he had an adult at his full attention. Milly was starting to panic about his speech. I assured her that he was fine, and probably the most intelligent one of our bunch.

  Tripp was going to either hang or shoot us because this room was the furthest thing from a baseball room. It looked like a pink and grey tornado had ripped through it, leaving behind a killer rocker theme just perfect for my baby Rose. There was zebra, polka dot and checker print all over the room. Nothing matched, but it all went perfectly well together. It was totally Milly’s style, and it made my heart happy that my sister decorated my baby girl’s room.

  To appease Tripp, we had little Annie working on some baseball decorations. She had painted them pink and was glittering the shit out of them. When we weren’t looking, she even took Mac’s little hand for a swim in the latex paint. She put his handprint and her handprint on one of the baseballs and wrote underneath it, “Mac and Annie your BFFs”. I thought it was the cutest part of the room. Milly, on the other hand, shit herself when she saw baby Mac and the pink paint all over his hands, face and belly. Even the gigantic pink crocodile Tripp won at the fair was nestled in the corner of the nursery. To me, it was the perfect touch.

  Just as we were cleaning up, our song came pouring through the house speakers. Little Annie was the first to recognize the beat of the song, and in true girl fashion, showered a handful of glitter into the air. Willow jumped to her feet and grabbed Annie to start spinning her around, and the two of them started singing at the top of their lungs, “Oh, girls just wanna have fun.”

  Milly immediately put the lid on the paint cans before she started rocking out. I grabbed my baby Mac and started spinning him around the room. Milly only let me have him for a few seconds before she stole him and took the opportunity to dance with him. This was Mac’s first dance with us crazy hoochies. Oh, and the poor boy it wouldn’t be his last either!

  I followed suit with Annie and grabbed a handful of glitter and let it rain over me and my baby’s new room. I sang the song at the top of my lungs and twirled around the beautiful masterpiece that Milly gave me. I had a huge grin on my face, because the next time we had an impromptu dance party to this song, Rose would be in my arms. Willow jumped up into the crib with Annie and continued to shake her shit. I started laughing so freakin’ hard at the sight of her in a baby crib, shaking her junk like Nicki Minaj. She was letting loose of her worries and just having fun with her girls.

  Rose even joined in on the dancing, unfortunately it was on my bladder. I turned to run to the bathroom and crashed smack dab into a brick wall of muscle with a familiar scent. I looked up into my Beast’s pissed off, curious face. He had knocked his hat sideways on his head and was scratching his hairline. Oh my god, I’m dead meat! Dead fucking meat! For an instant, I almost felt guilty, but then remembered the old adage it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

  Annie leapt from the crib to the changing table causing a case of baby wipes to go crashing to the floor, which caught all of our attention. She was now armed with a rattle singing the shit out of the song and Willow started clapping to the beat. The rest of us followed, except for Tripp, who was still stunned shitless. Annie had it going on with her little hips shaking and her vocal chords on full force. She finished the song with a kick into the air and thrust of her tiny hips.

  “Unky!” she squealed and held her arms out to him.

  No matter how pissed my husband was, he would never deny his little Annie. He made his way across the room and picked her up. Annie placed both of her little hands on Tripp’s cheeks and forced his head to look around the room.

  “Look at this beautiful room we made for your baby. I made the baseballs for Rose. Aunt Lacey said you would throw a hissy fit if you didn’t get to put a baseball in here, so I did it for you all by myself. Do you love them?”

  He reached forward and kissed her forehead, “I love you, Annie,” he said.

  Tripp made his way
back to me and grabbed my hand, then said, “Which means anything you do Annie, I love.”

  Annie started squealing in joy and the rest of the room let out a loud sigh of relief. Tripp took the opportunity to reach down and whisper in my ear, “You are in so much fucking trouble, young lady.”

  Letter #7

  Meatloaf,

  Yes, your new name is Meatloaf. Let’s go through this month’s list:

  I breathe like a hippo

  I look like a hippo

  I walk like a hippo

  I dress like a hippo

  I’m a freakin’ hippo with a meatloaf in my belly. I love you, but so done with being pregnant. I’m ready to hold you and love you with everything I have. I’ve also decided that the next person to pet me will be bitten. Countdown is on, baby bug!

  Love, Momma

  Letter #8

  Meatball aka Meatloaf aka “Get out of my belly!!!”

  It is the end of the eighth month. I’m tired. I’m happy. Stick a fork in me I’m (earmuffs) fucking done! Today is the last day of work for me. I‘m going to surprise your daddy with ice cream and fried burritos for a celebration. Then I will make him take me to the hot tub and massage my feet. I only have four weeks left on the “pamper my ass” rollercoaster, and trust me, I’m riding this ride til the end. I love you, but really “Get out of my belly!!!”

  Love, Momma

  Chapter 24

  Broken Plans

  Tripp

  I was armed with Cree’s favorite beer and my favorite soda as I entered the shop on the farm. I never liked to go home to an empty house, and since Lacey was finishing up with work, I decided to go visit Cree. It had been exactly twenty-two days since my dad died. Being alone was the last thing I could do since his death. I decided not to fly home for the funeral. Cree and Lacey really encouraged me to go and try to gain some sort of closure from the fucked-up relationship. Lacey was too far along in her pregnancy to fly, and leaving her wasn’t an option. To me the decision was easy, and I didn’t need closure from the bastard.

  As soon as I entered the shop, Annie popped up, blocking my entrance, and said, "Password, Unky!"

  Passwords were Annie's latest obsession. She required one at every entrance and of every favor asked. Last week she held Mac’s diapers hostage from Cree and Milly until they guessed the correct password. It took the fools over an hour to finally guess “Steve” to unlock the diapers. Cree never lost his temper, but he was one password away from blowing up.

  "Squirrel," I teased

  "Unky! I just reset the password last night," she squealed, obviously disappointed in my answer.

  "I remember. Pop-tart. Now let me pass, squirt."

  Mac was passed out in the bed of Cree's truck nestled down in blankets and pillows. Cree worked and Annie colored in her journal on the greasy workbench. Annie was dressed in a tutu and water boots, with streaks of grease across her forehead. I watched her color for a few seconds then wipe her little dirty arm across her forehead, just like Cree did when he worked. The two were undeniably a pair.

  I couldn’t wait to see my baby girl in only a matter of weeks. As I watched and heard Cree trying to change the oil on the 7810 tractor, I realized something was wrong. Cree was cussing like a sailor and throwing tools all over the shop. What the hell?

  “Uh, what’s going on?” I asked.

  “Milly is in bitch-o-matic mode! That’s what’s fucking wrong.”

  “Everything okay?” I asked, half scared of his response, and hoping Annie was tuned into her coloring.

  “Will be in about seven days,” he replied.

  Then I realized what bitch-o-matic mode meant. I just chuckled and handed Cree his beer while I took over the duty of changing the oil. Cree perched himself next to Annie and started coloring with her while sipping his beer.

  “You ready to be a dad, cuz?” he asked between sips.

  “Without a doubt,” I replied instantly.

  “Things will never ever be the same. Your heart will be divided into two and grow three times larger, all at the same time.”

  “I can’t wait, man.”

  “Seriously, it’s the most magical thing you’ll ever experience.”

  “Yeah,” I replied.

  I looked up at Cree as I finished my job, and Annie was now sitting in his lap coloring. Her crazy dark brown hair was strewn in every which direction. She took one hand and wiped her nose with it, and then elegantly slathered the snot on Cree’s pant leg. True love.

  “Even Annie told me her Unky was gonna make a good daddio,” Cree said laughing.

  “Well that’s all that matters, right?”

  Mac started wiggling around in the truck bed, so I grabbed my Annie from Cree and he went to get his black-haired tank of a son. The door flew open and entered the “Black Sheba”. Cree had called Milly Black Sheba on a couple other accounts when they weren’t seeing eye to eye, and I could now see the pissiness in her eyes and body language she definitely earned the title. This whole Mother Nature thing was fucked up.

  “Hey guys,” she offered in a defeated downtrodden tone.

  Cree wasted no time in kissing ass. He strode straight across the shop and hugged her while holding Mac. I think the squeeze of her ass was too much because she sucker punched him in the gut while muttering some curse words at him.

  Then she turned on me, “Where’s Lacey?

  I’m pretty sure that was a question, and I’m also pretty sure Milly scared the shit out of me at in that moment.

  “Um, working. Doing her last client. She’s gonna take a couple weeks off before the baby comes,” I answered.

  Milly pulled out her phone to check something and then replied, “She texted me an hour ago saying she was heading home.”

  “Knowing her and her pregnancy brain, I’m sure she saw a squirrel.”

  “Kinda weird, Tripp. She told me she was loading up in the Jeep. Anyway, you guys want to eat dinner when dumbass shows up?”

  “Milly, let the man finish his work since I’m tending to my kids,” Cree said.

  “I’m sorry, Captain,” Milly said as she hugged Cree offering an apology.

  I sat Annie back down on the workbench so I could finish changing the oil. Annie kept her little fingers locked around my neck.

  “Password,” she demanded.

  “Pop-tarts.”

  Thirty minutes had passed and no Lacey. Greyson had just walked into the shop. That little shit, where is my girl?

  Tripp: Where are u

  5 minutes later

  Tripp: Where are u

  5 minutes later

  Tripp: I’m coming to find you

  Worry and desperation finally settled in my chest. I had been a worry wart this whole pregnancy. I tried to play things off, but under all my armor, I’m scared fucking shitless for my Princess, our Rose and all of our healing hearts. I needed my extremely pregnant pretty girl to walk through that door.

  Greyson’s phone rang, snapping me from my dreams and nightmares.

  “Sup,” Greyson answered.

  “Really? How bad? Is the fucker dead?” he continued.

  “He hit another car?”

  Greyson dropped his iPhone, letting it hit the grimy floor. It shattered to pieces, just as my heart did with his words. My world disappeared in that second. My life flashed before my eyes as the iPhone made its final decent to the ground. It lay shattered and broken, as my world was about to become.

  Greyson just stared at me. He didn’t talk. Cree passed Mac to Milly and grabbed the phone.

  “What the fuck is going on?” he demanded to whoever was about to destroy me.

  Cree listened and then threw the phone to its final death.

  “Milly, take the kids in the house and call for Willow.”

  “Cree, what’s wrong?”

  Cree took Milly’s face in his hands and pressed his face to hers.

  “Milly do it now,” he said as he pressed a kiss to her lips.

  “C’mon
Momma,” squeaked Annie.

  Cree turned to face me and the silence before the storm settled over the shop. I was frozen like a statue, with only fear and dread flowing through my veins.

  “Tripp get in the truck,” Cree demanded.

  He wasn’t asking to be questioned or resisted. I followed his demand without saying a word. Once settled in his truck, everything changed. Cree didn’t sugarcoat shit. Once we were on the road, and I was secured in the truck ,he told me.

  “Lacey has been in an accident. Cody hit her.”

  No words came. No questions came. Only tears flowed as my world was taken from me.

  “Cody walked away. But Lacey didn’t,” Cree continued, pausing every once in a while for my reaction. No reaction came.

  “He hit her from behind and sent the Jeep rolling. They are worried about the baby,” Cree finished as we pulled up on the remnants of the accident.

  Lacey’s black Jeep lay crumpled like a tin can out in a meadow filled with sunflowers. Bright yellow sunflowers engulfed the black piece of metal. Ironic, because I always secretively compared the beauty of sunflowers to my Lacey. It was only a mile and half from the shop where I had been socializing, while my Princess fought for her and Rose’s life in the middle of a field of sunflowers. Cree had to slow down to get around the wreckage and the cops.

  Fuck! She begged me to take the top off the Jeep that morning. My gut told me it was a bad idea, but I gave into her like I always did. My hands removed a layer of protection from Lacey and the asphalt. A brown crumpled container caught my attention. It was a tub of Rocky Road ice cream splattered on the road, along with a bag of fried burritos mixed with blood and flesh. That’s when my statue finally cracked and I fucking lost it.

  My fist punched out the window of Cree’s truck, sending glass spraying everywhere. Complete rage took over my being. Cree tried to calm me down and that’s when we both saw baby Rose’s car seat. Lacey was so damn proud of that thing. She had Milly teach her how to install it and had been driving around with it for weeks.