Through The Lens

by Shannon Dermott

  Hot tears brimmed in my eyes. At the moment, I couldn’t tell you who I was crying more over, Josh or Ethan.

  At some point I fell asleep, because my phone startled me awake.

  “Hello,” I said. In my sleep haze, I’d forgotten that I was monitoring my phone calls.

  “Jess,” a drunk voice said.

  “Ethan,” I said, sitting up in bed. The clock on my bedside table read two thirty in the morning.

  “I’m wasted, Jess,” he said.

  Pausing, I said, “Why?” I was pretty sure I knew the answer, but I wanted him to admit it.

  “I’m lonely,” he said. It was heart wrenching to hear his vulnerability in those words. “Can you come get me?”

  Remembering my promise to Allie, I asked, “Where are you?”

  “Same party,” he admitted.

  “Give me twenty minutes,” I said.

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  This was going to be payback enough. Josh’s jeep was still parked here. And I so I didn’t want to see him. I tried Ethan’s cell, but he didn’t answer. Steeling myself, I stood straight and walked into the party. I searched for a tall guy with dark hair.

  Finally, I went into the kitchen. What I found had my heart in my stomach. There pressed to the counter was Josh. And he was in a tongue lock with my sister.

  “Jenna,” I said.

  They pulled apart. We all stood frozen. It was just the three of us in here.

  “Jessa,” Josh said, looking between us.

  Holding up a hand, I said, “Don’t you dare.” The tears were building, but I didn’t let them fall.

  “How could you do this to me?” I said, speaking to my sister. Josh could go to hell. But this was my sister, my twin.

  “Jess, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. He told me what happened. And I didn’t know he still liked me. And I didn’t know how I felt about him until you and he started dating.”

  “So all this time you were sabotaging our relationship,” I said coldly.

  Shaking her head frantically, she said, “No, I swear. He told me what happened, and I don’t know.”

  “I can’t believe you did this to me,” I pleaded. Josh stepped away from Jenna and started to come towards me. “You got what you wanted, huh. I was just a poor substitute for her.”

  “No,” he said, looking like he meant it. “I think I love you, Jessa.”

  Startled, my sister cried out. I didn’t even bother to look her way. “You’re full of shit, Josh. If you loved me, you wouldn’t have called me by her name. You wouldn’t have kissed her.”

  Closing his eyes, he said, “I just need to know for sure. And it’s you, Jessa. I swear it’s you.”

  He’d almost closed the distance when from somewhere behind me a blur of movement caught Josh in the face, and he went down. Jenna screamed. Billy came rushing in. He was looking at the damage. A few other people came in as well, with Kyle coming in behind them.

  Billy looked at Ethan. “What the hell, man,” Billy said.

  “Talk to Jenna about how she was kissing Josh,” Ethan revealed.

  Jenna looked wide-eyed. Someone said, “Oh, shit.” Ethan pulled me out of the room. Kyle caught me at the door. “Are you okay?”

  When I nodded, he said, “I’m sorry, Jess. I’m so sorry.”

  Ethan said, “I’m taking her home.”

  Nodding, Kyle said, “Thanks man.”

  Outside, I realized that even though Ethan appeared sober or sober enough, he was piss-ass drunk. He swayed with every step as he leaned on me to get to the car. He’d done a good job of hiding it while we were in the house. Before I opened the door, he doubled over and puked. Splatter hit the side of my car and both of our shoes.

  Getting him in the front seat was interesting as well. For as long as it took, Josh hadn’t come after me. Kyle could be behind that one. I drove with the windows down a bit, hoping not to have the vomit smell fill my car. Ethan was out like a light in the car. When I pulled into his driveway, it took a bit to wake him.

  “My keys are in my pocket,” he said, still unable to walk on his own. I reached my hands in there. “Just a little to the right,” he said.

  He was full of shit because that would lead me other places. Finding his keys, I opened the door. He gave me the alarm codes, and I keyed them in. I had to help him upstairs. At the top, he rushed away from me with surprising speed. “I’m going to be sick,” he said.

  Not in a hurry to see that, I walked at normal speed. When I reached the open bathroom door, he stood looking confused. “Are you okay?” I said, stepping over to him.

  “I thought…” he began before spewing all his guts between us. It wasn’t directly on me, but I got my fair share on my shirt and yoga pants. “Shit, Jess, I’m sorry.”

  I held my shirt in front of me. He pulled off his clothes without fear of abandonment. Then Ethan stood in front of me in boxer briefs. Walking over to me, he pulled the hem shirt over my head. Then picking me up, he walked me over to the shower. Kneeling down, he peeled off my pants and I let him. Turning on the shower, he pulled me in still wearing my bra and panties.

  We stood in the water in our underwear. “Jess, do you know how beautiful you are?” he asked, breaking the silence.

  “You’re drunk,” I said, confused and shattered from earlier events.

  Looking at me with his piercing eyes, he said, “Maybe, but I can’t get you out of my head.”

  “You’re just upset about Allie breaking up with you?”

  The place on his forehead where his brows should meet crinkled. “What, she did what?”

  “Did you talk to her?” I asked.

  “No,” he said. “She called you?”

  “Yes, she said she was in town to see you. That she was going to break up with you,” I said, feeling anger rise over the embarrassment of being wet and nearly naked in the shower with him.

  “She isn’t my girlfriend, Jess. She knows I like you. I told her that night I kissed you.”

  “What?” I asked.

  Pushing wet hair back from his face, he said, “Allie and I are just friends. I didn’t want a girlfriend after Carly, and she knew it. Before I dated Carly, Allie let me know that she liked me.” Pausing, he seemed to gather his words, swaying a little on his feet. “I told her it was Carly who I was interested in. She was fine with that.” He paused again. I didn’t dare interrupt. This was the most information I had gotten out of him about this ever. Continuing he said, “After the whole thing with Carly missing, and everyone thinking it was me, Allie was there for me, you know. She was the only one.” He didn’t have to mention his absentee mother. I filled in that blank. “One drunken mistake, and I was with her in a way I’d promised not to be. I never wanted to hurt her. And it was nice, I guess. I wasn’t sure of my feelings for her. I knew that I liked hanging out with her, but I didn’t know if it was just Carly being gone that spurred my feelings. And she said she was okay with that. Then I met you. I waited too long, and Josh came and took my shot.”

  With his heart on his sleeve, it was hard to deny the sincerity in his words. “I want to kiss you right now.”

  I found myself saying, “And why don’t you?”

  Astonishment crossed his face. In one move, he scooped me up. Carrying me out of the disgusting bathroom, he laid me on his bed covering me with a blanket. “Stay here,” he said. Closing the door to the bath, he left the room. When he came back, I could smell the mint. He’d brushed his teeth, probably gargled too. Spewing must have cleared his system some.

  Lying next to me, he leaned over and hesitated. I responded by angling my neck to give him access. His lips met mine and the world rocked on its axis. My body lit up on the inside like a bonfire. When his hand met my damp skin, it burned. My hand reached around him at their own accord after I shoved the blanket away. I pulled him closer and he took a clue and spread himself on top of me. But we weren’t close enough. I was eager to shed my few remaining clothes. His kiss and his hands on me kept
me in place. When he pressed his firm muscled body against my body, I thought I would just die.

  Moaning, he created friction, in the most amazing way. Who knew it would be like this? We weren’t even having sex. “I want you, princess,” he said, his voice deep and husky-like.

  In my frenzied state, my brain wasn’t working. It couldn’t be because I heard myself saying, “You can have me.”

  Moving his lips to my ear and gently biting, he groaned. “I can’t do this to you. Not like this,” he said.

  “Why the hell not?” I complained.

  Chuckling a bit, he said, “I’m still kind of drunk. And tonight has really been a bad night.”

  “Don’t stop,” I begged as he continued to talk and move against me at the same time.

  His mouth locked on my bra and did things through the thin material that had me throwing my head back. Somewhere, I thought I heard him say, But I’ll give you this. And a meltdown happened in my reactor. Things went nuclear in an atomic bomb kind of way.

  We lay there panting. I was still damp from the impromptu shower as was he. Still, I let him hold me until I drifted off to sleep.

  My phone rang incessantly, waking me from a dream. Looking around, I didn’t remember where I was. Until last night crashed down around me. I was in Ethan’s room. In his bed, the sun was shining. Shit, shit, shit. My parents were going to kill me.

  Looking at the phone, I thanked God it wasn’t my Mom or Dad. “Madison,” I said into the phone. Maybe I still had time to make it home. Maybe they didn’t even notice I wasn’t there.

  “Where the hell are you?” she shouted. “Your Mom called my house, and I had to think quickly. I saw your text about that asshole Josh. I told her that you tried to call them. That you were staying over at my house because you and Josh had a fight. Basically, Josh showed up looking for you, and they could tell you hadn’t slept in your bed. Thank God you are okay, because I didn’t know how I was going to explain myself to the police,” she said in a frenzied speech. “And where the hell are you?” she cried again.

  “Ethan’s. Look, thanks for covering for me. I’ll call you back,” I said before ending the call. I heard her say a shocked “Ethan” before I hung up.

  Getting up, I noticed my clothes draped over his desk chair. Looking at them, I could tell they were clean. I peeked into a cleaned bathroom and didn’t find him there. So I put my clothes back on and headed downstairs.

  He wasn’t there. When I opened the garage door, he was pulling in. Not sure what to do, he stepped out of the SUV with a bag and two cups in his hand. “Breakfast,” he said.

  Nodding, I held the door open as he came in. Closing it, I followed. “We should talk,” I said. He laid out two croissant breakfast sandwiches that smelled of bacon and eggs. They were mouthwatering, but I couldn’t eat first for fear I would get sick after what I had to say. “I don’t expect anything from you. I know you were drunk last night.”

  Moving fast, he came around the counter and wrapped me in an embrace before tilting my chin up. “Jess, I meant every word I said to you last night. I want you to be mine.”

  “How can you mean that? You said before you didn’t want a relationship?” I proclaimed.

  “Yes, before I met you. I even don’t think I ever felt this way about Carly.” And he kissed me. And I let him.

  The doorbell rang interrupting us. He strode to the door with purpose. “Where is she, Ethan?” Josh said as he pushed his way inside. He must have figured out Madison was covering for me. Somewhere in the house, I heard my phone ringing, but it was too late for that.

  “What did you do, man? Just wait for a moment for her to be weak,” Josh accused. Ethan spun, and I moved in front of him. I knew what was coming, another shiner to match the one on his right eye. “Jessa, I’m sorry.”

  Reaching out for me, I stepped back into Ethan’s arms. They circled me like a protective predator.

  “Josh, you should leave,” I said flatly.

  “I love you, Jessa,” he begged.

  Shaking my head, I said, “It’s too late, Josh. I gave you enough chances. I can’t do this.”

  Closing his eyes, he said, “I know I fucked up. But even if you can’t be with me, you don’t know this guy. You don’t know the rumors about him at his old school.”

  “It’s too late,” I said again.

  Eyes bright with knowledge, he said, “You slept with him.”

  “No,” I said, indignantly. “And if I had, it wouldn’t be any of your business. Go home.”

  With a sad smile, he said, “I deserve that.” Giving Ethan a glare that would have lesser guys cowering, he added, “Please just be careful.” Taking slow steps like he was truly afraid to leave me, I had a flash of doubt before I pushed it away.

  When he was in his car and pulling away, Ethan kissed my neck before setting me free. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” I said. “But I should get home before my parents find out Madison lied to them.

  “Can I see you today?” he asked, tentatively.

  Biting my lip, I knew it wasn’t a good idea. I’d come close to making what might have been a mistake last night. Just being near Ethan, I felt powerless against him. It wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t taken advantage of me. Maybe I just needed time to get over this thing with my sister. “Not tonight,” I said.

  The light in his face dimmed. “Can I take you out on a real date?” he asked.

  “Yes. Just not tonight,” I said.

  Coming closer, he brushed his lips against mine. Like a moth to a flame, I was attracted beyond reason. I pressed into him before taking two steps back. “I got to get home.”

  Smiling, the light had returned to his face. I hurried up the stairs and got my phone and keys which were on his desk. Returning back to the front door, he held out my cup of coffee and sandwich. Kissing him goodbye, which lasted a long time, I left confused over my future but with a smile on my face.

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  My sister wasn’t home when I got there, which was fine by me. I wasn’t in the mood for her excuses and sorry apologies. I wouldn’t accept any of it. Not for now, I thought.

  But she showed up for Sunday dinner. Everyone in the house was required to at least be home for that one meal. We didn’t speak. I ignored her, and she didn’t make an attempt to talk to me. I’d filled Madison in, but she hadn’t heard yet what went down after I left the party.

  A knock at the door occurred right before we were to grace the food. My father got up. We all sat waiting for my father to dismiss the intruder and return to the table.

  “Sorry, to interrupt,” a familiar voice said. “I just wanted to drop this off.”

  “Jessa,” my father called out. Getting to my feet, I caught my sister rolling her eyes out of the corner of my eye. My Mom pushed away from the table to see why my Dad would allow such a disruption.

  Ethan stood just inside the door on the little oval rug that sat in front of the door. It was like his spotlight. He held a wrapped box in his hand. “I know this was a week or two late, but I know how much you wanted your parents to have it.”

  He had to have put together an album of the pictures I’d taken. “What is it?” my Mom asked.

  Ethan looked at me. I gave him the go-ahead. “Open it,” he said.

  My Mom took the package from his hand. Lifting the exquisitely wrapped box top, there inside was a leather-bound album with a picture of my Mom and Dad on the cover with the word family in raised silver lettering.

  My mother took the album in her hand, and my father joined her side. They flipped through shots, while I smiled at Ethan. He’d done this for me. I wanted to lace my fingers in his hair and join our mouths, but that would have to wait.

  Kyle and Jenna soon surrounded my parents in looking at the album. “Who took these?”

  Ethan spoke before I could. “Jess, sir,” he said, answering my father’s questions.

  “Ethan helped me develop the film. He showed me how to make the pr
ints, but he practically did that by himself,” I said proudly.

  “Why don’t you join us for dinner?” my Mom asked.

  Smiling pleasantly, he said, “I don’t want to impose, and I was just making a quick stop.”

  “Don’t be silly,” my Mom said. “You must stay. This has to be the best gift ever.”

  “Look at this one,” my father said, raising a picture of me and Jenna laughing together.

  Rolling my eyes, I walked over to Ethan and wrapped my arm in his. “Please stay.”

  “For you,” he said, then whispered, “anything.”

  “If that ain’t the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what is,” muttered Jenna on her way back into the dining room.

  Shaking my head, I mouthed, Ignore her to Ethan.

  After the meal was served and we ate, the inquisition began. “So tell us where you live,” my father asked.

  Ethan rattled off the name of his ritzy neighborhood. “What does your father do?” my Mom asked in a not so subtle way to show she knew he was wealthy to live there.

  Knowing what was coming, I tried to keep eye contact with Ethan who sat next to me. “My father’s dead,” he said softly.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean,” my Mom said.

  “It’s okay,” Ethan said. “You didn’t know. My Dad’s name was Tom Hart.”

  My Mom sucked in a breath. My Dad, not missing a beat, said, “It must have been hard on you, seeing that none of that was your fault.”

  I smiled at my Dad for being so kind to say that.

  “I’ve seen better times, but I’m surviving,” Ethan said.

  My sister and Kyle said nothing. They just took it all in. Thankfully, my Mom moved to get dessert.

  After it was all over, Ethan said to my Mom, “Thanks for the wonderful meal.”

  “You’re welcome. Come anytime,” she said.

  “Thanks. That’s awfully generous of you,” he said. They didn’t know how much that meant to him like I did. Or maybe my Mom did. She was a smart woman. She might have put two and two together.”