Restoring Us
Page 2
I welcome the warm air Miss Annie’s Diner offers and find a table to sit at while I wait for Katie. This isn’t a fancy diner, but it’s intimate enough where I can feel myself relax and not worry about who sees me and who asks questions about my time away and my health. Miss Annie’s has been around for years. It was my favorite diner growing up, and I would drag my parents here every year for my birthday. There is something about the simplicity of it that I love. It feels like home. It is cozy, with the same booths and tables as back when I was a child, the same old paint color and the smell of delicious pancakes and muffins cooking just a few feet away. I can already savor the comfort of eating her delicious concoctions.
Typical Katie is always late. I guess some things haven’t changed in two years. I find comfort in that thought, as everything else around me brings feelings of uncertainty. I order a cup of coffee while I await her arrival.
Katie has been my best friend since I can remember. We grew up together. Our parents are great friends. She is the closest thing I have to a sister. She was always the rebellious one, carefree and daring. I probably wouldn’t have experienced half the things I did in my short life if it weren’t for her. And I thank the heavens each day that I have her in my life.
I was the voice of reason, cautious in all we did, but I craved the adventures she’d take us on. I remember this one time when we were 17, she snuck us into a club with fake IDs she had purchased. I don’t know where she got those from or how much they cost her, but when you have a trust fund with enough money to buy out the state and then some, buying a few fake IDs is no big deal.
I remember freaking out when she showed up to my house with them. She sweet-talked me into going with her, not like she’d go without me, explaining life is too short to stay home on a Friday night. She then gave me her sad puppy dog eyes, and I caved. We had a blast that night and those IDs got their money’s worth.
“Holy hell! You look amazing!!” I hear that familiar voice squeal, bringing me back to the present.
“Katie! I’ve missed you!” I jump up and give her the biggest hug I can muster. “You look great, too!” We stare at each other for a few seconds, giggling like schoolgirls and then take our seats. I can’t believe I’m finally seeing her. She’s the only one I missed besides my parents and my brother, Aiden .
“Tell me everything!” Katie says excitedly. Although we spoke often while I was away and kept good on our Skype dates when I had Internet access, she insists on me retelling all my stories in person. I tell her about the different countries I visited, the people I met, the art I experienced, and the places I explored.
After an hour or so of talking and catching up, Katie asks, “So…have you spoken to Ethan?” My breath catches at the mention of his name. The name I’ve been avoiding. The person I want to forget.
No matter how far I went though, he followed me. I would imagine him in the crowds in London, smell his scent in the streets of Berlin, and feel his warmth in the summer nights of Madrid. As much as I tried to escape him, he followed me like a shadow. I might have left him behind physically but his memory snuck itself into my suitcase and went with me.
“No, I haven’t. I just got in yesterday. You’re the first person I called to see. There’s nothing for me to say to him, though. No reason for me to have to see him. He’s in the past,” I say keeping my eyes low, but my hands are shaking at my sides.
“My mom wants to have a welcome dinner, but I can’t seem to find a way to tell her not to invite him. I’m sure his parents will be there. I’m not ready though.” It’s the truth. Our families are best friends. They’ve known each other for many years. That is why seeing Ethan is inevitable, but I’d rather later than sooner.
Katie nods, understanding my sentiment. He left me. He abandoned me at my weakest. Why would I care to see him? “You’re right. Besides, ever since you left he’s become the city’s man whore.” Katie has made it a point to emphasize Ethan’s less than tasteful reputation since I left town. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t need to know how many girls he’s fucked, but she insists on bringing it up.
“Katie, I love you like a sister, but if you bring up his promiscuous manners again I may need to slap you. I don’t want to hear it. It still hurts,” I say seriously. I may not want to speak to him, but I don’t want to hear all about his sex life. Ethan was mine before he left me and let the cancer beat our relationship. You don’t bounce back from that so easily, even if it has been two and a half years.
“Okay, okay. I promise I won’t bring it up again. But before I make that promise, I want to say that I think the reason he’s turned like that is because he regrets what he did. Everyone made him go through hell and back after you left. Blaming him for driving you away. I don’t think he’s forgiven himself either, so it’s easier to forget you through other women. I can’t wait until he sees you though. He’s going to shit himself! You look hot!” She says laughing towards the end. I love this girl like crazy, but she’s crazy.
“Thanks, Katie, but I look the same. At least the same as before I got sick,” I say and we both stay quiet. She never left my side when I was diagnosed and battled the evil monster that intruded my life unwelcomed. We actually lived together in college. Our parents had gotten us an apartment near campus, but when I was diagnosed with cervical cancer, I moved back with my parents in order to have the proper supervision for my treatments. They said the chemo was difficult to deal with. That was an understatement. With classes and all, Katie wouldn’t be home a lot so I moved back in with my parents and was fortunate to finish my last semester through distance learning.
We continue to talk and laugh throughout the afternoon. Even though we talked almost every day, I missed spending real time with my best friend. In a way, I felt like I never left.
Chapter 2
Ethan
“Thanks for letting me crash, uh…”
“Amber.” She adds quickly, reminding me of her name. It doesn’t matter anyways. Not like I’ll be calling her again. She was last night’s distraction. I usually fuck and leave, but I drank more than I intended to and couldn’t drive. “Anytime, Ethan. Call me again sometime.” She purrs. It’s not attractive on her. I hate when women try so hard. She’s hot though, and it turned me the fuck on seeing her lips wrapped around my cock last night. At least she didn’t disappoint, but I imagined someone else’s eyes looking back up at me.
I leave her apartment in downtown and head towards my car parked somewhere nearby. I fucking overslept and am late for meeting my parents for lunch. I’m trying to remember where the fuck I parked my car when something stops me in my tracks, frozen. I’m taken back three years to when our lives were intertwined and hope was on our side. When she was strong and healthy, before the disease came and tore us apart.
Is that really who I think it is? It can’t be. I heard she was coming back, but I didn’t really believe it. I guess I never thought she’d come back after being gone for so long. I assumed she had met someone over there and would decide to stay. That thought had haunted me for a long time. Losing my chance to be with her again. I felt like a dick for thinking that, having that hold on her still when I was fucking different women, but I didn’t commit myself to any of them. The thought of her loving someone as much, or even more than she loved me was sickening.
I was the one that ended our relationship, but it’s not like I left her because I didn’t love her anymore. I left her because I was too scared and stupid. I was selfish and young. I haven’t been in love since then. I’ve fucked. I’ve used women, but I haven’t let anyone else have my heart. That will always belong to her.
I feel like some creep staring at her through a window, but I can’t move. She’s laughing so carefree. She looks different. She looks good, healthy and beautiful. She’s let her hair grow out. Last time I saw her she had a cute pixie cut, but I always did love her long hair.
She doesn’t know this, but I saw her once at a store before she left. She was buying a backpa
ck. That’s when I figured she’d be taking a trip. I just hadn’t realized how long it would take her to come home. It calmed me, though, to see her healthy and strong then. She seemed happy, but I knew she wasn’t completely healed.
I had broken her when I left. No one had to tell me that for me to know, but trust me everyone around me made it a point to express my dickhead move. Starting with my parents. They’re friends with Ava’s parents. We’ve known each other a very long time. It wasn’t exactly chivalrous of me to abandon her like that, but shit happens. I couldn’t face her parents for a long time after she left for Europe. I’m sure they blamed me for chasing their daughter away. I blamed myself.
Looking at her now, I see the same sparkle in her eyes that made me fall in love with her. I remember that day so clearly. We were 19. We’d only been dating for a few weeks, but we had known each other our entire lives. I always liked her, but I think we were both waiting for the perfect time to be together. We needed to mature and experience life, but we were also inseparable. I think that’s what made our relationship so strong, and my leaving such a betrayal.
We were out with our friends. Katie had some crazy idea about heading to the outskirts of the city and drinking. The guy she was dating at the time had suggested going to some abandoned building to listen to music and have some drinks. He was some drummer in a band. Creeps me out how he knew about the place, but we went along with it. We were underage, so we had to sneak around.
Ava and I were hesitant at first. Although we usually loved Katie’s adventures, this one sounded way too out there compared to the others. The place was eerie.
We drove out and ended up having a good time. We danced, laughed, drank, and sat by the fire. After a few hours, I led Ava out behind the building to spend some time alone with her.
My mouth explored hers, tasting her sweetness and moving to that spot behind her ear that excites her and back to her lips. It was hard for me to take my hands off her. They roamed all over her body, feeling her soft skin beneath my touch. Her hands were all over me, too, feeling, tantalizing, exciting me. I loved knowing the way I affected her because she did the same to me. My cock was hard, and I’m sure if I touched her, her panties would be drenched with desire.
She was panting by the time our lips parted, staring up at me, gorgeous, innocent, and mine. Her hazel eyes drew me in, and I gave her swollen lips another small kiss, looking at her straight in the eyes. Then it just slipped out. “I love you,” I said breathing heavily, too. She just smiled and wrapped me in her arms, kissing me passionately. I felt my cock twitch at the contact instantly. Every time I was near her, I swear I walked with a hard on.
“I love you, too.” Her smile got bigger, her big hazel eyes shining, and her beautiful blonde hair framing her face. I’m sure my smile matched hers. She was perfect. And she was all mine. That’s when I knew that she would be in my life forever. She was my life. She was my forever.
I was an idiot back then thinking life would be that easy. As soon as shit got hard, I left. I can’t expect her to forgive me for that. We had everything going for us until she got sick. I had plans. I made promises. We would move in together after graduating from college. That all went to hell, but now she’s back.
I’m broken out of my daze when my phone starts ringing. I answer it quickly and begin walking before I get caught staring at her like some sick psycho. “Hello.”
“Ethan, are you ready for lunch?”
“I’ll be ready to go soon,” I say as I climb into my car and turn on the engine.
“Are you not home?” I hear the judgment in my dad’s voice. “Figures you wouldn’t have gone home last night,” he says laced with sarcasm and disgust. I’ve done everything I can to please the man, from my degree to my job, to the car I drive. You would think he would let the way I live my life outside slide. He’s always on my case about drinking too much on the weekends, sleeping with too many women, and not settling down and taking life more seriously.
If only he would point out the good things I’ve done. In just a couple of years, I graduated with honors from college, landed the dream job, and have risen within my company in a short time.
“I’ll be home in five minutes. I’ll be ready to go to lunch at 12:30 like we had planned. You don’t need to check up on me,” I say with just as much sarcasm and hang up before we can get into it once again. My dad’s the one who has been the hardest on me since I broke up with Ava.
I wasn’t always a man whore, as some people would call me. I was a nice guy until I lost her. Losing her was my own fault, but it messed with me too. It’s not easy being the boyfriend to a cancer patient. Although I wasn’t the one struggling physically, emotionally it drained me as well. In no way am I making it seem like I had to struggle just like she did, but it did affect me. I saw the woman I love slip through life and struggle to breathe each day. It wasn’t a fucking walk in the park watching the woman you love die.
I became a prick. Didn’t give a shit about anything or anyone. I’d go out almost every night and get drunk at different bars, landing me different girls to go home with and fuck. I began fucking around because I knew I’d never find what I had with Ava with anyone else. It was a way to pass time and keep living, surviving. This was a way to distract myself from emotions I felt and block the fury, blame, and resentment I felt towards myself for leaving her, for breaking her, for not keeping the promises I made.
Up until that point, Ava was the only one I had slept with. Although we began dating at 19, we were always together growing up. In high school, everyone just assumed we were dating, or that we would eventually get together, so no one tried to get in the middle of us.
We even went to prom together. Actually, I had heard that Matt Reilly was going to ask her to prom. I looked for him all over school. When I found him, anger filled me and I threatened to smash his face in if he asked her to prom. I wasn’t aggressive at all and Matt was a big guy, but I thought if I tried to scare him, he would take the bait and not ask her. I hadn’t asked her yet because I had something planned, not because I was being a douche and not allowing her to go with anyone else. Everyone knew what Ava meant to me. It was no secret. She was the only one playing it off as no big deal.
Her face was priceless when she got home that day. I had gone to her house earlier in the day and placed rose petals all over her bedroom floor in white and pink tones. On her bed, I wrote “Prom?” with rose petals, but these were red. I lit candles around her room, and turned off the lights.
Katie had helped by keeping her busy throughout the day and keeping me posted on their status. When I was ready, I sent her a message and told her to come on over. She dropped her off and Ava went up to her room. The look on her face was so worth it. She stopped in her tracks at the sight of the small tea light candles burning, unsure if she should turn on the lights or not. I was standing by her bed grinning.
When she spotted me she gave me a death stare, and then broke into a smile. She was beautiful. She walked up to me and asked, “What’s all this?”
“Read the bed,” I stated simply and turned on her bedside lamp to keep the ambiance but make it easy for her to read what the rose petals said.
She looked at me surprised. “Seriously? All this to ask me to prom?” She asked confused with her eyebrows furrowed, and it was adorable.
“Yes. So what do you say?”
“Yes! Anyone that goes through this much trouble deserves a chance. Especially that you threatened Matt to not ask me.” She smiled, letting me know she knew what I was guilty of.
I shrugged it off. “Whatever. You’ll have more fun with me.”
“That’s true. You’re my best friend, Ethan.”
“I know, Ava, but I’m also trying to show you we could be amazing together.”
“Maybe one day. Thank you. This is beautiful.” She hugged me, and I breathed in her scent. She smelled of lavender and vanilla, mixed with her own unique scent. It was the most amazing smell in the world.
I kept my promise. We were amazing together, but she got sick and I couldn’t handle it. It killed me to see her weak and helpless. She was always pale. The months passed, but she looked the same. Nothing I could do would make her better. What if she got worse? I couldn’t fathom the thought of not having her in my life, of her dying after all this struggle. Maybe I thought having me around was too much of a stress for her to get better quickly. Who knows? All I know is that I royally fucked up because I was scared and selfish.
I changed after we broke up. If I couldn’t have her what was the point. I took on a different persona. An “I don’t give a rat’s ass” persona. I became overly confident, acting like an asshole, getting what I wanted when I wanted it, and pushing people close to me away. They always reminded me of Ava and our relationship. Besides, if I couldn’t have her, nothing else really mattered.
∞
I walk into the restaurant of the country club at 12:30, like promised, donning a pair of khakis and a light blue polo. I spot my parents right away. They’re sitting at their usual table, my dad drinking a bloody Mary and my mom with a champagne flute at hand.
“Honey! It’s so good to see you!” My mom greets me, overly excited. Thankfully, she’s always been more understanding towards me. She stands to give me a hug. “I’ve missed you. You haven’t come by the house in a long time.”
“Hi, mom. I was there two weeks ago.”